16. Zoe
16
Zoe
“You are the only person who can make me feel like I’m dreaming and awake at the same time.” – Unknown
A s soon as the door to my hospital room closed with Matteo on the other side of it, seemingly calm and peaceful Mellie started crying and still hasn’t stopped three weeks later.
And not just her.
I have been an emotional mess from that same moment too. But I blame the hormones and Mellie’s fussiness and not the fact that I miss a guy I have no business missing.
“Shh, Mel baby, what’s wrong? I don’t know what else to do!” I break out in another fit of sobs because I’ve tried it all and she won’t stop. I rock her, walk around with her, breastfeed her—I tried the bottle too—and bought all possible pacifiers for her to take but she refuses them all.
Joy thought it could be her tummy and we tried all the possible remedies for that too and nothing…nothing works. Her pediatrician says it’s normal even though I did notice the crease in her forehead when she was examining Mellie.
The only time she stops is when she falls asleep on my breast and then I don’t dare to breathe too much to not wake her. I’m exhausted and sleep-deprived and even though I’ve expected it all, I did not imagine it would be like this.
“My God, Mel, you are scaring the ducks out of me,” Joy says as she walks into our home. She is pregnant herself, with twins, and seeing how difficult I have it with one is not helping her own anxiety.
She is the best friend I could ask for, though. Joy came in as soon as Matteo left, saw us both bawling our eyes of, cursed the local bar and men in this town and stayed with us till now. I keep sending her home, to her husband, but she refuses to leave me alone.
“Joy, I don’t know what to do anymore,” I confess, and Joy must see the last shred of desperation in my eyes because my stoic friend softens and sighs with compassion.
“If anyone can do it, it’s you Zoe Holsted. This is just a phase. It will pass, you’ll see.”
“Do you even believe the crap you are trying to sell me yourself?”
“Don’t curse in from of my goddaughter.” She narrows her eyes at me. Yeah, Joy declared herself a godmother that first day too.
Alec, Hope’s husband, and Jacob rock-paper-scissored who will be the godfather. No lie. They stood there for a solid hour, playing to the tune of Mellie’s wailing until Alec won and Jacob is still pouting over it because he already bought a shirt that said: Best Ducking Godfather .
So, a day later he showed up in another shirt that said: Uncle – 1 Godfather – 0.
When Alec asked what is that supposed to mean he pulled out a onesie he had made for Mel that said: Uncle is my hero. Not that ducking godfather.
And so, the war began.
I’m guessing that’s part of the reason why Joy is still living with me.
“Crap is not a curse.”
“If I say it is, it means it is and now it’s banned from this house,” she says with a straight face, pulls out her phone and start typing away.
“Great,” I groan. “Let’s add on to my misery. Who are you texting?”
“Help.”
“What help?” My back straightens. Joy knows perfectly well how I feel about anyone helping me. I made my bed when I decided to raise my child all on my own and I will lay in it until the end.
“The one you desperately need.”
“Joy,” I growl.
“Oh, shut up.” She throws her arms up. “This whole ‘I can do it all’ crap stops now. You have a whole town waiting to come over and help, so you will take it.”
“So much for banning the word crap in this house,” I mumble. “And I do take their help or at least the meals they cook for me.” Joy ignores me and keeps texting. “Please, don’t tell me you literally texted the whole town?”
“It’s like you don’t know me at all. Do I look like I’m insane or have a death wish to you?”
“Well, you did marry Jacob, so I guess that’s up in the air at the moment.”
“Oh, look at you being funny.” She mock-smiles at me, and I fight the real smile trying to appear. “Your mommy is real jokester when she’s sleep-deprived, Mel.” Joy kisses the top of Mellie’s head. “I only texted the Fantastic Four.”
“Only?” I gape at her. “You might as well have posted it on Love Hive.
“Stop being dramatic, it doesn’t suit you.”
Not five minutes later, my front door flies open, and Fanny, Jenny, Nina, and Willa come inside.
“Nerds tagged along with us, hope you don’t mind.” Fanny throws her thumb over her shoulder toward my dad who just walked in as well. And yes, apparently Fanny likes to give everyone a candy nickname and somehow my dad received that one.
“That woman will be the death of me.” He sighs and embraces me in a hug, cooing to crying Mel in my arms.
