Chapter 14
CHAPTER 14
C hristophe
The thunderous beating of my heart nearly clouds out my ability to hear her when she says she brought me a gift.
My eyes land on the plastic Tupperware presented in front of my doorway.
“Are you going to take it?” she asks, still not appearing in the doorway herself.
“Are you going to move from the side of the doorway?” I ask in return.
“You know I can’t do that.”
I stare at the Tupperware.
“I don’t want to cause you any pain.” She whispers the words, but I catch them.
I reach out to take the cake holder from her. As soon as my fingers make contact, she snatches her hands away as if retreating from a scorching flame.
“Enjoy,” she says cheerfully. There’s a falseness to it, though. “I’ll get going now.”
“Stay.” The word spills out of my mouth like a rogue software that’s taken over my body before my mind can conjure up the list of reasons why that’s a terrible idea.
“I don’t like eating alone,” I say, the rogue software continuing to operate instead of my common sense.
There’s a beat of silence.
“I’ll stay,” she finally says.
I take a step toward the hallway, but stop when she says, “But you can’t come out.”
My chest tightens. In my head I know she’s right. But my damn wolf and … well, the center of my chest, those feel differently. The ache to see her in person almost overwhelms me.
Yet, even when I close my eyes to try to picture her face, pain shoots through my skull.
“Are we clear, Christophe?” she asks, recapturing my attention. “I’ll stay as long as you don’t try to come out and see me. W-We can’t do that.”
I clear my throat. “Understood. Just don’t leave.” There’s a pleading note in my voice I meant to hide.
I move back to just inside of the bedroom door, putting my back to the wall. As soon as it touches, I slide to the ground, taking a seat on the floor.
“Sit,” I tell Ashley. The rustling on the other side of the wall tells me she’s taken a seat, too.
A small chuckle pierces the silence seconds later.
“What’s the joke?” I ask.
“I never would’ve thought after we made it out of that place, we’d be back in the position again.”
I clench my teeth so hard my jaw aches. It’s my fault we’re back here like this. My weakness.
“Are you eating?” she asks. “How is it?”
I almost forgot about the Tupperware in my hand.
“What did you bring?” I ask.
“Open it.”
I pop the plastic lid to find what looks like pieces of cake inside.
“Um, I, uh, couldn’t bring as much as I planned but I hope it’s enough.”
Despite my previously somber mood, a smile crests over my lips. I break off a piece of the cake to feed myself.
Instantly, I start cough-choking.
“Christophe?” Ashley’s worried voice calls. “Oh my gosh.”
I cough at the same time I beat my chest a couple of times with my fist.
“Take this.”
I glance over to see a hand reaching through the door, holding a glass of water. I take the water and swallow half of the glass in one gulp.
“Guess that means you hate it.”
Her gloomy tone pulls at my insides. “It’s n-not b-bad,” I stutter out right before coughing again.
I drink the rest of the water and place the empty glass and the Tupperware to the side.
“I’m not much of a baker,” she tells me. “Whenever I tried as a kid, I always had the inclination to add this or that ingredient that the recipe did not call for.”
“Like what?” I ask.
There’s a hum, as if she’s thinking about it. “One year for Emery’s birthday, I thought it would be a great idea to add jalapeno pepper seeds to the cupcake batter.”
“What?” I blurt out and let out a gruff laugh.
“In my defense, I was only seven and my sister likes jalapenos. Oh, there was that other time I thought it would be great to add peppercorns to the Christmas chocolate chip cookie dough. That didn’t go over well with the guests at my mother's birthday party.
“She got so mad I thought she was going to hit me. Emery stepped in between me and her.”
Ashley’s voice gets softer and softer as if with each word it fades from a funny little story into a deeper realization.
“I think that was the moment I knew she hated me. My adopted mother, I mean.”
I nod even though she can’t see me.
“But maybe if I had just followed the recipe she wouldn’t?—”
“Don’t do that,” I cut her off. While I adore listening to every word she has to say, I will not allow her to take any blame for that horrid woman.
“Children should be allowed to make mistakes without the adults around them losing control of their emotions.”
She audibly sighs. “Is that what you did? Make a mistake?”
I sit up straight.
