Chapter 28
Aspen
Present
My heart shatters for the man holding me with such tenderness that he was never shown. “I’m so sorry.”
His fingers trace mindless circles on my shoulder as we both lay on our backs, staring up at the ceiling. My head is cradled by his arm.
“It is what it is,” he says with zero inflection. Like he’s completely disconnected himself from the entire interaction. Which who could blame him?
I can’t imagine seeking out my birth father and having him treat me like that. Maybe it’s a good thing I never knew who he was and have never cared to find out. Neither my aunt or uncle ever mentioned him, only my mother.
What if that happened to me? What if she called me, not out of desire for some form of connection, but to make sure I never showed up at her doorstep?
I wrap my arm around Reid a little tighter. “That doesn’t mean I’m not sorry it happened. He’s the one who’s missing out.”
Reid’s quiet, caught up in his own memories that he’s clearly used to having repressed. Guilt crawls up my throat for bringing it out of him. But it gives me a better understanding. And it is better for him to process, than to just continue shoving it all down.
Finally, he speaks. “I never wanted to find him. My entire life, I was content without knowing him after my mom told me he wanted nothing to do with us. But when everything went down with the hiatus…it just felt like everyone I loved was leaving me again.” Reid draws in a shaky breath.
“And I know I didn’t show it in the right way—”
“There is no right way, and if there was, no one taught you how to do it.”
“I know, but still, I hurt the people I loved because I was scared of them leaving, and in turn, it only pushed them away more. Isn’t that ironic?” He laughs dryly. “I twisted that fear into anger, then directed it toward them. Toward the ones who didn’t deserve it.”
Regret pours off of him, clouding the air in my bedroom. It twists my gut to hear it in his voice, see it in the stiffness of his body. He’s been living with that regret for so long with no way to properly express it.
“What’s important is that you’re working to make amends now,” I tell him. “And I’m sure if you opened up to them like you did with me, they’d understand.”
He’s silent for a beat, then says, “I wish I never would’ve gone looking for him.”
“Because of how he brushed you off?”
“Because I realized I didn’t need closure from him. I didn’t need anything from him, and it’s not like he would’ve given it to me anyways. The entire thing just affirmed that I’m well and truly on my own in this life.”
My chest seizes violently with my own feelings of loss. Of loneliness. It doesn’t matter how many friendships I forged or goals I set for myself. That loneliness always has a way of creeping back up.
And he’s the only one who gets it.
“You’re not on your own.” My words are a faint whisper as I crane my neck to look at him. “You have me.”
His breathing shudders at my declaration.
I cup his cheek, staring into those dark, tumultuous eyes of his. “I’m not going anywhere.” They’re the words I know he craves to hear and is quick to dismiss to try to protect his heart, so I repeat myself. “Do you understand me, Reid Keely? I’m not going anywhere. I’m here for you. With you.”
His eyes glisten but he refuses to let any tears fall. I don’t know if I’ll ever see this man cry, if he’ll ever let himself, but I’ll take his shine of emotion to heart.
Voice cracking as he speaks, he covers my hand with his own. “I’m not going anywhere either, Penny.”
And I believe him. I feel the truth of his words in my very bones.
In a world where everyone left us, abandoned us, forgot about us, we found each other. Again.
And now, neither of us have to remember what it’s like to be lonely again.
Maybe that’s why I feel safe enough to press my lips to his, tasting the salt of tears I didn’t know were streaking down my face. He matches my pace with soft nibbles, gentle flicks of his tongue, soft roaming hands.
Maybe that’s why I throw my leg around him and straddle his waist. My pulsing core settles over his cock, hardening by the second. I shift my hips, the move pulling a groan from him, and I do it again.
Maybe that’s why I feel totally at peace right now, ready for this next step. Because I know he’s not going to leave me. That we understand each other in a way no one else possibly could.
And because I love him.
The realization slams into me with a violent wave that causes me to shudder beneath his touch. His hands are on my hips while he continues to kiss me, unaware of the roaring in my head.
I love him.
Not in the way I did when I was younger, when I looked up to him. When he watched out for me, made sure I was fed, got to bed on time.
But in that deep, soul-consuming way I’ve only heard fleeting stories about. Where it feels like my heart is beating for him. Like he holds it in the palm of his rough, calloused hands.
I love him.
I chant the words in my head but refuse to say them with my mouth. Not yet. Not now.
