Chapter 11
Eleven
Newt was feeling guilty. He shouldn’t have let River get his hands on that letter and really shouldn’t have read it out to him. There was nothing he could do about that now, apart from hope Max didn’t fire him. He called him and put his phone on speaker.
“Newt,” Max said. “Why do I think you’re going to tell me something I don’t want to hear?”
“Because you’re such an intuitive, intelligent guy?”
Max huffed. “Now I know I’m not going to like this. What the hell has happened in the short period of time since we last spoke? Spit it out—words that rarely fall from my lips.”
“I had two pieces of post to forward to you. One looks like a bill…”
River opened it and showed him.
“Not a bill. It’s a circular. The other is handwritten, addressed to River Lawson. River found the letters and asked me read them to him.”
“You could have said no.”
“No,” River snapped. “I…in…inst…inst…”
“Insisted.” Max groaned. “What does it say?”
“Why are you still breathing? You’re a talentless shit. Next time maybe you won’t be so lucky.”
Max tsked.
“How…many?” River asked.
“That’s the fourth.”
River’s shoulders slumped.
“Did the others say the same or something similar?” Newt asked.
“Something similar.”
“When did they start arriving?”
“A month or so ago.”
“Should have…told,” River said.
“And worry you when there was no need?” Max said.
“So not Jorge then.” Newt glanced at River. “Not that it seems like something he’d do. Have you told the police?”
“What can they do? We have no idea who’s sending them.
No return address. And regional postmarks reveal very little about the origin of the letter.
If we did know, the police could act. It’s a criminal offence to send letters that are threatening or menacing.
But when River’s not been physically threatened, or stalked, there’s little that can be done.
A lot of my clients get these types of aggressive messages, usually through social media, which sometimes makes them easier to identify. ”
“We’re supposed to wait until someone comes after him with a knife?” Newt said. “Then the police will do something?”
“I really don’t want either of you to worry.”
“How would you feel if you were getting them?”
“Annoyed. Hurt. A little concerned, but I’d do what I always do, check before I open my door, stay mindful of my surroundings when I’m out and about, be wary of strangers bearing gifts…”
“Though not of people looking to steal your phone?”
“Hmm.”
“Have you kept the letters as evidence, just in case?”
Max cleared his throat. “I have. Yes.”
River shot Newt a worried look.
“What about emails?” Newt asked. “I assume you’re reading all those too?”
“Yes.”
“Have any of those been abusive?”
“Not in the same vein. People are aware they can be traced. The same with social media posts. There was a lot of speculation about River’s accident. There was no point trying to pretend it didn’t happen. Very few people are aware of the extent of his injuries. Fewer still know his address.”
“That must narrow down the list of who this could be.”
“In theory, but River’s medical notes have his address, ditto with signed contracts, driving licence, bank accounts, investment accounts, electoral roll.
No matter how private the information, if someone is determined…
I do my best to keep personal details as secret as I can for all my clients but I’m not foolproof. ”
“So we just need to be extra careful?”
“There is nothing that significantly alarms me in these letters, but I’ll keep an eye on the situation. Let me know if River gets another.”
Once Max was off the line, Newt turned to River. “Feel better?”
River shrugged. “You?”
“It’s just some nasty piece of work who has nothing better to do than try to upset you. Don’t let him. Or her. Maybe someone who worked here didn’t like being told to fuck off.” Newt smiled at him. “We’re safe in the house. There’s CCTV, right?”
River nodded.
“Want to watch a Star Wars film?”
“Yes!”
“You have to mime which one you want to see. Only miming allowed. And I want the top three choices.”
River stuck out his tongue but stood up.
Three words and a clutch of the heart gave away A New Hope. River hitting himself on the back was the clue for The Empire Strikes Back. And he walked away and then came back swishing what was supposed to be a light saber for Return of the Jedi.
They sat down to watch A New Hope. Newt had watched a few Star Wars films with Phelan.
He felt a pang of regret that the memory had been soured by what his brother had done—or let happen, because Newt didn’t think for a moment that Phelan had engineered the stitch-up.
He and River sat cuddled up together and Newt really hoped they were safe.
Fuck! Had the cameras caught him and River coming back soaked from the fall in the river? Newt assumed Max could view the footage remotely. Well, there was nothing he could do. Hopefully, Max wouldn’t look.
