Chapter 25
Everybody in the room gasped and I felt the heat of nineteen stares bake into me. The scene had been cut and stitched together beautifully. If I hadn’t been there, I wouldn’t have known it didn’t happen that way either.
Receding into myself, I hugged my arms to my chest and lowered my head. I heard Miles talking from a distance, but the words didn’t reach my brain. People began to clear out of the bungalow and I let them go.
Finally, I looked up. Besides the ever-present Greg, the only person left was Chris.
‘Are we gonna yell?’ I asked in a small voice.
‘No,’ said Chris, sounding flat and empty. It was worse than if he screamed; he sounded like he’d given up.
‘That wasn’t how it went down,’ I said, the words feeble.
‘I’m sure.’
‘Well, you’re rich.’
‘I am.’
‘What happened to “no more secrets”?’ Even though I was too tired and drained to feel much of anything, the hurt at his lack of trust poured in through my cracked edges.
He sighed. ‘We were talking about you, not me.’
‘Well, that’s not a very open relationship.’
Chris finally sparked up a little. ‘Open? You want open? Fine. Let’s be open. See Henry if you want.’
‘Wait, that’s not what I mean—’
‘And I’ll see Aanya.’
His cavalier manner made me determined not to react. ‘Fine. Sounds good.’
Sadly, his eyes bored into me. ‘Tara … do you want me to let you go? I know I pushed you today, didn’t I? Maybe we are moving too fast.’ He spoke almost to himself. ‘We probably need to have some time apart. Is that what you want? ‘
Frustrated, I squirmed in my chair. ‘I don’t know anymore, Chris. Why is it always so hard between us? Every time I think we’re fine, something else comes along. I can’t seem to go a day without crying over you. Shouldn’t love be easier?’
Chris didn’t answer, and I read volumes in his silence. I stood up and walked away, not looking back.
***
Hours later, I sat on my balcony, staring out over the darkened jungle and moonlit ocean. I hadn’t even tried crawling into bed; I knew that I’d simply lie awake, twisting in my sheets, reliving myself kissing Henry on the screen.
Alone, but not alone. ‘Psst … are you gonna cry? You know, you still owe me one.’ Greg lurked behind me in the bedroom, filming my contemplations.
‘No. I’m beyond tears.’
‘Do you want me to play some sad music? Or I can call for an onion?’
‘Greg, I let you stay because I was lonely and you’re surprisingly good company, for a soulless cog in this horrible game. Don’t piss me off.’
He clicked off the camera. ‘Soulless cog? I’ll have you know, I’m being listed for a credit as a fourth AD.’
‘Go to bed, Greg.’
Yawning, he said, ‘You’re probably right. It’s almost midnight and tomorrow’s challenge is a doozy.’
‘What time is it?’ I said, bolting up in my chair.
‘I don’t know …’ He studied his watch, tilting it in the dim light. ‘Seven, six minutes to midnight? Or maybe less, my watch is fast. Or is it slow …?’
My midnight fantasy cabin rendezvous. Frantically, I ran through the possibilities. Would Chris still go? Would I still go? Would I even want to sleep with him right now? What if he wasn’t there? What would that mean?
I made up my mind. ‘I have to go.’ Running to my bedside table, I snatched up my fantasy cabin key and headed for the door.
‘Wait up! Tara!’ Greg pounded along behind me as I sprinted down the walkway.
I knew where my fantasy cabin entrance was—I’d passed the sign with the number FC15 on it when I was looking for Jen. At the time I’d studiously ignored it, but as I turned along the smaller pathway with Greg on my heels, I was very glad I didn’t have to search to find it.
The path twisted deep into the undergrowth of the jungle, the night air dank and close. We reached an ornate wooden door, and I halted, suddenly terrified.
‘Are you going in?’ whispered Greg.
‘Yes.’ My voice sounded far more confident than I felt. Pushing the heavy metal key in the lock, I twisted it and pulled the door wide.
A short corridor lay in front of me, the walls and the carpet a rich black. There was no lighting to be seen. At the other end, a second door waited.
Leaving the first door open so I could see what I was doing by the pale moonlight, I walked cautiously to the second door, but the knob spun uselessly in my hand.
