Chapter 38
DENALI
YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO HYPE ME UP
At five o’clock the following morning, my alarm blared.
Delirious with exhaustion, I fumbled for my phone.
Fuck. How much sleep did I get? My body ached, my head lolling as I struggled to pinpoint my surroundings.
There were horror movie posters on the walls, blood red blankets, Zariah sprawled out beside me, snoring—
I did a double take.
Holy fucking shit.
I slept with Zariah.
Quickly, I pinched my arm and it hurt like hell. I was awake.
I pumped my fist in the air, collapsing back into bed. Memories from last night poured into me like a good drink, and I gazed at the ceiling, daydreaming of every time she rocked her hips against mine, every time I had to hold her down.
How was I supposed to leave her bedroom? I wanted to text my coach with excuses to skip the obligations for the day. I had lunch with my family too, that was getting blown off for sure. Fuck everybody else. I wanted to cuddle with Zariah, order take-out, and fuck her for the rest of the week.
Fuck my obligations, fuck her obligations—
Which would be the controlling behavior that’d send me back to square one with her.
Fuck.
Zariah could say she enjoyed the possessiveness, but that was during sex, and with me restraining the urges. Last night wasn’t as far as I could go. Not even close.
If I wanted a long-term relationship, I couldn’t risk losing her trust. I had to learn how to be normal about my girlfriend.
How hard could it be?
I raised the blankets to catch an eyeful of naked Zariah, her breasts, the dip of her hips, her ass—her ass.
“This is going to be really fucking hard,” I muttered.
But Zariah would never see me as that guy again, I wouldn’t lose her. Reluctantly, I slipped out of bed then shrugged on my boxers, gathering up my clothes. Her typewriter caught my eye. It sat on her desk, alone and broken, keys sticking haphazardly out like they were trying to jump ship.
What does a boyfriend do? He fixes things. And I had my girlfriend’s explicit permission to figure out a solution for her typewriter, and I wouldn’t take that for granted. Hell, it was a metaphor for us, I couldn’t afford to.
Carefully, I picked up the typewriter, my voice a mutter. “You’re coming home with me, buddy.”
Ever so slowly, I crept out to the hallway. I was careful to stay quiet and slipped into my dorm.
That plan would’ve worked if Elijah hadn’t been walking out of his bedroom.
He stared at me, blinking, taking in the fact that beside the pair of boxers, I was completely naked. Holding a pile of my clothes and Zariah’s typewriter.
We stared at each other.
His face morphed to a look of disgust. “What the fuck?”
For a moment, I pushed aside everything else, because me in boxers was solid proof of what happened last night.
I set down the typewriter and held out my arms, my grin completing the look of triumph. “I had sex with my dream girl.” I gestured to my messed-up appearance. “You’re my best friend, you’re supposed to hype me up.”
“I’m not hyping you up for sleeping with my sister,” he scoffed. Or, tried to scoff, I could see his lips twitching. “Shut up. Are you going to the gym or do I have to wait for you to shower?”
“I’m making Zariah breakfast tacos.”
“Wow, are you going to chew her food for her too?”
That was cosmically funny in a way Elijah wouldn’t understand. A laugh burst out of me, and he flipped me off, I easily matched him before he laughed too.
By the time Elijah was ready to head to the Colo, I’d dropped off breakfast tacos in Zariah’s fridge and took a much-needed shower. It wasn’t easy to wake myself up, but we had a post-game meeting to get to.
Outside the Colo, I tried to grab a handshake from Elijah, but he shoved me away. “I don’t know if you washed your fucking hands.”
“I had to, I made Zariah food,” I replied. “If I didn’t, I definitely wouldn’t have.”
“Goddammit.”
“If I could walk around with a pair of your sister’s panties on my face, I’d do it—”
“Motherfucker.” Elijah grabbed me by the neck, and we wrestled on the sidewalk. I couldn’t stop laughing, so fucking happy.
I elbowed Elijah away and we headed inside, him endlessly groaning.
