The Return #2
Jesse whispered in Norman’s ear. “What story did I tell you on our first date?”
“You tow me awot o stowees.”
Jesse tightened his grip, the hug now almost a threat. “Name one.”
Norman’s eyes bulged. “Soooooop.” He then wriggled a hand under Jesse’s arm to loosen his grip and pry himself free.
Lally thought she had misunderstood. “Did he say soup?”
Norman rubbed his jaw, more in shock than in pain. “Jesse’s aunt and uncle had a cabin in Maine. They made him soup, chicken and…”
Stars, Jesse mouthed. His eyes grew moist, and he tried to blink it away.
“Stars,” Norman repeated for Lally’s benefit. “Whatever was left they would dump down the drain. Only, the drain was not connected to anything, so Jesse would race the stars and watch them spill out in the dirt.” He then turned to Jesse. “You raced the stars,” he whispered.
“I raced the stars and I won,” Jesse replied, the tears in his eyes now obvious. “It is you.” Now it was Norman who gripped Jesse, and for the first time Jesse stopped fighting and allowed himself to be held. Norman stood on his toes to press his cheek against his husband’s.
“I love you,” he said. “I don’t tell you enough.” Over Jesse’s shoulder, he could just see Lally begin to cry, too, and when she reached up to wipe her tears, her robe fell open, revealing an old T-shirt of his that was too tight.
“Oh my god,” Norman cried. “You’re pregnant!”
Lally looked stricken.
“Are you?” Norman asked, excitement spreading across his face like a rash.
Lally blushed as she scrambled to close her robe. She then crossed her arms, not in defiance so much as to hide behind them.
“I didn’t even know you were seeing anyone.
” He reached out one arm for Lally and welcomed her into the hug.
He was now clinging tightly to them both, Norman, Jesse, and Lally smushed into one awkward embrace, Norman burying his face between them.
“I’m so happy to have my two best people.
” And then he dropped the dreaded question. “Who’s the father?”
Jesse was the first to push Norman away. “How about that breakfast?” he asked, seeming awfully quick to move on from good news. Lally likewise turned her head to one side, hiding her face. Norman picked up on their vibe immediately.
“What? What did I say? Did you break up?”
Lally started pacing. She shook her hands like they’d been asleep and she was trying to wake them. “Oh god.”
Norman turned to Jesse for help; he’d really stepped in it, but how?
Yet Jesse looked just as stricken, which was odd, because why would she confide in Jesse and not her own brother?
She must truly be ashamed. “Lally, it’s me.
It’s okay. Is there no father? Is that it?
A one-night stand? I’m not here to judge you.
” Lally remained perfectly still. “Sperm bank?” She looked at Jesse, and that was enough for Norman to lose his cool.
“Don’t look at him, look at me! Who is the father, Lally? ”
Jesse ever so subtly shook his head at Lally, encouraging her silence. In fact, it was so imperceptible that Norman might not have even noticed if Jesse’s face hadn’t also gone white.
“It’s Jesse? JESSE!” He pushed Jesse forcefully with both hands.
“Ow, my sternum.” Jesse motioned for Lally to step back before she was hit, too. “What do you want me to say? You were gone!”
Norman let out an incredulous gasp. “I was at the gym, so you fucked my sister?”
Jesse recoiled. “What? Don’t be crass. I made love to your sis—” He couldn’t even finish the joke. “I think I just threw up in my mouth.” He looked at Lally apologetically. “No offense.”
“None taken. You’re not exactly my ideal roll in the hay.”
“WILL SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME WHAT’S GOING ON?”
“Calm down,” Jesse pleaded. “The embryos. I let her have the embryos.”
“Our embryos?” Norman was confused more than angry. “That’s impossible. You would need my permission.”
“Yeah, well. Turns out I got custody of them in our divorce.”
“We’re divorced?” Norman staggered and then slowly lowered himself to the floor. Maybe he was the one having a stroke. “I need to lie down.” He lay flat on the floor in between them.
“Oh, I know.” Jesse grabbed his phone and started streaming some celestial nonsense, something Enya might play to relax. “This should help soothe you. Have you ever had a sound bath? This one is called Pathways.”
Norman writhed like a child protesting a nap. “I don’t want to be soothed, I want to be the opposite of that. I want to be disturbed!”
“Well, you are that,” Jesse agreed.
“You’re not wearing your wedding ring,” Norman observed. Everything was moving too fast.
Jesse rubbed his left ring finger, which was bare. “That I actually lost. Not unlike my husband, come to think of it.”
“WE’RE DIVORCED?” Norman screamed. “AND YOU LOST YOUR RING?”
Jesse nodded, an embarrassed look on his face. “I might have reversed those things in order of importance, but yes.”
“And she’s pregnant. WITH OUR EMbrYOS?” He intended to point in the vicinity of Lally, but mostly his arm went straight up.