‘It’s a light lock,’ explained Greg. ‘It won’t open until you close the first door.’
‘Okay. Okay.’ I took a deep breath for comfort. ‘Greg, what time is it now?’
‘Um … it’s one minute to midnight on my watch, so it’s either 11:56 or 12:02.’
‘That’s really unhelpful,’ I hissed.
‘Sorry …’
I shut the door in his face and the room went dark.
Robbed of my sight, I put my palm on the wall and inched along until I came up against the other door again. This time, the knob clicked and the door pulled inwards.
I stood at the threshold, perfectly still, my every sense alert. Staring into the silent blackness, there wasn’t even a glimmer of light or the faintest outline of a shape. Listening, I was certain I was alone; there was no breathing or movement other than my own. When I let out a ragged sigh of relief, my voice felt close and contained, giving me the impression of a smallish space.
There has to be a bed, right? Keeping one hand on the door, I leaned forward, stretching out my arm. My fingers brushed something soft; silk sheets, slippery and cool. Experimentally, I felt the curved edge of a bed and, taking a leap of faith, I left the security of the door, bringing both hands to the mattress. Sitting softly, I began to wait.
It felt as if I waited for an eternity. My mind vomited forth every horrifying possibility while I sat, helpless in the dark: no one will come, the wrong person will come … Dante will come. The Italian’s leering features swirled before me, his hands grabbing for my breasts while I screamed into the inky depths, trapped by him with no reprieve.
My heart rate and breathing both reached a fever pitch. I was strung like a bow, every muscle taunt, my brain flapping frantically around my skull. It’s way after midnight. If it was Chris, he would have been here by now. Get out! Get out! I wanted to leave but my muscles were frozen.
When a door on the other side of the room clicked, I freaked out, instantly springing off the bed and launching myself at the exit. Where’s the handle? Where’s the handle, oh god, oh god!
My hands finally closed over the knob. I yanked it open and fled.
***
Transcript of Tara M’s video diary: Day 18
I was pretty popular in high school, mostly with the boys, but I had a few close girlfriends too—right up until the day I started dating the school captain. Suddenly, none of the boys wanted to talk to me and the girls were furious. I broke up with him after a few weeks of feeling like an outcast, but things were never quite the same.
Walking into the sandy lagoon area where everyone was milling around sent me hurtling back to my lonely Year 11 days. Contestants I’d considered my friends just yesterday were staring at me like I was anchovies on their Hawaiian pizza. Backs were turned, ranks were formed against me. No one wants to be friends with the dirty two-timer …
I wanted to leap up onto the little raised platform at the front and scream, That wasn’t how it happened! Don’t believe Miles and his screen of lies! Considering all the loathsome things we all knew about each other, surely my sin wasn’t that bad? But I remembered how quickly we’d all shut out Callum and the karma seemed to fit the crime.
Chris leaned against a palm tree, mouth-watering in his navy blue board shorts and Billabong tee, the look capped off by his serious, distant expression. His gaze fell on me and I waved, just using my fingers. He raised a weak hand, saluting me back.
Maybe we should just talk? I took a single step towards him before Aanya appeared, sidling up to Chris and engaging him in conversation. Right. That’s how it is.
Clara was lying on a towel, sunning herself and staring adoringly at Toshi. No point trying to interrupt that … Jen stood alone, so I wandered over to her instead. ‘What a rough night,’ I said. ‘I swear to God, people are being so judgemental—’
‘Tara, would you please find someone else to speak to this morning?’ Jen’s eyes were blank and she didn’t turn to look at me.
‘Jen … what is it? You know me! Please, don’t shut me out!’
‘Goodbye, Tara.’ She walked off, and I stood with my mouth open, stunned at her dismissal.
‘I thought she might be angry.’ Henry’s gentle voice had me spinning around. With large sad eyes, he stared after Jen.
Exasperated, I said, ‘Everyone is angry! They’re all treating me like I’m a freaking war criminal or Lindsay Lohan or something!’
‘Tara, I’m so sorry.’ Henry’s face was distraught. ‘I’ve been trying to talk to the others, explain how the footage was twisted. I even tried to talk to Chris, but … well, it didn’t go well.’
