31. Anne
31
ANNE
T he color drained from Lennox’s face completely. He’s standing there, staring into nothing like he saw a ghost.
“Are you OK?” I ask carefully, trying not to disturb him further. He doesn’t answer. I grab a bottle of water from a shelf nearby, uncapping it. “Here, have a sip of water.” I put the bottle in his hands, and he collapses into a chair. It’s a miracle he made it to the chair since his eyes are still rooted to the spot.
“What happened… to them?” he barely ruts out, as if it pains him to ask.
I pause for a second, thinking my answer through, but there’s no reason to beat around the bush. “Mason’s father was violent. Is violent, probably. I don’t know the full story, but his mom got away after he broke Mason’s arm. She traveled halfway across the country to escape him.”
He nods solemnly. “And now? How are they now?”
“You’ve met Mason. He’ll find his way. But his mom is having a hard time. The shelter is currently helping her find a job and a place to stay. She does some work here on the weekends, and Mason usually tags along.”
He doesn’t respond, still staring into distance. I’m not sure what happened, but I’ll give him time to work it through. Grabbing another bottle of water, I drop down into a seat next to him and take a big gulp. The silence isn’t uncomfortable, but after a few minutes, he sighs and starts talking.
“Sorry for freaking you out.” He clears his throat. “The whole thing… this whole place hit a little too close to home.” I don’t interrupt him, putting a hand on his thigh to offer compassion. Emotion clogs his throat, but he keeps speaking. “My father is abusive. It started with words and turned physical over time.”
“I’m sorry to hear that.” My heart squeezes in my chest, but my experience at the shelter has taught me it’s better not to be shocked by anything they share.
“I used to beg her for us to leave and go to a place like this.” His eyes dart around the room before he lets out a self-deprecating laugh. “I just wish she did. I just wish she does. Why doesn’t she leave him?”
My heart breaks, hearing his pain. “I’ve spoken to enough survivors to know it’s not so simple. The cycle of abuse is vicious and very hard to break. It goes far beyond the physical and seeps into your very essence, until you don’t know how to separate yourself from the abuser.”
“Trust me, I’ve read plenty of books about it to know everything… in theory. But accepting it is another thing.” His voice drops down. “That’s why I decided to go no contact a few years ago.” He grunts. “Great guy, right? Turned his back on his mother when she needs him most.”
My palm squeezes his thigh, caressing it softly. “I’m certain you did your best to help her.”
“How would you know that?”
“Because I know you.” My voice gets louder to prove my point. “You’ve been nothing but protective of me and I’m basically a stranger. So, there isn’t a doubt in my mind that you did your fucking best to take care of the woman that gave you life. I also know that it isn’t a decision you can make. Only she can make it.” I inhale a deep breath. “And I get it. It’s the fucking worst. But you have the right to protect your own peace and not get destroyed in the process.” This time, I make sure to keep his gaze. “You did everything you could.”
“You said ‘fucking,’ twice,” he responds, making me huff out a laugh. It’s obvious he doesn’t fully believe my words.
“It was worth it.” I offer a gentle smile. “Sorry for bringing you here. I wouldn’t if I’d known.”
“It’s fine. Pretending it isn’t happening hasn’t done me any favors so far.”
“I also think we’re kind of done here.” I look around, the huge pile of boxes now organized into fitting categories. “So we can head out if you want to.”
“OK. Let’s just finish this.”
Slapping my palms to my thighs, I get up from the chair. He downs the rest of his water before following my lead. I move some final items, he takes apart the last cardboard box, and we exit the storage room.
“Hi, Sam. We sorted through all the donations, and we’re going to head out now.” She’s checking something in her scheduling pad.
“Thank you, guys, for coming!”
“Hey, Anne, do you mind heading to the car? I just want to hit the bathroom real quick.” Lennox asks.
“Sure, no problem.” He hands me his keys and Sam points him to the bathroom as I head outside.
The weather is really warming up and the car’s been sitting in the sun, so I blast the AC as soon as I enter. Just a few minutes later, Lennox returns.
We ride in silence as my mind swirls with thoughts. I want him to come to my place so I can feed my cat and then maybe go get something to eat, or take a walk, or something. I don’t want him to be alone like this. But I don’t want to overstep. I promised him not to get attached and prolonging this would be almost couplish. So I swallow my need and break the silence.
“Any fun plans for the rest of the day?”
“Yup. There’s a sledgehammer with my name on it at home.” He winks and I let out a chuckle. He’s obviously feeling a little bit better.
“Sounds… fun?”
He full on belly laughs at that. “It is. Manual labor is very freeing. Physical exhaustion gives me peace of mind.”
“Mhm,” I respond because I have a very different image of getting physically exhausted.
Last night, I felt like I was on drugs. And he’s correct, my mind was peaceful. Calm even, which it rarely is. It was also liberating being under his control in a way I’ve never felt before. I was free from the shame, from judgment, from the fear of failure that usually haunts most of my waking thoughts. I was simply there to follow orders. To be used.
Shoot, I’m getting wet thinking about it.
The way he used my mouth for his pleasure. The way he licked me like he was starving for my taste. The way his giant, romance-book-sized cock felt inside of me, making me see stars.
