Chapter 32
Reid
The churning in my stomach hasn’t stopped since I woke up this morning. Not even the comfort of Penny snuggling into my side, the smell of her shampoo, the early morning sun setting her hair aglow like an angel.
None of it helped. Even as she worked to keep me distracted. Nausea still rolls, growing stronger and stronger as the time nears for me to leave.
We’re finally doing it. Heading on a retreat.
It shouldn’t feel like life or death, but in a way, it is. We’re either going to come out of this stronger, with repairs in place and a path forward.
Or it’ll go up in flames like every other reconciliation attempt the four of us have had over the last couple of years.
I hope for the former.
I’m preparing for the latter.
“I assume I’ll have cell reception, but it’s also the desert, so I’ll just text as soon as I can.”
“Sounds good. Thanks for letting me borrow your car while you’re gone. I’ll be sure not to put too many dents in it.” She winks and I simply shake my head, suppressing a smile.
“Better not. Otherwise you’ll have to find some way to repay me.”
“I could think of a few ways of doing that.”
My blood heats at the huskiness in her voice. She fiddles with the ends of her hair, bare legs exposed for me to drink in one last time before I go.
We don’t have time for another round since the guys should be here any minute. I double check I have everything I need, even though I already went through it last night before I came over to Penny’s to spend the night.
I reach for the guitar sitting in the beat up leather case. It’s propped by the door, put there by Penny last night. My phone pings, a text from Nikolai.
Nikolai: We’re here!
Me: Be down in a sec
I pocket my phone and take the guitar over to Penny. “Are you sure you don’t mind me taking this?”
Her hand is warm as it cups mine. “It’s always been yours. I want you to have it with you.”
I pull her in, a surprised gasp leaving her mouth before I swallow it with my own. She tastes like her afternoon tea I’ve learned she likes to drink. Her lips part for me, tongue flicking playfully with mine.
She must feel my phone buzzing in my pocket again because she pulls back with a knowing grin. “You better get down there before they get pissed and leave you behind.”
“Might be for the best,” I mutter.
Penny bats my arm and pushes me toward the door. “That’s not the kind of attitude to have heading into your weekend. Fix that before you get downstairs.”
“Aren’t you going to help me carry my bags down?”
She crosses her arms and leans against the wall. “You’re a big boy. You can handle them yourself.” Her smirk makes my cock twitch. She looks beautiful today, drowning in one of my hoodies and hair messily braided over her shoulder. I wish I could scoop her up and take her back to bed.
But there’s no turning back now. No hiding in the distraction of her.
I kiss her goodbye one more time before heading downstairs and into the waiting car.
I slip into the seat behind the driver’s side. Nikolai’s driver, Hendrik, smiles at me in the rearview mirror.
“Hey.” The car is quiet, only the sound of the engine running to fill the space. Nikolai sits up front, while Hayden’s in the back, with Walker in the seat next to mine.
Nikolai says, “Hey, man,” while Walker gives me a tentative smile, and Hayden merely nods.
Not the best start, not the worst.
The car ride is quiet. A bit awkward, but Hendrik turns the radio up loud enough that it doesn’t feel like anyone needs to talk.
The closer we get to the desert, the more beautiful the view becomes. Everyone’s attention is fixated outside on the landscape. We’re staying on the western side of the park, so as we get closer, Joshua trees pop up everywhere.
For all the time I’ve lived in California, I’ve never been here before. When I think of a desert, I picture a barren, flat wasteland of dull color and devoid of life. But this is the complete opposite. The trees and various plants are everywhere, rock formations and mountains in the landscape.
“This is beautiful,” Nikolai murmurs from the front seat.
The three of us don’t speak, but we all nod our agreement, too captivated by the views to peel our eyes away for a second.
When we pull up to our house, secluded and surrounded by nothing but nature, the uneasiness I felt when I first got in the car subsides slightly.
Glancing around the car, it seems everyone has smoothed out a bit.
Maybe it’s the view, maybe it’s the long car ride.
But there’s something about stepping outside into the fresh air after so long of breathing in the city, that feels like a balm to my lungs.