‘Thanks anyway, Henry. That was really honourable.’ I’d forgotten how much of a gentleman he was.
I’d also forgotten how attractive he was. In simple white shorts and a pale blue button-down, he looked like a movie star on holiday. His blond hair had lightened in the sun over the last few weeks and it stood up in cute tufts all over his head.
‘Henry! Can we get you over here for a minute, please? We need to mic you up.’ A sound guy waved him over.
‘Don’t worry, Tara. I’m sure they’ll all forgive and forget soon enough.’ He went over to the crew, clustered out of the sun under an umbrella, leaving me alone again.
Or so I thought. ‘ Ciao, Bella! ’ Dante sidled over.
‘I’m not your Bella , asswipe.’
He laughed, wickedly. ‘You are not so popular today; now everyone knows what a puttana you are. Dante always knew though. He can smell it on you, rising from your fica. ’ He leaned in close and breathed me in.
Shuddering, I shied away, grateful to see Miles clamber onto the podium and give us our challenge instructions. ‘Good morning, team! Welcome to the Erotic Island lagoon! Just around the bend lies a man-made series of pools and waterfalls, winding around lush tropical gardens. Sounds perfect for relaxing, right?’
No one answered. We could sense a twist coming.
‘We’ve tipped twenty keys in the lagoon. All you have to do to claim one is grab it. Each key is worth a name for those who already have keys—and if you find more than one key, you’ll be rewarded with more than one name! And because we’re so generous, we’ll even give you thirty minutes to search.’
He gestured to us to follow him. ‘But unfortunately, water clarity might be an issue today.’
The lagoon came into sight. Miles had described it well; huge, meandering streams and pools, bending away behind pretty gardens. Despite the artificial edges and sculpted too-perfect appearance, it was beautiful.
But the water … ‘What the fuck is that shit?’ Clara, as usual, said what everyone was thinking. The waterways were filled with a bright purple gel.
‘Great question! It has many names: Jell-O, gelatine, jelly. Ladies and gentlemen, Erotic Island has just set the world record for the largest ever Jell-O pool! Who wants to wrestle? Touch restrictions are lifted from the starting gong to the second gong at the end.’
‘Really?’ I was muttering to myself. My swimsuit was purple as well, which seemed like a win, and now, more than ever, I needed a key. But the thought of plunging into the slippery sugary mass was about as appealing as humping a cactus.
Especially considering my present company. Dante murmured in my ear, ‘Oh … what a delizioso idea! Who know what might happen under the surface, no? Stick close with me, my little cazzo stuzzicare. Dante will help you.’
‘Actually, no thank you, sir.’ Blessedly, Henry stepped between us. ‘You see, I’ve already arranged to escort Miss Tara around during today’s game.’
‘Escort is the right word for her, frocio, ’ Dante spat. Still, he moved off and I heaved a great sigh.
‘Thanks so much, Henry. I don’t think he’ll come back; you can go do your own thing, if you like.’
Henry looked wounded. ‘But what I want to do is make sure you’re okay. I’d like to stay with you, if you’ll allow it.’
‘Of course.’ A ghost of a smile crossed my face. Maybe Chris and I were broken, and everyone hated me, and Dante was a douche, and I still had to sleep with a stranger, but with Henry next to me, things seemed okay somehow.
The game was ridiculous. At the gong, we all waded into the revolting purple goop, which smelled powerfully of blueberries. It was slimy and hard to move through, and all around us, people were shrieking and feeling each other up like horny teenagers.
I slipped over almost every second step. ‘Upsidaisy,’ said Henry, after watching me topple for the fourth time in as many seconds. He looped an arm around my waist and held my hand. ‘Is that better?’
I was about to say, No, I’m fine, you can let me go. After all, it felt wrong to be handled by anyone but Chris.
Then I saw him around the bend. Aanya was squealing with delight, pulling him along by his hand, but she fell, dunking under the violet surface. Chris plucked her up gallantly and flung her across his back. She gripped him tightly with her arms and legs, pressing her face to his shoulder, a happy, indigo, Indian girl.
Tearing my eyes away, I said, ‘Yes, that’s much better, thanks Henry.’
