33. Chapter Thirty-Three
Chapter Thirty-Three
Ali
Tonight, we are here to honor the veterans, remember the fallen and celebrate the fantastic work the charity does to help support the loved ones of soldiers who sadly lost their life. I’ve listened to Tori in awe. Her passion and dedication to this charity shone through with every word she said, and the way Harry looked at her, with such pride as she spoke, warmed my dark heart. It’s clear they are very close, and I have got to know Tori the past few days. I could see us being great friends. I’ve never seen, nor have I been part of a happy, functioning family and part of me is sad that I have never and will never experience that. Harry is so lucky, and rather than be bitter and jealous, I am thankful he hasn’t had to experience what I have.
We drove out to what Harry said was the Surrey Hills and to a beautiful stately home. It’s like something out of Downton Abbey . Gabby would lose her mind being here. Large oil paintings of old lords and ladies hang on the cream-colored walls and a large chandelier sits over the entryway.
Everyone is dressed in ball gowns and tuxedos and currently serving personnel are wearing their uniforms. Servers in white jackets weave around the guests, offering glasses of champagne and showing us to our tables. I don’t know how they managed it at such short notice, but I have a place at the table in between Harry and his mom. Alice Hart is written in black calligraphy writing on a thick white card and next to it, a white gift bag tied with black ribbon.
Harry pulls out my chair and I take a seat. Everyone around the table falls into a comfortable chatter. His parents ask me about my job and take a genuine interest, not just polite question, they seem to really want to get to know me.
“And you get to keep the clothes?” Lydia asks.
“Yeah, most of the time. We get the collections before they hit the stores.” I smile before taking a sip of my wine.
“Oh, my goodness, if they have any Kurt Geiger purses could you slip one in a bag for me?” She laughs and I laugh with her.
“Oh, she’s not joking, Ali. She would sell me on eBay for the right purse,” Grant says, eyeing his wife.
“Don’t be crazy. I’d sell you on Etsy. I’d get more.” She leans in towards me, placing her hand on my arm, and we both laugh. God, I really like them, and it’s going to hurt like hell when I leave tomorrow, and I’ll likely never see them again.
A hand slides on to my thigh and I turn my head to face Harry, who is grinning at me.
“You having fun, Ali Cat?” God his smile. It could melt my panties clean off.
“Yeah, I am.” My smile match’s his and we just stay like that, eyes locked, smiling, like happy idiots.
The moment is broken by the sound of Tori’s voice echoing through the speakers, and we turn towards the stage where she stands at a podium, dressed in a stunning green dress with her hair curled in Hollywood waves, she looks beautiful.
“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. I’d like to thank you all for being here and for supporting this amazing cause. This charity and the organization that supports it are very dear to my heart for many reasons.
“I am proud to say both my father and brother have served with the United States Marine Corps and are here this evening to honor our veterans and remember our fallen.”
Every person in the room turns to focus on Harry and his dad and the crowd begins to applaud. It’s the first time I’ve seen Harry look almost nervous, out of his comfort zone, but I feel immensely proud to be sitting here next to him and acknowledging his military career. He doesn’t talk about it much and I understand why. I know they lost a friend, and it’s why they left and it’s why Ria’s brother has been so distant. Everyone deals with grief and trauma in their own way. I know that all too well.
The applause begins to fade, and Tori continues her speech. “Like many of you in this room, we know how it feels to lose a loved one in the line of duty and the Fallen Heroes charity was the lifeline I didn’t know I needed until it was the only one I had.”
I glance over at Harry, whose eyes are focused on the table’s centerpiece, shoulders tense and his jaw flexing. I get the sense he’s fighting back the emotions of losing Scotty. Not wanting to draw attention during his vulnerable moment, I do the only thing I know will bring him comfort.
I slide my hand in to his lap and link my pinky finger with his, giving it a squeeze. Eyes full of unshed tears meet mine, and my heart drops. I’ve never seen him look so lost, so sad. He may be the joker, the good time guy, but underneath, Harry is one of the most incredible people I have ever known, and that realization scares me a little because seeing a more vulnerable side of Harry, has made me fall for him just a little more.