“I’ll bring your bags inside if you’d all like to head in,” Hendrik says. The trunk pops and he steps toward it. Instantly, Walker and I intervene. We both shoot each other a look, but he holds his hand out, beckoning for me to go first. I give him a small nod and grab one of the bags.
“We can help,” he tells Hendrik. “No need for you to haul all our shit inside when we’re capable of helping.”
Hendrik looks prized to argue, but as the four of us converge on the luggage piled in the back, he steps back.
We make quick work of unloading the car. Hendrik takes off, his own rental only a few minutes down the road if we need a car. I’m sure Arun arranged it that way so none of us could flee easily.
Bags and instruments sit in a heap in the cozy living room of our rental as we all stand around taking in our view, as well as the place we’ll be confined to for the next couple days.
It has a warm, rustic feel to it. More of an elevated cabin than anything.
A couple fabric covered sofas in the living room all sit facing a sliding door that looks to open out onto the porch.
The place is filled with lamps, and a glance at the ceiling reveals limited overhead lighting.
The kitchen is small but upgraded nicely. Rich wooden cabinets and nice appliances.
Arun arranged for groceries to be delivered to the house when we got here, so the pantry and fridge are both stocked, overflowing with more than enough food for the couple nights we’re going to be here.
“Anyone hungry?” Nikolai asks, popping his head out of the fridge.
“I could eat,” Walker says.
“Me too,” Hayden agrees.
The three of them look at me. “Do we wanna figure out rooms first or just leave this all here?” I gesture toward the pile.
Nikolai waves a hand at it. “We can figure that out later.”
Of course he’d be the one to say that. The messy pile makes my skin itch, but it’s not worth picking a fight over. Especially so early into our time.
I’m sure there will be other hills to die on.
Be open, listen to understand, not argue. Penny’s words echo in my head as I take a centering breath and join the guys in the kitchen.
We all agree on steaks for dinner, along with instant mashed potatoes. Walker starts making those, while I take the steaks outside to the grill.
The propane tank is empty and by the time I locate an extra in the garage, everyone’s gathered outside on the porch with drinks in hand. Nikolai offers one to me.
There’s a tense silence while I hook up the new tank and everyone sits, watching. But as usual, Nikolai is the first to break it.
“So do you think Arun didn’t stock the place with any hard liquor for a reason?” He picks at the label on his beer bottle.
“Probably to help keep us in check,” Hayden muses.
“Should’ve known. Remember that first club we all got into underage and he had to come drag us out of there before we could be photographed?”
Walker grins, looking slightly less haunted than the last time I saw him. “I mean not really, but yes, I remember he grabbed me by the ear as I was ordering another round of shots.”
I finally get the grill started and set the steaks on it. Over my shoulder, I add, “I remember when someone bumped into him and spilled their entire orange drink down the sleeve of his suit. I thought he’d take it off and burn it right there.”
Everyone chuckles at the memory. Arun certainly had his hands full with us when we first moved out here. I was used to not really having parental supervision, but for the other three, it was their first taste of freedom.
And we certainly made the most of it.
“Jane said even during team outings, he still shows up in a suit. They went to play pickleball one afternoon and sure enough, he still wore one.”
“I’d expect nothing less.” Hayden shakes his head, dark hair falling in his eyes. “How’s Jane liking her job?”
“She loves it.” He smiles proudly. He talks about her with such pride that it even makes Walker relax a little bit. Their relationship has gotten back on track well since it came out that Nikolai and Jane had hid their relationship for years.
We stick to a few other safe topics, like the current hockey season going on. All of us still root for our team back in Pittsburgh, so that’s something we can agree on. Hayden fills us in on his brothers, then Walker tells us about his new hobby he’s taken up.
Building model airplanes.
Doesn’t seem interesting to me, or even like something he’d like, but he seems to enjoy it.
Then Nikolai opens his big mouth again. “So did you two know that our friend here has a girlfriend?” He takes a swig from his beer with a knowing smirk. Two sets of eyes swing my way.
Walker’s the one to say, “Was she the one at the bar?”
“What bar?” Hayden asks.
“When Reid and I talked.”