River was so tired that night, Newt had to help him up the stairs. It made him worry he’d pushed him too hard.
As they passed Newt’s bedroom door, River stopped and turned to him. “Sss… sleep…me. Hmm…sleep with me.”
“In my room?”
“My room.”
“I have a few things to do downstairs first.”
River raised his eyebrows.
“I need to order more stuff to be delivered tomorrow.” Hopefully, it would give River a chance to fall asleep before Newt came up again.
It wasn’t that Newt didn’t want River. He did, but he was having a crisis of conscience.
“Or…der…Hmm… Con…duh… For us!”
Condoms? River couldn’t say it. Newt didn’t want to say it.
If it wasn’t what River was thinking, then he’d feel an idiot.
But he nodded and went back down. He’d order condoms and lube, though not on River’s account.
He didn’t want Max to see. And buying them didn’t mean he was ready to go that far.
Not yet. It seemed a giant step for both of them.
He emptied the dishwasher and put the house back to rights.
He should probably get the hoover out tomorrow, though the two of them weren’t making much mess.
Only on each other. Newt smiled. Briefly.
Was he taking advantage of River? If they were both into what they were doing, then he wasn’t, was he?
But Newt also understood this had an end date.
River wasn’t out. Max didn’t want him to be out.
Newt knew nothing of River’s world and probably, once he’d recovered, Newt wouldn’t even be on the edges of it anymore.
I could still be his friend.
Really? Was he that delusional? Being friends was unlikely to happen.
Newt needed to harden his heart a little if he wasn’t going to end up hurt.
Though he suspected it was already too late for that.
He’d spent his life wanting what he couldn’t have.
A mother who cared. A father who didn’t hurt him.
One sibling who didn’t scare him. The other not to have betrayed him.
The career he’d imagined, the home he thought he’d one day have would never exist, along with the perfect boyfriend and a little dog and maybe kids.
Accept what you have was the better way.
Enjoy what you have. Be realistic about your expectations.
In a different life, Newt would have had boyfriends as a teenager.
He’d have learned to navigate through experience.
Being asked out or not being asked out. Boys being kind, boys being mean.
He’d have learned how to kiss, how to touch, what to say, what not to say…
But he’d missed out on that because he’d been afraid to say he was gay when he lived at home.
Missed out on seven years when he might have learned a lot because it wasn’t safe to be gay when you were locked up.
Now he felt like a teenager in a twenty-four-year old’s body. Unsure, anxious, vulnerable along with over-excited. Doing the right thing was important but he wasn’t certain what the right thing was.
He knew how much it hurt to have your heart broken because that’s what Phelan had done, but Newt had never been hurt by falling for a boy and then getting dumped or cheated on.
Maybe he’d have broken a few hearts too but never through cheating.
That seemed so mean. If you don’t want someone anymore, then tell them.
Except… River was cheating on Dila. Sort of.
And Newt was enabling that. Sort of. Even if the relationship was fake, it still made Newt feel awful.
Maybe Dila didn’t think it was fake. Would River tell Dila once he was able to explain?
Maybe he wouldn’t. Maybe Newt was just…convenient.
His self-confidence began to fray at the edges.
It might have been different if Dila had been around more, if River was in touch with her. Fair enough, they couldn’t chat, but as far as Newt knew, there’d been no calls, no video messages, no texts, no silly pictures, nothing.
Not real and they were both free to see other people even if that was done secretly…was what he wanted to believe. He needed to talk to River, as best he could.
He dropped onto the couch and logged onto .
After he’d added the things he wanted to his basket, he looked up lube and condoms and after a considerable amount of prevaricating, added those.
Everything would be delivered tomorrow. He couldn’t get over the speed of it.
He might be on a free trial of Prime, which he’d already cancelled in case he forgot later, but he was still amazed.
There was hardly any need to leave the house.
Once he’d showered and cleaned his teeth, he headed for River’s room in his boxers. He’d thought River would be asleep, but he was sitting up in bed when Newt walked in.
“Worry tiger got…you.”
“No tigers in the .”
“What did…you…or…order?”
“Surprise.” Newt had Dila on his lips but he stood there and looked at River and the word shrivelled up.
“Ree…read?”
“You want me to read to you? Anything in particular?”
“Want…to…follow.”