He reciprocates my pinky squeeze. I want to put my arms around him, hold him close, something I have never wanted to do for a man, but with him it's different. It’s always been different with him, and I think that’s why I’ve spent so long fighting my feelings. I knew from the moment I met him; I could fall for him.
“… So please be upstanding and raise your glasses to the men and women who bravely fought for us and who could no longer be with us. To our heroes.”
We all stand, Harry and I never breaking contact with our fingers and raise our glasses with our free hands. I welcome the cold fizz of the champagne as I swallow it down. The room erupts into applause once again, and we take our seats.
“I’m just going to check on Tori. I won’t be a second.” Harry excuses himself, pressing a kiss to my cheek and heads towards the stage area.
I turn to face Lydia and Grant. “Victoria’s speech was beautiful. You must be so proud,” I smile. Having spent the day with Lydia, I got to know her and can see how much her children mean to her. It’s just another reason why tomorrow will hurt even more. I really like her. She’s funny, and kind and has that way about her that makes you feel like you belong. She included me, wanting to spend time with me and that is not something I am used to.
She covers her hand with mine and gives it a squeeze, dabbing her eyes with her cloth napkin. “Oh, she’s always been one with words, has our Victoria. She’s been through so much, but she finds a way to get through it.”.
“Thank you for inviting me this evening, and for today, I’ve had such a lovely time.”
“Oh, it’s been my pleasure. I am just excited Harry has finally introduced us to a girlfriend. He’s never settled down long enough to introduce us to anyone.”
I interrupt her “Oh, we aren’t together, we’re just…”
She squeezes my hand a little firmer this time and gives me a knowing look, the kind of look a mother gives you when she knows you are lying through your teeth.
“Sweetie, please, I know my son and I know I’ve never seen him look at anyone the way he looks at you. I know he’s the party boy, the joker. Hell, I’m married to one. These Walker men know how to keep us on our toes and make us laugh.” She leans in a little closer and strokes my cheek with the back of her hand and tears prick at my eyes. It’s been so long since anyone other than Ria or Gabby and, come to think of it, Harry, has shown me any type of affection.
“But underneath, they are the most loving and loyal men you will ever know. There’s a softer, calmer side to them. It just takes a special kind of woman to bring it to the surface, and I think you might just be the one to tame my boy.”
I sniff, eyes full of unshed tears. What do I say that? I’d be lying if I said she was wrong, because the more time I spend with Harry, the more I see that side of him.
A firm hand touches my shoulder and I look up. His mom moves back in her seat, taking her glass of wine in her hand and I swipe a tear that’s escaped.
“Tori okay?” she asks Harry.
“Yeah, she just needs a minute.”
The band announces the dance floor is open and some old soul music begins to play. Harry holds out his hand, palm up. “May I have this dance, Miss Hart?” My eyes meet his and he winks, releasing a thousand butterflies in my stomach.
I place my hand in his and stand. “You may,” I say, giving him a soft smile.
I glance over to his mom, and she gives me that knowing look. Is she right? Am I the one for her son? I’ve never been anyone’s one, or anyone’s anything. I’ve only ever served a purpose and once that purpose was served, I was thrown out, discarded like a used napkin. I quickly learned I’d never be anything, and that way, I’d never let my heart get broken again. But this man, who’s pulled me close to him, wrapping his strong arms around my waist and moving me with him, has let me think about what it might be like to be his, and I think I want it. I don’t want this to end; I don’t know how I am supposed to return to New York tomorrow and act like the last ten days didn’t happen. That I’ll just see him when I see him, hook up if we can. No, I don’t know how I am meant to go back to what we were before London.
