Chapter 25 #2
“My parents are going to some kind of gala. They were going to volunteer again, but all of the slots are full at the shelter. So, they’re going to rub elbows with people my dad works with. Ryder wants to come over, though. You cool with that?”
“Of course. I like Ryder. I’ll see if Crystal, Mitch, and Elle are free. Crystal will be watching movies with her dad, but I’ll ask anyway. She might be free later tonight.”
Mitch and Elle are busy with their families and aren’t able to get away, but Crystal said they watched their movies last night and she’s free. I tell Ethan.
“Double date?” he asks.
Tilting my head, I look at him quizzically. “They’re not dating.” The look Ethan gives me tells me that I’m missing something. “Are they?”
“I wonder about you, creep. You really do miss all the signs.”
Feeling slightly offended, I mutter, “I do not.”
Ethan raises an eyebrow at me and pulls his legs up on the bed. “No? So why did it take me kissing you for you to know that I wanted to be with you?”
He has a point there.
“Okay, fine,” I whine, making him laugh. “But are they, like, actually dating?”
Ethan shrugs. “I think they’re getting there. Not sure if anything is official or not. Ask Crystal when she comes over.”
I plan to do just that.
We spend a few hours watching Hallmark movies, a habit I picked up from Crystal and her dad, but Ethan and I do the opposite of what they do.
We talk about how their relationship could happen in real life, even if it’s farfetched.
It’s all in good fun and I spend a lot of the time laughing at how ridiculous he is.
His parents head to their gala at seven that evening, looking amazing in their formal attire. They promise to be home no later than two, and Ethan jokes with them, telling them to make sure they don’t break their curfew.
Ryder and Crystal show up about twenty minutes later. Together. Damn, I really did miss the signs.
Crystal comes over and plops down onto the couch beside me, pulling me into a tight hug. “You okay, Koby?”
I nod against her shoulder, hugging her back just as fiercely. I feel really bad that she had to see what my mother did.
Pulling away from her, I pin her with a look. “I’m fine, but what’s going on with you and Ryder?”
She turns to look in his direction. He’s in the kitchen with Ethan, so we can’t actually see them.
When she turns back to me, she has a slight smile on her face. “I’m not sure yet. We’re seeing what happens. He’s nice, Koby. I mean, I knew he was, but he’s more than what I thought. He’s sweet. And sensitive. And super smart.”
Glad for my friend, I give her another hug. “That’s good. What about college, though? He’ll be way up north.”
Crystal rolls her eyes playfully and sits back in the chair. “They invented something called FaceTime for a reason, my dear friend.”
“True, indeed,” I respond.
For the rest of the evening, we all sit around, eat the food Ethan’s parents left for us, and talk about college.
Ryder opens up more about his parents and I really feel bad for him. He heard his parents arguing one day when they thought he wasn’t home and his father accused his mother of only having him so his father would be forced to marry her. She didn’t deny it.
He told us he plans to cut off all contact with them when he leaves for school. “The only reason I haven’t done it now is because I need a place to stay. My dad hasn’t put me out yet, so I’m going to stay until it’s time to go.” He shrugs, but the pain in his eyes is apparent.
Looking at the four of us, Ethan is the only one that has two solid parents. Crystal’s dad is a fucking rock, so she has that going for her, but Ryder and I are practically fucking orphans. Unwanted and thrown away like we’re trash.
I don’t mean to do it, but I excuse myself to step into the bathroom.
It’s only been a few days and I’m still feeling the effects of what went on with my mother.
It’s hard to keep the tears at bay until I’m behind the closed door of the bathroom, but I make it.
I turn the water on, in case my sobs get too loud, then I let the tears flow.
God, I really hate that I’m still so broken up about it. I know my feelings are valid, but I wish I didn’t feel like this. I wish I could disconnect myself from these emotions. I wish I could get over it, just as I’m sure Barbara got over it when I left.
If not for Ethan, I would have been out on the streets.
And my father wouldn’t have been able to help since he’s out of the state.
I would have been homeless and trying to figure out how to eat, finish school, and get to college in a few months…
if I survived on the streets. I’m sure if I went to Crystal’s, my mother would have been a fucking menace until Crystal’s dad had no choice but to ask me to leave. What a mess my life would have been.
I’m not sure how long I bawl my eyes out, but when I hear a soft knock on the door, I jump. I look at myself and see that my eyes are red and puffy.
Trying to hide the fact that I’m coming apart, I yell, “Gimme a minute. I’ll be out soon.”
“Creep, it’s me. Crystal and Ryder are gone.”
My shoulders droop and I trudge over to open the door.
I look at Ethan and see how sad his eyes are, and I hurriedly wipe my own. I try to paste a smile on my face. “It’s okay. I’m fine.”
He exhales a soft breath and says, “You’re not. Come on. Let’s go lie down. I’ll hold you until you are.”
For as long as the silent tears fall, his arms are around me.
I really hate that I keep breaking down like this.
I want to be fine. I want it not to hurt anymore, but I don’t know how.
