6
Following my Monday visit with Arthur, I found that I couldn’t help myself. Every class I attended, everywhere I went on campus, every chance I got, my eyes darted around, attempting to spot Theo. I’d see him dashing through the crowd of students on his way to a class. My eyes would land on him sitting a few rows away in a lecture hall. He’d zip in and out of the dining hall, grabbing something to eat, then scurry away with it.
Stalking him wasn’t my intent, I had simply grown curious about him. After my chat with Arthur, I’d thought about feeling unwelcome in a place you had every right to be. Regardless of any choices Theo had made in life, he hadn’t actually harmed anyone on campus—that I knew of—so it felt gross that people were being rude to him. It felt even more disgusting considering that the reason they were all treating him poorly was over some unconfirmed slight against a stranger.
Theo was elusive, however. Spotting him for brief moments throughout the week made it nearly impossible to gauge how he was handling Midway and his fellow students. He never seemed too distressed when I did see him, but he wasn’t actively engaging with anyone. Going to class, getting food, and running away from everything human seemed to be his modus operandi. I couldn’t really blame the guy. Avoiding humans was one of my hobbies from time to time, and no one had really given me a solid reason to do it.
Other than, you know, people.
By midweek, I’d nearly given up on my mission to figure him out. Second week of classes involved more notes, more homework, starting projects that would be due at the end of the semester, and Collin was a constant distraction at night in our room. If he had to be in the dorm studying, instead of with the guy he was currently seeing, Collin could be a lot to handle. His constant moaning and groaning about how unfair university was for assigning work made studying torture at times. Fortunately, his overwhelming willingness to share the items from the care package his mom had sent him made it a little more tolerable.
When Thursday afternoon rolled around, and Collin left to stay with Dylan for another weekend, life—and studying—became easy once again. I accomplished more studying on Thursday evening than I had all week. I even picked up my dinner from the dining hall and ate at my desk to make the most out of the glorious quiet. Even though studying was easy, sleeping was even easier. Without Collin around, there were no nightly noises, so I didn’t have to sleep with earplugs in to stay asleep.
As much as I loved my best friend, sharing a room with him was annoying at times. If Midway University suddenly started offering single dorms in my senior year, I was going to make sure my name was at the top of the list. Collin and I could still have classes together, eat meals together, hang out, and video call all we wanted. Having the luxury of a room all to myself meant more to me than almost anything. Of course, being in my third year of university, I was probably getting sick of sharing space.
Having the stress of studies, wanting to make good grades, get quality sleep, and have some alone time exacerbated my feelings. Not that it was something I wanted to discuss with anyone, but there are certain things guys my age want to do that are nearly impossible when you share a room. If I wanted to jerk off Monday through Thursday, I had to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night when everyone was asleep, and quickly do it in the shower. Or I had to make absolutely certain Collin was fast asleep—with his earbuds in—before quickly attending to the task as quietly as possible.
Laying on your side, turned towards the wall, masturbating, while hoping your friend won’t notice is not a relaxing activity. Jerking it quietly in a shower stall with only an opaque plastic curtain to keep anyone from walking in and catching you was also stressful. Due to the limited opportunities to tend to my needs, I’d gone home at the end of my freshmen and sophomore years pretty tightly wound. A three-peat was not something I was interested in for my junior year.
Please let Collin fall in love with Dylan, I found myself thinking as I drifted off to sleep Thursday night. At least for the year.
When I awoke Friday morning, I felt more rested than I had in the previous two weeks. I hadn’t overslept, so I was able to pop into the bathroom casually, take a thorough shower, groom myself, and then take time dressing for class. By the time I was grabbing my wallet and lanyard, and slinging my backpack over my arm, I didn’t look like a complete creature for once.
Maybe my junior and senior years would be the era I got my shit in order when it came to my appearance. Taking care of my studies had never been an issue, but there’d always been a sacrifice to keep up with them. Looking at myself in the full-length mirror on the back of our room door on Friday morning, I felt things might be changing. Managing my time and sleep schedule better might be the thing that changed my life at Midway.
I headed out to American Literature with a spring in my step, feeling great about myself. With extra time before class, I was able to eat in the dining hall, and slurp down a bottled cold brew before class. I’d remembered to fill my water bottle the night before, so I was able to swish some around to clean some of the coffee stink off my breath as I made my way to class from the dining hall.