“Oh, dude, wait.” Elijah stopped me. “You’re wearing your glasses.”
“It’s fine,” I assured him.
“It’s fine? I’ve been telling you to wear your glasses since December, what made you—?” He swore under his breath. “My sister.”
“Zariah said I look cute in them.”
“I’m going to start taking anti-nausea stuff around you guys. I’m actually going to vomit.”
Our team had already arrived, and the room fell silent when we walked in. I couldn’t remember when I was the last person to walk into anything.
Coach gave me a once-over. “Denali, are you feeling alright?”
Elijah dropped his voice to a mutter. “By the way, Captain, you look like dog shit.”
“I feel great,” I said to my coach. “I feel…peaceful.”
“Peaceful?” he repeated and the team exchanged bewildered glances. “Uh, that’s good to hear. What’s the verdict before we begin?”
Everyone straightened up. The morning after our games, I always detailed how we could’ve done better. Sometimes I prepared PowerPoints, but no matter what, I wrote down a list of notes to read aloud.
Usually. Not this time.
“I think we did fantastic. I’m really proud of us.” I shrugged. “We’re going to playoffs. That’s amazing.” I pointed at Fridge. “The blocks you made last night were incredible, I’ve never seen a goalie put that much into a game.” I motioned to Nick. “Dude, your stickhandling is unmatched.”
Nick glanced over his shoulder. “Which one of you assholes gave him something?”
“Montoya.” I stood in front of the kid’s table, and he blushed dark red. “A lot of people could’ve called that a partnership, but you were directing the game, especially the last shot. Without you, we would’ve gone into overtime.”
I took my seat next to Elijah and my team craned their necks. Everybody stared at me.
“What a nice change of pace, Denali.” Sémajuste chuckled, crossing his arms. “So, Cleo’s going to talk to us about PR opportunities before we dive into gameplay.”
Cleo held up her clipboard. “Southern Sports Insider and Texas Rangin’ Podcast want to do a spotlight on us.
Marrs has decided to invite us to their annual spring luncheon, and…
” She smirked, a knowing glint in her eyes.
“I’ll be making a slideshow of everyone’s early hockey years.
If you were a toddler in skates, I want to see the photos. ”
Snickers passed through the room, and I grinned. I was sure I could get a couple of me playing hockey with my older brothers.
“I have to warn you, if you don’t send me anything, I’ll go digging,” Cleo warned with a laugh. “I’ll find your embarrassing high school pictures.”
“Sounds like a threat, Mom.” Nick snorted.
She flashed another grin. “Trust me, you won’t like what I find.”
It was insane to think of how good everything was. Post meeting, I brought my family to Gianna’s for lunch and people actually stopped me for pictures. A little kid wanted me to sign his Gladiators jersey. It was the first jersey I’d ever signed.
My siblings were happy for me, but my parents were another story.
“Have you thought about Michigan?” my mom pressed. “Coach Taylor said—”
“I’m not going to Michigan,” I told her.
“You won’t even consider it?” my dad asked.
“I wasn’t happy there.”
“You had your tuition paid for,” my mom said. “Coaches who took a chance on you, you played for one of the best teams in the country, how were you not happy?”
“I’m happy here. My coaches actually listen to me, I have friends, I have a team that supports me, and my girlf—” I cut off my words, but it didn’t matter, my family glanced up from their empty plates, frozen.
“So…it’s a girl,” Angela sighed. “Again.”
Darren ran a hand over his face. “Like last time?”
“We don’t talk about that,” my dad reprimanded my siblings.
Zariah was a banned topic in my home, and she had no idea.
I couldn’t tell her. It’d only hurt her feelings.
My mom cleared her throat, switching topics, but there was a clear hurdle to climb in the future.
Eventually, I’d have to reintroduce Zariah to my family, and I honestly didn’t know how to do that.
I understood the concerns. When Zariah broke up with me, I was a fucking mess. I refused to leave my room, refused to eat, and when I managed to make it to school, the bullying was so much worse with her gone because I honestly didn't give a shit anymore.
Until…I snapped.