“Your sister’s speech was beautiful. Is she okay? She seemed upset.” His spine stiffens briefly, and worried I’ve overstepped, I go to speak again, change the subject, when he clears his throat and says, “She was with Scotty. They were dating. Flying home and telling her he died was the worst day of my life next to the day we lost him. Watching her break was…” His voice breaks on the last word, and I move in closer, tightening my hold of him, letting him know I’m here.
“Was awful, and the days that followed… I can’t help but feel I could have done something different, done something to save him, but it’s happened now. I can’t change it. She never blamed me, but it's why she moved to London. She had to get away from it all, but she’s doing good now. Scotty would be so proud.”
I lean away from his chest and look up to see him look over towards his sister, who’s talking with friends. Pride beams from his face, eyes slightly glazed. He turns to lock eyes with mine and in that very moment, nothing and no one else exists. I feel like I’ve learned more about Harry Walker in the last half hour than in the years I’ve known him, and I only wish I had met this side of him sooner, because I see that he too is a little broken like me, and it makes me see him in a different light.
“It sounds like you did everything you could have done to save him. What happened. It’s not your fault.”
His jaw flexes. Clearing his throat, he goes to speak but can’t seem to form any words.
“Your sister is lucky to have you,” I say softly.
“No, I’m lucky to have her, trust me,” and I sense there is so much meaning behind that statement. I feel compelled to speak some truth, let him know I appreciate what he’s done for me, allowing me into his world.
“I’ve had the best time with you. Thank you for bringing me here.”
His eyes search mine and he moves in closer, his voice barely a whisper. “God, I’m going to miss you.” An ache forms in my belly and just as I go to speak, he presses a soft kiss to my lips. We part and I rest my head against his chest as we move with ease to the music, and I listen to the lyrics of the song I’ve never heard before. ‘What could it be, this thing between you and me, but I think they call this love? ’
Love, a word, a feeling I thought I was incapable of unless it extended to my friends. But true love, the kind of love that sweeps you off your feet, the kind that makes you forget time and space, forget your name and forget everything bad that ever happened to you, and that’s exactly how he makes me feel, but I know all too well, that could all be ripped from beneath me, so before I fall too far, I’ll enjoy tonight for what it is, and tomorrow we go back to what we were, because seeing this side of Harry, he doesn’t deserve to be pulled into my darkness. He deserves to live in the light.
We left the event just as the final guests were leaving. Tori and Harry’s parents stayed at the venue, but we headed back to the apartment, as I have an early flight home. Home. Suddenly, home doesn’t feel like home, and it’s a place I don’t want to be.
I kick off my shoes and toss my bag on the chair in the corner of our room. Harry shrugs off his jacket, and as I turn to unpin my hair, large muscular arms wrap around me. He buries his face in my hair and takes a deep breath.
“Let me,” he murmurs.
Not sure what he means, I go to speak, but then I feel his hands in my hair. Gently, he pulls the pins and my hair tumbles free, cascading down my back. This feels so intimate, more intimate than anything else we’ve ever done. When the last strand falls, I turn to face him.
“I need you, Ali, all of you.”
I nod, reaching for the buttons of his shirt and slowly unfastening them, my gaze never leaving his. When I reach the last one, I glide my hands over his bare chest and push his shirt off his shoulders, letting it fall to the ground. I lean in, peppering soft kisses along his broad chest, kissing each tattoo. His skin pebbles under my touch as I smooth my hands down his torso, reaching for the button of his suit pants, pushing them and his briefs to the floor.
His lips find mine once again as his hands move to the zipper of my dress. I break the kiss and watch the fabric fall to the ground and pool around my feet. Next, in one smooth move, my lace panties follow, and I step out of them, as does he with his briefs. Tension and need swirls between us and all I want to do is get lost in him.
Tonight, he bared a part of himself to me that he’s kept buried, a part of him that lurks behind his quick wit and innuendos. Traits that indeed had me falling into bed with him, but now, seeing these parts of him makes me want to unveil my own darkness. To share the parts of me that I’ve hidden away for so long. I’ve never trusted anyone the way I trust him right now, which makes me do something I have never felt strong enough to do. I want to give the most fragile parts of myself to him.
