Chapter 19
Brody
Only one more week and Kate will be gone, back living in Chicago, back to her old life. I don’t want her to go, but I can’t tell her to stay. Her life is in Chicago. She has a job, friends, her sister, her parents.
I can’t stand her parents. I’m an easygoing guy.
I like most everyone, but Kate’s parents just aren’t good people.
Maybe I shouldn’t say that since I don’t actually know them, but seeing how they treated Kate when they showed up here last night, knowing how they made her feel, I really don’t like them.
‘What do you think?’ Kate asks as I go into the room she just painted.
It’s the room that was supposed to be hers, but then she ended up staying in mine every night.
I’m going to miss having her next to me in bed.
I’ll miss having meals with her, watching TV with her, talking to her. I’m going to miss her so damn much.
‘It looks great,’ I say, looking at the grayish-green color on the walls. It’s the same color we used in the other bedroom. A sophisticated neutral, Kate called it. At first I wasn’t sure about it, but it grew on me after a day or so, just like Kate’s grown on me.
When I first met her, I never would’ve even considered going on a date with her, but now, after spending all this time with her, I could see us not only dating but being in a serious relationship.
But that’s never going to happen. I need to accept that and find a way to forget about her after she leaves, and forget about these weeks we spent together.
Yeah, like that’s going to happen. I’ll never forget Kate and what she’s done for me, not just with the house, but how she’s changed me.
I feel like an adult now, like I actually want to get my shit together and be a man.
Before I met her, I was living like a kid, not being responsible, not caring if shit got done.
I told myself I was just easygoing, someone who didn’t worry about stuff, but the truth is I was putting off being an adult.
A man. Someone worthy of a girl like Kate.
‘I’m going to work on our room—I mean your room—next,’ Kate says.
‘It’s late. Let’s quit for the day.’
‘And do what?’
‘It’s Saturday night. We’ll go out. You can try line dancing again.’
She laughs. ‘Oh God, I was so bad.’
‘You just need to practice. I suck at dancing, but I figured it out. It just took going there a few times and practicing.’
‘Okay! I’m up to trying it again.’
The old Kate, the one I met a few weeks ago, would never line dance. She wouldn’t do anything that might embarrass her. She worried about what people thought of her and what they might say. But the Kate I know now doesn’t care. She’s really changed, just like I have.
‘Are we going to dinner first?’ she asks.
‘Yeah, and you get to pick where we go since this is your last Saturday in Haydon Falls.’
Her smile drops to a frown.
‘What’s wrong?’ I go up to her.
‘What you said about this being my last Saturday. It’s sad. I’m not ready to go.’
‘But you have to, right? You have to go back to your job.’
She nods. ‘Yeah.’
The doorbell rings.
‘It’s probably one of my brothers.’ I leave the bedroom and head to the door.
‘Can’t you text first?’ I open the door, but it’s not one of my brothers standing there.
It’s Talia, dressed in a short white dress with a leather jacket over it.
She’s wearing way too much makeup and her blonde hair is much lighter than I remember, almost white.
I don’t find her even a little attractive, but I used to. What’s changed? Is it her or me?
‘Hey, babe.’ Talia reaches up and plants a kiss on me before pushing past me into the house.
‘What are you doing here?’ I shut the door.
‘We’re going to the party.’ She looks at me in my ripped jeans and t-shirt, which are both covered in paint. ‘Why aren’t you dressed?’
Kate appears from the hallway, her eyes on Talia.
‘Kate, this is Talia,’ I say.
Talia comes over to me and puts her arm around mine. ‘I’m Brody’s girlfriend. Who are you? ’
‘She’s helping me with the house,’ I say to Talia. ‘And you’re not my girlfriend. I haven’t heard from you in weeks.’
‘Because you kept turning me down when I wanted to go out. I had to make you miss me. Anyway, Julie’s party is at eight so we need to get going.’
‘What are you talking about?’
She shoves me away. ‘Brody, don’t you dare back out on me now! I’m not showing up there without a date.’
‘I never agreed to go to Julie’s party with you.’
‘Yeah, actually you did. It was that night we went to Chad’s place. We were drunk and Chad had to take us home. Then we came back here and—’
‘Yeah, got it,’ I say, not wanting her to say what we did that night. ‘I don’t remember saying I’d go. I was really drunk that night.’