Upon arriving, our professor was already in class, but she appeared busy. I said a quick “hello”
before walking to the back of the room and slipping into the same seat I’d taken during our first week. Class quickly began to fill up, and my thoughts of how good I felt about myself switched to realizing that I hadn’t seen Theo. If he waited to the last minute to duck into class again, he’d be stuck sitting next to me once more.
I took a real shower this time. I chuckled to myself. Turn your nose up at me again.
As if he had heard my thoughts, and summoned to do the thing I least wanted, Theo arrived with only a minute to spare. Another straggler came through the door beside him. The other student zipped past Theo and into class in search of an empty seat. Theo’s eyes seemed to go directly to my table, probably because it was the one he’d had the week before. Recognition that the seat was empty again registered on his face and he frowned. His eyes darted away in time to catch the student who had zipped by him take the only other empty seat.
I could have been imagining it, but Theo seemed highly perturbed by this development. His shoulders seemed to slump and he shuffled into class, winding his way through the aisle towards my table. Students shot him glances and a few whispers and giggles broke out amongst the students as Theo came towards me.
This dude really does not like me, I found myself thinking.
Sitting next to me for another week seemed to be a Hell-like punishment for the guy. Obviously, my imperfect hygiene the week before had left a bigger impression than I’d thought. The previous week, I knew that I hadn’t groomed myself as well as I normally did, or liked, but I hadn’t felt I’d been bad enough to leave an impression that would carry into the second week of class. As Theo shuffled over and committed himself to the only remaining seat, I was determined to make up for the previous week. If I was nice and inviting, he’d take a second look—and whiff—and realize that the previous week had been a fluke.
When he sat down next to me, appearing to do anything but look directly at me and instigate any type of interaction, I nearly lost my resolve. It was possible the guy was standoffish, not because of my appearance the previous week, but because he didn’t like socializing. Maybe he was an introvert? Maybe he was wanting to focus solely on his studies.
Maybe he’s a giant, gaping asshole?
Anything was possible. However, I was determined to give it one more shot.
When Theo didn’t so much as acknowledge my presence, I turned slightly in my seat, and affixed the most normal smile I could muster to my face.
“Hi,”
I said, simply.
As if in slow motion, Theo tensed, and turned his head to look at me. I managed to keep my smile on my face as our eyes met. For a split second, I thought, surely, he was going to at least greet me back. Smile. Nod. Anything.
What he did, I hadn’t expected.
Theo Hendrix literally turned up his nose, looked me up and down, and turned his head to look back up at the front of the class.
Message received, you little shit.
I stared at the side of his head for a moment longer, the smile melting from my face. When it was abundantly clear that a sneer of disgust was all I was going to get, I turned my attention back to our professor. She had already begun her lecture, and I hadn’t even opened my binder so that I was prepared to take notes. With a flurry of movement, I got my materials ready, and settled in to listen.
Paying attention to the lecture proved nearly impossible. Catching only snippets of what our professor was talking about made my notes fragmented and jumbled. The face Theo had made kept replaying in my head as I sat there, wondering what I could have possibly done to make a complete stranger give me such a look. It had been as if I was the worst person he had ever encountered in his life.
Even if I’d looked a mess the previous week, I hadn’t looked like an actual troll. And I hadn’t actually stunk or anything. I simply wasn’t as put together as I would have liked. I’d greeted him during that first, class, too. I’d done nothing to make him give me the look he’d given me. The minutes seemed to trickle by as my mind raced with thoughts about why the person sitting next to me treated me like his arch nemesis for no reason.
My back and shoulders were tight halfway through class, carrying the tension I felt at that one small interaction with my tablemate. I was gripping my pen so tightly as I attempted to take notes that I thought I’d snap my pen in half. Of course, sending blue ink flying all over the place wouldn’t make Theo think any better of me. And it definitely wouldn’t improve my already lackluster notes.
By the time class came to an end and our professor was dismissing us and spouting off which pages to read for the following week, I felt like stone. I was so tense I could barely move. I nearly missed the professor telling us we’d need to be prepared for class participation next week—a group discussion—about our reading material. If I’d missed that, I’d have shown up to class completely unprepared. Unless it was in the syllabus, of course.
As soon as we were thoroughly dismissed, Theo leapt from his seat, having already tucked his books in his bag, and darted out of class. He actually managed to wind his way through all of the other students excited to get out of class to be the first gone. He really, truly, had hated his time sitting next to me for the hour-long class.
