Chapter Twelve
Cynda…
What the hell was Michelle up to now? Damn.
I’d never seen this side of her before. I wonder if he’d slipped her something at the party.
I needed to talk to Flame as soon as I could get him alone.
If he hurt her I’d kick his lily white ass.
She was my best friend and the only family I cared about.
I’d promised to deal with this but she hadn’t and I’d be damned if I was going to let her get fucked by it all.
I looked away from where Michelle had stood and caught Chaos staring at me.
His hazel eyes pulled me in like quicksand.
After dreaming of making love to him all night it was a struggle not to jump up and drag him into his room.
It’s a good thing everyone else was sitting there or I might have given in.
I was hopeless. At this rate I’d follow my mom’s footsteps and end up alone and pregnant. Snap out of it, Cyn. You know better.
“Cyn?”
Shit. He was talking to me. I wonder what he’d been saying. “Yeah?”
“Did you decide whether you want to come with us or not?”
“I think I’ll stay here and work on some of the songs.”
His eyebrows went up. “I thought we were going to do that together?”
“Well, yeah we are, but you’re so busy and I can’t just sit around waiting for you. I figured I’d work up some lyrics then later when you had time we could go over them together. Okay?”
He nodded but he didn’t look like it was okay. Too bad. I had a job to do, and I was going to do it and get off this bus before I made a huge mistake like falling in love.
The guys went to get ready and I pulled out my notebook from beneath the couch cushion. I was reading through the lyrics I’d written last night when Joe came through.
“Morning, Cynda. Did you sleep okay?”
“Yeah, thanks. How was your night?”
“Fine, it was a short drive compared to some. I even managed to get in a few zzzz’s this morning after we got here.”
“Really? Where did you sleep?”
“In my seat, thing reclines like nobody’s business. It’s more comfortable than some beds I’ve slept in.”
I grinned, he was really sweet. “Awesome. I’d never have guessed. I was surprised how comfy the couch was too.”
He fixed himself a cup of coffee then came back and sat at the table. “You have an amazing voice. Why aren’t you singing professionally?”
“What?” I felt the color drain out of my face. He’d heard me last night? I didn’t think about him up there driving, it was so quiet. Shit. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“C’mon. Why are you hiding it? Your voice is beautiful, and that song should be on the radio.”
I went from icy cold to hot, color rushed back into my cheeks and more I was sure.
I was in so much trouble. If Chaos realized I’d heard his song and written lyrics he’d be more than pissed off, of that I was sure.
It felt too much like stealing his song.
“Listen, Joe, please don’t say anything. I…”
“Say anything about what?” Chaos asked as he strolled down the short hallway and poured himself another cup of coffee.
“Nothing.”
“It couldn’t be nothing or you wouldn’t be asking him not to say anything.”
Joe laughed and shrugged. Shit, I was screwed now. He was going to tell him everything. I pleaded silently with him not to say anything, but I figured I was shit out of luck.
“Sorry, Cynda, but it looks like your secret is out of the bag now. She fell off the couch last night when she was sleeping. I heard a thud and pulled the bus over and found her on the floor.”
Oh my God I could kiss him, I just might kiss him when Chaos left later. I mouthed the words thank you and he winked at me.
“Fuck, Cyn, you okay? You didn’t get hurt did you?”
“I’m fine. No worries. Really.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah, please don’t make a big deal. That’s why I didn’t want Joe to say anything. It was just a stupid thing.”
Chaos looked at me like he wanted me to stand up so he could examine every inch.
Mmm now wouldn’t that be nice, my inner sex fiend whispered.
Shit, if I didn’t put a lid on my sex drive I was going to jump him yet.
I needed to keep thinking about the fucktard sperm donor, he’d kill my desire for any musician in a heartbeat.
“Okay, but maybe we should think of other sleeping arrangements for you.”
“Yeah, what are you going to do, strap one of the guys on the roof?”
“If I thought I’d get away with it I might, but I was thinking maybe you could sleep in my bed.”
