Chapter 33
Sierra
We set off back to the retreat early the next morning, after a delicious breakfast and a fond farewell from Hazel.
Most of the ride is completed in companionable silence, the truck humming beneath us as we take in the scent of damp earth and pine and the chirping of early birds in the wake of the storm.
The wind and rain ceased sometime in the early hours of the morning, and now the sunshine is back.
The world feels washed clean, like everything has been reset overnight.
First stop is back to where my car is parked, with Tal’s truck tucked up next to it, as if keeping it safe.
I jump in and try it, but of course nothing happens.
Tal jumps out and heads to his own truck, saying he’ll go organize a tow for my car, and telling the rest of us to head back to the retreat, since it was very rare for none of the boys to have been there for this long.
He gives a brief wave, reverses out onto the road and heads off in the direction of the nearest town where there’s a guy he knows with a tow truck. That leaves Luke and me sharing the front bench seat with Reid in his truck, and it’s just about wide enough for the three of us, though only barely.
I’m in the middle, my left thigh pressing against Reid’s, my right shoulder squeezed against Luke’s side.
I hold hands with both men, my fingers threaded through theirs, and when my head settles against Luke’s shoulder, he presses a quiet kiss into my hair with a tenderness that makes something deep in my chest soften.
Reid doesn’t seem to mind. He’s watching us with that amused, knowing look, like he’s already filed this away as something to tease me about later.
I still can’t quite believe this is real. That I’m actually attempting to date three men at the same time. The thought should feel absurd. It does, a little. But it also feels… right.
Even so, I’m aware that I need to be careful. If we’re really doing this, I can’t let things tip too far in any one direction. I have to be mindful. Balanced. Fair.
The rest of the drive passes with Reid at the wheel, whilst Luke fiddles with the radio eventually finding a local station that’s playing what appears to be an endless stream of pop songs he seems to know word for word.
He sings along shamelessly, tossing his blond hair, clapping his own performance at the end of each track like he’s singing to a crowd at a stadium gig somewhere.
I laugh more than I expect to, the sound of it surprising me, light and unforced.
By the time the retreat comes back into view, something flutters low in my stomach. It shouldn’t feel different. It’s the same buildings, the same stretch of land, the same place I left less than a day ago. Yet it does feel different.
Or maybe it’s me that’s different. The grass is brighter after the rain, the air clearer, a faint rainbow still hanging in the distance like the last trace of the storm.
It all carries the quiet suggestion of a fresh start.
At the same time, everything about the place feels deeply familiar.
Grounding. Like stepping back into something that already knows me.
Welcomes me. I didn’t realize how much I would miss it until I thought I’d lost it.
Leaving hit harder than I expected. Harder than it should have.
Part of that was them, of course. The idea of leaving my men behind had hollowed something out in me.
But it wasn’t just that. I wasn’t ready to leave this place either.
Not the slow mornings. Not the breakfasts.
Not even the meditation sessions I’d rolled my eyes at in the beginning and yet had somehow come to depend upon.
Not to mention the people who had, without me noticing, started to feel like something close to friends.
And there was still so much I hadn’t explored. Therapists I hadn’t spoken to. Things I hadn’t tried. Given everything, that feels less optional now. More necessary. Now I understand why this place has the reputation it does.
Even at the half-invested level I had been giving it, it’s given me a kind of peace I didn’t realize I was missing.
Back home, I fill every spare second with work, noise, distraction—anything to keep my mind from circling back to things I don’t want to face.
Here, that noise and activity is somehow allowed to quieten to a stillness that we twenty-first century, cellphone and media-obsessed folk seem to have lost.
Sometimes, I just sit. Watching the light shift across the trees. Watching the sun dip below the horizon. For a while, my past doesn’t come clawing its way back to the surface.
“Home sweet home,” Luke murmurs as the truck rolls to a stop and Reid applies the parking brake. Reid jumps down, heading straight for my side like he can’t quite wait to be near me, despite us being thigh-to-thigh throughout the entire journey.
