40. ah
CHAPTER 40
AH
LINCOLN
As soon as Ivy stands, I know I’ve fucked up. Shit. I’m cursing myself as the lift closes behind her, a game plan forming in my mind as I wait for it to return. I won’t lose her, not to my fumbling and not to Kyle’s bloody machinations.
“Ivy,” I say, knocking gently at her door. My instincts are going haywire, halfway to dialing a jeweler as part of a grand apology, even as I know it’s not the right choice this time. This needs tact. Honesty. Everything I’m unpracticed in.
The relief when she opens the door almost sends me to my knees, right here in the hallway. I grip the doorframe, steeling myself. “Tell me what’s wrong.”
That she doesn’t immediately launch into what’s bothering her is the biggest sign that this goes deeper than my tosspot of a cousin. I’ve learned enough now to know that Ivy only hides behind silence when the truth is too big to bear.
When there’s a real possibility of being hurt.
“Come here,” I say, pulling her into a hug. I have to fix this. There’s pain in her eyes, and there shouldn’t be. Not now, not ever. Knowing I’m the cause of it, even a little, pains me.
She presses herself into me, slipping her hands under my shirt as she hugs back, the touch of her skin on mine a vice I might never shake. All I can do is press my lips to her temple, breathe in the glory of her soft, clean scent, and try to memorize how good she feels in my arms.
Muffled shouting and a car horn seep out from Fil’s apartment, whatever film he’s watching playing at full volume. Wafting down the hall is the smell of someone’s dinner, rich and spicy. Somewhere out there, Kyle holds the fragile tether of my reputation in his slimy hands.
But the only person worth thinking about right now is quietly clinging to me, and I don’t know why.
“Sorry that I keep messing with your life like this,” she mumbles against my chest. Christ, how did I ever think my heart was prepared for her?
She’s killing me.
“Don’t you dare apologize. It’s been a long time since someone cared about me who wasn’t already family.” Perhaps never. “I’m grateful.”
She slips out of my hands, and I miss her immediately. “Just make sure you remember that for your next girlfriend,” she says, as if there could ever be a next after her.
I open my mouth to say this when it hits me. Ah. How ridiculous I’ve been to miss it until now.
Ivy believes this to only be a game. Another role she’s been thrust into. And games are fun, but they’re short-lived.
If she doesn’t trust this to last, I’ll take great pleasure in proving her wrong. Because when you manage to catch starlight in your hands, you don’t let it go.
“You didn’t need to rush over.” She walks inside, and I take the open door as an invitation to follow. Inside is the chaos I’ve come to love with her. “Dealing with Kyle is more important.”
Is she joking? “There’s nothing more important to me than you. I’m simply used to taking on issues alone. I didn’t consider you’d want to help.”
“Are you kidding me? We’re friends, and that means your battles are my battles. So sit your perfect ass down and let’s see what we can find.”
I won’t push. Now isn’t the time. In my experience, words wouldn’t be enough anyhow. What Ivy needs is proof. To see that I’ll keep to my word. That I won’t walk away at the nearest opportunity.
I can do that for her. I have no plans to go anywhere, and I’ll wait as long as it takes to convince her.
One day, I’m going to need her to marry me.
She looks toward the kitchen and hums. “Want me to run upstairs and get your kettle first?”
I don’t dare tear my eyes from hers, hoping she can hear the honesty in my next words. “I have everything I need right here.”
She ducks my gaze to throw herself down on her tiny couch, pulling her laptop onto her crossed legs. Two strides put me right there next to her, where I always hope to be, with no distance between us.
What Kyle seems to misunderstand about life is that money can’t touch what is really important, because this right here — Ivy, hair loose, curls wild, like a dream come to life — is worth more than any wealth in the world.