Chapter 33
thirty-three
The next week, I found myself at an indoor rock climbing park with Seth. After two adventures that didn’t involve wedgie-inducing harnesses, I’d forgotten just how torturous they were. Why did so many thrilling things require such uncomfortable clothing? There had to be a better way. I tried to align the harness in a way that didn’t make me want to rip it off. I resigned myself to discomfort after one too many failed attempts. If the fear didn’t deter me, the harness just might.
“Seth, can we just get this over with? I’m going to get rope burn in places that have no business getting rope burn.”
“TMI, sis. And it’s a belt, not a rope. Didn’t I tell you explicitly not to wear shorts?”
I tugged at my shorts, trying to make them longer. “Your text of instructions was wordier than a YA romantasy trilogy.”
He stared at me. “I understood none of that.”
“I’m just saying, if you wanted me to read every detail, you should’ve sent it in a bullet point format.”
“Sadie Genevieve Barnes, are you telling me that you didn’t read the rules and directions?”
I shrugged. “What can I tell you? I’m a rebel.”
“It’s like I don’t even know you anymore.”
“Wait until you hear what I want to do for our birthday next week.”
“Do I want to ask?” he asked as he expertly tied the rope into a figure eight knot. He quickly explained that the first thing I’d be learning was how to belay—or, in simpler terms, keep him from dying if he fell. Seeing that we were inside and the mat beneath my feet was pretty soft, I didn’t see how that would be necessary. But, given what I had planned, the skills would come in handy.
“Have you heard of Foster Falls?” I asked. He gave a very tentative yes. “They have this rock climb called Sibling Rivalry. I’ve already registered us for next weekend. It’s rated a 5.7, which means it is good for beginner climbers. I watched a lot of videos and think I can do it. Oh, and Brett and Mel will meet us there.” I said the last bit under my breath.
He blinked at me as if I’d spoken a foreign language. “You what?”
“We’re going to do an actual rock climb.”
“We are? Are you sure?”
“Yup. I’ve already bought all the gear and made campsite reservations, too. We’ll drive down on Friday afternoon, hike to the camping spot, do the whole camping thing, and then we’ll do the climb on Saturday and head back.” The skeptical look on his face deepened. “And, yes, I did my research to understand what the rating meant. I intentionally looked for one rated a 5.7. So, don’t try to talk me out of this. I know what to expect.”
“I wouldn’t dream of it. But I have to ask. Are Tripp and Ava okay with this?”
I bit my lip. “I didn’t tell them what we’d be doing. I just said I found a fun new camping site and wanted to go for my birthday. I suggested we could get some content while hiking.”
“So, you lied?”
“No, I left out one small detail.”
“Attempting a challenging rock climb two weeks after getting your splint off is not a small detail.” He shook his head. A look of realization and shock passed over his face. “Wait, did you also say you invited Dad and Mel?”
Grinning, I said, “Surprised?”
“I honestly don’t know which part surprises me more—that this was your idea, or that you called our dad and invited him to our birthday.”
“What can I say? It’s a whole new world. Now, pick your jaw off the ground and teach me how to belay or whatever. You have four days to prepare me to climb an actual rock in the middle of the forest, and I don’t feel like breaking any more bones. So, let’s get to it.”
“Aye, aye, captain.” He offered a mock salute and launched into a monologue on how crucial my role as the belayer was.
I spent the next four nights with Seth at the indoor climbing park, picking up a new vocabulary and learning how to climb a fake rock wall. I started casually throwing in words like cordelette, crimps, and jugs into random conversations. My arms and legs were sore in ways I never knew were possible, but I slept like the dead each night when I fell into bed. I don’t think I’d ever slept as well as I did those nights. By the third night, I was climbing the wall almost as fast as my brother. We moved to the more challenging walls, and my confidence grew as I mastered those. My wrist occasionally reminded me that it was still healing, but I worked through the pain and did every stretch and exercise I’d learned from the physical therapist Seth insisted I visit. It grew stronger with every session.
