Chapter 21
W ith Thanksgiving over and Christmas right around the corner, I wrack my brain on what to get Ethan. He can afford to buy a lot on his own, so what could I offer him?
A card? Seems childish.
I thought about doing one of those homemade coupon books—the ones where you can trade one in for a massage or something stupid like that. But I nix that as well. That’s a little too out of the box for me.
Whatever. I still have some time to figure it out.
Our classes have been pretty light since it’s almost the end of the grading period, and the holidays are coming up. Ethan is still doing his favorite thing—walking me to class and kissing me before I walk inside with a flaming face.
No one says anything about us anymore. No whispers or stares. Except for Dawn. But it seems like even her friends are getting sick of it. Her digs don’t hurt as much and her jokes are starting to fall flat. So all in all, things are great.
Mitch and Elle plop down at our lunch table in front of me and Ethan.
Ryder reaches over to my tray and steals a french fry.
I give him the eye, since he literally has a trayful.
He laughs, then steals one from Crystal.
Unlike me, she just takes one from his tray, making his face fall.
Crystal laughs at him, then gives him a kiss on the cheek. He blushes furiously.
“What are y'alls plans for Christmas?” Ethan asks them. “Creep is going to hang out with me. Y’all wanna come over?”
Crystal shakes her head. “Can’t. I’ll be with my dad. We have a Christmas tradition. We watch Hallmark movies and talk about how unrealistic they are. It’s a great time.”
It really is. I’ve been over for a few of those Christmases, and her father is hilarious when it comes to reasons why the leads shouldn’t have fallen in love.
Ryder mutters, “Can I come over? I don’t think anyone will be home but me.”
I’m not sure if I would trade my shitty home life for Ryder’s. We’ve both been neglected and mistreated by the people that were supposed to love us unconditionally. I guess money really can’t buy happiness.
Ethan pats his shoulder, and says, “Definitely, man. We’re having dinner at two. Come over when you wake up, if you want. You don’t mind, do you, creep?” he asks me.
I shake my head.
The bell rings and we throw our empty food wrappers away and head to our classes.
I make a detour to my locker, much to Ethan’s irritation, but I have to drop books off; I forgot to go before lunch.
I’m tired from the night before, trying to figure out what I’m getting Ethan for Christmas, so my mind isn’t moving as quickly as it usually does.
When I grab my book, Ethan drapes an arm around my shoulder then kisses my forehead. “Come on or you’ll be late.”
“You’re going to be late for sure,” I point out obviously, since he always gets on me for being late.
“It’s fine. I don’t get in trouble for being late.” He takes on a haughty tone and says, “The privilege of being the best wide receiver and two hundred meter runner in the state.”
I laugh and pinch his side. “Whatever you say, babe.” I slap my hand over my mouth. Fuck, I pet-named him. Is that okay? Does he mind? I sneak a peek at him and he’s grinning at me.
Guess not.
I smile back at him, then lean into him while we walk.
“Coming to my place tonight?”
I shake my head. “No, gotta head home for a few nights. I have to get more clothes anyway.” He pouts and I laugh, poking at his lip. “I’ll be over this weekend.”
“Promise?” he asks, dead serious.
Rolling my eyes, I stand on my tiptoes and give him a kiss just as the bell rings. He looks surprised because I never take the lead.
I hustle into my class, my face heating from my forwardness.
The few days I spend at home are quiet. I run into my dad again and we have another short conversation. It’s less awkward than the first one but still weird. I wish our conversation could flow effortlessly, but it’s better than nothing.
On Friday, school is boring in the morning. Ethan has a doctor’s appointment, so he leaves after first period, leaving me to walk to class alone.
I didn’t think anyone would pay me any mind since Ethan isn’t with me, but I still get waves, and people speak to me between classes. I guess Ethan’s plan has worked and I’m having a good senior year.
Up until my class after lunch.
I’m almost late, since I sat and talked to Mitch and Elle about their Christmas plans.
I hustle to my locker to get my books, then walk to class. I’m sad that I’m walking alone—so used to having Ethan beside me—but whatever. I always walked alone before I got with Ethan.
He’s spoiled me, though.
I’m so in my head that I don’t even notice Dawn standing near the library with her faithful followers, waiting for me.
She starts in on me immediately and I can’t find a way to get away from her. I look around, but it seems like most of the people I know that could help me aren’t around and everyone else is rushing to class.
“He’s only with you because you look like a girl,” she says snootily. “You’re pretty like a girl, so he’s confused.”
I feel my face heat and my eyes start to water. That can’t be true, right? I personally think I’m rather odd-looking, but not like a girl at all. Yes, I’m small, but that doesn’t mean I look like a girl.
“But Ethan’s not gay. He was with me, so I know.”
I turn down another hall, walking past my class, hoping she’ll leave me alone. The bell rang already, but she’s still following me, talking shit and her friends are giggling like what she’s saying is the best stand-up comedy routine they’ve ever heard.
Dawn continues to taunt and needle me, even though we’re the only ones in the hallway and she’s practically shouting at me. “He doesn’t like men like you do. He doesn’t like sucking?—”
“Dawn, what the fuck?”
I almost run right into Ethan because I’m trying to lower my head and look smaller against her insults. And she was obviously so focused on me that she didn’t see him either.
He pulls me into his arms and I drop my head against his chest, breathing him in and discreetly wiping away tears.
I look back at Dawn and see how wide her eyes are. Her mouth opens and closes like she’s trying to come up with an answer.