“With you?”
“Yeah, it’s big enough for two, I wouldn’t touch you.”
“Oh yeah, like I’m supposed to believe that? What about Sweets? You may not think anything’s going on between the two of you, but she has a huge crush and isn’t letting go. Are you trying to get me killed?”
“I told you don’t worry about Sweets.”
“Easy for you to say, or maybe that’s your ulterior motive, she can kill me then you don’t have a songwriter. Uh huh, I could see you trying that.” I stuck my tongue out afterwards so he’d know I was teasing, at least I hoped he would.
He rolled his eyes and pulled me off the couch and into his arms. His breath tickled my ear.
“I don’t need you in my bed to have you.
” Dropping a quick kiss on my lips he released me.
It’d happened so fast that for a minute I thought I’d imagined it.
Quick or not my body sizzled from his touch.
Heat raced into my cheeks and I wondered what Joe thought, but when I looked over he was gone. When had he left us alone?
Chaos yelled for the guys then said goodbye.
I watched from the window as they got into the waiting limo and drove away.
Sitting at the table, relieved to be alone, I dropped my head into my hands and knocked the notebook onto the floor.
Oh shit, I wonder if he’d seen it. Nah, he’d have said something, wouldn’t he?
I needed to be careful around him in more ways than one.
My lips still tingled where he’d kissed me and made me wonder what it’d be like to live out last night’s dreams, lying in his bed and making love all night long.
Shit. Thinking about any of this would get me nowhere fast. I got up, poured another cup of coffee and got my stuff together to take a shower while I had the bus mostly to myself.
I dried my hair and put on some mascara and blush.
I didn’t see the need to do full make-up just to sit around the bus.
Putting everything back in Chaos’ room I saw his acoustic guitar laying in the open case by the bed.
His music was there too. I hesitated, but only for a second.
He said they’d be gone at least two hours to do both interviews and get back with time to relax a bit before their sound check at four.
Reaching for the guitar and his music, I sat on the edge of the bed. Spreading out the sheet music, I pulled the guitar into my lap and strummed a few chords to check for tuning. Of course it was perfect.
I hadn’t held a guitar since mom died four months ago.
I couldn’t bear it, but here I was caressing it like a long lost love.
Seeing the notes on the paper, I’d been humming along with last night, brought tears to my eyes.
I stumbled over some of the chords in the beginning but then my fingers flew across the fret board nailing it.
After playing through twice I started again, singing my lyrics this time.
They melded together like they were written as one, at least for me.
I liked it, more than liked it, and I’d have to show it to Chaos soon.
As the sound of the last note faded away, I closed my eyes to hold back the tears.
I’d sung of love and heartbreak and starting over, all the while picturing myself with Chaos.
A sound in the doorway interrupted my thoughts and I opened my eyes.
Joe leaned against the doorframe, tears in his eyes, and slowly clapped his hands. “Oh my God, Cynda, that was amazing.”
I took a deep breath and wiped my eyes with the back of my hand. “Thanks, but I shouldn’t have done that. It’s Chaos’ song, I heard him writing it last night but I couldn’t resist putting words to it.”
“Why not? Aren’t you here to write the songs?”
“Yeah but…”
“But nothing. How could he mind? You turned his music into an amazing hit song. I know these things.”
“You do?”
“Yeah. I do.”
“But you’re a bus driver, sorry no offense. I appreciate you like the song but...”
“No offense taken. Since we’re keeping secrets, I’ll tell you one. I used to scout for a record company, but I hated the way they treated the artists, so I quit. For a while I was going to try to go independent but then Marge got sick, and I started driving buses.”
“Oh wow.” He looked so sad it broke my heart. How wonderful it must have been to have a love like theirs. I put the guitar down and hugged him tight. “I’m so sorry, Joe.”
He hugged me back and we just held each other for a few minutes, accepting each other’s support. I imagined it must be what it was to have a father. Sniffing a bit to hold in my tears, I stepped back and smiled.
