Chapter 23
twenty-three
Sunday morning, I awoke to an empty bed and a note from Tripp. Disappointment settled into my veins. He left.
I’ll be back soon. I promise.
I stretched my arms over my head and nearly gagged at the smell that flooded my nose when I took a deep breath. Was that me? I pulled my arm up to my nose and sniffed. Yup. That was definitely me. I smelled like stale toilet water. After taking a quick shower, careful to keep my splint dry. I threw on a clean pair of pajamas and head out into the living area. I knew without a doubt that Ava would be waiting for me. I could count on her.
“She lives!” Ava said cheerfully when I walked out into the living area.
“Barely. What time is it?”
“Noon. Lunch will be here soon. We ordered your favorite.” We? Was Seth here?
“Good, I’m starving.” I was tempted to ask her if she saw Tripp sneak out, but I wasn’t ready to tell her about last night. I wasn’t even sure if it really happened or If I’d just dreamt the whole thing, which was a sad possibility. But at least if it were a dream, his disappearance wouldn’t sting so much.
“Do you need anything? Pain meds? Diet Coke?”
“Water and an ibuprofen. I don’t want to pass out and miss another day.” That was a lie. I very much wanted to pass out and sleep the day away. A heavy grogginess settled over me.
Before Ava could answer, the strong scent of spice and Thai food wafted up the stairs. My stomach growled. I followed the scent to the stairs. Tripp held out the bag of takeout. I met his gaze and smiled.
“Hey,” he said, greeting me with a broad smile that reached his eyes.
“Hi.”
“Food,” Ava said and grabbed the bag from his hand. “You two can keep making eyes at each other, but I’m hungry.” I didn’t have the energy to argue with her, and I didn’t have a case to argue. She was right. I was making eyes at him, and he was returning them right back to me. It ignited a tiny spark of hope.
Ava sat at the far end of the sofa, leaving Tripp no choice but to sit beside me. He scooted close enough that our legs were touching. Instinct made me want to pull away, but I didn’t move. Fear crept into my bones. Everything inside my brain told me to run and ignore this overwhelming desire I had to be near him. The desire won. I let my knee fall to the side and against him. We ate our lunch and watched the show Ava had on. It was her favorite reality show, which I hated. But at least it provided enough distraction to limit conversation. I wasn’t sure I was even capable of forming complete sentences with him so close to me.
The pain in my wrist had dulled almost completely, but it still ached enough to distract me. I wondered what this meant for the challenges we still had to complete before the final skydive.
“So, what are we going to do about the remaining challenges?” I asked. I held up my wrist. “This thing doesn’t exactly scream, join our adventures, they’re totally safe.”
Tripp sighed audibly. “Let’s not worry about that, now, okay?”
“What about the content?” We had another week or two of buffer content before the kayak video had to go live. After that, we’d be behind. “Can we even use the footage from yesterday? I doubt my klutz move will make for a great advertisement.”
“Liam can work his magic. We got plenty of footage during the practice sessions and before the kayak flipped. What we have will be great. It always is.” He sounded confident, but I felt anything but confident. His words did little to reassure me. Sure, we’d built a great rapport with Tripp and his team, but a pause in the campaign wasn’t something we’d planned for. In hindsight, we should’ve. I wasn’t exactly known for my grace.
“I really mucked this whole thing up. I’m sorry guys.” I hated how much the success of the campaign depended on me. “Maybe Ava can do some of the challenges, instead?” Just saying that broke my heart a little. Two months ago, I’d have gladly handed the challenges over to her, but not now. Now I was starting to enjoy the new experiences. And all the time with Tripp. I did not want that to end.
“Stop it, Sadie, please. Things happen. We will figure it out, but it doesn’t have to be today. Okay?” Ava exhaled in a huff. “What we aren’t going to do is wallow and worry up problems that don’t exist yet. You’re going to let your wrist heal, and we’ll make things work however we have to.”
“We’re in this for the long haul,” Tripp said. “I meant it when I said I wasn’t going anywhere.”
“Well, we do have the fundraiser to consider,” I said. Ava looked at me with furrowed eyebrows. “Remember for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society?”
“Oh, right. We discussed it briefly at our meeting last week.” Tripp and I had pitched the idea to do some content on his family and the story behind Take the Leap, but we’d gotten distracted by the weekly app download reports. “What’s the plan there?”
“My sisters are on board with us filming our annual skydive, which is next weekend. Liam will be out of town, so maybe you two could come along and help film.”
“Next weekend?” Ava asked. “Next weekend is Mom’s birthday.”
“You can’t miss that. I can cover it, I think,” I said, not sounding at all confident.
“You can?” Ava shot me a look of pure disbelief.
