Chapter 32
Shehryar
I held my breath as I clenched my arms and pulled my face over the pull-up bar one last time.
Twelve , I counted in my head and slowly lowered myself down, giving my burning arms and taut lats an extra push, before letting go of the bar entirely.
I landed on the balls on my feet, the twenty-five-kilo weight hanging between my legs from a chain and leather belt around my waist swaying against me.
Stepping back, I placed my hands on my hips, glaring at the floor, but…
On their own accord, my eyes moved up and across to where, facing the other away, Mariyah pushed her thighs apart against the cushioned pads of the abductor-adductor machine.
I ground my teeth as the previous night’s confusion and annoyance that had me tossing and turning for hours rose within me again.
Why are you acting like this? Why didn’t you stay last night?
Why did it suddenly feel like we were back to ignoring each other all over again?
I wanted to grab her and shake her and demand answers, but Prince Kai was running through a circuit of ab workouts with a dumbbell on a mat in front of the mirrored wall. While I liked the prince, it wasn’t a conversation I wanted to have around him, knowing what Mariyah and I were like, and knowing that the details would likely find their way to Esmeralda before breakfast was served.
So, I gulped down some water and finished my last set of pull-ups before moving on.
Fifteen minutes later, Prince Kai was swimming laps of the pool on the other side of the glass doors, Mariyah was doing a series of cool-down stretches in front of the mirror, and I was jogging on an incline on a treadmill. Because of the slight noise from the machine, I didn’t hear her get up to leave until the wooden door to the exit clicked shut.
“Fuck,” I hissed under my breath, jabbing the “ stop ” button on the touchscreen monitor. I jumped off before the belt had fully stopped, grabbed my shaker bottle, and headed out the door after her.
My plan had been to speak to her before breakfast, after which last-minute wedding prep and an afternoon of separate pre-wedding get-togethers would drag us in opposite directions. But if she got to her room before I got to her, then that plan would become break-in number three.
“Mariyah,” I called when I caught up with her. She glanced across her shoulder but carried on up the basement stairs without a word. I glared after her and picked up pace. “Mariyah.”
“What?” she snapped, turning to me at the top of the first flight.
I took them up two at a time, huffing and scowling as I closed in on her on the landing. “Why are you running away?”
“For fuck’s sake, Shehryar, get over yourself.” She swiped her hand between us. “I don’t have time for this repetitive bullshit of yours.”
She tried to step past me, but I blocked her path. “No,” I growled. “We need to talk.”
Her eyes flashed bright, furious blue. “About what?”
“Last night,” I replied with just as much annoyance. “Why you left. Why you wouldn’t explain to me what was wrong. Why you’re acting weird right now.”
“You’re the one acting weird, Shehryar,” she said, squaring up to me. Poking a finger into my sternum, she lowered her voice to a firm whisper. “We fucked, okay. That was it. I don’t have to sleep in your room, I don’t owe you any explanations, and you don’t get to chase me down and corner me like there was anything more between us. So back the fuck off and leave me alone.”
I stood frozen for a few seconds, stunned rage melding in my veins.
Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. She was wrong.
Those words circled in my head as I closed my hands into fists.
She was wrong. We fucked, but it wasn’t just fucking the way she made it out to be. Fine, it started off as hate-fuelled lust, but it wasn’t that anymore.
I didn’t hate her; I doubted I ever had. I had hated wanting her, but now I had no reason to hate that either. She was—I was—we were—
It wasn’t just fucking. I didn’t know what label to give it, but it wasn’t just something. It was…
Baths together and late-night conversations and banter and possessiveness and… something .
It was something. Something else. Something more .
Mariyah took that chance to knock past me, but I lurched to life and captured her by the elbow on the next step up. “It was never just sex, Mariyah.”
“Then what else was it?” she demanded, but the darting panic in her gaze gave her away.
She felt it. The nameless something. She didn’t like it though, not one bit. But fuck me, I felt the biggest wave of relief ease the tightness from my shoulders and between my brows.
The only problem was, how did I explain to her what I couldn’t even explain to myself?
“Exactly,” she bit out in my silence. “Nothing. Not that I want anything anyway.”
That made me reel back. “Why not?”
She appeared taken aback for a breath but recovered just as quickly. “What do you mean ‘ why not’ ? Because there’s so much bad blood between us, Shehryar, or have you forgotten?”
I stilled, knowing immediately what she was talking about. “No, I haven’t forgotten, but…”
“But what?”
But what ? I echoed to myself.
What happened five years ago, neither of us had talked about since, but it wasn’t a “let’s just move on as if it had never happened” moment. Things had been said that neither of us could take back, and it was undoubtedly the origin story of our animosity. We might have refused to talk about it in favour of sex and other conversation, but our guns were still drawn ready behind our backs because of it.
Huffing in annoyance, Mariyah tore her arm from my grasp and charged up the stairs. I kept up pace this time, following a step behind her. Considering she didn’t tell me to fuck off, I knew she knew the conversation wasn’t over yet. We were just moving it somewhere private.
She swaggered into her room, and I caught the door and followed her in, locking it behind me. Stopping in the middle of the room, she swung around to face me, throwing a hand out. “So we’re just going to pretend what happened five years ago didn’t happen?”
“I didn’t say that,” I said, moving a few steps closer.
“Then?”
“Let’s talk about it.”
“Fine.” Cocking her hip, she crossed her arms over her chest. “Why’d you do it?”
I opened my mouth to answer, paused, then pursed my lips back together and swallowed.
Five years ago, by the river in her hometown in Raven, I’d shut her down viciously when she’d gotten close and the moment had felt…intimate.
I’d known she had a crush on me. I could’ve respected her feelings and rejected her politely. But I didn’t. I was cruel and cold, and in return she hit me where it hurt. Rightfully deserved in hindsight, but that didn’t mean it incited me any less. And I’d held on to that ire since in the same way she had.
But why did I do it?
I had an answer somewhere, but it was tangled in so many other thoughts and feelings that I couldn’t pinpoint it and pick it out to explain to her.
“I don’t know,” I eventually said. It sounded shit to my own ears, so it no doubt sounded worse for her. But I couldn’t lie to her.
I could admit my faults. I was hot-headed and held grudges like my last breath depended on it. I was bossy, stubborn, demanding, and difficult. I had a jealous streak that outdid my anger. I lashed out and said things I didn’t mean without thinking of the consequences. I wasn’t above threatening people or breaking-and-entering or tying someone up to keep them where I wanted them.
But I wasn’t a liar. I couldn’t placate Mariyah by saying something I didn’t actually mean. And if I wanted her to agree to exploring this… something , then she deserved better.
A bitter smile raised her mouth as she huffed out a tired breath. Her arms fell to her sides, and she shook her head. “Piss off, Shehryar.”
For the first time in five years, I really didn’t like that she’d called me Shehryar instead of Sheri.