Chapter 23
Reid
Ihave a few errands to run around the city before I’m on my way over to Nikolai’s. He’s back home for a couple weeks before he has the last few shows of his solo tour out on the east coast. He called me last night when I was out to dinner with Penny to see if I wanted to come over and hang out.
I haven’t seen him since his album release party and there’s so much I’ve been dying to tell him. Normally he’s the one to overshare, but I have a feeling I’ll be doing most of the talking tonight. Thoughts of Penny race through my head as I drive along a road running alongside the beach.
The sun is beginning to set, the sky a mix of golden yellows and rich reds. Conscious of my surroundings, I snap a quick picture and put my phone back down until I reach Nikolai’s. When I pull into the driveway, a sleek silver sports car sits there.
Arun’s car.
What the hell is he doing here?
Before I head inside, I text the picture of the sunset to Penny.
Me: Beach looked pretty on my drive. Thought you’d wanna see
Penny: Did you pull over just to take a picture for me?
Me: I’m capable of romantic shit ok?
Penny: thank you. Made my night!
Me: See you at 11. Have a good shift
Me: Also are you spending the night again?
Penny: No I need to go home and see the love of my life it’s been too long
Me: It’s been two days…and your roommates literally facetimed you multiple times a day with him
Penny: Not good enough. Need to get home to my child!
Me: Once again he’s a cat
Penny: Once again you’re wrong
Me: Whatever. Get back to work
Penny: Aww don’t be jealous that you’ll always be number two to him ;)
Number two my ass. Damn cat.
We’ve spent pretty much every single minute together the last forty-eight hours after her friend’s birthday party at the club. She ended up spending the night that night, and last night, too.
I like having her in my space. Waking up next to her and seeing her fiery hair sprawled across the pillow, smelling her perfume on my sheets, having her help cook with me in the kitchen. It’s comfortable. Easy.
Surprisingly easy, for two people who have never had that word come effortless for them.
And it’s not even about the sex. Which we still haven’t had because I’m trying to take things slow for her since she told me she’s a virgin.
Yes, she’s fucking beautiful and I want to bury myself in her, feel her pulse around my cock, complete that final connection between us.
But I can be patient. Never been something I’ve done before, but I’ve also never really connected with anyone like I have with her either.
She sees me. Not the image of Reid Keely, but me. Uncomfortable as it is sometimes, it feels right.
I get out of the car and head inside Nikolai’s house, only bothering to knock because Jane lives here now, too.
The door swings open and I’m met with green eyes and black hair the same shade as Walker’s. His twin smiles at me, immediately moving to the side to allow me in. “Hey! Come on in, they’re downstairs in the studio.”
“They? So Arun is here? Thought that was his car.”
“Yep.” Jane shuts the door behind me and flips her long curtain of hair over one shoulder.
“How’s that going, working with him? Still good?
” When Jane officially moved out here from Boston, she started working at Arun’s management company on his legal team.
That’s also when her and Nikolai rekindled their relationship, and after the two of them got past their bullshit, they’ve been living together ever since.
She beams and walks with me toward the stairs to the basement. “Yeah, it’s been great. So much better than my old job. I actually get to work face to face with the talent now, and Arun’s great.”
I give her a small smile, genuinely happy for her. She deserves it, and Nikolai deserves a happy partner by his side. “Should I head on down, or are they in a meeting?”
“No.” She waves me off. “They’re waiting for you. Go ahead on down.” She brushes her hands down the front of her dress. “I’m actually headed out to drinks with some colleagues. Tell Nikolai I’m on my way out, would you?”
“Sure thing,” I call over my shoulder as I descend the staircase.
All the lights are turned on in the basement, illuminating the way to Nikolai’s in-home studio to the left.
The soundproof door is cracked open. I push it open to find Arun and Nikolai sitting on opposite ends of the leather couch pushed against the wall beside the soundboard.
Nikolai shoots to his feet the second he spots me. “What’s up!” He pulls me into a hug, slapping my back a few times before letting me go.
I don’t think I realized how much I missed my best friend until right now. I get it; he’s been busy with work and Jane this past year, but still. He’s my brother. The only one I never got sick of being on a tour bus with for nine months out of the year.
“Good to see you,” I tell him. Arun stands and holds his arms open too. We hug quickly, murmuring a similar sentiment, before I take a seat in the gaming chair Nikolai has in front of the board.
“You want something to drink?” Nikolai asks before he sits back down.
I wave him off. “I’m good. Thanks, though.”
He plops back down on the couch. His blond hair is perfectly mussed, but there are small bags under his eyes.
“Touring taking it out of you?” I ask.
He grimaces and slings an arm over the back of the couch. “Forgot how exhausting it is. I got spoiled in our time off.”
“You mean when the band broke up.”
He swallows thickly. “Yeah.”
I turn to Arun. “I didn’t know you were going to be here.”
He smirks at my bluntness and takes a sip of his water. “Disappointed?”
I haven’t seen him since our day at the driving range. He tried calling me the following day, but I sent him to voicemail. He didn’t leave one.
“No. Just an observation.” I look at Nikolai. “By the way, Jane said she was heading out for drinks.”
The couch might as well have been on fire by how fast Nikolai hops up and heads upstairs. Jane might’ve been fine leaving for the night without saying goodbye but guess the same can’t be said for him.
He’s in deep.
“So did you guys have a meeting or something?” I ask Arun. “Nikolai said I could come over at seven, so if you still had business to do, you might need to reschedule.” I don’t offer to step outside and let them finish, and Arun doesn’t seem surprised by it.
He chuckles, shaking his head. “We actually both wanted to talk to you.”
“We?” What the hell is this?
