Chapter 3
Chapter Three
Chaos…
I knew I was being rude to Cynda and as she turned to leave I felt a pang of guilt.
It wasn’t her fault. She was caught up in this fucked up shit as much as we were.
Just what we needed—a power play with the fucking record company, and it looked like freakin’ Rod was on their side.
I didn’t get it really, what was their fuckin’ problem.
My songs were good. They’d be hits if they’d give us a chance to record them.
It’s not like we lacked material, our fucked up family lives and the foster care system had supplied plenty, well until we’d all ended up at the Sherman’s.
They were the closest thing to real parents any of us had and we’d do anything for them.
Shit. I was going to have to fucking forget all of it for now, Jack and Sally were coming tonight and it’d be the first time they’d seen us play in a couple of years.
We wanted them to be proud of us. I’d have to friggin’ figure out how to fix all of this later, but for now no fuck ups before tonight’s gig.
Rod said something to Rage before he left, probably telling him to tone it down tonight.
If he didn’t fucking back off Rage, he was going to be sorry.
One of these days he was going to blow up and none of us wanted to be around when it happened.
But at least Rod was gone, sometimes I wondered what the fuck we’d been thinking when we signed with him to be our manager, he’s such a douche.
It always seemed like he did what Symmetry wanted and fuck what was best for us.
What the fuck was up with that? Then there was Cynda Pearson, he couldn’t imagine anyone less fucking likely to be able to write songs for them, why had they really sent her?
She wasn’t a rocker chic. Hell, when she walked in I thought Rod had it wrong.
I’d expected a guy, but Cynda, damn. She looked so young, like a high school kid.
Her jeans and sweater covered her from head to toe and it was like ninety degrees outside, how fucking weird was that?
With her long brown hair, the bangs, and glasses she looked like one of the nerds from high school.
Was she even old enough to be in a bar? Then she’d looked at me with those huge emerald green eyes, and fire raced down my spine and straight to my cock.
I’d never reacted to a woman like that before, it was like being struck by lightning.
I didn’t know if it was the scotch or being pissed off, but being so close to her for the next few weeks was going to be fucking interesting.
“Chaos?”
“Yeah?”
Wrath looked at me strangely, “You okay?”
“Yup, why wouldn’t I be?”
“I’ve been talking to you for almost five minutes and you haven’t said a word.”
“No way.”
Shaking his head, he shrugged. “Are we going to practice or you gonna to sit here and stare at the fuckin’ wall some more?”
I wanted to tell him to fuck off, but he was right. We needed to get on stage and do the sound check. “Yeah, c’mon let’s go.”
As soon as I stepped onto the stage my aggravation melted.
It was my favorite place to be and it didn’t matter if there was an audience or not.
This was my real home. Everything—all the emotions I kept bottled up—came out while I was on stage.
Writing and singing was my fucking escape.
All the hate and anger seething inside came out and I always felt better afterwards.
Definitely better than any fucking mandatory therapy session we’d had to go to.
I was pretty sure the rest of the guys felt the same way too.
We were tight, closer than most real brothers.
Grabbing my Strat I hooked the brown leather strap over my shoulder and smiled as I ran my hand over the beautiful guitar.
I still couldn’t fuckin’ believe she was mine.
We’d started with instruments from the pawn shop and as we’d made money we’d traded up for better equipment.
It had taken until last year, after we’d made platinum with the first album, for me to finally buy Eleanor.
Finished in a tobacco sunburst with a rosewood fingerboard, she was my baby.
I’d called her Eleanor because getting her was like a fuckin’ dream come true, just like Nicholas Cage in the movie Gone in 60 Seconds and his Eleanor, the grey mustang he’d fucking chased until the end.
Our names were based on our personalities when we’d first gotten to the Sherman’s.
It reminded us of where we’d come from, but it’d been a fuckin’ crapshoot when we’d chosen our instruments.
