Chapter 13
Chapter Thirteen
K asi stared at the bills, then turned her attention to the ledger her mother had always kept. Mama was old school when it came to keeping track of their finances, unwilling to embrace the concept of online banking, claiming crunching the numbers kept her brain sharp.
Kasi planned—at some point—to move them into this century by setting up online bill pay and inputting their financial information on a spreadsheet, but as with everything else, she simply hadn’t had the time to do it yet.
She scrolled through their bank account online. She’d taken the time to set that up, as it had driven her out of her mind to try to work with her mother’s—honest to God—handwritten checkbook register.
Now, just like yesterday, the numbers didn’t add up. Because the money they were taking in was nowhere near enough to cover this pile of bills. And given their current operation, it never would.
So, she was left with a chicken or egg situation. Drain their accounts to pay the tax bill and keep the farm—even though they wouldn’t be able to plant anything in the empty fields or keep the Rileys on—or plant the fields to earn the money to pay the bills and keep the farm running.
The last one was the smart option. It was also the one that required time. Time she didn’t seem to have, according to Scottie. The town wanted their money now.
Of course, there was a third option, but the thought of accepting Scottie’s proposal made her sick to her stomach.
Which left her staring down the barrel of the last resort. Do nothing, lose the farm, and move the family to Nashville to live with her uncle.
She rubbed her forehead wearily. Something had to give, but she’d be damned if she could figure out what. When nothing came to her, she put her head down on her arms on the table and sighed.
She hadn’t seen Levi since the night before last, when she’d driven to his farmhouse for sex. She didn’t even try to sugarcoat her reason for needing to see him. They’d spoken on the phone, said their good nights, and ten minutes later, she and her hormones had been barreling down the road, headed for Stormy Weather Farm.
Levi had lit a fire in her, and the thing was blazing out of control. Not that she gave a shit. It was nice to actually feel something amazing and energizing. For too many months, she’d been running on fumes, exhaustion her permanent state.
All that had changed the past few weeks as Levi helped her organize her life in such a way that she could steal a couple hours of extra sleep each night. He’d done it by helping her around the farm, by streamlining her baking schedule, and by ensuring Keith did his fair share of the chores.
He’d brought fun back into her life and helped her find her laugh again. She’d hated how rusty it had sounded at first.
Of course, in the end, Levi’s help had really been for naught. Because Kasi was happily sacrificing those extra newfound hours of sleep for sex.
Sleep was for suckers, she thought, as she lifted her head, smiling to herself.
Last night, Levi had worked until nearly ten, and when she’d offered to come to him again, he refused, insisting she needed rest. She wanted to argue until he pointed out that he needed sleep too. That was when guilt kicked in. Harvest season was the busiest time of year for Levi, as his family and their crew of fifteen workers, plus some seasonal laborers, went through the back-breaking task of handpicking the grapes. Because their winery was perched on the side of a mountain, the use of a harvester wasn’t possible. Levi mentioned even if it had been, they couldn’t have afforded the extremely expensive piece of equipment.
The idea that he’d been working long hours and still making time for her warmed her all the way to the bones. Before Levi, she didn’t know how cold she’d been inside. Cold and lonely and depressed.
None of that had been present since he’d crash-landed into her life. Or maybe she’d crash-landed into his that day she’d passed out in his arms.
So when Levi had admitted he needed rest, she’d shoved aside her disappointment and tried to temper her horniness. She owed him a decent night’s rest after the ones he’d given her.
Kasi had tried to shield her frustration over not being with him, but Levi had this uncanny ability to read her. Sometimes she felt like she was his favorite book, one he’d read so many times, he knew all the words by heart. Because he’d chuckled when her response to his “we’ll see each other tomorrow” was met with a grumpy “fine.” The only thing missing from her reply had been a petulant foot stomp, which she hadn’t been able to do because she’d been lying on top of her bed. She didn’t bother to point out to him that she was fully dressed because she’d intended to drive to his house.
Levi had managed to wipe her grumpy tone out in a hot minute when he introduced her to the power of phone sex.
