Chapter 27
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Lilly
Once again I have no idea what time it is.
We’ve played around in the bathroom and bedroom for hours.
Now we’re in the bath. I couldn’t resist. It’s so beautiful I just wanted to sit in it.
He’s sitting behind me and I’m nestled between his legs. The bubbles that remain still smell like papaya and make me think of eating fruit.
We’ve just been sitting in the silence enjoying each other’s company. Christian leans forward and plants a kiss on my shoulder. The caress of his warm lips on my skin brings a smile to my face.
I’ve been smiling like an idiot all night, high on the man, addicted to his touch.
“What are you thinking?” he asks.
“Nothing. Sometimes I think so much my brain hurts,” I answer with a chuckle. “It’s nice to think of nothing.”
I glance up at him, remembering his books in the room. Being backwards and forwards in there through the course of the night gave me a better look.
“What about you?” I begin. “I saw your books. I don’t know anyone with books like that. I didn’t think you would have books like that.”
He smirks at me. “What kind of books did you think I would have?”
I shake my head. “I don’t know. Health mags and motorcycles.” I laugh when he does.
“I’ve always been into tech. I aced it in school and anything science related or mathematical.
I could solve math problems within seconds when I was a kid.
You’ve seen my family, their all tough guys and the friends we had were no different.
I used to try to look stupid, like a dumb jock in front of them.
I’d go out of my way to get in trouble for shit.
Then… things changed and I embraced it.” he says.
there’s a sadness in his eyes that dulls the vibrancy in his expression.
“I was flunking in school purposely to look cooler. The plan backfired on me when they gave me a tutor who could see through my shit straightaway.”
“Why on earth would you try to cover a talent like that. It’s not cool to look stupid.”
Playfully he flicks water on me and tweaks my nose.
“It is when you design and algorithm when you’re fifteen and you get a letter from M.I.T inviting you for a chat to consider starting college early.”
I gasp. “What? Oh my God. That happened?”
“It did baby.”
“Why wouldn’t you want that?”
“I didn’t. It wasn’t me and I knew well enough to know that if I’d accepted something like that, that would have been my path forever.
Sure the whole stupid act was dumb shit, but it was just my way of acting out.
I didn’t want to pushed to go to college and grow up faster.
I wanted to be a high school kid. I went to Yale in the end and I loved it. ” he smiles.
“That’s so amazing.”
“Thanks. I might have gone the wrong way about doing things but I know I made the right decision about college.” He leans forward and kisses my forehead. I run my fingers over his beard and he catches my hand. “What about you Lilly St. James? I have a question for you.”
“Fire away.”
“What do you think of when you dance?” he asks. “When you dance it’s like you’re somewhere else. I don’t think it’s about concentrating. It’s in the way you move.”
I’m surprised he noticed that. Not many people do.
“My … mother,” I answer. “I think of her.”
“Your mother?”
I nod. “I had two left feet when I was little, but it was my dream to dance. She saw that and she helped me believe I could be the dancer I wanted to be. I was grateful she got to see me through the my success. She was so thrilled when I got into Julliard. All those years of sacrifice paid off. I remember her working two jobs at one point so I could go to dance classes. I think of her because she believed in me. I miss her.”
“I’m sorry baby. What …took her from you?”
“Brain tumor. There was nothing the doctors could do. It was inoperable and the treatment just prolonged her life but she deteriorated so bad toward the end,” I explain.
“I’m sorry. I know how hard cancer can be.
My mother had it. Thank God she was able to fight, but I think it was because she knew about it at the initial stages.
It was hard all the same,” he sympathizes and I notice the fervency in which he speaks about his mother.
There’s a softness to his voice that carries respect.
“I’m sorry to hear she had it.”
“Thanks.” He presses his lips to my forehead again. “No more talk of reality.
I want you in this room doll. From tonight you’re sleeping in here. I think it’s safe to say Rosie is used to the place by now. That okay with you?”
I smile up at him. “Yes. It’s okay with me.”
“Good, it’s time to switch things back to the bed. I want to fuck you hard on your hands and knees again,” he says with a sexy smile that makes heat streak through me.