Seth and I fell into a comfortable rhythm the more time we spent training together. After the last few months, we’d seen far less of each other than we normally did. Sure, I’d been spending more and more time with Tripp. But I also blamed him for continually trying to push me into a relationship with our dad, and I resented his ability to forgive him and move forward. But I was beginning to see that as a strength of his. I’d always been the glass-is-half-full and what-if-its-poisoned twin, where he was happy to have a drink to satiate him. He never wondered if the water was drying to drown him. He was always looking for the bright side. Even with me, he took the good with the bad. He never saw my fears as a negative thing, nor did he push me to change. Like Ava and Tripp, he’d always been patient and understanding. Even when he teased me, I knew it wasn’t malicious.
Since I wanted this to be a surprise to Tripp and Ava, neither of them knew what we were up to. Seth had been sworn to secrecy. Ava tried to get me to spill daily, but I was enjoying keeping a secret—at least, this was a fun secret. I teased her with random, unhinged hints, but she never guessed what we were really up to. For his part, Tripp hadn’t asked for details. When I told him we’d be camping for my birthday, he offered to drive us all to the campsite. He hadn’t been too disappointed when I told him we wouldn’t be alone again until I told him he’d be sharing a tent with my brother, Liam, and Kyle while I bunked with Ava. We hadn’t had any quality alone time since our camping trip. I promised him I’d make it up to him when we finally had our date night.
Friday came quickly. All day at the office, nervous energy flowed through me with increasing intensity. I couldn’t sit still through our one meeting and ended up pacing behind Ava while we met with another new client. The clock moved at a glacial pace, and I was beginning to wonder if time might actually stop. For the first time since starting this campaign, the nerves were from excited energy. My fingers itched to dig into the side of a real rock. I was more than ready for this challenge.
“If you don’t stop pacing, I am going to duct tape you to your chair,” Ava said.
I glanced at her and rolled my eyes. Flexing my newly defined biceps, I said, “I’d like to see you try. I’ve got some new guns I’m dying to try out.”
“One week of working out with your brother, and you’re already talking like him. One Seth Barnes is more than enough.”
“Are you packed?” I asked, changing the subject. I was usually bad at keeping secrets, and the closer we got to leaving time, the more I wanted to spill the beans. “You’ve got everything you need?”
“For the fifteenth time, yes, I am all packed for this mysterious camping trip.” I pressed my lips together to keep from blurting out anything. “What time is Tripp picking us up?”
“In an hour or so.”
“How long will it take us to get there?”
“Two-ish hours.”
“Is Seth meeting us there?”
“He’s picking up Mel and Brett at the airport now and will meet us at the campsite with them.”
“I still can’t believe you invited them.”
“The closer we get to it being real, the more I regret it.” I think I was more worried about seeing Brett and Mel than I was about the actual climb.
“Well, there’s no going back now.”
“I know. But, yes, we’ll meet everyone else there.”
“And then we camp.”
“And roast marshmallows and do all the fun camping stuff.”
“What’s the plan for tomorrow?”
“We’ll hike up to the—” I stopped and cocked my head to the side. The rapid-fire questions almost got me. “Nice try.”
“Damn! So close!” She snapped her fingers in disappointment. “Well, whatever it is, I want you to know how proud I am of you for the way you’ve handled all of this.”
“Yeah, yeah, your baby is growing up.”
Laughing, Ava said, “I’m serious, Sadie. I’ve always loved who you are but seeing you this confident and happy is just amazing. You deserve it.”
“Thank you.” I resisted my long-internalized desire to push back on the compliment and tell her that she was wrong. I wasn’t confident or happy. I didn’t deserve any of this. But the doubt monster was wrong. I was gaining confidence and finally allowing myself to lean into the happiness around me—not just with Tripp but with everyone and everything else. I hadn’t realized just how lonely and broken I’d been until the black hole started to heal.
I loved this new version of me, too. I just hoped I could hold onto her when the bottom drops out—if the bottom drops out, I corrected myself. Nothing was inevitable.