Chapter Thirty
EMERSON WAS STILL reeling from the amazing day they’d had yesterday as she pushed Brennan’s stroller on their walk the next morning. It was a perfect morning. The sun was shining, Ollie was trotting alongside Baz, and all she wanted was more . More summer days with Baz and Brennan, more dinners with his family, and more of the way he was looking at her right now. Like he was thinking the exact same thing.
Until he pulled out his phone for the umpteenth time and thumbed out a text.
He wasn’t usually so attached to his phone, and it was bugging her. The thing she loved most about their weekend walks was that it was just the four of them, without being hemmed in by walls or distracted by work. She watched him as another text rolled in and felt guilty for being annoyed, since he was usually so attentive. But she was feeling the weight of his impending trip, and she treasured every second they had together. She wasn’t worried that the texts were from another woman. She knew he’d never hurt her like that. But she was stupidly jealous of whoever was getting his attention this morning.
She felt bad for Baz. When they first got together, her emotions were all over the place from pregnancy hormones. Now they were out of whack because she loved him so much, she ached with it, and she was going to miss him every minute he was gone. She was trying hard to play it cool, and the truth was, she was fine with him going. She wanted him to fulfill that dream, and four months wasn’t that long. But selfishly, she also wanted every minute she could have with him before he left. She tried to hold her tongue, as she’d been doing all morning, but as a third text rolled in, she just couldn’t do it.
“Baz, is something going on? Do you need to be someplace else?”
“No.” He pocketed his phone. “Sorry, darlin’. Just taking care of some scheduling business.”
He was smiling, but she saw tension in his eyes, and now she really felt bad. He was so supportive of her work, and here she was getting jealous over something stupid. “Do you need to go to your office? We don’t have to spend the whole day together if you need to get stuff done.”
“ No. I want to be with you and Brennan.”
“I know you do, but we could go to your place while you work. I’ll put Brennan in his carrier and let Ollie play with Sid and Gunner’s dogs. Then when you’re done, we’ll be right there.”
“I appreciate that, but I’m good. I’ve got things pretty well locked down now. The texts should end soon, and I promise our afternoon will be text free.”
“It doesn’t have to be text free, but you’ve been sidetracked all morning. Do you want to talk about whatever’s going on?”
“What’s going on is that I’ve wasted enough time texting.” He draped an arm over her shoulder. “What do you think about cooking out tonight?”
He was good at thwarting conversations he didn’t want to have, and she wondered if he was dealing with his trip schedule. If so, she didn’t blame him for not wanting to talk about it. When it came to his trip, they were both walking a tightrope, saying only what needed to be said, so she let it go, leaning into making the most of their time together. “Can we make s’mores?”
“What kind of question is that? A cookout without s’mores is just dinner .”
Oh, how she was going to miss his quick wit! “That’s what I’m talking about. Who wants plain old dinner?”
“Exactly.” He tugged her closer, kissing her cheek as they turned the corner, heading home. “We can throw blankets on the lawn, and I’ll hang a sheet so we can watch a movie under the stars with Brennan bundled up between us.”
“That sounds like a perfect night to me.”
When they got home, she nursed Brennan, and as she changed him, she called out to Baz, who was busy thumbing out another text, “I have a craving for ice cream. Do you want to go to the Cape Cone?”
He pocketed his phone and put Ollie outside. “I’m still stuffed from breakfast. Why don’t we go later?”
She wasn’t buying it. He never turned down ice cream, and his stomach was a bottomless pit. “It’s such a nice day out. Do you want to go for a drive?”
“We just had Brennan in the stroller for a long time. Why don’t we give him a break and let him play on a blanket for a while.” He went into the kitchen and grabbed a glass from the cabinet.
Frustrated and wondering what was going on, she put Brennan on a blanket beneath his activity gym and headed into the kitchen. She put her arms around Baz as he filled a glass with water. “Why don’t we ask your mom if she wants to watch Little B for an hour and go out on your bike? A little wind therapy? Maybe we can find a secluded spot to enjoy ourselves?” She went up on her toes and kissed him.
His jaw ticked and he set down the glass, his brow furrowing as his arms circled her. “Sorry, darlin’, but I’m not really in the mood for a ride.”
“Okay, that’s it.” She stepped out of his arms and parked a hand on her hip. “What’s going on? You never turn down sex, much less a motorcycle ride or ice cream, and you’ve been texting all freaking morning. I know you said it’s a scheduling thing, but if it’s work or has to do with your trip, can you just tell me?”
“It’s not either of those things. I’ve been trying to figure out how to tell you, but I think you’d better sit down.”
Her stomach knotted. “Why?”
“Because I’m not sure how you’ll feel about it.”
Her nerves flamed. She lowered herself into a chair. “Baz, you’re worrying me.”