Zariah didn’t know about that. I thought she would’ve asked about the funeral, about the blood on my shirt, but so far, we’d steered clear of the topic. Which was fine by me, I didn’t want to think about it.
And things were different now.
I could control myself and adhere to healthy boundaries. There’d been a couple of slip-ups in the last few months, but for the most part, I was making good progress.
I wouldn’t be that controlling guy ever again.
My phone pinged with Elijah’s message, and I was only too happy to break away from my family. I said goodbye but didn’t relax until I spotted Elijah outside.
“You’re too fucking slow,” he shouted, motioning me over.
We fell into an easy walk to the Colo. It was a chilly day, and I shoved my hands in my pockets as I thought of Zariah’s schedule. I’d subconsciously memorized it when she lived with us. She’d be in the library for one of her writing sprints, just up ahead.
I scanned the students hanging outside. My own hoodie caught my eye, number seven. Zariah and Tallulah sat at a picnic table. The girls were typing on their respective laptops, talking.
Zariah must’ve felt someone watching her. She brushed aside her curls and her dark eyes slid to mine. Her look of concentration melted into a soft smile, and she rested her chin on her hand, glowing.
My insides liquified.
I stumbled into Elijah and almost sent him to the sidewalk.
“What the hell?” he complained and spotted his sister. His exasperation flipped to me. “Goo-goo eyes! Knock that shit off, I’m walking here!”
“Sorry,” I replied, sheepish.
“You have your glasses on, you don’t have an excuse.”
I tipped my chin in Zariah’s direction. “Your sister’s hot.”
“I’m so tired of you saying that.”
“She’s—oh my god. Those eyes. Her eyes.”
“We’re twins, we have the same eyes.”
“Be for fucking real, you don’t have the same eyes. Zariah has stars in her eyes. Lights and galaxies and—”
Elijah snorted, elbowing me away. “When we were five, I caught her eating fish food. I told our mom, and Zariah threatened to call CPS on me. That’s who you’re dating.”
“And her voice,” I continued, unperturbed. “Talking to her is like my favorite song. I want that shit on repeat. All day, every day.”
“Zariah used to pay kids at school for their loose teeth,” he added. “She wanted to make a sculpture for our grandpa. She was grounded for like three months over it.”
“Everybody’s got a hobby.”
“Zariah’s a fucking weirdo!”
A laugh burst out of me, sudden and unexpected. “Well, I’m in love with—”
We stopped so fast on the sidewalk, it was an unnatural sidestep from the crowd of students. Shit, shit, fuck. The silence between us was deafening.
I couldn’t believe I said it out loud, I couldn’t believe how fast it’d slipped out of me without warning. How could I say that to Elijah?
I swallowed. My mouth was full of sand. “That wasn’t supposed to come out—”
“Yeah, I know,” he said. “Because it’s too early.”
“Yeah.”
“Yeah.”
“Yeah.”
“I don’t know why my sister’s making you do this stuff for her attention,” he admitted.
“She’s not making me do anything.”
“Dude. Zariah’s always used guys like tissues, she’s never done this before.” He paused. “Now that I think about it, it’s kind of like how you used to use Evie, and that girl back in Michigan.”
“I wasn’t using them—”
“You were real with those girls, but you were using them to get off. They knew it, you knew it. It used to be the same with Zariah. She was upfront with the guys she hung out with—they knew it was casual, and if they didn’t, she dropped them.
” He frowned, contemplative. “Huh. It’s like both of you were fucking around until you found each other. ”
My heart twinged. That was a weird thing to find romantic, but it didn’t change how I felt.
“We’re not going to tell Zariah that you said that,” Elijah decided.
He held out his palm and waited until I hesitantly smacked my hand against his for our handshake.
“She’s—I don’t know—skittish around you.
” We finished our handshake, and he directed me to the sidewalk. “I won’t tell her, you won’t tell her.”
I nodded, but I couldn’t keep my mind on the conversation. There was an inevitability here. If I was blurting out shit like that now…I didn’t know how long I could keep it inside.