Sloshing around the cove, I let myself embrace the silliness of the situation, finding myself giggling and almost enjoying the feeling of the jelly sliding over my lower limbs. Working together, we managed to locate a key each, and were rewarded with two envelopes after the game was over. Clutching mine in sticky purple fingers, I thanked Henry.
‘I couldn’t have done this without you,’ I said truthfully. ‘God, I need a shower desperately.’
Henry’s pale skin was stained a wretched blackcurrant hue. ‘You’re not wrong; I feel like a Ribena berry! Can I walk you home?’
I’d been planning on trying to speak to Jen, but her fathomless eyes seared at me with hatred from the other side of the beach. Chris and Aanya were still chatting and towelling off. Everyone else was busy or gone.
‘I’d like that.’
On the walkway, Henry said haltingly, ‘Tara, I have to say again … I’m sorry for all the trouble my proposal has cost you.’
‘It was a sweet offer, Henry. I’m the one who’s sorry; I’ve barely seen you for the last week or so. I haven’t even thanked you properly for looking after me during the cyclone. Tell me, how are you doing?’
‘It’s been … quite intense, really; that’s the best way I can describe it.’ He blushed, the colour evident even through his stained skin. ‘I’ve … well, I’ve been seeing someone. And it’s been eye-opening and infuriating and spectacular and stressful and mind-blowing and exhausting, all at once.’
‘Sounds like my week, too.’ I shook my head, thinking of everything Chris and I had put each other through. ‘Who is she?’
‘Um … I’d rather not say, if that’s alright.’
‘Sure,’ I said, trying not to feel slighted.
‘But it is wonderful to be speaking with you again. It always feels very easy between us, don’t you think?’
I smiled warmly. ‘It really is.’ Henry had never sent me off into a haze of infatuation the way Chris did, true, but if I’d never met Chris, I would have fallen for Henry without a second thought. He was kind and sexy and cultured and honourable. What was there not to like?
‘I still think we’d work well together, Tara. Would you consider spending some time with me over the last few days here?’
‘What about your other girl?’ I said as we stopped by my door.
Henry stroked his chin. ‘Well, she’s always been quite free with her affections. She’s been very clear about the fact that she doesn’t want to be tied to just one person. I’ve been trying to stop myself from becoming too attached, considering her… proclivities. I can’t see her being too offended. Besides, I’m not asking you to marry me, or even s-sleep with me,’ he stumbled over the word, still shy. ‘Just spend some time with me.’
With my heart simultaneously heavy and happy, I answered. ‘Sure.’
Inside the privacy of my room, I opened my envelope, praying the name on the paper would start with a D.
Toshi
‘Crap on a stick!’ I yelled to the sky. At least I knew Clara wouldn’t be out for my blood.
So, it’s not Loris and it’s not Toshi … That left eight guys I could potentially be having sex with: six of which I could bear, one who I wished for and one who would sully my soul forever.
***
Transcript of Tara M’s video diary: Day 19
Knowing that I wasn’t going to have to sleep with the guy made my smile much wider when I opened the door to him this morning.
‘Toshi! Good to see you, mate!’
‘And you, Tara.’ He bowed his head slightly at me, his jet black hair falling forward over his face slightly. ‘Clara and I missed you last night at the beach party.’
‘She’s not mad at me too?’
‘No. She said to tell you …’ he coughed, apparently uncomfortable, ‘ …fuck the haters, you are my bitch. I think it’s meant to be positive.’
I smiled. ‘Thanks, Toshi. I appreciate the message.’
He led me along the path towards the bungalow. ‘I cannot help but feel responsible for Clara’s lack of attention to you. We have been spending many hours together. But we looked for you last night. You should listen to her. Don’t let others become a weight around your neck.’
‘I was pretty tired,’ I said quickly. ‘The after-challenge parties are optional, anyway.’ Also, the thought of seeing Chris, of not knowing where we stood with each other, the silence stretching between us … I wimped out.
Glanced at Toshi, I noticed the similarity between our outfits. We both wore flowing cotton pants in black. Toshi had a kimono-style top wrapped around his broad frame, while I wore a fitted tank, also in black. We looked like extras from The Matrix , about to be schooled by Morpheus.
