Chapter 25
ZARIAH
DICKMATIZED
Things softened between Denali and me. It was a tangible change, and we had to talk about it.
It was just hard to talk about that for a variety of reasons.
One, Elijah was usually there, and as much fun as it sounded to bare my soul in front of my brother, I would’ve rather walked into traffic.
And two, broaching the topic of my feelings with Denali was overwhelming.
The butterflies and sparklers made it impossible. How was I supposed to bridge that gap with him?
It was all I could think about five minutes before my Structure and Forms class. I nodded along to my classmates while we discussed our papers, but my mind was on him.
A hush fell over the room. Everyone turned to the door, and surprise rippled through my class.
I glanced over my shoulder and there was Denali. He must’ve just left practice. He was soaking wet, hair plastered to his face, shirt clinging to his muscles, the gray fabric damp. Two huge bruises darkened his jaw, already a dull purple.
What was he doing in the language arts building?
Oh. Duh.
Flustered, I straightened up. There was no other person he could’ve been there for.
Denali shuffled across the room, coffee in hand. He stood in front of me. “Hey.”
“What’s with the bruises?”
“Blocked shot.” He shifted his weight, uncomfortable with the audience. “Gianna’s is doing Halloween-themed drinks.”
“Isn’t your physiology course in a couple of minutes?” I asked. “That’s across campus. You’re going to be late.”
“No, it’s cool, I can run.” He thrust the drink to me before awkwardly holding it back. “This is a charcoal-latte. I don’t know what a charcoal-latte is but it’s a black cat themed drink. You like Cat People. Like the black-and-white movie?” He hesitated. “Do you…want the latte?”
“Wow. Um, thank you.”
My cheeks burned as I took a sip of very delicious coffee. I was so touched that he did this, I wasn’t sure what to say.
Denali gave the most awkward wave I’d ever seen and walked out.
Just like that?
The class waited a few seconds before bursting into laughter. Not mean laughter, just bewildered, and I gazed at the door, thinking it over.
Shit. We had to talk.
Pushing out of my chair, I hurried to the hallway. “Denali?”
He doubled back, shoving his hands in his pockets. We were both cautious with each other, but I couldn’t accept this coffee and not say anything. I wanted to be honest with him.
“I’m sorry, I’m probably going to make you late—”
“It’s cool,” he said quickly. “I’m never late, I can take the tardy.”
I drew closer to the wall as the hallway emptied. “Denali, what do you want?”
“What do I want?”
“What’s the point of the coffee? Are you apologizing for past behavior, do you want to be friends, or…?”
He joined me, leaning against the wall, seeming to choose his words very carefully. “I’m saying sorry, and I mean it. I’m hoping that you’ll see that I’ve changed. And…”
“And?”
“I want you, Zariah,” he said, his words throaty. “I still want you. I’ll always want you.”
My heartbeat kicked up a notch. “In what way?”
“In every way.”
I knew that but was flustered anyway. I took a quick drink of the coffee to give my hands something to do. It centered me, grounded me in the conversation because being with Denali made it so easy to start floating.
“I want us to give a relationship another try,” he admitted. “I won’t fuck it up this time.”
“I can’t just forget everything that happened and leap into another thing with you,” I said slowly. “I’m worried that even with the best intentions, we won’t be good for each other. I’m scared you’re going to hurt me again.”
“Oh.” Denali hesitated. “I understand.”
“But I can’t push you away anymore. So, fuck it. If we want to take it slow…” I held up the coffee. “This is a good start.”
“Take it…? Oh.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah—take it slow.” A huge smile split his face. “You want us—? Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Take it slow.” He nodded faster. “Uh-huh. Take it slow. Yeah.”
“If you could do me a quick favor and figure out if you’re going to break my heart, tell me in advance. It’d save us both a lot of time.”
“You’re the only one who could do the heart breaking in this equation.”
“We could start over,” I suggested.
“Like a new introduction?”
“Yeah.” I touched my chest. “I’m Zariah, I’m your RA, and I definitely saw a space heater in your dorm that’s against building regulations.”
Denali snorted into laughter and my heart swooped at the sound. I dropped my hand just to drop my hand, but I think he thought I meant to go in for a mock-handshake. Either way, Denali reached for my hand.
“Hi, I’m—” His voice faltered when his hand engulfed mine.
We glanced down at our shared contact. His hand so easily covered mine, leaving my body covered in goosebumps, and my heart wedged firmly in my throat.
This was the part where I was supposed to say something funny to ease the tension, but when I tried to draw away, I found myself sliding close instead.
“Denali,” he finally said. “I’m Denali.”
“And who are you, Denali?” I tried to tease, tried to find my footing again.
He released my hand, but it didn’t ease the tension. I could feel the ghost of his fingers, warm in mine. “I think you’re the only one who knows the answer to that question, Riah.” He stopped himself. “Zariah.”
“You can call me Riah.”
“Nobody else calls you that.”
I raised my drink. “Special nickname privileges for the coffee.”
His grin was sheepish and his excitement made me inch that much closer to him. “Okay.” He held it back for a moment and when he spoke my name, I understood completely what a term of endearment was. The timbre of his voice sent a shiver down my spine. “It’s nice to meet you, Riah.”
From then on, I was treated to every Halloween-themed coffee on the menu.
Dracula red-velvet mochas, werewolf butterscotch cold brews, and everything in between.
Elijah complained about the special treatment, especially when Denali started joining us for lunch.
We always ate at the food trucks by the law library, and now, I didn’t need to worry about buying my own lunch anymore.
