Chapter 12
“Will you be coming down for breakfast today, My Lady?” Betsy asked, watching Lilliana anxiously.
Lilliana shook her head, burrowing deeper into the blankets. “No, I will take a tray in here, please,” she said.
Betsy sighed. “This is the second day, My Lady. Do you not plan to leave your bed again?”
Lilliana snorted. “Do not be impertinent. Am I not allowed to mope?”
Betsy came to sit at the side of her bed. “Not really. You are the Laird’s wife. You are supposed to be out there, doing…” She waved her hands helplessly. “… things.”
Lilliana laughed bitterly. “It is not as if anyone has noticed my absence.”
“Of course, they have noticed. Moira asked me about you twice yesterday, and even that old man you hang around with was concerned that you might have fallen ill.”
“And I am sure that you told them that I am well.”
Betsy gave a rather loud sigh. “Just what did the Laird do to you?”
Lilliana burrowed deeper into the blankets. “Nothing, I told you.”
“You told me that you encountered him and that you kissed. That is not nothing.”
“It seems to be nothing to him.”
“How do you know that?”
Lilliana sat up in bed, glaring at her lady’s maid. “You said that Old Fergus and Moira asked about me. Do you not see the glaring absence of one person’s concern?”
“So, you want him to be lovesick over you, is that it?”
“No!” Lilliana flopped backwards onto her pillows before pouting at the ceiling. “Yes.”
Betsy giggled. “Do you want me to ask him—”
Lilliana shot up again, glaring at the maid. “No!”
“And you absolutely will not come down for breakfast?”
Lilliana shook her head. “No, not today.”
Betsy nodded sadly. “Very well. I will bring you a tray of tea and crumpets if I can get it.”
“Bannocks, you mean?”
Betsy shrugged. “I certainly do not mean porridge. I know you hate it.”
That coaxed a genuine laugh from Lilliana, for which she was grateful. “Thank you, Betsy.”
“You are welcome, My Lady.” Betsy got to her feet and made her way to the door. “But I beg you not to get used to this. I do not feel good about it.”
Lilliana lay back with a sigh, her mind immediately returning to Kayden and the quandary that was their kiss. If she closed her eyes and focused, she would feel him surrounding her, his scent intoxicating, his touch alien yet reassuring. His lips insistent on hers…
That thought alone should be enough for a whole meal, should it not?
She licked her lips and moaned at the delicious memory, and then sighed and forced herself to stand.
You are being ridiculous, Lil. Enough!
She was the one who had run away.
“I still cannot figure out why I ran. Why did I do that?” she whispered to herself, her eyes drifting to the door between their rooms.
Her hand twitched, and before she even thought to move her feet, she was gripping the handle.
Locked. Still.
She could not even articulate the conflict to herself. All she knew was that she had not laid eyes on him for two days. Two days in which she had moped in her room, out of sorts and discomfited, unconsciously awaiting him. Hoping he would take the lead and tell her what was supposed to happen next.
Confusion continued to cloud her mind. The door opened, and her breath caught as she looked up hopefully. Alas, it was only Betsy stepping through the door with a tray.
Torn between disappointment and surprise, her shoulders slumped. “That was quick. How fast did you eat?”
Betsy shrugged. “I thought I would eat up here with you. That way, at least you would have company.”
“That is very kind of you,” Lilliana said, and part of her even meant it.
They ate in silence, listening to the sounds of the bustling castle through the open window.
Lilliana was suddenly struck with a thought. So much work went into keeping the castle running, but how do they not have enough to aid the villagers?
The thought angered her, and she dropped her fork.
“You know, I remember you saying you wanted to pick some herbs from the garden before their effectiveness decreased. Do you recall?” Betsy asked, not as slyly as she thought.
Lilliana leaned back in her chair thoughtfully. “I do remember, actually.”
Perhaps I will be able to account for the garden’s blooms and figure out a way to send the excess to the village.