“Sure, why not? I’m great on airplanes without safety equipment.”
They both laughed. Tripp patted my knee and said, “There is more than adequate safety gear on the plane, I promise. I think it might also be good for you to see what it’s all about before we start preparing for your dive.”
I wasn’t entirely sure I believed him, but I didn’t argue. “Great, then I’ll work with Liam to make sure I have everything I need. We should probably make sure you and your family all have cameras, too. We’ll want plenty of footage and candid images and commentary.”
With that settled, we fell back into a comfortable silence as we ate. After we finished, Ava gathered our empty takeout containers and brought me fresh water. “Are you good if I keep my date with Heath? His friend’s band is playing at Brooklyn Bowl.”
“Yes, go. I’ll be fine.”
“I can stick around, too,” Tripp said. He turned toward me and added, “And before you tell me I don’t have to stay … I want to stay.”
I pushed aside the itch to argue with him. Pushing people away was second nature to me. It was hard to admit that I not only wanted him here but also needed him.
“Okay, I won’t.” I settled into a cozy nook between him and the arm of the couch. He draped his arm over my shoulder and pulled me closer.
“Yup, you’ll be just fine without me.” Ava excused herself and went into her room to get ready. When she re-emerged ten minutes later, we’d already switched to a different show, picking up where we’d left off on Big Bang Theory . She patted my head before leaving and said, “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”
Then we were alone again. This time, I wasn’t drowsy. Every nerve ending in my body was fully aware of Tripp’s presence beside me. I half expected to feel my fight or flight response kicking in like it usually did anytime someone got too close to me, but it didn’t. My heart didn’t race with panic, and I didn’t feel the need to come up with an excuse to kick him out. I barely recognized this version of myself. This realization scared me. This was entirely unfamiliar territory.
“Are you comfortable?” Tripp asked.
“Yeah. I think so.” Hesitation filled my voice, and he picked up on it. He shifted to move away from me. “No, please don’t. It’s just that—” I wasn’t sure how to finish that sentence. How could I explain to him that even though I wanted him here and very much liked his company, I didn’t know what to do with that information.
He leaned forward and placed his hand on my cheek, gently turning me to face him. “Does this make you uncomfortable? Me being here?”
“No,” I answered quickly. Too quickly. I pulled back and buried my face in a pillow. “I don’t know, Tripp. This is all new to me. I’ve never met anyone that made me feel the way you do. I don’t know how to do all of this.”
“All of what?”
“Feel things.” I glanced at his face and immediately dropped my gaze to the floor before I started rambling. “These last few weeks have pushed me so far out of my comfort zone that I don’t think I’ll ever find that comfort zone again. And the thing is, I don’t hate it. The kayak yesterday? That was fun. I was having fun. Maybe because Olivia really helped prepare me, or maybe it was just freeing to do something I’d never done before. I don’t want to jump off a bridge again anytime soon, but trying all this new stuff is changing me. You’re changing me. I thought I wasn’t capable of feeling like this. Like, I want to both run to you and away from you at the same time.”
I was rambling. Words tumbled out of my mouth before I could stop them. His hand rubbed soft, slow circles on my back, soothing me without a word. He didn’t say anything, but I knew he was listening. There was something about him that made all of my knots untie and want to reveal themselves to him.
“But mostly, I want you to hold me like you did last night and never let go. I don’t want to fall asleep. I just want to be near you, and that is terrifying. I mean, you’re my client, and a big client at that. What if I screw this up? I mean, not if, but when. Because I will. I always do. I’m not the girl who stays. Even if I want to, I don’t think I can. Then what? I lose you as a client, a friend, and whatever this is? I can’t handle that. I can’t handle any of this.”
Tears welled in my eyes. They broke free before I could stop them. “I’m sorry. I’m such a mess. You can leave if you want to. I wouldn’t blame you if you did.” I’d meant it, but as I said it, a sob so large it nearly choked me rose in my throat. I tried to hold it in but failed. “Ugh! Why am I like this?”
Tripp didn’t move. He kept his hand on my back and stayed right by my side as I tried to work through whatever this was. “I’m here as long as you want me here, Sadie.”
I curled into him and rested my head on his chest. He continued rubbing my back. “I want you here.” And I did. I didn’t want him to leave, no matter what I said or felt. Something inside of me shifted. The longer he stayed, the safer I felt with him. That should’ve scared me, but it didn’t.
We stayed like that through three episodes. Then the doorbell rang, and my sense of contentment vanished as soon as I heard my brother’s voice announce his presence. He had a key, so the doorbell was a courtesy.
“Sadie?” he yelled up the stairs. “Don’t be mad, okay? Dad’s here.”