With a sigh, I slowly tucked my books in my bag, put away my materials, and stood from my seat. By the time I was slinging my backpack over my shoulder, I was the last in class. Even our professor was stepping out for some reason. I shuffled out of the classroom and into the hall, my eyes on my feet as I continued to mull over what had happened at the beginning of class.
Once down the busy hallway of the English and Language Arts building and out into the sun, I hadn’t thought of a single reason for how Theo had reacted to me. The logical side of me said to ignore the slight. The guy was obviously a jerk. The emotional—please like me—side wanted to know what I’d done to make a stranger immediately dislike me. The two sides of me fought in my head as I shuffled along the walkway towards the quad.
By the time I got to the quad, I was beginning to chase the voices in my head away, and considering going to the dining hall for a snack. It was too early for lunch, but having a shitty morning can make a guy want comfort in the form of greasy food. However, when I turned on the walkway at the quad that would take me to the dining hall, my eyes landed on the trees.
Theo was sitting at the base of the tree again, his back against the trunk. His eyes were closed and his head was back, as though trying to calm himself. I watched him from a distance as other students zipped past me, hurrying to get to their next class of the morning. I stared at Theo for so long that by the time I decided what to do, the quad was almost completely empty. Classes were beginning again, so Theo, me, and a few other stragglers were all that was left.
Emboldened by the lack of witnesses, and the determination to get an answer for what the hell was going on, I found myself suddenly stomping towards Theo. I made my way across the quad as though I was on my way to fight a grizzly bear, when I was simply going to demand a person explain why I was so unlikable. You know, like a totally cool person would do. Not like a geek.
With his eyes closed and his head back, Theo hadn’t seen me approaching. However, when I was within a few yards of him, the early morning sun was at my back, casting him in darker shadows than the tree already provided. The sudden change in light, combined with the sounds of my approaching footsteps, made Theo open his eyes and lift his head to look around. When he saw me, his nose turned up again, and I could see in his eyes he was considering fleeing. Before he could jump up, I held a hand out, indicating he should stay seated.
“Do I stink or something?”
I demanded as I came to stand over him, glaring down at him. “Do you hate strangers? People in general? Or is it just something about me that makes you rude?”
Theo glared up at me. He opened his mouth to speak, but I cut him off.
“It doesn’t really matter,”
I said, waving a hand. “But if you think there’s something wrong with me, show up a little earlier to American Lit next week so you have your choice of seats. It’s not that complicated.”
I turned to walk away.
“I will!”
he barked from behind me.
I spun around and glared at him again.
“You know, it’s okay to not like someone,”
I explained heatedly, “but it’s another to be a complete snob. All I said was ‘hi’. I was trying to be nice. There’s no reason for you to be a dick to me, you know?”
Theo snorted.
“Me?”
He scoffed. “Be a dick to you?”
“Turning your nose up and acting like I was a cow pat you stepped in? Yeah. That’s dick behavior, in case you were raised in a barn and never taught basic manners.”
Theo rolled his eyes.
“So, don’t sit by me again,”
I said again. “Get to class earlier. Then you won’t have to act like a dick to me anymore and I won’t have to put up with you.”
I started to turn again, but Theo’s voice stopped me.
“Dude, you have a lot of nerve calling me a dick,”
he grumbled. “I’m not the one going around campus talking shit about other people.”
Still angry, but also now confused, I turned to stare down at him.
“What?”
“Did you think I was going to be nice to you after you talked shit about me?”
he asked, his tone heated. “I mean, what did you expect? If you act like a jerk, people are going to match your energy, my guy.”
“What are you even talking about?”
I demanded. “I just said ‘hi’ to you. How could you take offense to that?”
Theo snorted derisively and pulled his phone from his pocket. Not knowing what to say, I watched as he unlocked it and began tapping the screen. His thumb began to swipe violently as he searched for…something…on his phone. After what felt like forever, the silence was unbearable. I was about to ask him what he was doing, or simply call him a dick once more before walking away, but he suddenly tapped the phone screen with his thumb. Then he turned his phone so that I could see it.
Since I was blocking the sun, the screen was in shadow and I could clearly see the video playing on Theo’s phone. Immediately, my stomach dropped when I recognized the people in the Peepers video he had pulled up. A handful of my friends, along with Collin, were crowding in together in the video, giggling and acting stupid.
“…and my friend said he’s a total asshole!”
Collin crowed.
My friends laughed as I frowned down at the screen.
“Who? What?”
Several of my friends in the video spoke up at once.
“Theo Hendrix!”