‘You definitely said it, and you’re going, so get ready so we can leave.’
There’s no way in hell I’m giving up a night with Kate to go to a party with Talia. I’m still not convinced I agreed to it. It wouldn’t surprise me if Talia made it up to guilt me into going.
‘I’m not going.’ I walk to the door and open it. ‘Bye, Talia. Tell Julie I said hi.’
‘You’re seriously not going?’ Talia storms up to me. ‘You promised you’d do this!’
‘I have no memory of promising you that. And we’re not going out anymore so stop texting me.’
‘What do you mean we’re not going out? We had an agreement.’
‘And now we don’t.’
She huffs. ‘Why? Is there someone else? ’
‘Yeah. There is.’
‘Who?’
‘Me.’ Kate races up beside me.
I put my arm around her and lean down to kiss her.
‘HER?’ Talia coughs and pretends to choke. ‘You’re choosing her over ME?’
Kate’s wearing sweats that are covered in paint. She has no makeup on and her hair’s in a ponytail, but she still looks hotter than Talia, all made up and wearing that skimpy dress.
‘Kate’s my girlfriend,’ I say, loving how that sounds. ‘We’ve been dating for weeks. I’m surprised you haven’t heard.’
‘I don’t know why I ever wasted my time with you, Brody,’ Talia says. ‘I could do so much better!’ She storms off to her car.
I shut the door and turn to Kate, kissing her like I haven’t seen her in weeks.
She pushes me back, laughing. ‘What’s going on with you?’
‘I just told her you’re my girlfriend. This is how I kiss my girlfriend.’
She smiles. ‘If I’d known that, I would’ve been your girlfriend weeks ago.’
‘Are you serious?’
She rolls her eyes. ‘Like you would’ve wanted that.’ She walks away.
‘Kate, hold on.’ I get in front of her. ‘What do you mean I wouldn’t want that?’
‘You’ve told me several times that you don’t want a girlfriend.’
‘When I said that, I didn’t mean forever.’
‘Yeah, but forever isn’t now. You like being single. Being a bachelor. Going out with different girls. And by the way .?.?.’ She narrows her eyes at me. ‘You told me you hadn’t had sex in months. If I’d known you’d been with that girl, I would’ve been using protection this whole time.’
‘I didn’t have sex with Talia.’
‘She just said you did! Or she implied it.’
‘We didn’t have sex that night. We, um .?.?. she took care of me. Let’s leave it at that.’
‘Whatever. I don’t need to know.’ Kate walks past me to the kitchen. ‘Why don’t we just make dinner here?’ She opens the freezer. ‘Want a frozen pizza?’
I go over to her and shut the freezer door. ‘Can we just talk about this?’
‘About what?’
‘Us. And whatever the hell we’re doing.’
She looks down, shaking her head.
‘What? Are you saying you won’t talk about it?’
She turns her back to me. ‘Don’t do this, Brody.’
‘Do what?’
‘Ruin this. Just let us have a few more days.’
I move so I’m in front of her and notice her tearing up. I take her hand. ‘C’mon. Let’s go sit down.’
The only place to sit that isn’t covered in sheets is the kitchen table. I take her over there and sit on the chair, setting her on my lap.
‘Tell me what’s going on.’
‘I don’t want this to end,’ she whispers.
‘I don’t either, but I don’t know what to do. You’re leaving next weekend.’
She nods. ‘I know. And I know we agreed this wouldn’t happen, that we wouldn’t be anything more than roommates who sometimes have sex.’
‘Sometimes?’ I kid. We have sex daily, sometimes more than that.
She cracks a smile. ‘You know what I mean.’
‘Yeah, I know.’ I rub her hand. ‘It’s not what either of us planned. And I don’t know where we go from here.’
‘We go back to our lives. Back to how things were before we met.’
‘I won’t be going back to my old life. I’m not that person anymore.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘You’ve changed me, Kate. Your energy. Your organization.
Your determination to get shit done. It somehow rubbed off on me and now I’m like a different person.
You’ve inspired me to stop putting stuff off and just do it.
Make it happen. If I’d felt like this last fall, I would’ve had this house renovated and sold by December instead of doing nothing all this time and racking up debt. ’
‘What happened? Why’d you put off working on it?’