Ethan pulls my head back to his chest and I feel him breathing heavily, heart racing, like he’s barely containing his anger.
She finds her voice and says, “Oh, I…uh…we. We were?—”
“You were fucking with my boyfriend. You were being a fucking bully to someone who’s never done anything to you. What’s your fucking problem?” he practically roars.
Hearing the anger in Ethan’s voice makes me sad. If it wasn’t for me, he wouldn’t have to act out of character, Dawn wouldn’t be upset with him and his life wouldn’t be crazy like this. He wouldn’t have to come to my defense.
In. a low voice, he says, “Hear me when I say this: stop this shit. Now. Or I’ll report you for harassment and bullying. I imagine that won’t go over well with the college you applied for. Do you understand?”
I turn around to see her eyes narrowed on us. “You don’t really want him, though. You’re only with him to make me jealous.”
Her friends look at her like they think she’s crazy. I think the same thing. They’ve been over her shit since the summer. At this point, she’s making herself look stupid.
Ethan scoffs and guides me down the hallway, saying over his shoulder, “I haven’t wanted you in months. Don’t fool yourself, Dawn.”
“This isn’t over!” she shouts at our backs and I’m not sure if she’s talking to me or Ethan.
He shouts back, “It is now!” He leans closer to my ear when we’re a few feet away. “You okay?” I shake my head, because I’m not. “Come on.”
We leave the building and head to his car. I’ve never skipped school before, but I don’t want to be there anymore. Ethan has track practice, but I’m sure he’s skipping that too. I feel bad about it because track is his future. I’ll mention it later, hoping he at least goes back for practice.
We don’t speak on the drive to his house. I’m still thinking about what Dawn said. I know she’s trying to be hurtful. Of course I'm not pretty like a girl. And it wouldn't matter if I was, Ethan knows I'm a guy.
He puts the car in park when we’re in the driveway and leans his head back against the head rest. “What did she say?”
I tell him everything and I’m glad he doesn’t laugh like I thought he would. He looks pained, like it hurts him that she hurt me. I almost wish I didn’t tell him, but I can’t lie to Ethan.
“Look,” I sigh, rubbing my hand on my neck. “We can stop this now. You don’t have to play at being my boyfriend anymore.” He whips his head sharply in my direction.
His eyes fill with an unreadable emotion, then they settle on exasperation. “You thi—,” He stops and takes a deep breath. “You think I’m playing at this? Is that what you’re doing?” I quickly shake my head. “Good.”
He pulls me to him and crushes his lips to mine. I kiss him back just as urgently, hoping to convey how much I’m not playing at being his boyfriend. That I really care about him and want him to be mine. That I love him.
He snatches his mouth away and rests his forehead against mine. “You’re my creep,” he whispers. “I only want you.” He’s quiet for a beat, then pulls back and looks me in the eyes. “This is real to me. You’re my everything,” he says earnestly. “When did it become real to you?”
He doesn’t have to pull the truth out of me and I don’t feel the need to lie. I want to let him know how deep I’m in this with him. I tell him with no hesitation, “It’s always been real for me.”
Ethan closes his eyes briefly, then looks at me with so much tenderness and affection, I almost want to break down into a puddle of tears.
Exiting the car, Ethan comes around to open my door and help me out. He takes my bag and we walk inside.
Dragging me to his room, he sits me on the bed and drops to his knees in front of me.
“I’m not confused. I don’t think you look like a girl.
I obviously like sucking dick,” he says with a sardonic smile, making an involuntary giggle bubble up from my throat.
Only Ethan could make me laugh right now.
“I don’t want you to believe anything she said.
Dawn is bitter and jealous, so she’ll try to do anything to hurt you. Okay?”
“Okay, babe,” I answer, making him smile at the pet name. He gets up off the floor and sits beside me, putting an arm around my shoulder. “You need to go to practice today.”
He sighs then flops onto his back. “I know. I don’t want to leave you here, though. Not when you’re feeling like this.”
“I’m okay. I’m better now because of you. I can sit in the guest room and do some homework until you get home.”
“No. Sit in here,” he says, squeezing my side. “My parents won’t be back until after six. I’ll be home before then, and we can hang out and watch a movie.”
I nod, lying back and staring at the ceiling along with him. “Okay. I’ve never skipped class before,” I admit quietly.
“Oh, shit. You’re a rebel now,” he quips. I nudge him in the side, making him chuckle. “It’s cool. It’s Friday. I’m sure no one will care.”
He’s probably right. We don’t have many assignments due since we’re out of school next week. I probably won’t have to make up any work, but I still feel guilty about it.
Oh, well, it’s better than going back to school with red eyes and a runny nose because a mean girl followed me to class, spewing lies.
I hate confrontation. While I’m sure I could bite back and say a few choice words to Dawn, I’m not that person.
To me, it’s a waste of time. I won’t ever see her again when I leave here.
From what I’ve heard, she’s going to an in-state college.
She’ll still be on the East Coast and I’ll be in California, living my best life and soaking up the sun with my boyfriend.
I have no reason to start some drama when I’m almost out of here.
A few hours later, Ethan goes to practice and I curl up in his bed. I don’t have much homework and what I do have can wait until the weekend.
I lay there in silence, just thinking. My mind wanders, not settling on any one thing, my thoughts free to roam as they will.
Then, I get a lightbulb moment. I sit up suddenly, looking for my backpack so I can get a pencil and paper. I know what to give Ethan for Christmas.