“I don’t mean to worry you.” His expression softened, and he knelt in front of her, taking her hands in his. “I set up something for you, and I’m sure it’s an invasion of your privacy on several levels, but I also think it might help you come to peace with knowing your family better.”
Invasion of my privacy? “Now I’m really nervous. I don’t understand. What are you talking about? What did you do?”
“Do you remember the first time we had dinner with my parents and my grandfather? When my family was talking about Ash painting my cat condos?”
“Yes, of course. What does that have to do with my family?”
“On the way home, you said you wished you knew some of your family’s secrets and behind-the-scenes information like my family does. So I got Gwen’s number out of your phone. I know I shouldn’t have, and I swear I didn’t look at any of your texts or anything else. I just needed her number. I called her, and she gave me hell for going into your phone and grilled me to no end, but she heard me out, and when I asked for her parents’ phone numbers, she gave them to me. Through them, I tracked down people who were close to your parents. People who were close enough to know the little things you wish you knew. Or at least it seemed like they did. I don’t know exactly what you want to know, so I can’t be sure, but I set up video calls for you with each of them today. That’s why I’ve been texting and why I didn’t want to go out. One of them had a family emergency and couldn’t talk with you at the time we’d arranged, so I had to move the schedule around. I scheduled the calls around Brennan’s nap time, but I’ll be here in case you need me or if he gets up, or the calls run longer.”
She stared in utter astonishment through a blur of tears as she processed the magnitude of what he’d done.
“And now you’re crying, which means I really fucked up. I’m sorry, Emerson. I’ll cancel everything.” He reached for his phone, jarring her out of her stupor.
“ No ,” she said urgently. “Don’t cancel. You didn’t mess up. I’m just…” She touched her necklace, trying to figure out how to say she was so in love with him, she could barely see straight without saying the three words that vied for release. He hadn’t said them yet, which made her wonder if he wasn’t there yet. She felt his love in his touch and in the way he looked at her, but it was one thing to feel it and another to bare your soul. In her eyes, the things he did for her and Brennan showed he loved them, but she knew how much the Wickeds did for others, and it was possible she was misinterpreting generosity for love, so she did the hardest thing and held those words back.
“I’m just stunned,” she said shakily. “ Overwhelmed. But I’m also hopeful that I’ll learn more about my parents so I don’t feel like they left so many blank pages behind.”
“I hope this does that for you, darlin’. I want to tell you one more thing, and if after hearing it, you want me to call it off, I will.”
She swallowed hard.
“You know my buddy Cuffs?”
“The cop?”
“Yeah. His sister, Tasha, is a therapist. I should have gone to her before taking the first step to set this up, but all I was thinking about at the time was helping you get answers. Anyway, I finally went to see her, to make sure I wasn’t doing something that could make things harder for you. After giving me hell for going into your phone and doing all of this behind your back, she said to expect that you’d go through just about every emotion in the book, from hope and excitement and euphoria to anger and grief. And that you might not feel them right away. They could happen weeks or months or years from now, or come and go over time. But she also said that if these people could give you what your heart is searching for, it could make saying goodbye to your parents easier. She also made me promise to give you her number, in case you want to talk to her later tonight or anytime in the future.”
Emotions clogged her throat. “You talked to a therapist for me?”
“Yes. I know I overstepped in every way imaginable, and I’m sorry.”
“I’m not.” Her voice cracked. “I’m glad you talked with Tasha. I’ve gone through years of therapy, and I think I have a pretty good grasp on things, but my life is changing fast, and who knows what the calls, or you going away, will bring. It would be good to have the number of someone you trust.” Everything he’d done hit her at once, bringing a rush of tears. “Sorry.” She swiped at them. “I’m just…I’m in awe of you and all you do for us, when you never ask for anything in return. I haven’t done one thing for you, and I’m sorry about that. Maybe you could mess up your life a little, so I can help fix it?”
He laughed softly and wrapped his arms around her middle, pulling her closer. “You’re wrong, darlin’. You let me welcome your son into this world, and you have allowed me to be part of your lives ever since. That is the biggest and the best gift of all.” He pressed his lips to hers, her salty tears slipping between them.
“But that’s not me doing anything.”
“Yes, it is. You trusted me. That’s everything.”
She remembered what he’d gone through in college, and she understood that while he was giving her what her heart needed, she was doing the same for him.
“Don’t get me wrong,” he said coyly. “The cookies and sex are great gifts, too, so keep ’em coming.”
“Pun intended?” She laughed.
“Hell yeah, and we will be taking that motorcycle ride.”
She put her arms around him and whispered, “Thank you.”
“For the ride we’re going to take?” He cocked a grin, grabbing her bottom with both hands. “I think I should be the one thanking you.”
As he lowered his lips to her, “ For loving me ,” tiptoed off her tongue as swift and silent as a flower petal carried on a summer breeze.