“Just one,” Lally clarified. “The first couple didn’t take. I’m not exactly a spring chicken. Which, in hindsight—phew. None of us wanted a litter. I mean, could you imagine?”
Norman could imagine none of this, so he pressed both of his temples as if he were keeping his skull from exploding. “How is any of this even possible?”
Lally jumped right in, babbling her nerves. “I did come to talk to you about it. But you weren’t here, and Jesse was being all weird, so I hired a private detective. Or investigator. I forget what they like to be called.”
“Not a very good one,” Norman moaned.
“Dick!” Jesse offered, answering Lally’s question with a joke. She stared at him. “Private dick,” he explained, but no one was ready to lighten the mood.
“I WAS AT THE GYM!”
“You were most certainly not at the gym. Anyhow. When we started to suspect that Jesse was a serial killer, I was like, ‘I can’t have his baby.’ ”
Jesse snapped his head in her direction. “Hold on. You thought I was a serial killer? Like for real, for real?”
“Just for a short time. When you started tearing up the backyard.”
Jesse cupped his hands over his face, embarrassed. “Oh, that was a phase.” Jesse and Lally laughed like this was all a big inside joke. “Wait, but the night we agreed, you still thought I was a serial killer. You were going to have a serial killer’s baby.”
“I’m a woman over forty, Jesse. I’m not exactly swimming in options!”
Jesse pulled back a dining chair for Lally and encouraged her to sit. Norman looked on in horror, as if they were suddenly the loving couple and he was the third wheel. And then a large dog trotted into the kitchen and from the floor Norman did a triple take; the dog responded by licking his face.
“Norman, would you get Mafalda some water?”
“WHO?”
Jesse pointed at the dog, like, Who do you think?
“You named the dog after my grandmother?”
“I did, actually,” Lally confessed. “She bears a striking resemblance to Nana, don’t you think? I mean, other than being black.”
“Oh, never mind. I’ll do it.” Jesse crossed to the kitchen and filled a bowl with water.
Mafalda left Norman behind to lap loudly at the water as Jesse rescued the overcooked eggs from the pan in the sink and slid them into another bowl and hacked at them with a fork to cool.
“Can the dog have these? At this point I don’t think we’re going to eat them. ”
Norman groaned and writhed on the floor, taking in more information per minute than perhaps anyone in the history of man.
His eyes landed on the planter, which ran the length of the kitchen island.
The barrel cactuses were gone, replaced with a softer plant.
“Are these…” He almost couldn’t bring himself to say it. “Ferns?”
“Cactuses are unsafe for a baby,” Lally insisted.
“I’m sorry, do you LIVE HERE?”
“Anyhow,” Jesse continued, like he was trying to get Norman to focus. “I employed Harlan’s services to advertise in the paper that I was looking for you to serve divorce papers. At this point we practically had him on a family retainer.”
Norman pounded his fists on the floor. “Who the fuck is Harlan?”
“The private—”
Norman didn’t wait for Jesse to say dick.
“You announced that you wanted to divorce me in the papers? You got a dog? You dug up the yard?” He rocked himself on the floor, trying to self-soothe to the sound of Pathways.
“This is a joke. You’re joking. Lally has a pillow under her shirt, you’re on some secret diet—and who knows where you got the dog, maybe it’s an animatronic puppet. It’s all just a practical joke.”
“Not that practical,” Jesse said to Lally, and indeed those were a lot of hoops to jump through for a laugh.
“I’ve never fully understood your sense of humor, even if I’ve always indulged it. But this is going too far.”
Jesse put his hands on his hips. “I knew you didn’t think I deserved that award!”
Norman sat up, propping himself with his hands. “I must have hit my head or something. This is a concussion, right? Or the lat pulls pinched a nerve to my brain. I’m going to go back to bed to sleep this off. You can make your own breakfast.”
Lally stopped him. “You’re not supposed to go to sleep if you have a concussion.”
“He doesn’t have a concussion,” Jesse clarified.
Norman stood up slowly, stumbling when he felt woozy. “Then one of you check on me every few hours to make sure I’m not dead.”
Jesse stopped him one last time, an inscrutable look across his face. “Norman.” Jesse placed his hand on Norman’s arm in a way that expressed genuine concern. “How long do you think you were gone?” And then he humored him by adding, “At the gym.”
Norman shrugged; he didn’t know. “The usual. An hour? Ninety minutes?”
Jesse pulled back the curtains to the yard, which were still drawn to keep the house cool. Just outside was a sparkling blue swimming pool that shimmered in the late-morning sunlight. A deck and furniture surrounded it, and the landscaping was already growing in.
“What the—” Norman said, rubbing his eyes to make sure he wasn’t seeing a mirage. He stepped closer, but cautiously, like the swimming pool might bite.
He’d been gone for exactly a year.