My heart melts. It reminds me of breakfast, of the quiet, almost ridiculous competition over who got to sit closest to me. I know I should find it childish. Instead, it warms me.
God, I really am doing this. Three men. One relationship. It still feels surreal. The happiness sitting in my chest is so bright it almost makes me uneasy, like I’m waiting for something to come along and ruin it.
It won’t last, that quiet, familiar voice in my head insists. Things like this never do.
Maybe not.
But it can last for as long as I’m here, and that’s something. Even if it’s only a few more days before reality pulls me back.
I exhale slowly. It hurt like hell the first time I left. I don’t even want to think about what it’s going to feel like to do it again. Luke’s already moving around the back for my bags, when Reid clears his throat.
“Guys,” he says, his tone edged with something more serious. “There’s something we should discuss.”
“Relax,” Luke replies easily, pulling back from me. “I already know what you’re going to say.”
“You do?”
“Yeah. We keep it under wraps in front of the clients and try not to be obnoxious about the fact that we’re all fucking.”
Reid gives him a look that could cut glass but doesn’t argue. Instead, he steps in closer and presses a soft kiss to my forehead, his hand briefly brushing my cheek.
“I’ll see you later,” he says quietly, holding my gaze. “I need to check in with Amanda.”
“Okay,” I reply. He leans in again, brushing his lips against mine, lingering just long enough that it feels like more than a goodbye.
His eyes stay on mine for a few seconds after, something unspoken passing between us, before he finally steps back and turns away.
I watch him go, that same strange mix of warmth and uncertainty settling low in my chest.
“So he can be romantic when he wants to be,” Luke comments, and I glance at him. He smiles, easy and knowing. “I always wondered what he’d be like when he met a woman he actually wanted. I’ve never seen him like that with anyone else. Not once. Except you.”
“Really?”
“Yeah.”
“How long have you known him?”
“It’ll be… almost five years now. I met him when he was in a pretty dark place. Then again, so was I.”
Five years. That lands heavier than it should.
If they met around then, it means they came into each other’s lives right after Reid and I broke up. Which means Luke hasn’t seen him with anyone in all that time. Not once.
That’s… insane.
I didn’t quite believe it when Reid said it. It sounded like something people say to make a point. But Talon confirmed it. Now Luke has too.
He really has been alone this whole time.
Or at least… without anyone that mattered.
How? Why?
Reid always had women around him. Always. Back when we were together, and even before that, there was never a shortage. Someone laughing too loudly at his jokes, someone touching his arm a little too often, someone waiting for their turn.
And yet, he never cheated. Not once.
That had been the one solid thing between us. The one thing I never questioned.
But before me… he’d been different. Looser. Less contained.
So what changed?
“Penny for your thoughts,” Luke murmurs, brushing his lips lightly against my forehead. The contact sends a small, unexpected shiver down my spine.
“Just thinking about what you said.”
“About Reid being in love with you?”
I hesitate, then nod. I don’t know if I’d call it love. That word feels too big, too final, too loaded with everything we haven’t unpacked yet. But I don’t have a better one either.
“It doesn’t bother you, right?” I ask quietly. “That I’m thinking about him?”
Luke grins, completely unbothered, then leans in close, his voice dropping. “Baby, after the way you sucked me dry last night, I don’t think anything could bother me right now, even if it tried.”
Heat curls low in my stomach despite myself, and I smile, shaking my head slightly.
“You’re back!”
Key’s voice cuts through everything as he barrels down the stairs toward us.
“Oh my gosh, you won’t believe the dream I had.
A terrible premonition. I saw the three of you getting into some kind of accident, all your cars smashing into each other, bodies everywhere, and the only way the doctors could save you was by sewing you all together like in that movie, The Perfection. ”
Luke and I just stare at him.
Key sighs dramatically. “Anyway, I’m so glad that didn’t happen.”
“Just how much did you smoke last night?” Luke asks dryly.
