Chapter 21
For a long moment, the world narrowed to heat and breath and the firm press of his hands at her waist.
Lilliana clutched at his shoulders, drawing him closer, her thoughts dissolving into sensation. He tasted of smoke and night air and something uniquely him. The more he held back, the more fiercely she wanted him to stop doing so.
Her fingers slid back into his hair, urging him closer.
“Kayden,” she breathed against his mouth, the word trembling with need.
He answered with another kiss, slower this time, deliberate, as though memorizing her. His hand skimmed up her back, pausing at the nape of her neck, thumb brushing lightly along her skin. She shivered, leaning into him, pressing closer until there was no space left between them.
He groaned low in his throat, and for a heartbeat, she thought he would finally give in. Instead, he pulled back just enough to look at her.
“We should stop,” he said quietly, though his hands did not release her.
“No,” she whispered, the certainty in her voice surprising her. “Do not stop because you think you must.”
His jaw tightened. “Ye daenae understand—”
“I understand perfectly,” she said, breath uneven. “You hold yourself back for duty. Always duty.”
“And that offends ye?”
“It frustrates me,” she admitted.
Something dark flickered in his eyes.
He kissed her again, harder now, as though testing the boundary she had just drawn. She answered him eagerly, her body arching against his, and when his hands slid down to her hips, she pressed closer without hesitation.
His closeness made her dizzy. The rough wool of his plaid brushed her skin. The heat of him seeped through every layer between them.
He broke the kiss with a sharp inhale, his forehead resting briefly against hers. “It is late,” he murmured, voice roughened. “And we shouldnae finish this in another man’s house.”
Lilliana almost laughed at that, almost protested, but the room itself reminded her where they stood. Fergus’s hearth glowed low behind them, the quiet of the cottage pressing in.
Reluctantly, Kayden stepped back.
“Come,” he said, softer now. “We need rest.”
The quilts lay folded near the fire, humble and thin compared to castle bedding. He shook them out, spreading them carefully on the floor. The domestic simplicity of it struck her harder than any grand gesture might have.
She washed quickly at the basin, nerves prickling as she removed her outer layers. When she turned, he had already stripped down to his sark, his broad shoulders relaxed but his gaze carefully averted.
The restraint was worse than any boldness.
She knelt on the pallet, heart racing as he lay down and turned to face her.
“Strange,” he murmured. “We’ve been married for weeks, and this is our first night under the same roof.”
“That is through no fault of mine,” she replied, unable to keep the bite from her voice.
His mouth curved faintly.
Silence settled between them, heavy and expectant. Then he leaned in.
The kiss this time was slower, deeper, filled with something dangerously close to surrender. Her breath caught as his hand slid along her side, fingertips tracing the dip of her waist through the thin cotton of her petticoat. Heat pooled low in her belly, and she shifted closer instinctively.
She wanted more. He knew it. And still he held himself back.
She groaned softly in frustration when he pulled away again.
“You are impossible,” she whispered.
“Aye,” he said dryly. “So I have been told.”
She turned onto her side, facing him, her hand resting lightly against his chest. The steady beat of his heart grounded her even as disappointment curled low and sharp.
“Sleep,” he murmured, pulling her closer.
His arm wrapped around her waist, firm and protective. She lay there, listening to his breathing even out, feeling the warmth of him seep into her bones.
The fire crackled. Outside, the wind brushed the eaves. And her eyes closed.
A jarring brightness split the room. Birdsong cut sharply through her dreams.
Lilliana jerked awake, heart racing, disoriented by the sudden shift from darkness to morning light. For a moment, she did not know where she was, only that warmth pressed against her back and a heavy arm held her in place.
Memories flooded back all at once.
The kisses. The firelight. The closeness she had not dared imagine.
Her breath hitched.
Kayden slept behind her, chin resting near her shoulder, breath slow and even. The sight stirred conflicting emotions within her, comfort tangled with longing and a sudden, sharp panic.
They had slept together.
Not as strangers. Not as enemies. But as something she did not yet understand.
Carefully, she tried to shift away, only for his arm to tighten around her waist. The movement sent a wave of heat through her that made her flush.
This is a terrible idea.
She slipped from the quilts at last, scrambling upright, the cool air shocking against her skin. For a moment, she simply stood there, staring at the relaxed lines she rarely saw on his face.
He looked… younger. Less burdened.