God, she’d never managed to give herself such a mind-blowing orgasm on her own, but the way Levi growled his demands, telling her exactly what he wanted her to do, had driven her to climax in record time.
The best part was, he’d been right there with her, stroking himself, letting her hear how much her moans and soft cries turned him on.
When she was younger and imagined having sex, she hadn’t considered much more than the physical aspects of the act. Levi had taken her preconceived notions and turned them on their head because good sex was a hell of a lot more than inserting slot A into slot B. He seduced her with his words as much as his touches, ensnaring her thoughts as well as her body by encouraging her to open up about her desires without fear.
Kasi still couldn’t believe how forthright she’d been that first night, telling him things she’d never imagined speaking aloud to a lover. After all, there were fantasies, and then there were fantasies .
For a while, she’d even worried her more extreme desires were wrong. Until she and Remi had fallen into a bottle of wine one night and started talking. When she told her best friend about her capture fantasy, Remi confided she often had the same one, and the next thing Kasi knew, they were knee-deep into a porn movie with that very theme on Remi’s laptop.
She wasn’t sure what had prompted her to share those secrets with Levi, whether it was the afterglow of some amazing orgasms or the fact that she trusted him so completely. Probably both. Kasi knew Levi well enough to understand that he would always listen to her without judgment, without laughing or belittling her. And his response to her revelations had proven her trust hadn’t been misplaced. Because she’d unwittingly released a beast. Her perfect beast.
When Levi admitted that her fantasies matched his, she worried he was just saying that.
She knew now he was NOT just saying that. Because holy shit.
After this last week of stolen sexual encounters, she thought she should be walking funny.
But it wasn’t just the physical intimacy that had her floating on cloud nine. She’d always suspected sex would bring a certain measure of closeness between two people, but with Levi, the edges of where she ended and he began were becoming blurred. He hadn’t just taken her body; he’d reached into her head and stolen her fantasies, her dreams, and even her fears. Then he’d broken into her heart and nabbed her love too. He was claiming every single part of her. And she liked it. A lot.
Kasi ran a finger over her lower lip and closed her eyes, replaying the goodbye kiss Levi had given her yesterday morning. Even now, her lips were slightly puffy from the power behind it. Levi kissed her like she fucking mattered. God, after months of feeling invisible—a cog in the wheel that no one noticed unless something didn’t get done—being the center of Levi’s universe was heady and addictive and…
She was getting carried away again.
Letting herself play out a future that…
She lowered her head in her hands once more. A future that wasn’t in the cards.
“What are you doing?”
Kasi startled when Keith walked into the room.
“Just paying some bills,” she said, gesturing to the pile.
“Need some help?”
She blinked a couple times, trying to figure out if she’d heard him right. She’d gotten the feeling he wanted to talk to her a few times yesterday, but every time he seemed on the verge, he clammed up again.
Kasi had been tempted to come right out and ask him what was going on, but the past eight months had left her trigger-shy when it came to her brother, unwilling to subject herself to more of his ire.
“Nope,” she said. “I’m all good. Just finished actually.” Because unless the bank and the utility companies and the city government were okay with being paid in fruits and vegetables, she didn’t have much else to offer.
“Okay. I…I, um…” Keith paused again, doing the same thing he’d done all day yesterday. “I’m going to Josh’s tonight. Unless you need help around here.”
Wow. Two for two on nice offers.
Though, she got the sense that what he said wasn’t what he’d intended to say. Once again, she considered pushing the issue. “I finished most of my chores. Did you?—”
“Animals are fed,” Keith said, cutting her off.
“Thanks. Keith…is everything okay with you?”
“Yeah. I wanted to tell you?—”
This time, it wasn’t Keith who stopped himself from speaking, but a knock at door.
“I’ll get it,” he said.
She followed Keith out of the kitchen and swallowed down a groan when she spotted Scottie standing on the porch.
Keith opened the door, the scowl that had been absent the last couple of days firmly back in place. “What are you doing here?” he asked belligerently.
Kasi quickly stepped forward. “Hi, Scottie. Um, Keith, weren’t you heading out?”
Her brother hesitated, and Kasi worried he might change his plans. She didn’t want him to find out about the back taxes until she had a handle on the situation.
