Chapter 17
I nstead of staying at Ethan’s house for the few days before his first track meet, I stay home. I barely leave my room—only to cook, wash my clothes, use the bathroom, and go to school. Other than that, I spend most of my time locked in my room.
I hear my mom moving around, and I think I hear my dad’s deep voice, but I didn’t check and see.
I thought back while I was in my room and realized I haven’t actually seen my dad’s face in two months.
It’s even more of a shock that I don’t go seek him out.
I’d usually try to find a reason to leave my room just so I could try to have a conversation with him.
Now, I want to avoid both of my parents.
After seeing how Ethan’s parents are with him, I know this isn’t normal.
I shouldn’t have to beg or put myself in my dad’s orbit for him to speak to me.
My mother shouldn’t belittle me or talk down to me or try to hit me.
I shouldn’t have a mother that drinks because she can’t cope with the fact that I’m gay or that she’s miserable for reasons I can’t even begin to fathom.
But this is my life. My parents are like that and I have no intention of trying anymore. That thought hurts me deep, thinking of washing my hands of my parents. They’re still my mother and father.
But it is what it is. I have a few more months, then I’ll move and won’t look back.
As I’m packing my bag for the party and for the weekend at Ethan’s, it feels kind of final. I’m not sure why. I have to come back, since I have nowhere else to stay. But I have this nagging feeling that something about this weekend will change everything.
Shaking that thought off, I slide my bag over my shoulder and walk over to Crystal’s.
Her dad fixed her car, so it doesn’t make as much noise as before, but he told her that it might not last much longer.
We know that he probably won’t be able to afford another one, so we’ve kind of prepared to start riding the bus again.
She pulls away from the curb as soon as I slide into the car.
“Staying with Ethan again? What do his parents have to say about that?” she asks in a scandalized voice.
I side-eye her. “We’re not fucking, Crys. He sleeps in his room while I sleep in the guest room.” I don’t mention that I did fall asleep in his room once, but it was an accident.
Pulling up to Ryder’s house is like pulling up to a frat party.
There are several cars in the driveway and some on the lawn, with people standing outside drinking out of red cups.
The neighborhood Ryder lives in has tons of land around each house with the nearest neighbor way down the road.
Far enough away where they can’t hear the music or the crazy high school kids doing shit they’re not supposed to do.
While Ethan’s house is in a wealthy area but doesn’t look too gaudy or pretentious, Ryder’s is the opposite.
It’s a huge mansion that is probably only seen in movies about the super wealthy.
It’s an all-white, sprawling expanse that sort of reminds me of the house at the beginning of The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air .
The shrubs are perfectly manicured and the lawn is cut within an inch of its life.
Crystal and I wind our way around people that are lying on the lawn, smoking or drinking, and we go inside to look for Ryder. There are even more people inside, drinking in the foyer, the kitchen sitting room, and hallways.
I take out my phone to text Ryder, since he gave me his number earlier today, but I hear my name called behind me and I know he’s found me.
“Jakoby! Hey! You made it!” Before I can turn around, I’m pulled around roughly into a one-armed hug.
I smile at him when he lets me go. “I’m here.”
He’s not looking at me though. He’s staring at Crystal. “Hey. I’m glad you came.”
Crystal’s eyebrows meet her hairline. “Yeah? Why?”
Ryder shrugs, his cheeks turning pink. “I don’t know.
Just didn’t think you’d want to come, that’s all.
” He doesn’t give her a chance to answer.
He puts his arm around my shoulder loosely and I grab Crystal’s hand, and we walk to the kitchen.
There’s a beer pong table set up and there are two basketball players getting cups together. “Found my partner!” Ryder yells.
I shake my head and drag my feet. “I don’t drink.”
He smiles at me and pulls me closer to the table. “I know. Ethan told me. You’re going to throw and I’m going to drink. It’s fine. I have a high tolerance.” He turns around and winks at Crystal, who laughs softly. I’m sure he’s just trying to make up for the awkwardness at school and in the foyer.
“Okay, yeah. Let’s do it,” I try to say with as much excitement as I can.
I didn’t think I’d enjoy myself, but it was actually a lot of fun.
I discovered I’m quite good at beer pong.
Ryder is trash-talking the whole time, making us laugh and the other team groan every time they fall for his shit and miss a cup.
Crystal seems to be enjoying his jokes, laughing at them and joining in on occasion.
When she does, he shoots her quick glances, a small smile on his face.
We’re down to one cup and Ryder has only had to drink twice.
He almost seems like he’s getting sad that he’s not getting drunk.
I’m not sure how I feel about that. I know the point of the party is to get drunk, but it seems like Ryder feels like he needs it.
Makes me think of my mom. So after I sink the last ball, I step away from the table.
“I’m done, Ryder.” Crystal gives me a sad look and we walk away.
“Wait!” Ryder exclaims, coming up to us. He pulls me into a large office just down the hall, leaning against the desk that takes up a lot of space on the opposite wall. Like seriously, who needs a desk this big? “What’s wrong? Did I do something?”
For someone so big and imposing-looking, Ryder is turning out to be a really sensitive guy. Not that that’s a bad thing.
