Epilogue
The noise was immeasurable, pounding against his ears.
The vibrations created by the crowd jumping up and down in excitement throbbed through his entire body once more.
The familiar smell was overpowering; a mixture of sweat, alcohol and euphoria drifted through the air, entering his nostrils.
He stood waiting in the wings, ready to get back on stage.
Adrenalin coursed through his veins as he clenched and unclenched his fists.
He rolled his head around on his neck as he lifted and lowered his shoulders in a rhythmic motion, easing away the last knots of tension that remained.
This was a far cry from the feelings he used to have before he went on stage.
He no longer had the urge to run. He no longer needed to vomit or scramble for fresh air.
He had Grace to thank for that. She had insisted on the new backstage routine for him, producing a rider full of demands for peace, calm and respect for his space.
None of the diva stuff asking for one colour of sweets only or a specific drink type.
Just his games console, a few snacks and two bottles of beer.
The calm that surrounded him prior to the show was now unbelievable.
There wasn’t the push and pull of people dragging him from one place to another; instead they came to him.
He had arrived at the venue a couple of hours ago to carry out a sound check along with a quick run through with the musicians who now played with him regularly. They were a great bunch of people who had been more or less handpicked by him along with his new manager, Craig.
He had spent most of the time in his own dressing room, playing on the games console whilst the rest of the crap that was necessary took place away from him.
He was interrupted twice, once with food, once by hair and make-up.
The rest of the time he chilled out chatting to Grace. The difference in him was massive.
He relaxed as he watched the support group perform their last few numbers, allowing his mind to drift back to yesterday.
He’d spent the day with Grace at his London home where they had spent a leisurely morning making love in bed.
She had announced at lunchtime that she had an appointment she wanted him to attend with her.
Not giving anything away she had thrust the bike helmet at him before dragging him out of the house.
When they pulled up outside the tattoo parlour he was a little confused, not remembering if he had told her he planned on adding more ink.
“It’s my appointment, not yours.” She had giggled at his furrowed expression.
“You’re getting a tattoo? Really? I thought you hated them.”
“I never said that. Come on, before I change my mind.” She drew him in the shop behind her. The excitement was evident on his face; he loved these places. The buzz that resonated around the room, the constant banter back and forth as they worked; it all added to the experience.
“What are you getting done? Not a tramp stamp I hope.” Alex raised his eyebrows in warning.
“It’s gonna say I screwed Alex Carter...more than once. Whatcha think, lover? He is doing all fancy writing too.” Grace kept her face as straight as possible as she saw the horror spread across his.
“You are not getting that anywhere on your body! I mean it, Grace. No!” Alex crossed his arms over his chest, his legs spread a little in a ‘don’t mess with me’ pose.
Grace couldn’t hold it any longer. Bursting out laughing she dragged him to the desk to see the artwork the tattooist had drawn up for her.
He stood taking in the intricate drawing of a treble clef with a ribbon of music notes drifting around it.
She had chosen the notes f, a, a and d in that order.
Alex studied the notes trying to think if any of his songs or her lullaby started with them but he couldn’t place a tune.
Then it hit him. Forever and a day. He said that to her at the end of every day, right before she drifted off to sleep.
“So, do you approve of my tramp stamp as you called it? Come in with me. Hold my hand? I’m a little nervous.” Alex nodded as he followed into the workstation, taking a seat beside her as she lowered her jeans to her knees.
“Jeez, Gracie! Does he have to see your underwear? Could you not have worn something other than jeans?” The anger was welling up inside him as the guy loaded up the gun with ink.
“Hey, man. You wanna wait outside? I mean, if you’re not comfortable seeing me that near your girl. It won’t take me long.”
Alex shook his head adamantly. He was not leaving Grace in here with him alone.
Twisting her leg to the side, the heavily tattooed man began working on the inside of her thigh.
She gripped Alex’s hand tightly, trying to control her need to cry out in pain, suddenly thinking this wasn’t the best idea she had ever had.
The singer’s eyes shot to hers. He could see the beads of sweat forming on her forehead as her breathing hitched with the pain.
“Can you not give her a minute? I mean, oh God, you are not having anything else done. I can’t stand this, babe.
Is it too painful? Hey, just take it easy on her a minute will you!
” Alex fought to control his urge to punch the guy in the face; he was hurting Grace and he wasn’t sure how much longer he could watch for.
“Five more minutes and I’m done. Seriously, man, step outside. I’ll make sure she is fine.” The tattooist laughed. He really needed to re think his rule on allowing the boyfriends to sit in on the sessions.
Alex hadn’t moved, just held Grace’s hand tighter while he watched the design come together.
He was in awe of her; it looked amazing. He would just have to be careful with her later.
Snapping back to reality he heard the crowd roar as the support act finished their set.
Ten more minutes and he’d be out there facing them alone.
No Ben to watch his back. Grace sidled up next to him, slipping her hand in his back jeans pocket as she brought him in towards her for a kiss.
“How’s my sexy man doing? Not freaking out too much are you? ”
Alex bent down to kiss her as he enveloped her in his strong arms. “Nope, not freaking out at all. Just wanna get it done now. How’s your leg? Did you take some painkillers? I’ll put the cream on it later for you.”
“I had a tattoo, not my leg amputated! Quit fussing over me. Have you got everything you need?” Pulling in her eyebrows she scanned his face for any tell tale signs of an impending meltdown.
Alex nodded. “I have you. That’s all I need now.”
“Will you two get a damn room? Are you not tired of him yet, Grace? You know, I could fix you up with a real nice guy.” Craig had appeared behind them, teasing Alex. He was trying to keep the atmosphere light and relaxed; they had a lot riding on tonight. “You ready, Alex?”
Grace hugged him tightly. “You can do this.” She watched as he made his way to centre stage amidst the deafening noise.
She was able see through him, and she knew he was still fighting his nerves.
As the noise levels settled, she watched in awe as his stance altered.
He was slipping into his so called Alex Carter mode.
He looked anxious until he shifted his weight on to his left leg, the smile spreading broadly across his face.
He turned to look at her and she realised that he had put her present inside his boot.
She had given him a small bag filled with sand from the beach at The Lighthouse, intending for him to carry it around with him when he travelled. A little piece of home.
Alex gazed at Grace feeling the sand squelch under his foot. How did she do that? How did she know exactly the right thing to give him or say to him in order to calm him down?
With one foot firmly planted on home soil he could do anything. Lowering his mouth to the microphone he returned his attention to the crowd. Hearing his mark he allowed his trademark gravelly voice to travel across the arena. The crowd responded with a deafening cheer.
He was back, right where he belonged with his girl by his side.