Chapter One #2
“You’re probably right,” he agrees. “He doesn’t know who he is without her. Even if she doesn’t come back, he’ll never move on.”
The thought makes me sad because as much as I want to find love and have a solid relationship, I don’t want to be that level of dependent. Though I can’t blame him since he’s loved her for the past eight years, the aftermath of being without her is destroying him.
Once the living room’s picked up, I move to the kitchen and load the dishwasher. Silas and I work in silence, but there’s an underlying current streaming between us that I try to ignore.
“I heard you and Kayden broke up,” Silas blurts. “You doin’ okay?”
My heart pounds at the sound of my ex’s name. Another guy who treated me so well in the beginning and then randomly hit me with the “I’m not looking for anything serious” conversation.
“Yeah, I’m fine.” I avoid his gaze while lifting the trash bag and tying it up.
“He wasn’t good enough for you anyway.”
My eyes lift to his dark ones and my brows pinch. “You didn’t know him.”
His shoulder lifts lazily. “If he couldn’t see what a catch you are, he’s not good enough.”
“That’s rich comin’ from you,” I snap before I can stop myself.
“How so?” He straightens his spine, crossing his arms.
Is he being serious right now?
“Forget it.”
I shake open a clean trash bag before putting it in the bin, then grab the full one. Opening the door, I walk to the outside bin and throw it inside.
“Posey!” Silas shouts, and the trailer door slams shut behind him.
It’s nearly pitch black out, the only light coming from the moon reflecting off the mountains in the distance. But when Silas and I meet in the middle, every inch of his face is tense.
I cross my arms. “What now?”
“Explain what you meant.”
“No.” Taking a step back, I swallow hard and try to settle my racing heart. “It was nothin’.”
“You wanna talk about it finally?” He mimics my stance, folding his arms across his broad chest.
My guard lowers slightly. “About what?”
“Us havin’ sex.”
My stomach bottoms out and the pot roast I had for dinner threatens to come back up.
He remembers?
“I-I thought you had no memory of our night together,” I say, too timid for my liking, but I’m thrown by his words.
“No…” His brows furrow in confusion. “I thought you regretted it.”
“Why’d you think that?”
“’Cause you wouldn’t look at me, purposely avoided me, walked away anytime I was with Warren…” He rambles off. “I figured you were embarrassed and wanted to pretend it didn’t happen, so I didn’t say anythin’.”
“No…” I shake my head. “I was behind y’all in line when you told Warren your memory was fuzzy after the cake. And that you were too drunk to remember most of the night. I was also enlightened to learn you only hung with me ’cause he asked you to babysit me…”
“You heard that?”
“Yes. Were you lyin’?”
“Jesus Christ, Posey.” He runs a palm through his hair, pacing in front of me before stopping to face me.
“Yes, he asked me earlier that day to keep an eye on you, but I wanted to be with you anyway. And of course, I lied! I wasn’t about to tell your brother I slept with his sister, especially before talkin’ to you about it.
Figured if I acted like I couldn’t remember most of the night, he’d stop askin’ me questions.
I hoped we’d talk after, but when you avoided me for weeks, I got the memo.
Assumed you wanted to forget it happened. ”
“So wait…” I hold up my hand. “You remembered everythin’?”
“Yes. I still do.”
“Wow…” I blink a few times, trying to steady my breathing. “You were quite convincin’, I guess. We drank quite a bit, so I thought you were tellin’ the truth.”
“I wasn’t…and perhaps I should’ve tried harder to get you to talk to me, but I thought maybe you were avoidin’ me ’cause…” He looks away, licking his lips. “’Cause it was bad.”
“You thought it was bad?” I panic, replaying those memories I’ve tried hard to suppress.
“No! I thought you thought I was bad and that’s why you wanted to pretend it didn’t happen.”
“Why would you assume that?”
“’Cause it was my first time…”
My brows pinch in confusion. “First time what?”
His expression flattens. “I was a virgin, Posey. You were my first.”
I balk, scoffing. “Now I know you’re lyin’.”