We’d been fuckin’ clueless when we’d picked them up in the pawn shop, except for Fury, he’d been amazing on bass from the first time he played it.
Wrath played rhythm guitar, and they stood next to me on stage.
Flame burned up the keyboards, and was off to the left of the drums. Rage was a natural on drums, in the beginning he’d beat on them so hard we’d have to replace his sticks after every practice but eventually he’d done better controlling his anger.
I knew most of his story but none of us knew all of it.
Sweets and Candy stood off to the right.
Once everyone was in place, I nodded at Rage to count us in.
The spotlight slid over me, as I belted out the lyrics of our number one hit, Left Behind.
The words poured from me like they were part of me.
I became Chaos the rocker, gone was the insecure boy who I kept hidden deep inside.
As long as I was singing I was free, to feel, to yell, and celebrate my anger, and my joy.
Fury, Wrath, and I moved all around the stage, making sure to get as close to the edge as possible.
We wanted to be up close and personal with our fans.
Hell, it’s what we fucking lived for. The set went quick and as fast as we’d started it was over.
It was a good rehearsal. Sean, our soundman, rocked out during most of the set.
When we were on no one could touch us, and I needed to make sure we stayed that way.
As the last note faded away a few of the employees of The Shaggy Dog cheered and clapped—the sound would never get friggin’ old. “I think we nailed it.”
Rage tossed his drum sticks in the air and caught them. “Hell yeah we did. We were fuckin’ on.”
Everyone looked happy except Sweets. Something was definitely bugging the girl and it didn’t look like I’d be able to fuckin’ put it off until later.
I didn’t want it affecting her performance tonight if I could help it.
Something was going on and I needed everyone to be on tonight especially since Sally and Jack Sherman were going to be in the audience.
They’d done so much for us. It was important for them to see how we’d taken what they’d taught us and turned our lives around.
“How about we head over to Ricky’s for pizza and chill for a bit.”
“Hell yeah, who knows how long it’ll be ‘til we get some of their primo pizza again.”
Shaking my head at Flame, I swung Eleanor over my head and placed her carefully on her stand.
I was still getting used to having roadies take care of our equipment, Snake, Jack, Eric and Mike, were one of the biggest changes since we’d signed with Symmetry and prepped for the tour.
Roadies. Rod hired them, but they were decent guys at least so far.
They took good care of our stuff and made sure no one touched anything.
It was about the only fuckin’ only thing Rod had done right.
The guys headed out but I grabbed Sweets by the arm. “What’s up?”
“Nuthin’”
“Yeah right, I know you better.” Her eyes met mine, a pissy expression on her face, and her jaw set like she wanted to fight.
I hated when she got like this. She’d been fine this morning, so whatever crawled up her ass happened between then and now.
“C’mon this is me. Don’t give me shit, just spill it. Did something happen?”
“No…yes. I don’t want that bitch on tour with us. I don’t have a good feeling about her. She’s bad karma.”
For a minute I couldn’t figure out who she was talking about. Then it hit me, she was talking about Cynda. “I don’t want her to come either and I’d fuckin’ hoped she’d say no, but I have to find a way to convince her to use my songs. Since we’re going on the road it doesn’t leave any other option.”
“I don’t like it. She’s gonna fuck things up for all of us.”
“No she won’t, that’s part of why I want her with us.
She’ll see how we are, and how I come up with the material.
It’ll be fine, trust me. Okay?” Sometimes she seemed more like a twelve year old than twenty-two.
She needed to get over it. We had a long ass tour ahead of us.
No way was I going to put up with any of her shit, even if she might have a point about Cynda.
The girls had their moody moments, but they were like our sisters and we’d learned to freakin’ deal with it.
I guess I needed to get with Candy later and see if she could talk some sense into her sister.
“I guess.”
“C’mon, Jack and Sally will be here later, we need to give them a great show right?”
“Yeah.”
