22. Sidney
Sidney
D amn Bennett and his commanding ways. One order from him and my omega just wanted to comply, to fall to her knees for him, to submit.
And now they knew everything.
I had no plans to tell them every detail. Now that the words had tumbled from my lips, I was mortified.
The silence was so deafening that I started to fill the space with my own rambling reassurances.
“Look, I never expected you guys to give up any of that for me. It’s why I never wanted to say anything and why I never tried to let Maverick know how I really felt. I’m not anyone’s mate. I’m learning how to accept that and live with it. I’d never take away your future.”
They looked shocked at my rambling outburst. Then incredulous as they cut me off before I could say more.
“I’ll bite you right now if you want me to,” Bennett challenged, Mav and Taylor nodding along.
“You are my mate,” Leo said firmly at the same time. “If you wanted me to claim you, I would do it in a heartbeat. But we have to clear the air first. I can’t move forward without it.”
“What are you talking about?” I asked, my head tilting in confusion. It wasn’t the first time that he admitted there was something more going on. All this guilt and apologies wasn’t simply from being a dick.
Leo stood and started pacing. Maverick’s arms tightened around me and a low growl escaped him. It was a quiet one, only for me. My hand gripped at his thigh, holding on while I braced myself for whatever was coming next.
“When we first met in school, I loved our little thing we had going. The challenge was exhilarating and it kept me focused in school.”
He was right. At first it was different, playful even.
“Then what changed?” I questioned. I’d tried to remember when it shifted and why, but couldn’t understand. “Why did you turn so…?” My words trailed off and I wasn’t sure how to express what I wanted to say.
“Mean,” he answered for me with a humorless laugh. “Because I heard your mom on the phone telling mine about how she had to get away. How your dad was so cold and you were awful to her, siding with him. That you hated her and showed it.”
The words hit me like a bucket of ice water. Betrayal, white hot and angry, swelled in my chest. This conversation was about to open old wounds that I wanted to leave buried.
“She said that?” I questioned, my voice breaking.
Fuck, I was going to be sick. My stomach was churning worse than ever and that was saying something after the last few hours.
“Night after night,” he said, his voice harsh but I knew it wasn’t directed at me any longer.
There was a hint of self-deprecation and a whole lot of frustration mixed in. That was something I could relate to.
“She would call my mom and talk about how hard it was to be on her own, how lonely. I think my mom even sent her money.”
That had me letting out another startled laugh. “She’s fucking crazy. She drained their savings, she took thousands with her, Leo. We lived on food pantries and basics for weeks.”
“She happily took that money from my mom,” he said. Finally he stopped moving, his light brown hair disheveled as he shoved his hands through it. The movement was aggressive, like he was punishing himself.
“She put on a performance of tears and whines. It was all about how unloved she was, unwanted. She painted it out to sound like she was bullied by her own kid. I guess I was young enough, impressionable enough, to believe it. After that, I just saw you differently.”
“I was different then,” I realized. “I’d fought and gotten detention so much, which always landed me extra ranch chores. Mucking stalls did little to help my mental health but I guess Dad felt like he was doing something about it.”
Leo let out a harsh breath. “I thought if you were this awful person like she said you were, then it was no longer fun for me. I… I wanted to put you in your place.”
He settled on the table next to me and Maverick so he could look me in the eyes.
“I’m so fucking sorry, Sidney. You never deserved that. I was a stupid kid that let crazy emotions get the best of me. You needed me, not my attitude.”
My first instinct was to tell him that it was okay, but I knew that none of them would accept that response. This was a moment of closure for us.
“You couldn’t have reached me. We weren’t close like that and I figured it was better to push everyone else away because if I never let anybody get close again, I’d never be left behind.”
Fresh tears burned at my eyes, eventually spilling over as our eyes stayed locked. I angrily wiped them away, so done with these intense emotions.
I’d kept myself locked away for so long that this felt strange. Four men who not only wanted me, but wanted to listen and help me.
“Except the Whitakers,” Leo said, his eyes flickering to Maverick behind me. There wasn’t judgment, he was just asking for a reason.
“Mama Whitaker became my replacement mom. In some ways, my mother wasn’t wrong. My dad is cold. Growing up in that house was awful as an omega. No mother figure, no love or encouragement, only hard work. I had to fall in line or be rejected by him, too. They were my lifeline, the only thing keeping me from sinking.”
Leo scrubbed a hand over his face before reaching out and tugging me out of Maverick’s lap into his arms. He held me close as Mav grunted in annoyance.
I think he knew we both needed this.
“We’re not going to leave you, Sidney. I guess I can’t talk for everybody, but I’m not going anywhere,” Leo said firmly. “I want to get to know you again and I want you to get to know me.”
