Chapter 21 #2
It was the best film Newt had ever seen. River was astonishing. Newt walked back to the hotel blinking back tears. He was sort of glad he’d not watched it sitting next to River, but he couldn’t wait to tell him how brilliant it was. How brilliant he was.
The hotel room was fine. Warm and clean, and the bed was comfy. He plugged in his phone to finish charging and called his PO, only to find Mike already knew what had happened in court, but then he shouldn’t have been surprised. Once Newt’s name was in the system, the guy would have been notified.
Then he called River, but just like before it went straight to voicemail. Max’s phone too. Newt left a message for Max and kept his tone neutral. There could be all sorts of reasons why Max hadn’t been in touch.
“Hi, I know you can see I’ve called several times.
I don’t understand why you’re not answering.
” Fucking arsehole. “I’d like to talk to River, please.
I’m guessing you’ve decided I’m not suitable to have anything to do with him, but you don’t know the whole story.
Please ask him to phone me or at least message me that’s he’s all right. Thank you.”
Newt suddenly felt completely overwhelmed. He was exhausted, worried about River, sad about the funeral, upset over the payoff and it all piled on until he could barely breathe. He started to cry and he couldn’t stop.
When Newt woke the next morning, after crying himself to sleep, the first thing he checked was his phone.
No messages. You fucking shit, Max! He googled River Lawson.
Maybe the media would have something to say about the shooting.
The first headline he saw was not the one he was expecting and he gasped.
River Lawson is gay! Dila was quoted as saying I had no idea.
It didn’t occur to Newt until he was on his way to the station, that Max and/or River might think he’d spoken out.
Shit. Was that why Max hadn’t responded?
Newt didn’t know what to do. Though, temporarily, there was nothing he could do.
After the funeral, if he still couldn’t get in touch with River, he’d go to his house.
Even if what they had was over, and Newt didn’t accept that it was, all his clothes were there.
Newt’s phone finally rang while he was on the train. He snatched it from his pocket. Max not River, but…finally.
“Hi,” Newt said. “What—?”
“You really are a piece of work,” Max snapped.
“You do this after I’d fucking given you all that money?
You fucking, selfish little prick. Leave him alone.
You think he’d want anything to do with you now?
His choice to come out, not yours. His terms for what he’d say, not yours. Fuck off out of his life.”
Max ended the call before Newt could even respond. He texted It wasn’t me. If he hadn’t already sent that money back to Max, he suspected Max would have clawed it back. He’d claim Newt had broken the NDA.
Newt leaned his head against the window, his heart aching, and watched the world racing by.
He was stupid for dreaming any of this would have worked out for him.
Even if the court decided he’d been wrongfully imprisoned, it would all be too late.
But he wanted to see River and tell him that he’d not said a thing about him being gay.
It hurt that Max thought he was responsible.
The taxi dropped him outside Stenton Crematorium.
He saw several guys he recognised entering through the large wooden doors.
One of them was Jimmy Morgan, the guy who’d been with Phelan on the armed robbery.
Jimmy’s wife was at his side. Newt followed the last person in, his heart hammering at the thought of seeing his family.
When he was inside the chapel, he was pleased to see so many people there.
Phelan might not have wanted a fuss but funerals weren’t for the dead, they were for the living.
Although Newt hadn’t expected the casket to be open and for everyone to be filing past it. Oh God.
He put his hand in his pocket, wrapped his fingers around the sea glass hearts and pulled one out.
As he reached the coffin, he let out a shaky breath.
He bent to kiss Phelan’s forehead, whispered, “I love you. I forgive you,” and slipped the heart under his brother’s hand.
He hoped the funeral people wouldn’t take it away.
It would melt but it would still be with Phelan.
As he turned to look for a seat, he could feel the gaze of his father burning into his back.
Newt didn’t look round, he headed for the first empty seat he could see.
He’d never been to a funeral before. The guy who was speaking at the front had probably never even met Phelan, though he was talking about him as if he knew him.
Newt had expected his father or his brother to say something but when things were drawing to a close and everyone had just been invited to the Rose and Crown for a drink, no one in his family had stood up, so Newt did.