“The pack, some of them said you betrayed them,” she says, her voice not quite a whisper, but definitely softer than before.
“I did,” I confess.
“How?”
I turn my head toward the window above the untouched bed. Except for the hospital, I haven’t slept in a bed since before my imprisonment.
“Christophe?” she calls softly.
“I betrayed them,” I tell her. She’d likely find out from the pack eventually, anyway. I prefer she hears it from me than from them.
“I worked with a once prominent wolf shifter on the NSA to destroy all of the wolf shifters. We had a special vendetta against the Nightwolf pack.”
I swallow the shame down, burying it to feel later when she’s no longer here.
“The NSA stands for National Shifter Alliance, right?”
“Yes.”
“You told me who they were while …” Her voice trails off. “Alpha Chael’s a member of the council.”
Clearing my throat, I press my back into the wall again. “He took over Rufus’ position.”
“Why did you do it?”
There’s no accusation in her voice. Just curiosity.
“I don’t know,” I tell her truthfully. Pushing out a breath, I run a hand through my hair. “I’d been pulling away from the pack for years. The Nightwolves have a long and sometimes not such a nice history. When my biological father was the omega, he got the brunt of the pack’s frustrations taken out on him.”
“Why would they do that?” she asks.
“That’s the traditional role of the omega. We’re around for everyone’s venting.
“He took it out on us.” Looking down at my hands as I open and close them, I shake my head to push away the memories of my father beating my mother right in front of me.
“Christophe.”
The pain in her voice cracks the hardness I’ve tried hard to build up around my heart.
“It’s fine. I made it out fine,” I console. “Anyway, over time and under Alpha’s leadership, the pack became less aggressive toward the omega, which is me. But I’d grown resentful by then. I retreated to the hideout I built for myself. I spent hours on my computer working and then in chat rooms.”
I’ve had many hours of thinking over those years. That time I spent withdrawing from my pack instead of speaking up more.
“One day I got a message from a guy I’d talked to about feeling small in his pack also. He was an omega like me. We bonded over our resentments, I guess. By the time I found out he was actually Rufus Dalton, I’d already bought into his plan.”
I stop there because there’s no need to go into further detail. I went along with his plan to destroy the Nightwolf pack.
“That’s enough talking about me.” I infuse fake levity into my voice. “I’d rather hear you talk,” I tell her.
There’s no use in dredging up the past. It won’t change anything. It damn sure won’t make me any less of a traitor.
There’s silence for a while. The lump in my throat grows the longer the silence persists.
“Ash—”
“Is that why you said you would never get out of that place?” she asks.
“When I said I’d rather hear your voice, that wasn’t what I meant.”
“Don’t joke, Christophe. Not about this.” I hate the seriousness in her voice. “I’m sure if you just explain to your pack that?—”
“No,” I cut her off. “I’ve done enough harm to them.” I pause before my next statement but conclude that she needs to hear it. To understand it.
“I meant it, Ashley. I’m not … I’m not out now. Once we track down Dr. X and the rest of his goons, I’m going back to prison. The real prison this time, but still a prison. For life.”
The words come out hard, but I have to make her understand. There is no hope for me or my freedom. And I wouldn’t ask for it even if there were any. I’m going where I belong.
“Don’t say that.”
Her words come out so sharp that they make my head jerk backward.
“Do you hear me, Christophe? Don’t say that. You’re not going back to that place. You can’t go back there.”
Her voice becomes thick. I know the sound too well. She’s starting to cry.
“Shshshsh, don’t cry,” I hush her. The same way I did when a concrete wall separated us.
She doesn’t know it, but her tears crush me.
“It’s not fair,” she cries out. “We’re not in there anymore but we’re still not free. Neither one of us is. You can’t even look at me because of what those bastards did to you.”
My lungs squeeze so hard it’s difficult to suck in air. I’m reminded how much of this is my fault. If I had been stronger, they would’ve never been able to use her against me like this.
My weakness brings her pain, and I don’t know how to end it.
But I can’t bear to hear her sniffles and whimpers that she’s obviously trying to suppress on the other side of the doorway.
“We can’t come face to face, but we’re not still in the damn place,” I remind her. “At least here, we can do this.”