“Baby, you really shouldn’t flirt with me like that in public.” Fanny waggles her eyebrows at him. “I have nothing against exhibitionism.”
My eyes grow wide. “Dad? Is there something I should know?”
“Nothing at all,” he answers too fast, raising my suspicions to a whole new level. It’s not that I don’t want him to be happy with someone, I’d love it, actually. He deserves it.
“Don’t worry.” She winks at me. “I’ll fill you in as soon as I wear him down.”
“Dear Lord,” I groan. “Please don’t. You guys are big kids, you can do whatever you’d like just without me knowing, okay?”
“There is nothing going on,” Dad snaps. “Now give me my granddaughter and go rest.”
“Go, honey.” Jenny pats my arm. “We got this for a few hours. And by this, I do mean Fanny.”
“Har har, Snickers, you are just jealous of my game.”
“Fanny, the only thing I’m jealous of is your big head and karate skills.”
“What about my impeccable style?” She points to her neon orange track suit and Jenny wrinkles her nose.
“I am saying this with all the love and care.” Her smile turns saccharine sweet then drops. “No.”
I watch in fascination as they all start bickering with each other and even Mel seems to be interested in their ridiculous conversations because she’s slowed her crying and now only whimpers quietly. How are they all best friends?
“Go.” Joy pushes me out and I head to the bedroom at the end of the hall.
Having these amazing people come to my rescue fills me with both gratitude and guilt. I shouldn’t have to rely on others to help me with my daughter.
I can do it all.
Except, as that thought goes through my head, a whole other one overshadows it. It’s not really a thought, it’s a memory of Matteo and his excitement to be a dad. I bet he wouldn’t let anyone near Mellie. I bet he would want to do it all by himself too.
And I wouldn’t say no to Matteo’s help. Not that he would be interested. What twenty-three-year-old wants to get involved with an older woman who has a baby on top of that.
Yet as I fall asleep, I imagine his strong arms wrapped around me, telling me to rest while he takes care of our daughter.
I’m aware it’s a dangerous dream to have, but that’s all I have left, so let me cherish it a while longer.
Love Hive:
Willoflove: Did you all see how tired my poor Zoe is?
Ninasunshine: That girl was about to pass out when we showed up.
CookieJ: She is also stubborn as a mule, refusing to accept the help.
Toughtolove: When did that ever stand before us, ladies?
Willoflove: You are right, Fanny. We took a step back after that day at the hospital, but I think it was a mistake.
Toughtolove: That’s what I’ve been telling you all for the past three weeks! But noooo, no one listens to little, poor old Fanny.
CookieJ: Please don’t be modest on our account. You forgot to add terrifying, delusional, crazy, and a few more adjectives.
Toughtolove: Snickers, are you still salty that your youngest daughter loves me more?
CookieJ: SHE DOES NOT!
Toughtolove: Whatever you need to tell yourself.
Willoflove: Okay…let’s all inhale and exhale a few times.
Willoflove: Jenny, please go make yourself that Calming Spirit tea I got you. Fanny, you should finally try that Humble Garden I made specially for you.
Willoflove: Should I make some tea for Zoe?
Toughtolove: Only if it will include a few drops of your son in there.
Ninasunshine: Fanny is right.
CookieJ: What?
Ninasunshine: Zoe needs someone to be there for her. Someone she can rely on and not feel guilty about asking for help like she does with us.
Joydon’tpissmeofflevine: Zoe is fine. Whatever you are thinking, stop it right this second.
CookieJ: Oooo, you guys I have the perfect idea!
Joydon’tpissmeofflevine: Mom what did I just say a second ago? None of your ideas are perfect.
CookieJ: Shush, yeh ungrateful daughter of mine and remember who you have to thank for that sexy husband of yours.
Tinyhousebigheart: Mama J, trust me, I am grateful for the both of us.
Joydon’tpissmeofflevine: Traitor @tinyhousebigheart, next time there is a spider in the house I am not killing it for you.
Toughtolove: How many times do I have to remind you all that the sexting chat happens on Wednesdays.
Joydon’tpissmeofflevine: We are NOT sexting. I was threatening him.
Toughtolove: Your form of foreplay is none of my business.
Toughtolove: Snickers, tell us that plan of yours.