The realization unsettled her more than anything else.
She turned quickly, dressing with hurried movements, unsure whether she wanted him to wake up or remain asleep forever.
Behind her, the quilts rustled.
“Daenae run from me,” Kayden murmured, voice thick with sleep.
She froze.
“I am not running,” she said quickly, though her pulse betrayed her.
He only chuckled softly.
When she turned again, he was watching her with an unreadable expression. Not demanding, not distant, but simply… aware.
The air between them felt different now. Charged. Heavy.
Outside, the horses shifted restlessly, reminding them both of the journey ahead.
Kayden watched Lilliana out of the corner of his eye as they rode home. It’d been at least twenty minutes since they’d left Old Fergus’s cottage, and yet he could still feel the ghost of her fingers on his arm.
He suppressed a shiver, wondering what she had been thinking when she had caressed him like that.
Does she want me?
He probably would have given in to her if she did.
He could not help but wonder what Jacob would say, and he almost smirked.
“Why would ye nae want to give her what she wants?” his cousin would have asked, probably looking at him as if he had lost his mind.
Kayden was not a fool. He knew that he had run away from intimacy since the death of his sister. It had been the final straw in a long history of loss. But there was something about Lilliana that truly made him afraid for his heart.
Why would I nae give her what she wants?
It’s because I daenae ken if I would survive if something happened to her.
He stared at Lilliana as the realization hit him. He’d been keeping her at arm’s length because he did not want her to worm her way into his heart.
I think she did that anyway.
His heart sank. He was not ready to confront those feelings. Thankfully, they arrived at the castle, and Rua appeared, barking loudly in greeting. He followed the horse all the way to the stables.
Lilliana sighed. “At least your pet likes you. Mine has abandoned me for a warm kitchen and a never-ending supply of food.”
Kayden laughed. “Doesnae she still seek ye out to sleep?”
“About half the time, sure. The rest of the time, I fear she’s seeking out other felines to fornicate with.”
Kayden could not help chuckling louder.
He stepped out of the carriage, rubbing Rua’s ears in greeting while the dog barked happily. He straightened up and stretched out a hand to help Lilliana down, before collecting her bags and handing them over to the groom to be taken to the castle.
“What’s next, then?” he asked her.
“Hmm.” She pursed her lips. “I think that once I’ve tested the samples we collected, we have to look for the source. I’m already sure there’s a poisoner, but now we have to get the particulars.”
“And how do we do that?”
“We must visit every source of water the villagers use. Especially the ones who have fallen ill.”
Kayden nodded. “Fair enough.”
After a day of questioning the sick and their families about where they got their water, Lilliana returned from the village exhausted.
“Betsy, you’re dismissed for the evening. I won’t need you,” she told her lady’s maid.
Betsy curtsied. “Yes, My Lady. I’ll just go down for supper then.”
“Yes, you do that. I’ll be down shortly.”
Lilliana flopped down on her bed, smiling as Bramble appeared from somewhere and scrambled into her lap.
“There you are! Fancy meeting you here. Is the kitchen depleted?” she asked as she petted the cat.
Bramble purred loudly as she bumped her head against Lilliana’s belly.
Lilliana laughed tiredly. “Of course, you want to play on the one day that I’m exhausted.” She gently pushed the cat off her and stood up with a sigh. “I still have to go down for dinner, so you will just have to wait. Will you be here later? I have not seen you in so long, my love.”
Bramble just blinked at her.
Lilliana shrugged. “I suppose I will just wait and see if I am worthy of your time, Your Highness.”
She quickly washed her hands and face in the basin, using warm water she scooped from a cauldron hanging over the fire. She could not wait to get back and sink into a hot bath before going to bed.
Changing into a clean gown, she pulled her hair into a knot atop her head and went downstairs for dinner. She’d barely sat down before Fergus joined her, taking the seat to her right. She smiled at the old healer, glad to see him despite her tiredness.
“How was it today?” he asked with a nod.
Lilliana sighed. “I’m almost positive I know the source of the poisoning,” she said, and then started as something nudged her side. She looked down to see Rua grinning at her. “Good evening, Rua. Where’s your master?”
Rua huffed, his eyes on her plate.
Fergus snorted. “That dog doesnae want anything but a bite of the steak on yer plate.”
Lilliana huffed a laugh even as she cut off a piece of her meat and handed it to the dog.