I hold out my hand, palm facing up.
“What?” She sniffs.
“Take my hand, Ashley.”
I feel the moment her hand hovers over mine.
“I can’t,” she says. “What if I cause you pain?”
I shake my head. A certainty I probably shouldn’t feel fills me. “Take my hand.”
Her touch is a whisper of a brush across my thumb, at first. It’s light. Tentative. Too fucking light, but enough to ignite my entire body.
Not with pain, but something entirely unfamiliar.
“It’s okay,” I tell her. My voice holds a slight tremble.
The moment she lays her palm into mine, I fold my fingers over hers, ensuring she can’t quickly pull her hand away.
For an instant, I just breathe, allowing the warmth to spread through me. The inner rightness I feel at hearing her voice multiplies. My heart speeds up, but somehow I feel calmer, an inner stillness I’ve never known. All from her hand in mine.
I lay my free hand over the outside of her palm and stroke her skin with my thumb.
“Soft,” I mumble.
“Th-This doesn’t hurt you, does it?”
She’s frightened.
Instead of answering, I bring her hand to my nose and inhale deeply.
“Perfect.” She smells sweet. The image of the tiger lilies that grow throughout the mountains in the spring and summer come to mind.
“Are you okay?” she asks, and I remember that I failed to answer her question.
“This doesn’t hurt,” I finally reply. “Touching you is the very opposite of pain.” I don’t think I meant to say that, the rogue software coming back to speak for me.
I trace over her fingertips with my pointer finger.
The darkness tries to obscure her medium brown skin tone, but my enhanced sight allows me to see it clearly. I take in the contrast of our skin coloring.
Hers a beautiful chestnut brown while mine is a warm bronze with red undertones.
“I think I like you touching me,” she says, her voice coming out breathy and slightly more sultry than before.
Am I having that effect on her? Could I possibly affect her the way she affects me?
“What if the spell or whatever it was is broken?”
I don’t have time to ask what she’s referring to before my wolf, who’s been attentive and loving this moment as much as me, directs his attention to just outside.
“Is she in here?” An angry Chael can be heard from outside of the house a second later before a loud boom sounds across the house.
I jump to my feet, running out of the bedroom without thinking. Looking toward the door at Chael, I push Ashley behind me. My wolf and I are instantly in protective mode.
Chael stands in the doorway, nostrils flaring, chest heaving. “What in Mother Moon’s name are you doing in here with her?”
“I came on my own,” Ashley says behind me.
I push her farther behind me when she tries to skirt around, but I keep my eyes on Chael. He wouldn’t hurt Ashley ever, but something inside of me can’t stand by while there’s an angry presence and let her be anywhere near it.
“You guilted her into coming here, didn’t you?” Chael accuses.
“I haven’t hurt her and I never would,” I tell him.
He scoffs. “Save your fucking promises. Ashley, let’s go,” he commands in his alpha voice.
Behind him, Chance and a woman stand.
“We were just talking,” she says.
“Move.” Chael charges past me, pushing me out of the way to grab Ashley. “You know full well you’re not to have any guests,” he tells me.
He glares at me in the eyes, and I’m forced to look away. My omega senses won’t allow me to stare an alpha in the eye.
“Ashley, let’s just go,” the woman says.
“But, Em,” Ashley calls out.
The woman is her sister, Emery. She reaches for Ashley, taking her by the arm and pulling her toward the door.
I watch her from behind as she’s pulled away. A sixth sense I can’t control forces me to call out her name.
The worst thing I could’ve done.
Ashley turns to look back at me. The moment she does my head explodes in horrible pain, once again.
My hands immediately go to the sides of my head as I fall to my knees. The ringing in my ears is so loud that it threatens to drive me insane. Especially when it combines with the relentless burning agony in my head.
The ringing morphs into screaming. My wolf howls as we recognize Ashley's screams, calling for me. But I’m helpless to answer her. My entire body becomes swallowed up by the pain.
I can’t form coherent thoughts, even when I feel hands on me. I don’t know for how long I writhe around on the floor, but it feels like an eternity.
Is the person touching me trying to get me to calm down? An attempt to force me to be still?
I don’t know.
The pain obscures everything.
But eventually everything fades to black.