“I’m serious. We were drunk, and I stumbled a lot. I figured you wanted nothin’ to do with me ’cause I was bad at sex or I left you unsatisfied.”
He couldn’t possibly think that after how vocal I was the entire time.
“Not that I had anythin’ to compare it to, but it wasn’t bad. I didn’t wanna bring it up and you think—”
“Wait, whaddya mean nothin’ to compare it to?”
I stare at him in disbelief because I assumed he knew. “It was my first time too.”
His nostrils flare. “Oh fuck, Posey. Why didn’t you tell me that beforehand? I would’ve waited until we were sober.”
“Why didn’t you tell me you were a virgin beforehand?” I throw back at him.
We stare at each other, breathing heavily, and at a stalemate for who or what’s to blame for not talking about what happened almost two years ago. Clearly, our communication skills suck.
“I was embarrassed,” he finally says. “And then even more embarrassed when I assumed the worst and thought it wasn’t good for you.”
Rocking on my feet, I lock my arms behind my back to stop myself from reaching out and touching him. “I had no complaints.”
He arches a brow. “So if I had asked you, would you have said it meant somethin’ to you?”
My heart races as I contemplate how to respond. “At the time, yes.”
He steps closer, invading the space between us with his large build. “And now?”
I swallow down the lump in my throat, struggling to fully comprehend what’s happening. “It’s hard to say after spendin’ all this time being angry about it.”
He tips my chin, forcing my gaze to meet his. “I remember every touch, every kiss and moan of yours, Posey. It haunted me in my dreams for weeks.”
My breath hitches, gasping for air at the words I never expected to hear from him.
“I do too,” I admit. “I already have bad luck with dating, so thinkin’ you had no memory of our night added to my insecurities.”
He rubs the pad of his thumb softly over my cheek and it sends a shiver down my spine.
“I’m sorry you overheard me say that, but if I had known, I would’ve cleared it up immediately.
Ever since your friend dared you to kiss me two years ago, it’s all I thought about.
I didn’t know if the feelings were mutual, and you being my best friend’s little sister, I was too chickenshit to ask.
I didn’t want Warren to find out and deck me for makin’ a move on you. ”
“They were mutual,” I tell him, sounding braver than I am. “I’ve had a crush on you since middle school, but I didn’t know if you only kissed me ’cause you felt pressured or if you liked me too.”
His gaze moves to my mouth, and I stare at his, wondering if I’ll finally get to feel his on mine again.
When he leans in, I do too, but then he releases a deep, almost regretful, sigh and rests his forehead against mine. “After our night together, I thought we’d finally admit our feelings. But then we didn’t and I had to eventually move on.”
I step back, finding the remorse on his face. “Whaddya mean?”
“I’m datin’ someone now. It’s new, but I owe it to her and myself to see where it goes. I don’t wanna be the guy who cheats. You deserve better than that. So does Gwen.”
My blood boils with fury at the emotional whiplash. “Why did you bring it up then?”
“’Cause I wanted answers! Maybe that makes me a selfish asshole but there was no closure.”
“Closure?” My voice raises with frustration.
“I never knew why you left that mornin’ and acted like it never happened, so yeah…it was time we got it out.”
“I tried wakin’ you!” I push against his chest, annoyed with how close he is to me, but he doesn’t flinch. “Told you we had an hour to get down to the brunch, then I left to shower and get ready.”
“Okay, that part I don’t remember…” He frowns. “But everythin’ else I do.”
“Maybe it’s better this way. Warren needs us right now and being together would’ve made things awkward with Maisie leavin’.” I shrug, stepping around him, but he grabs my arm to stop me.
“I’m sorry I hurt you, Posey. I wish I could go back and fix it.”
And I wish he never told me.
I’d rather believe he had no memory of us than knowing he remembers everything because even now after admitting we had feelings for each other, I still get let down. If this ache in my chest is only a fraction of what Warren’s been going through, then I don’t want any part of it.
“Good luck with your new girlfriend.” I pull my arm out of his grip and walk away.