‘Because I was in over my head. I didn’t know what to do, where to start.
My cousin, Nash, offered to help me, but I didn’t want him helping until I had a plan for what to do.
But the plan never happened until you showed up and helped me envision what this place could look like.
Then Jason gave me that ultimatum and forced me to take action. ’
‘What ultimatum?’
Shit. She wasn’t supposed to know about that.
I decide to just tell her the truth about my money problems and how Jason’s been helping me. I make her promise to never tell anyone, especially my family, not that she’ll ever see them again after she leaves.
‘Why didn’t you tell me this sooner?’ Kate says when I’m done. ‘I feel bad for pressuring you to work on the house when you didn’t have the money for it.’
‘You didn’t pressure me. You were just giving me ideas for how to fix it up, and they were really good ideas. I just didn’t have the money to do them. But then I got the money from a week of plowing and the money you gave me for rent and it was enough to get us to where we’re at now.’
‘Does that mean you’re out of money?’
‘Yeah, but it’s fine. We got more done than I thought we would given what we had to work with. At least now, the house is fixed up enough that I won’t have to take a loss on it. And when I finally sell it, I’m going to use some of the money to pay you back.’
‘Brody, no, I’m not taking your money.’
‘It’s not my money. It’s yours. You really think I’d charge you rent after all the work you’ve done?’
‘I don’t want the money back. If you send me a check, I won’t cash it.’
‘I can’t let you do all this for free. I have to do something to pay you back.’
‘You’ve done enough.’ She threads her hand with mine. ‘You saved me from almost dying in a blizzard and then saved me again by letting me stay here and be someone I didn’t think I could be.’
‘I’m not sure what that last part means.’
‘I’ve always tried to be the perfect daughter, perfect sister, perfect friend, perfect girlfriend, perfect employee.
I’ve molded myself into what everyone else wants.
But then I came here, where nobody knows me, and I was finally able to be myself.
The first day we met, part of the old Kate was there, but she faded away the more time I spent with you.
’ She laughs. ‘I looked so horrible that weekend with no makeup and my hair a mess and wearing those baggy clothes, but you didn’t make one comment about it. ’
‘Why would I?’
‘Because that’s what people do. They judge.
They criticize. If I’d been with my friends or Cam or my family, they’d be telling me to fix my hair, do my makeup, get some sleep to get rid of the bags under my eyes.
I used to try to be perfect so they’d all just shut up.
But then they’d find more things wrong with me. ’
‘I think you need better friends.’
‘I think you’re right.’ She lays her head on my shoulder. ‘A week from now I’ll be back there, living with my parents, getting ready to return to a job I hate.’ She pauses. ‘And as bad as all that stuff is, the thing that’s even worse is that I won’t have you.’
I wish I could think of a way to make this work, but I can’t. I’ve tried. And even if I figured out a way for us to be together, what are the chances it would last? We’re total opposites. What if our differences eventually led to us breaking up? Why even try to be together if that’s our future?
‘Let’s get out of here,’ I say.
‘You said you wanted to talk.’
‘And we did, but I don’t know what to say to make this better so let’s make the most of the time we have left.’
We clean up and I take Kate to dinner, then to the country bar to practice her line dancing. She’s still really bad at it, but she’s laughing and having fun, which is enough to take her mind off what she’ll be going home to next week.
I’m trying to forget that she’s leaving soon, but it’s all I can think about. Even when I’m not with her, I’m thinking about her, about her smile or something she said, or I’ll see something that reminds me of her.
I remember when I was younger I overheard Jason asking Dad how to tell if you love a girl or just like her.
Jason was 17 at the time and thought he was in love with his girlfriend.
Dad asked him if he thinks about her when he’s pitching a game.
Jason played baseball and was the best pitcher the school’s ever had.
He told my dad no, that his mind was on the game, not the girl he was dating.
My dad explained that when you love a girl, your mind is on her even when you don’t want it to be, like when you’re pitching a baseball game.
Yesterday when I was cutting the tile for the bathroom, something I’m not very good at that takes focus and precision, my thoughts kept going to Kate.
It reminded me of what my dad said about thinking about a girl when you don’t want to.
Does that mean I’m in love with Kate? I can’t be, not this soon.
So what does it mean? Why can’t I get her out of my head?