“Did you wish to say something?” the officiant asked.
Oh God. I should have thought this through. “Yes.”
Newt walked to the front and turned. He deliberately didn’t look at his family. He fixed his gaze halfway down the room on a woman’s fiery red hair.
“I’m Newt, Phelan’s younger brother. If no one else in the family is going to talk about Phelan, then I’d like to say something.” He could feel his father and brother fidgeting, and guessed they were worried about what he’d say. Hopefully not worried enough to try and stop him.
“Phelan was seven when I was born. He was the best brother I could have wished for. We were all lucky to have Phelan in our lives. He always had a smile on his face. Nothing was ever too much trouble. I remember he once showed me how to help a little old lady across the road when she seemed to be dithering and when we got to the other side, she indignantly told us she hadn’t wanted to cross. ”
That caused a ripple of laughter.
“Phelan helped me with so much. He covered for me when I tried to get out of doing jobs for our father, he was the only one there to cheer me on at sports day and he bought me chocolate to celebrate when I did well in my exams. He helped me learn to read, to practise my times tables. He showed me how to trace with greaseproof paper, how to whistle through a blade of grass. He made me believe I could do whatever I set my heart on, be whoever I wanted to be. He loved music and made me love it too. He adored cars, but that was one thing I didn’t take up.
He especially loved Aston Martins and he adored fish and chips.
He taught me to drive, he gave me money when I needed it and looked after me when I was sick.
He was brother, mother, father and friend.
He loved me with all his heart. And I loved him. ”
Newt took a shaky breath. “We had a…falling out a few years ago, but recently we made friends again. I took him for a ride in an Aston Martin, shared fish and chips with him as we sat and looked at the sea, listened to music he liked in the car. And that will be my lasting memory; sitting next to him looking out to sea. I finally had my brother back, but not for long enough. Bye, Phelan.”
He went to sit down again. Newt was hardly aware of the rest of the service. The coffin was moved to a place at the front. A curtain slid round it and his throat thickened. Cremation seemed preferable to burial but it was hard to think of his brother being turned to ash.
Everyone started to leave, walking out via a door at the side, rather than the one they came in through, and Newt hung back.
But as he finally headed towards the exit, he felt a tap on the shoulder.
His heart leapt. Oh God. Sean or my father?
He turned, saw River pulling down his mask and burst into tears.
River wrapped his arms around him. For a long moment, Newt couldn’t move, couldn’t do anything but stand there crying with River holding him. It was only when someone coughed next to him that Newt pulled himself together. He brushed the tears from his face.
“I’m sorry, but we need the room cleared before the next service,” a woman told them.
River let him go, pulled his mask into place, and they walked outside.
People were milling around, chatting and looking at the flowers.
Among them was a display that read Son and another that read Brother.
He could see his family talking to a group of people at the far end of the line of floral tributes.
“Ready to leave?” River asked quietly.
“Yes. Are you all right? How did you get here?”
“The Aston Martin.”
“You drove? On your own?”
“I only had four drivers toot at me. You can drive us back.”
“Oh God.” He took a deep breath. “I didn’t say anything to anyone about you being… I didn’t speak to the press. I would never do that. Max called and he was furious.”
“He’s an idiot.”
“Are you all right?”
“I’m alive…thanks to you, so yes, I’m all right.”
As they headed towards the exit, Sean and their father stepped in front of them. Everyone else had walked down to the car park.
“You think you’re so fucking clever,” his father said with a snarl.
River took hold of Newt’s hand and squeezed his fingers.
“Fucking faggots.” Sean took a step towards them.
“You’re not keeping his money,” his father said. “We’ll sue.”
Newt shrugged. “Go ahead.”
“Bloody taking him out in an Aston. You sly bastard.” Sean shoved him and Newt stumbled into River.
“Leave him alone,” River snapped.
“Hey!”
They all turned.
Rathnait came up at Sean’s side. “What are you doing? Mum’s waiting.”
“We’ll be there in a minute,” Sean said.
She turned to Newt. “Hi, Newt. It was nice what you said about Phelan. He was a good brother. Mum’s been in pieces. Want to come and say hello?”