She gave herself an internal “ha ha” because there was no handle. Nothing to grab onto. This ship was going down unless a miracle presented itself.
“Maybe I should…” Keith started.
Kasi felt him wavering. “Josh is probably waiting for you. Weren’t you guys going bowling with some of your buddies?”
Keith nodded before shooting Scottie another dirty look.
Kasi needed to get her brother out of here. The next few minutes were going to be awkward enough without Keith adding more fuel to the fire.
She feared the mayor was here for his answer, one she didn’t want to give him because she knew it would set him off and she really needed more time. While the collecting of taxes wasn’t his job, he still had a great deal of pull around the government offices, and he could encourage Herb to move things along faster than the commissioner’s typical snail’s pace if his ego was bruised.
She sighed.
She wasn’t going to marry him.
It was as simple as that.
What wasn’t simple was facing what came after .
The idea of packing up their beloved home and moving to another state made her physically ill, but that was what it might come down to.
She’d briefly considered asking Levi for a loan, but she rejected that idea the second she had it. This thing between them was too new and, well, she had too much damn pride to ever make that request. Her family’s problems weren’t Levi’s. She’d done nothing but lean on him since the day he’d stopped her from faceplanting in the fruit stand. It wasn’t fair to ask for more, and there was a big difference between moral support and money.
It had been her intention to keep things between her and Levi casual because her life was currently a complete clusterfuck. The problem was, Levi hadn’t let the casual thing stand, taking them from friendly neighbors to lovers at breakneck speed. She should probably be walking around with a parachute, considering the freefall she and Levi had taken the past three weeks.
Jesus.
The fact it hadn’t even been a month should prove things were moving too fast.
How did she let herself get so swept away by him?
“I can postpone until tomorrow night,” Keith offered. “If you need me to stick around.”
Kasi waved him off. “Good heavens, no. There’s nothing going on here. You’ve been working hard the past couple of weeks. Go have a good time.” She placed her hand on his back, gently shoving him toward the door. Or at least she meant for it to be gentle. She had to add some force when he offered genuine resistance.
“I’ll see you in the morning,” she said, when Keith finally cleared the doorway.
He shot Scottie one last cold look. “Okay. Call if you need me,” he said, stressing the words more than she thought necessary.
If Kasi wasn’t so anxious about the upcoming conversation with Scottie, she might have found time to be touched by her brother’s overprotective words. She’d missed that part of him most of all since Mama’s death. Despite being her kid brother, younger than her by six years, Keith had always gone to bat for her, stepping forward to protect her if he ever felt like she was in trouble or being threatened.
“I will,” she reassured him, closing the door. Keith hesitated on the porch, and she feared he was going to turn around. But he finally moved forward, heading for his motorcycle.
Kasi twisted to face Scottie and leaned on the closed door, taking a couple steadying breaths.
“Can I get you something to drink?” The idea of entertaining Scottie was low on her list of what she considered a good time, but she wasn’t above stalling.
Scottie shook his head. “No. Thank you.”
“Why don’t we go into the living room and sit down?” She gestured to the left, pushing away from the door, as Scottie followed.
She took a quick study of the furniture, then opted for the lone armchair in the room, unwilling to encourage Scottie to sit next to her.
He claimed the center of the couch, directly across from her.
“Well,” she hedged, praying for some flash of lightning, some inspiration that might save her.
Nothing came.
“What’s going on with you and Levi Storm?” Scottie asked, when the silence drifted too long. His brows were furrowed with obvious annoyance.
“What?”
“Levi? I saw the two of you dancing at Whiskey Abbey. You looked pretty familiar with each other, kissing him on the dance floor. You realize the man is barbaric, right? A brute who doesn’t have two brain cells in his head to rub together.”
Kasi flushed with anger. “That’s not?—”
“Besides, he’s too old for you,” Scottie interjected. “The man is pushing forty.”
She swallowed down what she wanted to say to that jibe, fighting hard to keep her cool because her back was up against the wall here. She wanted to rip him a new one for insulting Levi.