A part of me feels like I got my V-card taken last night. Because if last night is what sex looks like, I’m pretty sure I’ve never had it before.
“You OK? You look kind of flustered,” he asks, his voice full of concern.
“Yup. It’s just hot today.” I fan my face, hoping I played it off convincingly enough.
He stops in front of my building, and I open the door.
“Thanks for coming with me today. And… for last night, I guess.” My gaze is nowhere near his face, my signature shyness returning in full force. “Let me know when you want to do it again.” I slam the door and rush to my apartment.
Luna greets me at the door, so I give her a few pets before filling up her food and water. Cats are the best. They’re independent and self-reliable but with a soft interior. Kind of like Lennox, I guess.
I, on the other hand, am more of a dog. Desperate for care and attention. Desperate for the approval that I’m… well, a good girl.
“Aaah.” I release a loud sigh, dropping onto my couch, feeling emotionally drained. The sex yesterday was an out of body experience. And then—today. Sharing something so important to me with him.
And him opening up to me in return. There are tears still stuck in the back of my eyes where I shoved them not to fall in front of him. I care for people. I’m a natural carer. So not being able to do anything to help him killed me. But I know he wouldn’t want me pitying him, crying for him. Treating him differently. Nope, he’s a cat. He wants to be ignored until he decides to approach. And that is what he’ll get.
I’m full of nervous energy so I shoot Rina a text.
Me:
What are you guys up to?
Rina:
Just hanging around the backyard. Wanna come?
Me:
Yes, please. Be there soon.
I take a shower and grab a taxi to their house. Connor opens the door, so I give him a quick hug before heading to the backyard.
“Want some lemonade or something?” Connor yells after me.
“Sure.”
In the backyard, Rina is sprawled on a lounge chair, scrolling her phone.
“Hi, Rins.” I embrace her while she’s laying down. “How are you?”
“Huge, as you can see.” She gestures to her pregnant belly.
“Hey, don’t talk about the mother of my children that way,” Connor quips, bringing two glasses of lemonade.
I chuckle, adding, “You look beautiful.”
“Yeah, yeah. But I don’t have the strength for anything other than this.”
“Good thing you have me so there’s nothing else you need to be doing, anyway.” Connor places his hands on Rina’s shoulders, massaging them gently.
“Dad, come on! I need your help!” Eric yells from the tree house Connor and he are building. “Oh, hi, Anne. Didn’t see you there.”
“Hi, Eric. Your tree house is looking better and better.”
He shoots me a smile. I miss him running into my hands every time he saw me, but it’s been amazing to see him grow. He was just a toddler when I first met him, and now he’s building a tree house.
“Thanks. I hope my sister is going to like it.”
My eyes widen and I turn to Rina.
“Oops,” she responds. “I guess the cat’s out of the bag.” Tears pool in my eyes as I squeeze her into another hug.
“I’m so happy for you guys.”
Connor is wearing a proud smile, and I know that girl will have the best dad ever.
“Don’t make me cry again. I’ve been a hormonal wreck for months now.” Rina huffs, making me chuckle. “What have you been up to?”
“Oh, nothing,” I stutter, my heart beating faster. “Just hung out at home last night.” She shoots me a wary look. My ears start burning with the lie. A need to tell her the truth about Lennox and me floods me, but I suppress it. “And volunteered at the shelter this morning,” I add instead.
I don’t fully understand why I’m keeping the arrangement we have to myself. But the thought of sharing it makes me jittery. One thing I know is that she would think it’s a bad idea. She would think I’ll get hurt in the process. And I don’t need that. I need to feed my delusion, not deconstruct it.
Especially after yesterday. My heart had been broken a bunch of times before, and the orgasms weren’t nearly as good. So the danger of getting hurt at least sounds appealing this time.
“How’s it going at the shelter?” Rina’s question snaps me out of my thoughts.
“Same old. Sam does her best, but they’re struggling to get funding.”
“That’s rough. BYC should try to partner up with them.”
“How?”
“I don’t know. I’m having mommy brain.” She sighs. “Maybe Natalie can think of something.”
I nod, dying to change the subject so I don’t blab the fact I wasn’t alone there today. “What have you guys been up to? Other than this?” I gesture to their backyard.
“Absolutely nothing. The work week exhausts me lately, so the weekend is for recuperating.”
“Understandable.” I clink my lemonade glass to hers and take a large sip. We chat some more until I decide it’s time for me to get home.
I get cozy on the couch, Luna’s soft purrs lulling me to sleep, when my phone pings with a text.
Sam:
Girl, give that gorgeous man of yours a huge thank you!
100k!!!
I almost peed my pants seeing it!
Me:
Sorry, what?
Sam:
The guy that you brought today?
Me:
What about him?
She’s still not making any sense.
Sam:
He donated 100k to the shelter just before you guys left.
I thought you knew!
Me:
I had no idea.
But I’m so happy for you guys 3
Sleep is no longer on my mind. My heart is racing as my belly fills with something. Excitement?
Lennox donated $100,000 to my shelter. That’s completely insane and undeniably amazing. He’s carrying so much guilt, but he helped so many people with this.
I need to thank him somehow.