He gets up and picks me up too, carrying me into the bedroom.
I can see from the wild streak in his eyes that he has no plans to go to sleep tonight. Definitely not when he takes out his a silk scarf from the night stand and little tube of lube.
* * *
We continued indulging on each other right until the sun came up. Then he spent the day with me and Rosie because he was working tonight.
He didn’t say where though.
The evening came and I sensed that he wasn’t going to the club when I caught a glimpse of his gun as he placed it in his jacket.
He saw me looking and worry filled his eyes.
We ate dinner together and I marveled at how good he was with Rosie, and the same for her. In the back of my mind though I wondered what would happen tonight. I wondered and naturally worried. I think he could tell too. I caught him looking at me a few times and I looked away.
He’s proven time and time again that he’s not a bad person. At first glance when you meet him he’s the playboy billionaire. Then you see he really isn’t that at all.
However, I find myself thinking about what other masks he might wear.
Miguel was like that. The first mask he wore was that of prince charming and he worked his magic so well he fooled Mom. That was how I fell for him and with her seal of approval I thought I hit the jackpot. She didn’t even have a problem with him being ten years older than me.
He was only thirty two, it wasn’t as if there was a dramatic age difference. That’s what she said. There’s a ten year gap between Christian and me too.
Mom was the kind of person who would judge the book by the cover and could tell straightaway if a person was good or bad. Miguel fooled her big time, so I didn’t have a hope in hell when he put on his other mask.
I look at Christian and wonder the same. What’s he like when he’s at his other work. Rosie likes him. She doesn’t really talk to men and in these few days I can see the connection she’s formed with him.
She likes being called principessa just as much as I love him calling me angel or doll, or whatever he comes up with. But they’ll be another side to him that’s dangerous. One I shouldn’t want my child around.
As if I have a choice.
It won’t be long now before our no strings attached relationship ends.
I go back to work next week and it will be business as usual, sleeping with him and fighting with my heart not to feel for him. The same way I do now, even when he’s not touching me.
He waited until Rosie fell asleep before he took me aside. It’s after eight and he’s ready to leave.
I knew he was going to talk about the gun, or something like that.
“Don’t be scared of me,” he says surprising me.
I smile a smile I don’t feel and try to look nonchalant. “I’m not scared.” I answer and I wonder if it’s a lie.
He reaches for my hand and it’s then I notice my fingers trembling. I look down, embarrassed. He’s given no reason to be scared, but I guess deep down I am.
Christian reaches for my face and touches over my cheek.
“Lilly, on occasion I have to take care of certain things that happen that affect my family business. But I swear to you that this is me. The real me. What you see is what you get. There is nothing more to see underneath what you’re seeing now.
Do you understand me?” he says and I look deep into his eyes.
“I do.” He releases me and I pull in a shallow breath.
“Good. I’m not him, Lilly…” he says and I know he’s talking about Miguel. “I don’t know more than what you told me. But I know I’m not him. Don’t make the mistake of thinking I am. I’m no saint. I probably will go to hell. But I assure you it won’t be the same hell as Miguel Diaz.”
His gaze clings to mine as I swallow hard. I never told him Miguel’s name. I don’t think I should show any form of surprise that he went searching for a name.
“You won’t go to hell,” I say.
“Well, maybe you can save me Angel.” The corners of his lips turn up into a smooth smile.
The ripple of that spark flows through me and I stand on the tips of my toes to kiss him. He kisses me back, holding me so he can deepen the kiss, but pulls away just as we get going.
“Later, we’ll pick that up later. I’ll be back in a few hours.”
“Will…you be safe? I mean will you be careful?”
“Yes. I can assure you I will be careful,” he says answering only that part of the question.
I know well enough that wherever he’s going isn’t going to be safe.
“There’s something big I have to take care of.
Georgiou’s number is on the fridge. You call him if you need anything. I mean it, anything at all.”
“Thank you.”
He steps away from me and I watch him leave.
My heart trembles now as pieces of that wall I placed up continue to fade away.
I know what’s happening to me. I’m worrying about him because I’m falling for him.
I’m falling and I don’t know if I can stop myself.
Or if I want to.