“I’ve been best friends with his cousin Remi forever,” she said, in an attempt not to answer the question. “And?—”
“So you’re dating the man?” Scottie pressed.
Kasi hesitated. There was no love lost between Scottie and Levi, so telling him they were dating was a bad idea.
But the idea of denying it wasn’t a possibility.
While she and Levi hadn’t put any labels on their relationship, she couldn’t downplay it. They may not have said the labels aloud, but they were still there, bright as the midday sun. Levi obviously considered her his girlfriend, and dammit…she wanted to be his.
She’d given herself to him, and not just her body. Her heart had been his for most of her life, and these past few weeks had been some of the best she’d ever had. If this thing between them had started earlier, if they were further along, maybe she would have felt more comfortable talking to Levi about this.
But how much could she continue to take from him before it became too much, and he walked away?
The silence lingered too long, so Scottie filled it. “Everything you’re doing just proves you need help, Kasi. Apparently, it’s not just your brother who’s running wild, vandalizing, breaking and entering, stealing stuff.”
“He’s never stolen anything,” Kasi replied hotly.
The slimy smile on Scottie’s face instantly set her on alert. “Levi didn’t tell you about him and Theo catching Keith and Archie breaking a window at the brewery night before last? Sounds like they did a bit of damage before stealing some beer.”
Kasi frowned. She was at Levi’s that night. He’d been in bed with her. “That’s a lie.”
“No. It’s not. Archie’s dad, Gerry, is good friends with Sheriff Anderson. You know what a hard-ass Gerry is. He asked if the sheriff would put the fear of God in his boy because he didn’t like the path he was on. Sheriff scared the kid a bit, told him what sort of jail time he was facing if the Storms decided to press charges.”
“They’re pressing charges?”
“Possibly.”
Levi said he couldn’t come the past two nights because of the harvest. Had he lied? He obviously wasn’t a fan of Keith’s bad attitude, but he wouldn’t press charges against her brother, would he?
Unfortunately, the fact he hadn’t told her about the break-in left her in doubt. Why would he keep that a secret?
“If they do press charges, Keith could be in some legal trouble. That’s not cheap. He’s eighteen now, so he would be tried as an adult,” Scottie added.
God, was that why Keith had been so contrite just now? Because he knew big trouble was coming and he was trying to soften her up? Then she recalled how he’d started to say something but stopped. What if he’d tried to tell her about the theft and the pending arrest but chickened out?
Before she could reply, she heard heavy, slow footsteps on the stairs. She rose just as her father peered into the living room.
“Heard voices,” Daddy said softly, his attention directed to some point over her left shoulder.
There was a new puffiness around her father’s red-rimmed eyes that told her he’d been crying. That was when it occurred to her that she hadn’t seen Daddy yet today. Keith had taken breakfast and lunch up to his room, and unfortunately, dinner was going to be late as she’d forgotten to turn the Crock-Pot on prior to heading down to work the fruit stand.
“You remember Scottie, Daddy,” she said, rising and crossing the room to him. “Are you okay?” she asked in a quieter voice.
The faraway look in Daddy’s eyes was something she hadn’t seen recently, the vacantness fading a bit with each passing day. He’d been more like himself recently, joining them at the table for meals and, this past week, even spending a few hours each day in the fields with the Riley twins.
It had given her hope. Hope that was now dashed as she looked into his eyes.
“Daddy?”
He didn’t respond. Instead, his gaze was transfixed on the doorframe between the living room and the front foyer, studying the tick marks, initials, and dates covering it. She hated seeing him so desolate.
“Every year,” Daddy said, running his finger over the tick marks. “Your mother marked your height every year on your birthday.”
Kasi nodded, quickly swiping at her runny nose, her throat closing. “I remember.”
The marks started near the bottom, Mama’s tradition beginning the year Kasi was two and able to stand on her own, and it had continued right up until she’d graduated from high school. Since it had become apparent she’d hit her maximum height sophomore year, the last three tick marks drawn in the same spot, Mama had stopped measuring her.