Collin laughed. “He has American Lit with him, and he said that Theo sat right next to him and was a total dick to him. Like, was totally rude and—”
Theo pushed the lock button with his thumb, effectively making the video disappear and the screen go black. My gut turned with feelings of embarrassment and betrayal. I was embarrassed because it would’ve been impossible for Theo to not know who Collin was referring to in the video. I was the person who had sat by him in American Lit during the first week. Furthermore, I was embarrassed because I couldn’t deny I had talked to Collin about my experience with Theo in class.
However, a deeper, sharper feeling of betrayal stabbed at my gut. Collin had completely lied in the video. I’d never said those things about Theo. So, he had no reason to say what he’d said in the video he’d made for Peepers with our friends. Was it for clout? A bit of fun? The thrill of gossip about a pseudo-celebrity? I was so confused and hurt.
Then I realized how Theo must feel.
“Wow,” I said.
It wasn’t the most brilliant response to the video, but I didn’t know where to begin.
“Yeah,”
Theo said, shaking his head. “So…don’t lecture me. All right? Just leave me alone.”
He waved a hand, as if shooing me away. Instead of doing as he said, I slowly squatted down so that our eyes were on the same level. Theo frowned at me, displeased with my ignoring his command.
“First of all,”
I said, “I’m sorry. That…that’s really shitty. To see someone talking about you like that.”
“Yeah? No shit, “Theo said. “You know your friends tagged me in that? They didn’t want me to miss it. Or any of my followers who haven’t completely given up on me yet. Now they get to see how I’m an asshole to my classmates.”
I cringed.
“I’m sorry,”
I said again. “I don’t know if it will help, but I didn’t say those things. I said you were ‘standoffish’.”
Theo frowned at me.
“I shouldn’t have been talking about you at all,”
I said. “Either way, it was shitty of me, no matter what was said. But…my friend was talking about you, and I thought he’d find it interesting that I sat next to you in American Lit. And since you didn’t, like, talk to me, and you just nodded when I tried to be nice, I told him you were standoffish. I didn’t call you any names. Not until today.”
An impish smile pulled at the corner of my lips. Theo turned his head to look away, but I was certain I saw the corner of his mouth quirk slightly before it was moved from my sight.
“So,”
I said, “again, I’m sorry. That was really shitty of me. I should have known that gossiping at all was wrong. It was immature and rude of me.”
Theo kept his head turned, but I could tell he was watching me out of the corner of his eye.
“And I’m sorry for…this,”
I said. “You had every right to be mad with me today. I’m the dick.”
I rose from my crouched position and turned. A few steps away from Theo, his voice stopped me in my tracks again.
“You’re forgiven,”
he said. “But you have dicks for friends.”
I looked over my shoulder at him, an uneasy grin sliding onto my face.
“Yeah,”
I said. “Kind of a punch to the gut. Feeling a little betrayed, to be honest.”
“I bet.”
“I’ll be sure to let them know what I think when I see them,”
I said with a sigh. “That’ll be a fun conversation.”
He chuckled. “Yeah.”
I watched him over my shoulder for a moment, then decided to try politeness again. Spinning slowly on my heels, I walked back over and held a hand out to him.
“I’m Josh Montag,”
I said. “Hi.”
He looked at my hand for a moment, then met my eyes. Finally, he reached up and took my hand with a cautious smile.
“Theo Hendrix. But—”
“—I kinda already knew that.”
We both laughed. I shook his hand and let it slide from mine.
“I’m walking back to the dorms,”
I said. “Do you want to walk with?”
As if gauging whether or not any choice would lead to his certain death, Theo seemed to mull over the question.
“I promise I won’t call you standoffish the entire walk,” I said.
“Yeah,”
he said with a smile, finally. “Okay.”
He pushed up to a standing position, using only his legs—which I found impressive—and slung his backpack over his shoulder. In unison, we turned towards the path that would lead us to the dorms, and began to slowly walk side by side.
The first minute of our walk, we travelled together in silence. Only the birds, the whistling late summer breeze, and the sound of far-off students provided traveling music. Of course, it was awkward, but I wasn’t sure how to start a conversation. Obviously, I knew how to strike up a conversation with a stranger—I’d made plenty of friends over my lifetime. However, Theo Hendrix was a different animal altogether.
We met under strange circumstances, and our first actual conversation had begun as a fight due to my impropriety. The fact that Theo seemed to be persona non grata at Midway University made things even more awkward. Since I didn’t know how to start a conversation with Theo without bringing up something awkward or painful, I went with a standard.