“Not much,” Key replies, waving a hand. “I just get fanciful during big storms. Anyway, glad you’re back. Did anything special happen last night?”
Luke and I exchange a quick glance and shake our heads in perfect unison.
“What about here?” I ask. “Did anything happen to you?”
“Not really. It was pretty quiet. We spent most of the morning gossiping about you four.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. Well, I told them about my premonition, but they didn’t take it seriously. A few of them thought you guys were just hooking up at a hotel or something.”
My jaw drops. Luke’s breath catches beside me.
Key watches us for a beat, then bursts out laughing.
“I’m kidding!” he says. “Mostly. They figured it was just you two and Talon doing the fucking. We all know Saint Reid’s a monk.
” He clicks his tongue. “Anyway, if the three of you were—hypothetically—engaging in such activities, I would just like to say… details. Please. Purely for educational purposes. I’ve never had a threesome, and I’ve always wondered about the logistics—”
“Okay, Key,” Luke cuts in, grabbing the thread before it spirals. “How about you let us get inside so Sierra can rest?”
“Oh, sure. Of course. Here, let me help.”
He reaches for my duffel bag, but Luke lifts it easily out of reach, and Key ends up hopping after it like a determined child.
They keep it up all the way to my room, laughing and bickering, until Luke suddenly stops.
“What are those?” he asks, pointing at the neatly arranged envelopes on my bed.
I freeze for a second. “Oh. It’s nothing.”
Too late. He’s already picking one up, unfolding it. “Is this a letter?”
My cheeks heat.
“Hey, there’s one for me too,” Key says, grabbing his. “How cute!”
“I just—” I start, scrambling a little. “I thought if I was leaving without saying goodbye, I should at least do it properly. In writing.”
Luke’s gaze lifts from the page to meet mine. The smirk is still there, but there’s something hotter underneath it now, something that makes my breath catch. If Key wasn’t standing right there, I know exactly what he’d do.
Luckily, Key interrupts by dragging Luke out of the room so they can read their letters together, their voices fading into playful argument as the door closes behind them.
I let out a slow breath.
They really do have a strange kind of friendship.
Alone again, I move through the room slowly, taking it in. The bed. The window. The quiet. Trying to settle into it, to understand what I’m feeling now that everything has shifted.
It’s… complicated.
I’m happy. There’s no denying that. But there’s something underneath it too. A tension I can’t quite shake. Like my body is waiting for something to go wrong. Like it doesn’t trust the happiness yet.
It’s familiar, in a way I don’t like.
After big moments. Big changes. I always feel this. That edge. That sense that something is about to break.
I probably need to talk to someone about that. A therapist, maybe.
The thought lingers just as there’s a soft knock at the door. It opens a moment later, and Reid steps inside.
“Hey,” he says, smiling slightly as he closes it behind him. “Just wanted to check how you were settling in.”
“Well,” I say, glancing around, “you know I’ve never been great at packing or unpacking, so… currently existing somewhere between both.”
He lets out a quiet chuckle, and I find myself smiling back.
There’s a brief pause as he walks further into the room and sits down on the edge of the bed.
I recognize that look immediately.
He wants to talk.
About everything.
My nerves tighten instinctively, but for once, I don’t feel the urge to run from it.
If anything… I want this.
I need this.
Because whatever this is between us now—it’s not just about the two of us anymore. Luke and Talon are part of it too. If we don’t handle this properly, they’ll get caught in it. I don’t want that.
“So,” he says, his voice quieter now. “I want to start by saying I’m sorry.”
“No, you don’t have to—”
“Yes, I do.” He shakes his head slightly. “And I think I need to start from the beginning. Not to excuse anything. Just… so you understand. Why I felt like—and still feel like—I was never good enough for you.”
It lands hard.
I swallow, bracing myself.
This is going to hurt. But it might finally answer everything I’ve been carrying around for years.
I sit down beside him.
“I’m ready,” I say.
And this time, I mean it.