A strong cramp twisted inside Kasi’s stomach when she realized no one had gotten Keith’s birthday measurement in March. She thought back on that day, recalling Keith had been in an exceptionally bad mood, which was saying something for him. He’d refused to eat dinner with her, hadn’t touched the birthday cake she’d baked him, and spent most of the day moping in his room, yelling at her to leave him alone whenever she tried to pull him out.
Had he been waiting for her to add a tick mark to the doorframe, to continue the tradition?
Kasi hated herself for forgetting.
“She always made birthdays special,” Daddy said, still talking, though Kasi got the sense he wasn’t necessarily saying these things to her. She wasn’t even sure if he’d noticed Scottie sitting there. No, it was as if he was lost in his own thoughts and speaking to himself.
“She did,” Kasi agreed, her voice thin as she swallowed back tears. She would shed those later, in the privacy of her bedroom.
There was a ghost of a smile on Daddy’s face. “I loved her birthday cakes. The whole house smelled so sweet.”
Kasi drew in a breath, her mind tricking her into believing she could actually smell one of those cakes baking right now. Powdered sugar, butter, vanilla. The greatest combined scent on the planet.
Daddy glanced around. “Everywhere I look…I see pieces of her. There’s so much of her in every corner of this house.”
It was true. Mama had loved their home, and she’d taken great pride in it. As Kasi followed her father’s gaze around the living room, she took in the throw blankets her mom had crocheted, hanging over the back of the couch. She let her eyes travel to the fireplace mantel, jam-packed with framed photos of them—picnics, special occasions, school photos. Her mother changed them frequently, saying she’d been so blessed with happy days and a wonderful family that it was impossible to limit each frame to just one photo. Kasi knew every frame on that mantel probably had at least three more pictures stuffed behind the one being displayed.
Then she studied the special cross-stitch her mother had made. The words, “Two lasting gifts we give our children are roots and wings,” colorfully emblazoned on the cloth.
“She would have been fifty-seven today,” Daddy whispered.
Kasi gasped, his words cutting through her like a thousand blades.
It was her mother’s birthday.
And she’d forgotten.
Kasi clenched her hands together, desperate to keep them from shaking. Bile clogged her throat and for a second, she feared she was going to be sick.
How could she have forgotten?
“Daddy,” she said, forcing the single word out. She needed to say something, but all she could think of was, “I’m sorry,” and she was too ashamed to admit she hadn’t remembered.
For the first time since entering the room, Daddy looked at her. “You’re so much like her, Kasi.”
She blinked back the tears, but it was hard. So hard. She hadn’t cried in front of anyone since Mama’s death, holding the emotions at bay because her father and brother needed her to be strong. It had felt like a way of honoring her mother’s memory because Kasi had never, not once, seen her mom cry.
Daddy placed his hand on her shoulder. “You make this house a home too.”
Kasi felt those words like a punch to the stomach, especially as the smell of tonight’s pot roast—her father’s favorite—drifted from the kitchen.
She was losing their home.
She looked away from Daddy, turning her face toward the foyer, hating that Scottie had been a silent witness to all of this. It wasn’t like him to remain quiet for so long, the blowhard always interjecting his unwanted thoughts and opinions into most conversations. God only knew what he was thinking.
“You’re a good daughter. I think I’ll take dinner in my room tonight.” Daddy turned away from her, heading back up the stairs, unaware of the nuclear explosion he’d set off inside her.
She’d been so wrapped up in Levi, and so stressed about money, that she’d forgotten her mother’s birthday.
How could she forget?
She’d never forgotten.
Kasi watched her father climb the stairs, noticing how much he’d aged in the last eight months. He wasn’t an elderly man, but his stooped shoulders and slow gait made him seem like he was thirty years older than he was.
“You are a good daughter,” Scottie said from the couch.
Kasi took a moment to try to pull herself together, but it was pointless. She was devastated, destroyed, done in.
Just…done.
She forced herself to turn and face him, wishing she could tell him to get the hell out. All she could think about was locking herself into her room and crying her heart out for the next three lifetimes.
“Scottie,” she said, gesturing to where her father just stood. “This isn’t a good time. Can you come back?—”
“It would be a shame for your father to leave his home. He was born here, wasn’t he?” Scottie asked as he rose, joining her in the doorway.