“Take it off,” I whisper.
“What?”
“Take it off, all of it. I don’t want there to be anything between us tonight.”
He looks at me, checking I’m sure, searching my eyes for reassurance that this is indeed what I want.
“Are you sure? We don’t have to.”
“Yes, just… just be gentle with me, okay? I manage to say on a shaky breath.
“Baby, you are safe with me, I promise.”
His hands slowly drift to my back, and with one hand, he unhooks my bra strap. My body is rigid as he slowly pulls the lace fabric away from my skin, exposing me. He drops the bra to the floor and there I stand, completely bare, raw, and naked. Nothing between us. His eyes drift to my chest and I notice the moment his eyes clock the part of me I have kept hidden.
My chest heaves, anxiety starting to bubble, and I fight to push it down. I want to do this for him, for me. I want to be free of this feeling. The backs of his knuckles brush against my left breast and the small tattoo I’ve spent nearly half of my life hiding.
“You are so beautiful.” His voice is barely a whisper. He presses his lips to mine and I fall into his arms. My bare chest meets his and I melt into his touch. His warm skin soothes the thumping pain in my chest. Every stroke of his tongue, every touch of his fingertips on my skin, eases the anxiety that rushes through me. Wrapping his arms around me, he lifts me and carries me towards the bed.
He lays me down, so gently, as if I were made of glass, and hovers over me. Pressing open mouth kisses down my neck and across to my breasts, every kiss erasing my pain, erasing memories, and planting new ones. When I feel him press a feather-light kiss to my tattoo, my breathing falters, my throat thick with emotion. A lone tear falls down my cheek. His hot tongue works over my body, over parts I haven’t dared to share, and with every touch and caress, he is unknowingly healing me.
“I need you,” I pant, desperate to feel him inside me. To have that deep connection with him.
He moves up my body and nuzzles his nose with mine. “You’ve got me, baby.”
He settles in between my thighs, wrapping my leg over him. I pull him in closer as he slides on home.
Both groaning at the feeling, his lips are back on mine. He moves slowly, and it’s more than I can handle. This isn’t just sex; this is more than anything I’ve ever experienced. It’s far greater than any pleasure he’s ever given me. Every touch, every caress has me thinking that maybe I could feel something more, be something more to him than a secret hookup. Together we are chaos, the king and queen of pretense, but tonight there is no pretending. A sensation so intense pulses through me, I feel like I’m floating somewhere between euphoria and ecstasy. It’s so overwhelming, so strong I reach for something to hold on to, to steady myself, but as I do his fingers interlink with mine pinning my hands above my head as he rotates his hips, pressing his body into mine. I moan in pleasure, enjoying the way he feels on top of me.
The feeling builds, almost reaching its peak. This isn’t sex, this is, dare I say it… “H, I…” I pant, utterly breathless.
“I know, I know I.” His raw, husky voice sends shivers down my spine, neither of us capable of finishing our sentences. We find our releases at the same time, an earth shattering, life altering sensation hits me and I wonder if I will ever experience this ever again. I didn’t know it could be like.
He lifts his head and his eyes find mine, and we stay like that for what feels like hours. Just staring, breathing ragged, bodies fused as one. Being here with him feels like the closest thing to heaven I think I’ll ever experience. I cup his jaw, needing a second to commit the way he’s looking at me right now to my memory bank.
He makes my fall feel like I’m flying. I just hope he never lets me hit the ground.
I don’t know what happens past tonight, when I return to New York and he stays here, how things will be between us. So, if we only have tonight, I want to make it a memory I can use on the days when I feel like can’t breathe, when it all gets too much, and I feel like I can’t make it through another day. When I’m falling in the pits of darkness, I’ll remember the way he’s looking at me right now. I’ll cling to the memory that in this moment, I felt like the only thing that mattered to him. I didn’t feel dirty or tainted or broken.
For one night, I felt whole. I felt free.