“Well, should we go and pick them this afternoon?”
Lilliana looked around the room. “Yes, I believe we should. Where is Bramble, by the way?”
“I believe she has taken up residence in the kitchens, where there is plenty of food.”
“I am surprised Cameron would let her stay there.”
“Well, she is a good rat-catcher, and they do tend to like the kitchens, so…”
Lilliana leaned forward, bracing her elbows on the small table between them. “Alright, sorry to distract. I shall go and pick herbs this afternoon. You need not come with me. I know you do not like the garden.”
“It is not the garden, but that almighty dog.” Betsy shivered. “I dare not go with you anyway. I might get bitten.”
Lilliana laughed. “Rua is harmless.”
Betsy gave her a very skeptical look.
“Alright, well, he is harmless to us. I am sure he is quite lethal when facing an enemy.”
“Aha! So you admit the dog is dangerous,” Betsy said triumphantly.
Lilliana laughed. “I admit the dog is a fierce beast who is also protective.”
Betsy smiled. “Well, well, I made you laugh,” she said with satisfaction.
Lilliana smiled calculatingly. The more she played up how dangerous Rua might be to Betsy, the less around the maid would be, which might be good for securing extra stores.
Perhaps I could send her to Moira and keep them both busy.
The sun shone on her back in a very pleasant manner as she bent down and picked at the plants in the garden. It was not very hot, but on such a cloudy day, it was welcome. She was glad to be out in the fresh air.
Collecting herbs for her apothecary also gave her a sense of purpose.
Even if he never lets me go to the village, I can at least treat people here. Surely he would not stop anyone from coming to see me.
She resolved to entreat Moira to help her spread the word that the castle was open to see the sick from the surrounding villages.
If he does not wish this contagion to spread to the castle, then surely he will let me go to them as opposed to them coming here.
She smiled to herself, very happy to have come up with a plan.
“That is truly a mischievous smile. Dare I ask what ye’re thinking of?”
She started at Kayden’s voice. Her cheeks flushed with embarrassment that he’d caught her out in such a way. Flustered, all she could do was stutter.
“It—it was not…” she trailed off, avoiding his eyes.
He laughed softly. “Daenae worry. I willnae make ye tell me. I am sure it isnae to me benefit.”
He huffed softly before squatting next to her, his shirt brushing against her arm, and pulled out a bunch of rosemary. She paused, watching him in surprise, her treacherous heart speeding up.
He cocked an eyebrow at her. “Am I nae picking the right herbs?”
“Oh, no. Er, I mean yes, you are.” She dipped her head to hide her flaming cheeks, her fingers trembling slightly as she resumed picking herbs.
They worked side by side quietly for a while, the silence between them thick with tension. Lilliana kept stealing glances at him, uncertain as to why he was there. She opened her mouth a few times to ask him, but then closed it again.
Suddenly, his arm stretched out in front of her, and he reached for an immature thistle shrub, ready to pull it out. Without thinking, she stretched her hand out to stop him. It landed atop his own, and they both froze.
Lilliana was sure she was not the only one who felt the frissons traveling from where the tips of her fingers touched him, spreading like wildfire to every nook and cranny of her being.
She felt alight just from that simple touch, and judging from how his skin trembled beneath her fingers, he felt it too. He turned his head slowly to look at her, and she swallowed thickly.
“Y-You should not pick that one. It is not ready yet,” she breathed.
She was not sure he heard her. His eyes were on her mouth for sure, his pupils dilated, confusing her even more.
He did not say a word, but slowly, his hand moved away from the shrub. She snatched her own hand away, breathing way too hard. She could only hope he did not notice.
He moved on to other plants, his enormous beast of a dog lounging close by, tongue lolling as he stared happily at them.
She reached out, scratching Rua under his chin, and his eyes slitted in pleasure.
Would I react the same if Kayden cupped my chin or caressed my cheek?