“Okay, so let’s get something to eat. You love Ricky’s pizza.”
She reached up and wrapped her arms around my neck like she had when she was younger, but it had been ages since she’d hugged me.
I stopped her arms and held them. It was fuckin’ weird.
We were too old for this shit now. The look in her eyes made me wonder, she’d been getting way too clingy and possessive.
I’d told her long ago the two of them were like sisters to us, I’d fucking hoped it would keep shit like this from happening.
We had a tour to do and it was going to need all my energy for the next year.
Wrath had fuckin’ warned me from the beginning, maybe I should have listened.
“Fine, let’s go eat.” Oh yeah, she was pissed. Well too fuckin’ bad. She needed to get over it.
I wondered what fucking caused all this today.
Was she jealous because I’d made Cynda come on the tour?
It was pretty ballsy of me actually, I didn’t even know if she had a boyfriend, or a family, or anything.
Would he get bent out of shape about her going on tour with us?
If she did have a boyfriend it’d solve one of my problems. We were going to lay down the tracks for the new album when we got back to New York after the US Tour.
If she cut out then maybe they’d drop the whole writer idea all together.
Who was I kidding, Symmetry wouldn’t back off.
They’d decided to hire her and if not her it would be another writer.
We’re gonna be stuck with her or someone else.
I’ll just have to turn on the charm. Fuck.
These next two weeks were going to be a real pain in the fucking ass, so much for just enjoying our first tour.
Sweets pulled the door to Ricky’s Pizza open and the aroma of fresh basil and pepperoni slapped me in the face.
My stomach grumbled reminding me I hadn’t eaten anything since breakfast. Following her in to the pizzeria I was surprised it was so packed on a Thursday night.
On my way to our usual table in the back, I was stopped for a few autographs.
Lately we’d been recognized more and more, especially around town.
We’d been signing some crazy shit—napkins, hands, even tits—this shit would never get old.
Sweets pushed ahead and blew me a kiss. I saw Wrath watching and I shrugged, what could I do?
He didn’t look too happy but now wouldn’t be the time to talk about it.
That’d have to wait until after tonight’s show.
Considering we were starting a new part of our life tomorrow there seemed to be a lot of crap going on all of a sudden, or maybe it was because of the changes.
What the fuck? Were we just all worried about the fucking tour?
I sat in the chair they’d saved and grabbed a slice of pepperoni pizza, taking a big bite. My stomach growled again, and Rage laughed.
“Shit, bro. Hungry much?”
“Yeah, I haven’t eaten since breakfast. I was too pissed off earlier. Pass me a beer will ya?”
Rage poured a glass from the pitcher and put it down in front of me.
I reached for the glass but before I could get my hand on it, Sweets grabbed it, stuck her tongue out at me and took a long swallow.
What. The. Fuck. I was pissed. It must have been obvious because Fury arched an eyebrow at me.
Yeah so much for staying calm and focused.
I guess it wasn’t in the fuckin’ cards for today.
“What? You got a fucking problem?” I growled at Fury. Was it a fuckin’ full moon or something? Way too much crazy shit going down.
Sweets put the glass down and slid her chair away from me.
Maybe she was finally getting the hint. No one else said a word.
I met Wrath’s eyes as I chewed my pizza and wondered if I’d be able to wait ‘til after the gig to talk to him. Something was definitely up and not just with him. Taking a drink I let the icy cold beer run down my parched throat but instead of being refreshing it turned in my stomach, or maybe it was the pizza. Whatever it was it triggered my ‘get the fuck out of there’ instinct. Suddenly feeling like I couldn’t breathe, I had to get out of there and put some distance between me and everyone else.
I couldn’t go on stage like this that’s for damn sure.
“I’m going for a walk, I’ll be back soon.”
“But…” Wrath started to object but I guess the look in my eyes made him back off. I didn’t get like this often but when I did, I needed space and after being together as long as we had, they all knew to leave me alone.