My instincts appeared to be right on. The bungalow had been cleared of furniture, and padded blue mats lay all over the floor. ‘I’d like to teach you some basic martial arts, if you wish to learn,’ said Toshi.
Actually excited, I replied, ‘Yes! That would be awesome!’ Considering how defenceless I’d been against Dante, I’d take any training I could get.
‘Have you studied any martial arts before?’
We stepped onto the mats and I gripped the surface with my toes, testing the give. ‘Not really. I worked with a Capoeira instructor once who showed me a few moves, but that was really about it.’
‘You carry yourself like a dancer.’ Toshi knelt and I followed his lead.
‘Yeah, I’ve got a few years of contemporary under my belt. Why?’
He enlightened me. ‘Both dance and martial arts are similar. They require strength, balance, discipline, flexibility and fitness.’
We spent a pleasant few hours training, exploring different styles from Karate to Ju-Jitsu. I was a total newbie, but Toshi was a patient teacher, guiding me through positions and explaining movements and history.
After an extended kicking session, striking Toshi’s padded hands with my feet repeatedly, I flopped to the mat, drained. ‘That felt great! God, it’s fun to punch stuff.’
‘ Hai. ’ He nodded at me, benignly. ‘Are you ready to eat? It is always more satisfying to feast after combat.’
The far end of the bungalow was laid with a Japanese-style banquet on the floor. We sank to cushions and refreshed ourselves with rice and green tea.
‘This was perfect. Thanks for organising, Toshi.’
‘You are most welcome. I will tell you, this has been the same date for every girl I’ve seen, except Clara. But you have been the most willing student.’
‘Cheers. Hey, what did you do for your date with Clara?’
Toshi sipped his tea, long fingers curling around the delicate cup. ‘I flew her to the main island, to a music studio. She professionally recorded a song there, one she wrote for me.’
‘So, I’m guessing you and Clara are doing pretty well again?’ I asked, munching on thinly sliced beef.
Toshi’s face lit up in a rare, genuine smile. ‘We are very close. My heart is glad.’
Curiously, I questioned, ‘Do you think she’s really over the cheating thing? I’m not trying to be blunt, I’m just really interested in how you can move past something when you’ve been really hurt.’
‘People are naturally imperfect. No matter what your relationship, whether parent, child, friend or lover, there will always be mistakes on both sides. It’s how we choose to accept the flaws of the people who surround us that determines our peace.’ He closed his eyes meditatively. ‘Clara is on the path.’
***
Dolled up in an adorable mint and pink floral playsuit, I walked back to the bungalow later that evening. I’d had a great time with Toshi but my renewed confidence began to dissipate as I reached the steps of the bungalow.
Inside, I could see Chris and Aanya sitting together at a table, while Jen pushed past me, still livid. In the face of so much rejection, I opted for a quick walk on the beach to gather my thoughts.
Standing in the shallows, I allowed the warm waters to lap at my feet, while my brain whizzed around, spilling thoughts, logic, fear, emotion.
I’m okay. Filming is almost done—just one more date and one more challenge, and we’re finished. Who cares if the man you love is off giving you space or the woman you gave fifty grand to now hates you? Get your million, get out. That was the plan all along.
Drawing the words JUST DO IT! in the sand with my toes, I dotted the exclamation point deeply, then turned to face the bungalow.
Dante waited for me at the base of the steps. ‘ Buonasera, my little Australian friend! Dreaming about me?’
Not deigning to answer, I tried to move past him but he stepped sideways and blocked me. ‘Move, freakshow.’
His greasy hair gleamed in the low light and his features were distorted in a horrid grimace. ‘Dante has been in his cabin every night since he claimed his key. And no one comes! So, I ask myself, who is the shy cazzo stuzzicare who avoids my bed?’
Horror began to overwhelm me as I frantically tried to convince myself I couldn’t possibly be the only girl yet to spend a night in the fantasy cabins.
‘But Dante knows … time is running out for her, si? Tick, tock!’ Dante laughed uproariously. ‘One way or another, you will feel the fire of my belino . Whether you like it or not …’
He blew me a kiss and slithered off. And that’s when I made my decision.
I’m not going into the fantasy cabin.