Doing her best to push those thoughts away, she resumed collecting herbs. A tickling sensation on her face caused her to reach up and rub at her forehead. Kayden looked at her and then reached out, his thumb brushing her face.
She froze, holding her breath as his warm hand trailed down her forehead to her cheek. Their gazes caught and held, his fingers lingering on her skin.
Her mind inevitably flashed to the kiss they had shared and the resulting angst that had her in bed for two days. She leapt to her feet, doing her best to pull herself together.
“This… this is inappropriate,” she breathed, looking anywhere but at him.
He rose to his feet as well. “What exactly are ye talking about? Ye had some dirt on yer face. I simply removed it.”
She pursed her lips and nodded, eyes downcast. “Do not be imperceptive. You know what I mean.”
“Do I?” His tone sounded mocking to her sensitive ears.
“Yes, you do! It was your decision to stay away from me. I think we should stick to it. It is much less confusing for us both.”
He snorted derisively. “Do ye think that is what I am doing? Staying away from ye?”
“You tell me.”
“Ye think ye can just dictate how ye want it to go? Yer faither has already written to me, demanding proof of consummation. What am I to send him? Yer pristine white sheets?”
She blinked at him, overwhelmed by his words. “Just tell him a lie.”
“Ye daenae ken anything about it.” He shook his head in mock sadness.
She huffed, sensing that he was making fun of her. “I do know this, you and I are not in any way—”
Just then, thunder clapped overhead, and rain began to fall.
Kayden smirked at her. “Seems ye have displeased God,” he said sardonically.
She made to march past him, pushing him out of the way as the rain soaked her in seconds. As her sleeve brushed against his, he reached out and grabbed her arm. She turned slowly to look up into his face.
“Unhand me,” she said, her voice trembling as much as her limbs were.
He smiled. “Nay, I daenae think I will.”
She narrowed her eyes at him. “Why not? You have not wanted to be in my presence for the past two days. What has changed?”
His smile widened. “Nae a thing. I was simply giving ye time to realize that ye are mine.”
Her eyebrows flew up. “I am not,” she protested.
“I think ye are, and I think ye want me to kiss ye again, lass.”
The air left her lungs, and she tried to take a deep breath to tell him just what he could do with his kisses.
“You…” was as far as she got before he lowered his head and crushed his mouth to hers, stealing her breath.
Kayden gave in to the urge with ill grace.
He fully intended to let her walk away from him, or at least that’s what he had thought. He could not explain why his hand shot out and grabbed her. He could not explain why he was devouring her lips with angry need.
He pulled her closer so her body was flush against his, and she moaned into his mouth. “Kayden…”
His body had surely been taken over by a demon. How else could he explain this gnawing need to possess her?
“Need ye,” he whispered into her mouth, his brain afire.
He had barely managed to stay away from Lilliana in the last two days. When he had heard she was abed, it had taken every ounce of his self-control to keep from barging into her chambers to see if she was alright.
He had sent inquiries through Moira, even as his confusion over her had grown. She was unlike any other woman he’d met, and he could not explain the pull he felt towards her.
“Need you too,” she murmured.
All he knew was that he felt compelled to touch her. His lips tore from hers, trailing along her jaw and down her neck while she panted and whimpered with need. He enjoyed the sounds he was coaxing from her. The clear proof that all her protestations were nothing but lies.
He could not deny his own hunger, his own need. Her skin was soft and pliant beneath his lips, and he was tempted to sink his teeth into her flesh and take a piece for himself. He just needed to feel her bare skin under his hands. If he could just—
He stumbled back in horror at the thought. Well, not necessarily the thought, but the thought that he had while they were standing in plain sight in the garden. They stared at each other, their breath coming hard and fast as the rain soaked them.
“I…” His throat closed up.
He took another step back as her hand rose to brush against her swollen lips. Her eyes stayed on him, and he felt ensnared by them. It was an effort to tear his gaze away from her.