I look at Crystal and she nods. I’m not used to telling people about my mother, Crystal knows because she’s always known. And Ethan saw her in action.
Taking a deep breath, I tell him, “My mom is a drunk. I don’t like to drink because of that. And I don’t like people getting super drunk around me.”
Crystal drags me to parties, but she doesn’t get drunk, and the people she hangs out with don’t either.
We tend to leave parties before they get to that point anyway, so I’m barely around people when they’re wasted.
The times I saw Ethan at that point, it took everything in me not to go to him and make sure he got home safely.
Letting out a long breath, Ryder says, “I’m sorry, Jakoby. I didn’t know.”
I shrug and look down at my feet. “You wouldn’t. And it’s okay. I don’t tell anyone.” He looks so gloomy. “It’s fine, Ryder. I promise. I’ll just…sit in a corner somewhere so you can enjoy yourself. Ethan should be here soon, anyway.”
“No, it’s fine. I don’t need to drink.” He sighs and hops up onto the desk. “Listen, I get it. I have shit parents too. I told Ethan I would take care of you until he got here, so I will. We can hang out here.”
I shake my head. “Nah. It’s your party. Go have fun.”
Softly, so softly I strain to hear him, he says, “I only threw it so I wouldn’t be alone.” He walks out of the office and I feel my stomach drop to my feet.
It’s because of me. I’ve been keeping his best friend from him because I’ve been having a bad time in school. I never thought that someone like Ryder would even need friends around him.
Glancing at Crystal, I see her lip is poked out, like she wants to cry from his comment. She looks at me and I shrug, not knowing what to do.
Before we can follow him out, Ryder comes back in with a few sodas and some chips. He sits everything on the desk and we all sit around and talk.
I see how different Ryder now with just me and Crystal. He’s still funny, but it’s more of an awkward kind of funny, like he doesn’t know if his jokes are good, but he tells them anyway.
We’re hanging out in the office when my phone buzzes. I look down at it and I feel a smile pull across my face.
Ethan: Where is my creep?
I look up and see Ryder and Crystal looking at me with smiles on their faces.
Crystal nods her head down to my phone. “Ethan?”
I nod and stand up to stretch. “Thanks for keeping me company, Ryder. I know you wanted to party.”
He smiles and gives me a pat on the back. “No, Koby. This was more fun. Thank you both for keeping me company.”
Crystal stands as well and puts a hand on her hip.
“Well, damn, Ryder. You gonna leave me because you’re off babysitting duties?
” I look at her with a raised eyebrow and she waves me off.
“You know I don’t mean it like that, bestie.
I’m just sayin’, Ryder doesn’t want to hang out with me and that hurts my feelings. ”
That slow, lazy smile he gave her the other day comes back, and I notice how handsome Ryder really is. “I can still hang. I was going to walk him out and see my best friend. You can walk with us.” He cocks his elbow out to her and she grasps it, like they’re an old nineteen-twenties couple.
I roll my eyes at their antics and walk out of the office. The party is in full swing, people literally dancing on tables, and music pounding through speakers I can’t see.
Ethan is standing in the foyer, hands in his pockets, looking extremely unhappy. Dawn is at his side, trying to talk to him. I swear, it’s like whenever he’s alone, she tries to slink in. I hear Crystal suck her teeth behind me, but I keep walking to my boyfriend.
When he sees me, he smiles widely and walks away from Dawn. She stumbles, and I notice she has a cup in her hand and she looks unsteady on her feet.
She’s probably drunk.
Ethan pulls me into a hug and tilts my head up so he can kiss me. I don’t think I’ll ever get over feeling his lips on mine. Or him openly kissing me. Or us being an actual couple.
“Hey,” he says, framing my face with both of his large hands.
“Hey,” I mumble back, face heating. I’m not sure why. Not from embarrassment. Maybe…arousal? I mean, I’ve felt turned on by Ethan before, but tonight it’s …different. It’s hitting harder, and even that small kiss has my dick taking notice, chubbing in my pants. “How was the meet?”
His smile is blinding. “I reached my personal record today in the two hundred.”
“Yeah?” I exclaim. “That’s so good! What was your time?”
Before he can answer, Crystal walks over and gives me her keys.
“Put them on top of my front driver's side wheel when you get your stuff. Ryder and I are going to get something to drink.” She gives me a hug and I give her a look when she pulls back. She looks over at Ryder, who’s talking to a kid about not knocking his shit over, then back at me and shrugs.
Maybe she’ll get to know him better and will stop feeling so bad about what she said to him the other day.
“You wanna stay a while?” I ask Ethan, since he just got here.
“Nah. I came to get you.”
I give him a look. “You made me come, even though you didn’t plan to stay?”
He smiles softly and puts an arm around my shoulder as we walk out the door. “I planned to stay, but I’m tired. The meet was long, and I want to go home and hang out with you. It’s too loud in here. I’m just not feeling it.”
I grab my things out of Crystal's car and look around before I place her keys on top of her tire. Her car isn’t the best out here, but I don’t want someone to grab her keys and try to play a prank on her by hiding her car somewhere.
Hand in hand, Ethan and I walk the few yards to his car, ready to be alone.