My palms start to sweat, not having prepared for this. I thought I would just be shooting the shit with my best friend tonight. Why the hell does Arun need to be here for that, and what do they have to talk about with me?
I open my mouth to demand answers as Nikolai sweeps back in the room. A small lipstick stain is smudged across the corner of his mouth. “What’d I miss?” he asks lightly.
I cross my arms and lean back in the chair. “I don’t know, you tell me. What is it exactly that you and Arun want to talk to me about?”
Nikolai immediately holds his hands up as he takes his seat again. “It’s nothing bad, I promise! But, uh, Walker told me you guys talked.”
A blink is all the surprise I allow either of them to see. It’s not like our conversation was necessarily a secret, but I hadn’t mentioned that I was reaching out to him to Nikolai or anyone besides Penny. “Did he?” is all I say.
Hesitant excitement fills Nikolai’s baby blues as he leans forward. “Yeah, and he said it went good. Neither of you punched each other at least,” he chuckles.
Arun rubs his forehead.
“No violence was involved,” I confirm.
“Well, since that went well, it got me thinking a lot.”
“Scary shit.”
He flips me off but isn’t deterred. “I love the music I created for this solo project, and I’m proud of it as a whole, but I just…
I just don’t love it the way I loved making music with the band.
” Lines mar his forehead as his tone turns serious.
“I’ve been having doubts for a while about it, but touring on my own has only confirmed what I’ve been worried about. ”
“And what’s that?”
“That I don’t want to create music if it’s not with you, and Walker, and Hayden.” His confession hangs heavy in the air. “It’s not the same. It doesn’t feel right.”
There’s a twisting in my gut as I process what he’s saying. What I think he’s getting at. And it pisses me off that he’s garnered some sort of hope after Walker and I talked, just for him to be let down again.
It’s over.
It’s been over.
“You have a solo contract,” I argue. “Didn’t you say you have three albums contracted?”
Nikolai glances at Arun. “Jane made sure there were some…loopholes in my contract. In the case that we could all reconnect and wanted to make music together again.”
I don’t believe what I’m hearing. He’s really thought this through. Apparently Jane did too.
Clever little witch.
“You can’t be serious.”
By the shared look the two of them have on their faces, I know they are.
“It’ll never work,” I mutter. “We broke up for a reason.”
“Yeah, and you’re working on mending those reasons,” Nikolai pleads.
“It’s not like Walker and I are back to being best friends, Nik!
We had one conversation. One. That doesn’t solve everything.
And I haven’t even talked to Hayden since your release party.
There’s so many things still on the table to sort through, and just because you don’t like pursuing a solo career, doesn’t mean that we can all just jump back in because you want it. ”
“And you don’t want it?” Nikolai pins me to my chair with his gaze.
Exasperation bubbles in my chest. Why are we even having this conversation? “No.”
“No? You’re sure about that?”
“Yes. I made peace with it a long time ago.”
He scoffs, running a hand through his hair. “No you haven’t. None of us have.”
Arun sits quietly, one leg crossed over the other.
“What exactly are you doing with your time that’s been fulfilling for you?
” Nikolai asks. “Working out? Sitting at home? I know you sure as shit haven’t been playing guitar.
There’s none of that creative spark behind your eye that you get when you do.
Face it. You want it back just as bad as I do, but you don’t know how to get there. ”
“So what if I don’t?” I shout, pushing to my feet. “We couldn’t figure it out two years ago, we probably can’t figure it out now! It’s time we all moved on.”
He stands too, the two of us coming toe to toe. “You don’t want that.”
“How the hell do you know what I want?”
“Because I’m your best fucking friend, and I should’ve pushed you harder two years to make it right. I should’ve helped you pull your head out of your ass, all three of you, and figure it out. I don’t want to be the collateral damage.”
“Collateral damage?” I chuckle darkly. “Is that what you call your new solo venture?”
His cheeks turn red. “It’s not about that. I miss us. The four of us. You’re telling me you don’t?”
I clench my teeth and look down toward our feet.
“You wouldn’t have reached out to Walker if you didn’t,” he whispers. “I don’t need you to admit it, but I just need you to be open to it.”
“Open to what?”
“Us becoming a band again.”
There’s so much hope in his words that I want to tell him yes.
So much rejected hope rising in my own chest that I want to say yes.
But it’s still not that easy. That conversation with Walker took everything I have to give, and that’s just to get us back to a decent place.
What Nikolai’s talking about…bringing the work dynamic back into it… I just don’t know if we’ll all make it.
Maybe we were supposed to break up for a reason.
Arun clears his throat, drawing our attention. “Nikolai may be thinking of the bigger picture, but I think we need to take it one step at a time.”
“And what’s that?” I ask.
He picks a piece of lint off his suit jacket.
“I think you four should go on a little retreat, I guess you could call it. Get a house up in the desert, disconnect from the everyday distractions, and reconnect with each other. No music, no discussions of a band reunion”—he pointedly looks at Nikolai—“but simply some time together to sort through things.”
I scrub a hand down my face. “We tried that already. Multiple times. You were there for most of them.”
He inclines his head, but says, “Yes, but I don’t believe any of you were truly ready to forgive each other and move on.
You were all too angry to realize how much the absence of your friendships would hurt.
And I’m not jumping to conclusions about you all reuniting your work relationships.
Work on rebuilding the friendships first. That’s where your foundation was. ”
He’s right.
I fucking hate that he’s right.
I wasn’t ready to try to forgive Hayden or Walker, or apologize for any hurt on my part that I caused. The anger felt too good. It was easier to focus on than the hurt.
And it got us into this fucking mess.
“I’m just asking you to think about it,” Nikolai says, giving me a longing look that he knows he can always guilt me with. “Sleep on it, okay?”
I will.
But I don’t know if any of us are going to like my answer.