Kasi nodded. The mayor had done his homework.
“Scottie—” she started again. She couldn’t do this. Not now.
“Marry me, Kasi, and he can live out his days here. He’ll never lose the memories of your mother. It’s clear he’s still impacted by her death. How hard will it be on him when he has to leave this place? I think it would be a lot like losing her all over again.”
Kasi’s chest tightened. Suddenly, the idea of packing and leaving here felt impossible. For months, she’d lived with a shell of the man who’d been her father. And with the exception of today, there had been a glimmer of hope that he was returning to them, finding his way out of his grief.
If they lost the house…
There was no way Daddy would come back from that. She’d lose him forever. The same way she’d lost Mama.
“Plus, I can help Keith, hire him the best lawyer to make sure he doesn’t go to jail.”
“I…” Kasi’s throat was constricted, the walls closing in on her. “I can’t do this right now,” she whispered, turning her head away because she refused to cry in front of Scottie.
Scottie patted her shoulder in a way he probably thought was comforting but made her want to throw up. “My offer is the best one you’re going to get. I’m the only man who can help you through this. Get some rest, sweetheart. I’ll be in touch very soon.”
Scottie’s face transformed, not with a smile but with a smirk. Probably because he believed he was on the cusp of getting exactly what he wanted, something that happened more often than not in the spoiled asshole’s life. The only time she’d ever heard of him not getting his way was when Lucy turned down his proposal, and Levi had punched his lights out.
Her surroundings started to go gray as Kasi gave in to the numbness that had become her coping technique since Mama’s death. When things became too painful, she pushed all the feelings deep inside, shutting them away, closing her thoughts down. It was that or fall apart, and part of her had always feared that if she gave in to the emotions, she wouldn’t be able to pull herself back together.
She barely noticed when Scottie pulled an engagement ring out of his pocket.
“Scottie,” she said, shaking her head.
“I know you’re not ready to officially accept. Just take this as a reminder. I can make all the bad things go away, Kasi.” He forced the ring into the palm of her hand.
Kasi glanced at it with a detached eye, acknowledging the fact it was large and gaudy and completely not her style.
She was vaguely aware of Scottie giving her a kiss, just a brush of his lips against hers, but enough to make her skin crawl. Then she heard him say his goodbyes, though the words sounded like they were coming to her through noise-canceling headphones. Mumbled, low, hard to hear.
Kasi didn’t show him out, didn’t say anything, didn’t move, not even when she heard the front door close behind him and the sound of his car fading as he drove away.
She remained frozen in that doorway, her eyes following the tick marks, from that first one on the bottom to the one on top. A lifetime lived in inches.
Then she considered how there wouldn’t be any more marks. She would be stuck there, just like that, forever.
She slipped Scottie’s ring into the pocket of her jeans, hating the weight of it, the feel of it, the emptiness of it.
Out of sight. Out of mind.
If only.
The numbness started to lift, despite her best efforts to wrap it around herself, the pain forcing its way through.
Kasi slid down the doorframe, her body trembling in agony, her heart shattered into a million pieces. She rested her head on her knees, racked by the tears she couldn’t hold in anymore.
Her coping technique failed her as every single thing she’d done wrong crashed in on her at once.
She shouldn’t have slept with Levi, shouldn’t have let herself believe that they could have a future together.
She shouldn’t have let things get so bad on the farm.
She shouldn’t have let her father down, letting him shut himself in rather than pulling him out the way Levi and Remi had done. She’d left him alone to suffer in his self-imposed sanctuary instead of being there for him. She’d done the same to Keith, failed him in too many ways to count, and now he was facing jail.
And she shouldn’t have left Mama alone in the kitchen that day. Maybe if she’d been there…
Kasi crawled to the couch, tears pouring from her like heavy rain, dropping from her face to the carpet. Climbing on the couch, she curled into a ball, the pain too much to bear.
Months of sobs erupted, and she did nothing to hold them back, six words beating into her brain and on her heart like a sledgehammer.
I shouldn’t have left Mama alone.