Hayden hums and turns his attention back to me. Guess Walker filled him in about that conversation.
“Yes, she was there,” I tell them. My throat’s dry and I clear it with a drink. “It’s actually Aspen.”
They both blink at me, her name not registering.
“Do you remember my foster sister from back in Pittsburgh?”
Recognition flashes in Walker’s green eyes. “Holy shit. Like your little sister?”
“Foster,” I shoot back. “And she’s only seven years younger.”
“No shit.” He leans back in the deck chair, which creaks beneath the bulk of his size. “She’s living here?”
I nod. The steaks sizzle on the grill, mixing with the sounds of the bugs chirping around us.
“Had you guys kept in touch?” Hayden asks.
“Nope.” I tell them the same story Penny told Nikolai of how we ran into each other again. To my surprise, neither of them seem anything but happy for me. All three of them are.
It adds a little kindling to that brimming, terrifying thing in my stomach.
Hope.
They continue asking about her, and it feels good to tell them about her. It reminds me of how it used to be between us. “Her cat fucking hates me,” I grumble, the scratch on my arm stinging that he gave me last night when I rolled over in bed on him.
Nikolai covers his mouth with his hand while Hayden’s shoulders shake silently.
“What?” I demand.
“Sounds like it’s a good judge of character,” Walker remarks.
“Fuck off,” I mutter. “I just gotta win the little fucker over.”
“Well maybe you should start by not referring to it as ‘little fucker,’” Nikolai suggests.
“His name is Macaroni. You expect me to call him that?”
Neither Nikolai or Hayden hide it this time. They both bust out laughing, Walker joining in.
“I’m burning your fucking steaks,” I grumble and turn back to the grill.
We eat dinner together outside on the porch, soaking in the view as well as adjusting to being around each other after so long apart. The four of us haven’t been in the same room together since our final show.
The conversation is kept surface level, mostly mediated by Nikolai. Once we clean up the dishes, we disperse to our rooms. There’s two on the main level and two upstairs. Walker and Hayden take the bottom two while Nikolai and I claim the upper two.
The bedrooms aren’t anything special, but the views once again are priceless. The sunrise is going to be incredible to watch from here.
Since there’s only one bathroom up here, shared between the two bedrooms, I take the opportunity to shower while Nikolai’s on the phone with Jane. We all agreed on no work calls during our time here, but no one wanted to agree to no partners.
Once I change and hop in bed, I pull out my phone.
A text from Penny is waiting. It’s a photo of her and Macaroni snuggled on the couch.
He glares at the phone, ears back, like he knows who the photo was being sent to.
But my girl smiles brightly, her blue eyes shining under the fairy lights they have strung around the living room.
Penny: Movie night…wish you were here but hope it’s going good so far!
Me: He doesn’t seem pleased to be sitting there rolled up in your blanket like that
Penny: He loves it don’t let his face fool you
Penny: How’s it going? The house looks beautiful from the pictures you sent!
Me: It’s really nice. You’d love it. We’ll have to come here sometime
Penny: I’d love that
Me: And it’s going fine. No drama yet
Penny: That’s surprising! Everyone able to keep their cool? Wink wink I’m talking about you
Me: Yes I’ve been perfectly behaved
Me: Even when the guys were giving me shit earlier about having a girlfriend. Something about how now I’ll understand why they always would pick theirs over anyone else
Penny: You have a girlfriend?
Me: …?
Me: Uh yeah you obviously
Penny: That’s news to me because you never asked me to be your girlfriend
Me: ???
Me: I just assumed that was implied seeing as we’ve been spending all our time together?? Didn’t know I needed to clarify that with you
Penny: Well it might be implied but you never officially asked
Me: Then I guess this is me asking
Penny: How romantic
Me: Did you want flowers or some shit?
Penny: A few dozen red roses would be great
Me: Yep alright whatever you want
Me: Is that a yes?
Penny: Despite the fact that I’m signing myself up for the least romantic person on the planet, yes, it’s a yes. I’ll be your girlfriend
Least romantic my ass. I set an alarm to make a phone call first thing tomorrow morning before falling asleep with a ghost of a smile on my face.