“No. Sorry, Rathnait, but no.”
Newt ushered River along towards the car park, relieved when no one tried to stop them. So the police hadn’t done anything yet about the statement Phelan had made, otherwise Newt suspected he’d have not walked away so easily.
Once they were in the car, which River had left at the bottom end of the parking area, and the doors were locked, Newt exhaled.
“Can you talk and drive?” River took off his mask. “Or do we need to find a layby?”
“I can talk and drive.”
River tsked. “Pity. I needed a kiss.”
“Does it matter if I kiss you now?”
“Oh no. I forgot. Kiss me then.”
Newt leaned over and brushed his lips against River’s.
River put his hand on the back of Newt’s head and threaded his fingers in his hair. “I need more than that. I need reminding that you’re here and you’re safe.”
It was a while before they broke apart.
“Let’s go home,” River said. “Tell me what’s been happening. Start from the moment you… he…heroic…cally leapt in front of a bullet and somehow the bloody thing still hit me.”
Newt chuckled, then did as River had asked. River didn’t interrupt but he did a fair bit of groaning and swearing.
“I need a new phone. Max should have got me one…st…straight away. He didn’t. Wanker. What were you going to do after few…few…neral?”
“Come to the house hoping you’d not changed the alarm code or moved the key from the lockbox. Waited for you. Talked to you.”
“I got home from Max’s and hoped you’d be there. Then I found out about this. So…”
“Now you tell me your side of things,” Newt said.
“They kept me in hospital because of the head…in…jury.”
Newt tsked. “You need to practise falling over without hitting your head.”
“I’ll sign up for lessons. Max was a…prick. Still is a prick. I told him you didn’t do what you went to prison for. Sorry. I wanted him to help you. He said he tried.”
“It’s okay.”
“Didn’t tell him everything, but now the police know because…Phelan con…fessed, I want to tell him. Why are your parents and brother not under…arrest?”
“Soon, maybe. It will all take time to sort out. I have to wait and see if the CPS want to prosecute me about Barney’s death. Then wait and see if they’ll relook at my case in view of the new evidence. And the waiting times to go to court are huge. Years. Nothing happens fast.”
“I wanted to lie.”
Newt glanced at him. “What about?”
“I wanted to say I saw you and Barney s…struggling…and the gun went off. Max said not to.”
“He was right. If our versions hadn’t matched, it would have made me look guiltier.”
By the time River had finished talking, Newt was even more pissed off with Max and decided to tell River the rest of it. “Max put fifty thousand in my bank account.”
“He did what?”
“I think he thought I’d take the money and run, assuming I was free to run anywhere. I had it transferred back. All of it. And that isn’t because Phelan left me money in his will. My brother even set up a fund to pay my legal expenses.”
“Oh Phelan.” River sighed.
“I’d like to say I don’t care about money, except that would be a lie. But I do care about you.”
“Feeling guilty that bullet hit me?”
“Forever.”
Newt knew River had been joking, but he wasn’t. River could have died.
“Now tell me how you came to be outed. Judging by the phone call I had from Max, I bet he hit the roof. Who went to the press? I would never do that. It wasn’t Barney, unless he did it a while ago.
Maybe Jorge? I mean, he was pissed off with me and you.
Though I suppose Max had him sign an NDA too.
What did Dila say? Well, I saw online she said she didn’t know. Is she all right?”
“I called her. I asked—will you be upset if we finish?”
“Oh my God.” Newt clutched the wheel more tightly. “You outed yourself? Does Max know?”
“He’ll find out. I don’t care. It’s past time. J…Jonathan Bailey was voted sexiest man alive. First gay man. I’m pissed off I missed out on that.”
Newt chuckled.
“Max would never have said yes. It never…ma…ttered so much to me as it does now. Not until you.”
“Oh God, River. Maybe we shouldn’t have had this discussion while I’m driving.”
“Couldn’t wait until we got back.”
“What about the film in the autumn? Is that at risk?”
“If Misha doesn’t want me because I’m gay…that’s not going to look good for him. But if he doesn’t…then I’ll find something else. I’m out and staying out. I want you at my side. I want you to be my boyfriend. And I want to tell the world.”