I don’t want to think anymore.
I don’t want to talk anymore.
I just want to feel. Feel the love I have for him pour through my veins and move my hands down his chest. Feel his hard cock between my legs. Feel him without any material between us. Feel that final barrier that I created in my head shatter as he thrusts into me.
My movements become frenzied. I bury my hands in his hair, rotating my hips over him. His fingers dig into the flesh of my hips almost painfully. Is his heart racing as fast as mine is? Because right now, it feels like it could burst.
I nip at his tongue, capturing it between my teeth. His fingers flex in response. I release it and begin trailing kisses across his stubbled jaw, neck, to the crook of his ear.
Reid’s entire body is liquid but also hard as stone. Like he’s battling between giving into the desire coursing through him and trying to hold himself back.
I grind myself over him again. My clit aches with each movement, begging for attention.
“Pen,” he murmurs, “we should—”
“No,” I pant against his mouth. “No stopping this time. I want all of you.”
His eyes dart back and forth. “Are you sure?”
I answer by grinding my hips again, feeling his cock strain underneath me.
He doesn’t ask me again. Instead he effortlessly lifts me off of him.
I begin to protest, but he stays put on the bed, digging around in his pocket to grab his wallet.
Popping it open, he retrieves a condom. I narrow my eyes at him.
Immediately, he holds his hands up in surrender.
“I only started carrying this around again once we started dating.”
“Carrying it around again?”
He purses his lips. The fleeting look of panic on his face is too much and I burst out laughing. It’s fun making him squirm. I’m not unaware that I’m not the first girl that he’s been with, and I’d rather he have been safe in the past than not.
“I’m just busting your balls.” I grin.
He straddles me this time, the movement sending Macaroni running, and traps me beneath his body. “I’m hoping you’ll bust my balls.”
The teasing glint in his eyes disappears the moment he brings my shirt over my head. I’m not wearing a bra, so I’m bared to his gaze.
I always thought that when this moment came, built up in my head over the years, that I’d feel shy. Vulnerable.
But I feel nothing but lust as Reid gently cups my breasts, like he’s done many times before. He’s always made me feel comfortable, desired, safe.
I bite back a moan.
“No, let me hear you.” His voice is as grainy as the sand on the beach. “I want to hear every single sound you make when I touch you.”
He thumbs my nipples, pinching them into hard buds. I buck beneath him, but with him pinning my hips down, there’s not much wiggle room.
“That feel good?”
“Yes,” I moan. Everything he does always feels so good. And I want to feel that everywhere.
He lifts up enough to be able to quickly remove my shorts and underwear, until I’m completely naked sprawled in front of him. I rub my thighs together, wetness already pooling between them.
My skin warms as he covers his body with mine once more. His hand slips between us while his knee gently parts my thighs, and I jump when his fingers brush my core, surprise and pleasure sparking in twin flames.
He kisses me feverishly as his fingers swirl my wetness around my clit, working me up quickly. I thrust up, meeting his movements, moaning against his lips.
All the blood rushes to my core as he flicks my clit back and forth. The familiar building sensation swirls low in my stomach, warm and electric.
I clutch his shoulders as his fingers send me crashing over the edge while he swallows my cries.
“Something to warm you up,” he whispers, breaking our kiss.
I relax into the bed with a satisfied sigh.
There’s no nervousness left to be found.
Any hesitation I ever had leading up to this moment is wiped away as he rolls a condom over his hard cock.
The knowledge that soon he’s going to be inside of me, breaking that final barrier, washes over me in a calming wave.
His eyes shine with sincerity as he braces himself over me. “Tell me if you need me to stop.”
“I won’t.” I’m ready for this. I’ll welcome the pain because I know with him it won’t last.
He brushes the hair back from my forehead with one hand, positioning his cock at my entrance with the other. I’m wet from my orgasm and muscles relaxed from the pleasure.
I’m as ready as I’ll ever be.
And so fucking happy it’s him.
His tip prods my entrance. With a devastatingly slow push, he slips the tip inside of me, allowing me to stretch around him, the burn instant.
I bite the inside of my cheek in a sad attempt to stifle the whimper that threatens to slip free. Reid pulls back slightly, jaw razor sharp, before slipping in a little further. “You okay?”
I nod, because if I try to speak, I know my voice will waver. And I don’t want him to stop.