Chapter 16
I haven’t taken the device out of my ear in days now. Except when I’m in the shower, and even then, I shower as quickly as possible so I can get back to the voice. I shiver just thinking about it. That voice has become my life.
My obsession.
Chewing on my thumbnail, I curl deeper into my chair.
My book still lies open but unread on my leg as I simply wait for whatever’s next.
They’ve been silent for the last hour, despite my attempts to get their attention by talking and texting.
No response. Which isn’t entirely abnormal, but I still want to hear that sweet mechanical voice in my ear, the one telling me to touch myself, that I’m dirty and disgusting, but fuck, that voice brings me so much pleasure that I can’t help but find release to it.
I bet I could do it now, just thinking about what they’d say to me.
“Lizzie.”
I startle. When did Reik get home from work? Looking up into his pudgy face, I focus on him. “Yeah?”
“I thought you said you were going to clean the living room and kitchen today.” The disgust in his voice is evident, but it doesn’t affect me like normal. I’m not ashamed or frightened for not having gotten my list done today, or this week for that matter.
“I-I was,” I answer and shake my head with a furrow on my brow. “I’m sorry. I’ll work on it now.”
Reik purses his lips with a heavy sigh. “You’re doing a shit job at keeping this house together.”
“I know. I’m sorry.” I brush my fingers over my cheek.
He’s right, of course. I’ve been so distracted with BandAid42 and listening to them that I haven’t even been keeping up with my basic responsibilities at the house, never mind preparing for the upcoming holiday season and getting the house ready for company.
“I expect you to get everything done tomorrow.”
“I will. I promise.” I can hear my complacency, and I’m sure Reik notices it too.
But he doesn’t comment on it. He’s so particular about the way the house looks when his family visits, and they always visit for the holidays.
Never my family, always his. I can’t even remember the last time I saw my mother and sister, but I know it’s been years.
I’ve never met my nieces and nephew because I’ve been so secluded in this house, unable to leave and do anything that I want.
And I just quietly gave that power over to him.
Willingly even.
It isn’t what I expected it would be.
“I’m taking a work trip in February.” He shifts awkwardly in the chair, as if he’s the one who’s uncomfortable talking about this. I don’t know why he would be. Reik takes work trips all the time.
“Okay.” I bite my lip. “Just let me know the dates.”
“Get this house cleaned up, Lizzie. I’m tired of living in filth.”
That stings. Because the house isn’t disgusting by any measure of the word.
It just hasn’t had its deep scrub before his mother arrives, or the decorations changed over from Thanksgiving to Christmas.
Though he’s not wrong, I’m rather late in the game of doing that.
Usually, I have all of that done as soon as we tick into December.
“I’ll get on it. Thank you for the reminder.” I pull my book a little closer and stare down at the pages to end the conversation with him. I don’t want him to start yelling at me, but I also don’t want to continue the scolding that I’m getting.
I’d rather be scolded by my new favorite online toy. I frown at that thought. BandAid42 isn’t a toy. They’re my savior in the darkness that has shrouded my life for years. I just hadn’t realized how much I needed to get out until I met them, how much I need the spice of life to return to my world.
Reik leaves the living room, and the quiet settles over me again.
“I should punish you for not keeping up with your chores.”
My lips pull up at the corners as the voice reaches my ears. “I wish you would. Your punishments are much better than his.”
I hadn’t actually said that, had I? Biting my cheek, I hold any more words in. I can’t let them know too much, although they should have been able to tell there is distance between me and Reik, and then the other night when I’d masturbated after sex with him? Oh yeah, they had to know.
“Well then, Elizabeth Jane Noble, perhaps you will be punished.”
“I’d rather you just take me away from all of this.” Fingering the edges of the book, I stare blankly at the floor in front of me. “Make me cum so hard that I forget this is my life.”
The silence is louder than I anticipate.
But this is perhaps the most honest I’ve ever been with BandAid42.
It’s not just about fantasy and sex. It’s always been about escaping the reality that I’ve found myself caged into, this prison that I’ll never be able to escape.
Or so I’d thought at one point. But now…
now I wonder if there’s another life for me out there, one with BandAid42, or perhaps one adjacent to them.
“I just mean that I wish we could do this in person, instead of through distance. You’ve told me not to look for you…
but I could find you if you’d let me.” I hold my breath, not entirely sure what my ramblings will get me in terms of punishment.
But I can’t stop the words from leaving my lips.
Something about this entire setup, the relationship that we’ve been building, is so filled with raw honesty that I have to share.
BandAid42 has to know the effect they’ve had on me.
I need them to know.
“The only way you’ll meet me is if I choose to take you.”
A shiver runs down my spine. I look directly into the camera that’s in the corner of the living room, hoping that they’re looking right back at me.
Because what I’m about to say is the most honest thing I’ve ever said in my life.
I hold my breath until it burns my lungs, then the words leave my lips.
“Then take me.”