That was our new formula. Denali offered to do something for me, I said yes, rinse and repeat.
It was a lot different than last time. If I didn’t like something, I would’ve said no, but Denali didn’t offer anything for me to dislike.
Nothing too far, nothing uncomfortable, he kept it to safer waters.
During their first hockey game at the Colo, I discovered I had a fifty-dollar credit at the newly-opened food stand, courtesy of Denali. June leaned in beside me, her blonde hair moving with her head tilt. “Bear and I are wondering…?”
I ordered a hot dog with everything on it and a popcorn, and an ICEE for us to share. “Wondering?”
“You and Denali…?”
“Denali is offering gifts to a wary and apprehensive goddess,” I grinned, walking along the bleachers to our seats close to the rink. “He’s waiting to see if I’ll bless him with rain or turn him into seafoam or something.”
“So you’re not sleeping together? Because the entire team’s trying to figure out if you’re sleeping together.”
“Do athletes ever stop gossiping?”
“If they did, I honestly think they’d drop dead.”
I took a bite of my hot dog. Another bonus of the Sémajuste regime was the edible concession food.
“God, I wish I could fuck Denali just to fuck him. But I’m too wrapped up in him. That boy could break my heart and therein lies the problem.”
“So you’re not sleeping together?”
“Not yet. If we did, he’d hypnotize me with his dick—”
“Dickmatize you?” she teased.
“Dickmatize me,” I confirmed. “It’s so easy to let dumb shit slide when they can eat pussy right. My judgment can’t be clouded like that. I want to make sure this is a net good thing before I dive on him.”
“Amen.” June laughed, clinking the slushie with my water bottle. “I’m going to be so honest, I can’t picture you and Denali…? He seems like he’d be so strict in bed.”
“I can’t see you and Bear—he’s so irritable. And quiet.”
She smirked into her next sip of the slushie. “He’s talkative for me.”
“For me, Denali isn’t strict. He’s very eager to please.”
“We just bring it out of them.” June sighed happily and we giggled together before her eyes flickered to the stairs. “Oh, wait, did you meet Tallulah yet?” When I shook my head, she motioned her over. “Tallulah!”
Fridge’s girlfriend Tallulah was a lot more timid than I expected, with an anxious smile and minimal eye contact. Her thick, black hair was gorgeous, her amber skin was clear and bright, she was very pretty. I totally understood why Fridge snapped her up over the summer.
“Hey, I’m Zariah,” I beamed.
“I know who you are, Zariah,” she said, embarrassed. “We’re in Structure and Forms together.”
Surprised, I stared at her. There was no way. I’d never seen this girl before in my life, and I knew everyone in my Structure and Forms class. We had a group chat together. “What?”
“And—um—Workshop for Professional Editing. And three of the same classes last year.”
“Oh my god, we…?”
“In Structure and Forms, I sit next to the air conditioning unit.” She winced. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have said anything—”
“No, I’m so sorry—holy shit. I can’t believe I didn’t know who you are.” I was mortified I didn’t recognize her. How had we been in so many classes together and I had no idea who she was? I blinked, confused. “You don’t come to our writing sprint sessions?”
“I really want to, but you guys work on a lot of fiction work, I’m a journalism major. Fridge thinks it could pollute my writing.” She winced again. “Not that there’s anything wrong with fiction! It’s just a different voice and mine’s definitely not strong enough to stand on its own.”
I immediately made a mental note to combine our circles in class, but I wasn’t sure she even had a circle. I couldn’t remember anyone else sitting by the noisy air conditioner. Why would she sit back there? There were plenty of seats.
Tallulah moved closer. “Um, June, I actually wanted to talk to you—there’s this internship thing…” Her cheeks tinged pink. “With the Summer Olympics?”
My mouth fell open. “You’d be covering the Olympics?”
“It’s in Canada next summer. The internship is to, like, stay in the Olympic Village…I’d have to write this five-thousand-word piece to be considered, and there’s interviews and…I don’t know…”
“Why wouldn’t you do it?” June asked, dumbfounded.
“It’d be stupid not to do it,” I said indignantly.
“Fridge doesn’t think it’s a good idea,” she admitted. “I want to be a political journalist, like—um—you know, hard hitting stories. He’s worried the Summer Olympics won’t do as much for my career. There’s an internship in Houston with a congressional leader…”
“Oh, that’s a good point.” June hummed, mulling it over. “I guess this depends on your goals and—”
“You’d live in the Olympic Village,” I said, spelling it out for her. “This is a once in a lifetime opportunity!”
Tallulah did this adorable shoulder lift. “I’m not the kind of person to fly off to Canada. I’m worried I’ll back out and waste everybody’s time.”
“Aw, Tallulah,” June sighed. “That won’t—”
“Girl, fuck that,” I said, my voice firm. “You have to do it. In fact, write that five-thousand-word report or whatever, send it to me, I’ll proof it. I won’t interfere with the voice, I’ll just do a grammar pass. Fuck what Fridge says, he’s trying to be all responsible and shit, fuck that.”
“Damn, Zariah,” June laughed.
“I went to Atlanta for classes, I failed out of the program! But I don’t regret it! It was so much fun to travel and get away from everything.”
Tallulah hesitated. “I’ll think about it.”
The music blared from overhead. We’d have to finish this conversation later, but I made sure to grab Tallulah’s phone number.
I cheered when the hockey team skated out, especially the Contractor jersey doing loops and the Maddox jersey coming up to the ref.
This was our first home game, and it had such a different energy than the others.
There were only around forty people in the audience, but for the Gladiators, that had to be a record in itself.