I don’t know how to cut off the pain that’s been building up for years and bubbled over with the very public display of my mother’s contempt.
When will I ever not become a fucking puddle every time something like this triggers me?
I cry myself to sleep, Ethan’s strong arms around me the only thing keeping me together.
I don’t know what wakes me. The room is quiet and Ethan’s weight is warm behind me. One arm is around my waist and I’m using the other as a pillow. I turn slightly to look at him and find him already peering at me.
“You okay?” he inquires softly.
“Better,” I answer. “What time is it?”
He grabs his phone from the nightstand. “Three-fifty.”
I frown. I’ve been asleep for hours. And what’s worse, I didn’t say goodbye to Crystal and Ryder. I’ll text them tomorrow and apologize.
I wrap an arm around his waist. “Why are you up?”
Ethan shrugs and pulls me on top of him so I’m straddling him. “I woke up a few minutes before you did.” I reach over to click the light on, so I can see him better. He looks sleep rumpled. “Guess I couldn’t stay asleep either.”
“What’s wrong?”
He shrugs again. Then his face takes on a serious expression, one I don’t think I’ve seen before. His sadness is so evident it makes my heart ache. “How bad were things at your place? Tell me, please. I want to hear it all.”
I pull a deep breath in and let it out slowly. I want to tell him, but I’m afraid. “I don’t know, Ethan. It’s not…pretty.”
“I figured that. Please tell me, baby.”
Taking a deep breath, I begin to tell him everything.
Starting with how things were before. How my mother was warm and laughed a lot.
How my father would always call me ‘kid’ and liked to squeeze the back of my neck in that weird, but comforting parenting way.
How we were poor, but we stuck together, and we loved each other very much.
Then I told him how Dad started to work more, and in turn, my mother started to drink more.
And that’s when I came out. I told him how I told Crystal I was gay and she was receptive, so I thought my parents would be too.
While my father didn’t really say anything, just looked a bit sad, my mother went on a drunken rant about not wanting a gay son.
After that, I tell him how my father was at work so often that I would be surprised if I saw him once a month.
How whenever my mother saw me, she would berate me constantly, which was when I learned to walk quietly around the house and try to stay out of her way.
How I haven’t heard a kind word from my mother in years.
That I’ve finally given up on having a relationship with her.
When I’m done, he has tears in his eyes and he’s almost vibrating with anger.
“Hey,” I murmur, wiping under his eyes, clearing away his tears. “It’s okay.”
“No, it’s not,” he responds through clenched teeth.
“You’re right. It’s not,” I agree. “But it’ll be okay. I’ll get there. I know I will.” I’m going out on a limb by being so honest with him, but I decide to go for it. “I have you. Being with you makes it better. So I’ll be okay. Promise.”
Ethan lunges for me, sitting up and bringing his lips to mine in a brutal kiss. I wrap my legs around him and open up, letting him in so he can work his frustration and anger out through the kiss. I feel the tears on his cheeks, so I move my lips from his and kiss them away.
He shudders and rubs my back, breathing in deeply and letting it out slowly. “You’re the best thing to ever happen to me, creep. I can’t stand to see you hurt.”
I lean back and look him in the eyes. “When I’m with you, I’m not.
I have my moments, yes, but for the most part, I’m happy.
With you, I’m happy.” I bite my lip and look at him from under my lashes.
Feeling shy, but also so, so loved, I say, “Right now, I’m not hurting.
” I take his mouth in a sweeter, softer kiss that travels through my whole body, warming me as much as my conviction in what I just told him.
I pull back slightly and take a deep breath. “I love you, Ethan King,” I whisper shakily, not knowing what his response will be but needing to tell him how I feel.
His breath stutters and he leans farther back from me. He stares into my eyes with a surprised look on his face.
“You love me?” His voice comes out quietly and with a hint of disbelief.
Nodding, I maintain eye contact, even though I want nothing more than to hide my face. But I won’t hide from him. I love him and I want him to see in my eyes how much he means to me.
“Oh, Jakoby,” he groans, pulling me in for a hug that takes my breath away. “I love you too. I do. So much. I almost can’t believe how much.”
Happy tears well up in my eyes this time.
God, it feels good to hear him say that back.
And I know he means it. One thing I’ve learned over the past few months with Ethan is he doesn’t lie.
If he didn’t love me, he wouldn’t say it just because I said it first. And I didn’t expect him to say it back.
If he hadn't been ready to say it, I would have been fine. Because I know he has feelings for me. Him not saying the words wouldn’t have made me love him any less.
But hearing them is everything. Maybe this is something good I can have in my life, despite what my mother said.
I didn’t have to do anything other than being myself, and Ethan fell in love with me.
He lets me go and looks at me. “Come on, love of my life.” I chuckle softly and he swipes at the few stray tears left on my face. “Want to go look at the stars again? I know more constellations this time.”
Barking a laugh, I nod, and we go outside with a blanket and some pillows. And we lie together in the crisp night, sharing another perfect moment.