“Why don’t you go back into the music biz now? You know Marge would approve.”
“Yeah she would, but it’s been five years, I wouldn’t even know where to start. It’s changed so much.”
“Yeah it has, so you could sign a small act and help them produce their stuff.”
“Like you?”
“No, not like me. I’m not going into the business. I know what it does to people.”
He gave me strange look. “How do you know?”
Sighing, I decided he’d shared so much it was only fair to tell him the truth about me. “Have you ever heard of Preston Mitchell or The Hurricanes?”
“Yeah. Oh damn, I knew you looked familiar. You’re his daughter aren’t you?”
I nodded. “Yup, his bastard daughter. He never married my mother and he was never around. We got checks once a month. Hell, I still get them. I don’t think he even knows she died.”
“I had no idea.”
“How could you?”
“I knew him, well, his manager, and I bet your father didn’t even know about you.
Not really. His manager was a real dirt bag and one of the reasons I left the record company.
He passed himself off as a manager for the talent but he would do whatever the record company wanted instead of what was in the best interest of the band. ”
“Really? The checks are always signed by my father. I figured he knew about us. My mother told me a long time ago who he was and she even took me to a couple of his shows but I’ve never met him. I figured he just didn’t give a shit about us.”
“Honey, I bet he doesn’t even know about you.”
Dropping down to sit on the edge of the bed I didn’t know what to think.
It’s like all the air drained out of me like a deflated balloon, all flattened out.
If what Joe said was true then everything I believed about my father was wrong.
Maybe he wasn’t the asshole I’d always thought.
Nah, he had to know about us, didn’t he?
Joe lifted my chin and looked into my eyes. “Are you okay?”
“Yes, no, maybe, oh hell. I don’t know. If what you say is true then everything I believed is a lie. How is it possible he wouldn’t know about us?”
“Because Rod Dixon is the biggest asshole known to man.”
“Wait? Did you say Rod Dixon?”
“Yeah, do you know him?”
Nodding, I was so pissed off I swear I saw red. What a fucking cocksucker, dickman wasn’t good enough anymore. He screwed over my mother and now he was trying to screw over Chaos and his band? No fucking way, not with me he wasn’t.
“Cynda?”
“Rod Dixon is the manager for Raining Chaos too.”
“Fucking hell.” He ran his hand over his bald head. “I had no idea. I thought they’d gotten rid of him by now.”
“So you worked for Symmetry Records?”
“Yup. I knew Chaos signed with them but I didn’t realize they’d gotten stuck with Rod too.”
“Oh yeah they did, and it’s because of him I’m here. Chaos accused him of working with Symmetry and screwing them over and I guess he’s right, huh?”
Joe nodded. “It sure looks like it. I wish there was something I could do.”
“Me too. Shit. I don’t know what to do now. I’m here because of him, well because he and Symmetry decided Chaos’ songs weren’t good enough. I thought it was strange they’d assign me to Raining Chaos. Their first album was amazing. I never figured he’d need help writing.”
“I don’t think you give yourself enough credit. If you can write lyrics like those to go with his music, they’d be unstoppable.”
Shaking my head, I knew it wasn’t possible. They didn’t need me, but I still had a promise to fulfill. Could I do it if I left now? Or should I see it through and just forget all this stuff Joe told me? It’s not like it was any of my business. Besides a contract was a contract right?
Joe and I talked about a few possible options, but I had a lot more to think about. He went to get something to eat and told me he’d be back in a while if I wanted to talk more.
I didn’t know what to think, and I couldn’t shake the cold hollowness in my insides.
Everything I’d believed about my father might be wrong.
If I didn’t have my hate to hold on to, what did I have?
Not a father. And the fucking cocksucker who’d ruined my mother’s life was working on ruining Raining Chaos.
Carefully stacking the music next to the bed and putting the guitar back in its case, I grabbed my notebook and purse and went for a walk. The bus was parked in the middle of an almost empty parking lot, but it gave me plenty of space to think.