Bennett cleared his throat after a few moments.
Leo released me and I turned to face the alpha, chewing on my lip to see what he was going to say in all of this. He’d been too quiet after the big reveal.
“I’m obviously not going anywhere, either. I scented you and know that you’re mine, omega. So, I need you to tell us exactly how you want us to handle this heat.”
“Don’t claim me if you don’t want me,” I said, needing to get the words out. “If you have any doubts whatsoever do not give me that part of yourself.”
“If you want me I’m yours, sunshine. I’m just happy you’re finally letting me in,” Taylor said gently, his dimples deepening with his smile. Just the sight of it had some of the tension ebbing away.
“I’m sorry,” I started to say but he shook his head, refusing to let me get more than that out.
“Don’t be. You’ve dealt with more than anybody should. Your mother was a terrible person for doing what she did to you and I’m so sorry that she put you through that. I’m sorry that your home life was not what it should have been. But I will spend the rest of my life showing you that you are worthy. Making sure you know what real love feels like. I’ve known for a while how I feel… I’m not walking away.”
Maybe it wasn’t fair of me, but the words that tumbled out of my mouth were the true depth of my vulnerability. I truly needed to hear this from every single one of them.
“Even if you find another omega to scent match with?”
He gave me a small smile. “If that were ever to happen, I would still never leave you, Sidney. I don’t say it lightly when I say that you’re mine. There’s no going back for me. I have an alpha and I have my omega.” He gestured around at the others. “And we have a pack. What more would I need?”
“You’re it for me Sidney. Even if I was too stupid to tell you,” Maverick promised. “I’m tired of fighting it.”
“Sounds like that’s settled,” Bennett said, giving me a grin that showed every bit of conviction he had for our pack. “Now the question is, what do we do to get this place ready? Because you sure as hell aren’t going back to your family ranch for a heat.”
I groaned “I’m going to have to call him at some point. I’ve been missing for days. I’ve never done that.”
“You’ve never done that… you’ve been gone for days… and your dad hasn’t reached out once?” Bennett asked, his anger flaring. Leo’s lips curled up in disgust.
Maverick was the only one who didn’t look shocked. He knew how Dad was.
“Her dad would have to care enough to realize she’s missing. Other than the fact that he’s having to make up for her work.”
“Uncle Dale would be more angry,” I admitted. “I’ve been trying to ease in a horse for him.”
“One of us can take you back to the ranch so you can pack up your things. You can talk to them then.”
Leo turned my attention back to him, his hands wrapping around mine. “You never have to go back there again, if you don’t want to. This can be our pack house. We can work on it as we stay here. It’s functioning enough to work. I’ll order furniture right now.”
His promise rang with sincerity. Relief poured through me, so strong my knees buckled.
I was so tired of fighting my instincts. Tired of being alone. Tired of holding my head up when all I felt like was falling apart.
They were offering me everything I’d ever wanted and I wanted to embrace it with my whole heart and soul.
But I couldn’t erase a lifetime of doubts in one evening.
Maybe my heat would change that, but for now I had no clue how to handle it all.
“Can I take a nap first? Then we can talk more?” I practically begged. “I don’t feel so good.”
“It’s probably an adrenaline dump after all that high anxiety,” Bennett guessed. “Leo, do you have something for her?”
“She can have my bed,” Leo offered and I was too exhausted to read more into that.
He led me upstairs and showed me to his room. He was so gentle with me now, setting out a big t-shirt and a pair of boxers in case I wanted it, and offering me his shower. I barely listened but nodded along anyway.
When he finally finished talking he lingered in the doorway. He was unsure but I just needed a minute to be alone and process.
“Thank you, Leo. I’m sorry to intrude like this. I just need a minute.”
“Anything you need, Sidney, it’s yours.” There was that gentle look again. It was hard to pick apart right now.
“I’d like to be alone if that’s okay.”
“Of course,” he said, moving forward to press a firm kiss to my forehead before turning and leaving the room.
The door closed with a soft thud behind him. I didn’t move until his footsteps receded down the hall. The creeks quieting on the stairs told me he was gone.
My body felt heavy and my head was pounding.
I didn’t overthink it as I pulled off my clothes, tossing them into a pile and replacing them with the ones Leo had set out for me. I climbed under his cool sheets, the silky softness soothing against my overheated skin.
My mind was at war with itself. My old, ingrained negativity meeting the new hope that was burrowing there, begging me to trust them. I knew that scent I’d smelled was intoxicating, even if I was terrified to admit it.
I’d never had a place to belong and what the guys were offering me was everything I ever wanted. Letting them help me through the heat would be a huge risk and I wasn’t sure if I was going to survive the aftermath.
Could I really let myself have this?