“So,”
I said as we walked slowly, “what’s your major?”
He snorted.
“What?”
I asked, chuckling nervously.
“What’s your major?”
he asked, playfully. “You couldn’t think of a more basic question?”
We both chuckled.
“Okay, okay,”
I said. “Sorry for being all freshman orientation week on you. But cut me some slack. This has been an awkward day and it’s not even lunchtime yet.”
“Fair.”
Theo pretended to be put out. “I’ll take it easy on you. Um, I’m not really sure. I’m kind of undeclared?
“You’re a junior, right?”
“I know!”
Theo tilted his head back and groaned. “I’m working on it.”
Laughing, I said, “No judgment. Communications here. I think. Yeah.”
“Sounds like we have an undeclared and an unsure,”
Theo said.
We were passing the dining hall, and I was tempted to ask Theo if he wanted to stop in for a snack. However, he’d nearly turned down my invitation to walk back to the dorms together. Sharing a table and a snack seemed like something he wouldn’t be ready to do. Friendships have to bloom naturally and not be forced. I wouldn’t push him.
“It’s just that what you think you care about when you sign up for college is a lot different than when you’re, like, twenty-one,”
I said. “Senior year of high school, I knew exactly what I expected out of college. And life. I had everything mapped out. Now, I just want to finish my four years so I can have a break. You know?”
Theo turned his head to watch me as I spoke, his brow furrowed in thought. The dining hall trailed behind us as we continued on towards the dorms.
“No one ever really prepares you for that,”
I continued. “Oh, hey, kid. One day you’ll realize that every day you’ll change your mind.”
He chuckled.
“So,”
I said with a sigh, “Communications. That’s the official major.”
“Well,”
Theo said, “I promise to let you know what my major is when I figure it out. If I figure it out.”
I smiled at him. “Well, don’t waste too much time.”
With the banal topic of why we were attending college discussed, we fell into a silence once again. Ideas of how to keep a conversation going raced through my head. However, the least awkward topic—whether or not Theo had done his American Lit reading—wasn’t exactly a barn burner. After asking Theo about his major, another question about his studies would really make Theo think I was boring.
Of course, he wasn’t offering up any suggestions for conversation. I wanted to be offended that the onus was placed on me to keep things open and lively. However, it occurred to me that Theo was probably standoffish and guarded because of how people had been treating him on campus. Opening up to a stranger he’d basically just officially met was probably difficult. He had no reason to truly believe I was going to turn out nicer than the other students on campus who had treated him poorly for no solid reason.
By the time I had decided that asking if he had any streaming suggestions was a good idea, we were walking up to the front doors of the towering dorms building. When we got to the covered entryway, and were standing under its shade, we turned to each other. Theo gave me a polite smile and I returned it, wondering what else could be said.
“Well,”
I said, “thanks for the company on the trip.”
“Same to you,”
Theo said.
I was about to do something geeky, like shake his hand again, or tip my imaginary hat, but he spoke up, stopping me from embarrassing myself.
“If you want to,”
Theo said, chewing at the corner of his lip, “study together or something? American Literature and all? I’m in five-twelve.”
“Four twenty-eight,”
I responded immediately. “And sure. I think American Lit’s going to be a breeze. But we can also crack open the Econ of Info textbook.”
Theo groaned. “Ugh. That’s going to be the bane of my existence. You’re in that class?”
“Yeah,”
I laughed as two students pushed through the front doors to the outside. “I’ve been sitting a few rows behind you. Next class, if you look up and to your right behind you—"
“Dick!”
Theo and I both jumped as one of the two guys walking past us barked the word.
Both of the dudes, backpacks slung over their shoulders, laughed as they continued to walk away.
I turned my head, frowning at them as they strolled away as if they hadn’t been incredibly rude.
I was tempted to bark something equally rude back at them, but I wasn’t sure what was appropriate. Some people don’t like to be defended—it only makes things more embarrassing.
When I turned my head back to Theo, his cheeks were red and he was looking anywhere but at me. I started to say something, or finish what I’d been saying, but he cut me off.
“Anyway,”
Theo said, “uh, thanks for the walk.”
He turned to walk away, turned back as if unsure, then spoke one last time.
“Yeah,”
he said, waving a hand at me. “Thanks.”
Then he pushed through the glass doors into the dorm building. I watched from outside as he half-jogged across the lobby. He didn’t even use the elevator. He went straight to the stairwell, flung the door open, and disappeared.