Chapter Twenty-EightCynda…
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Cynda…
Michelle went back to her own apartment on Tuesday.
It’d been only me and Sylvester since. It was quiet, especially after life on the tour bus.
I was surprised how fast I’d gotten used to having so many people around…
especially one person. Chaos still called every day but I wasn’t ready to talk to him or even listen to his voice mail.
Even if he apologized, what would it matter?
No we hadn’t been together very long, but he’d gotten through to that spot inside no one else had.
I thought I’d been important to him too.
For him to not even listen to what I had to say hurt so damn bad.
The mirror showed me my bruises and scratches were healing, but my inner pain wasn’t going anywhere.
My heart still felt like it had a gaping hole that bled pain all day.
I woke myself up crying in my sleep over him again last night.
Maybe I needed therapy? Or more ice cream and chic flicks? It sure seemed like I needed something.
It probably didn’t help I had to work on the songs. Every time I listened to his music it brought it all back. I finally knew how horrible salt in a wound felt, since I was living it.
I had torn the lyrics to the new song out of my book and given them to Michelle.
I couldn’t bring myself to throw them away but I didn’t want to see them either.
I’d decided if he hadn’t submitted them to the record company, it wasn’t my job to do it.
So I focused on the music he’d written and tweaked his words.
The songs were great, I hated to admit it, and I couldn’t figure out why Symmetry wanted them changed.
I made small changes here and there but even after spending just a few days with the band, I felt like I had a pretty good idea of who they really were and how the songs should be.
I hoped when they recorded them they liked what I’d written.
I wanted to stop caring about them, about him, but I couldn’t.
The hollow feeling inside wouldn’t go away.
I’d spoken to Eric/Flame a few times and he seemed really nice.
I knew Michelle had it bad for him and it seemed he felt the same way.
He even asked her to come down for their show in Georgia on Saturday.
I told her to go but she said not without me.
How could she ask me to go there, to see him, or even that little bitch? Yeah, I’d seen how Sweets tried to fix things, but she’d fucked it up so bad I didn’t think it could ever be fixed.
I had the next song queued up on my iPad and was just about to hit play when my cell phone rang.
I almost didn’t bother to look, but I was glad I did when I saw it was Joe.
We’d spoken once a day since I’d left. He kept trying to talk to me about Chaos but I didn’t want to hear it. We did talk about the lawyer though.
“Hi, Cynda.”
“Hey, Joe. How are you?”
“I’m great, tired. It was a long drive but we’re here in sunny Georgia.”
I smiled, he was just so cute. “That’s good.”
“Yes it is. How’re you doing?”
I didn’t want him to worry about me, but he could read me too well even over the phone so it didn’t pay to lie. “I’m okay I guess. Mostly the same. I think it’s going to take a long time for my heart to fix itself.”
“You know, sugar, sometimes they never do.”
“Hey, I thought you were trying to make me feel better.”
“I am, but you need to face facts too.”
“Oh yeah, trust me, I’ve been doing that all week while working on their songs. Every day is torture. Listening to them play, thinking about him…them. Anyway, I don’t want to talk about it. Anything new?”
“Yeah a couple of things. The lawyer thinks he found a loophole to get them out of the contract with Rod, but they’d still be with Symmetry.”
“Damn.”
“No it’s okay, we can get them another manager. They aren’t all playing both sides of the fence.”
“How’d you find the loophole? I thought we were out of luck.”
“We were, until I talked to an old friend and he mentioned something we hadn’t thought of and sure enough there it was.
So it’s just a matter of the lawyer drawing up the new paperwork dissolving the old contract, then the guys need to hire a new manager.
Symmetry will have to send them a new contract and this time it’ll be fair. ”
“That’s great. I’ll be happy to see dickman get kicked to the curb.
It’ll be good for them.” I was happy, I really was.
I didn’t understand how I could be so happy and so miserable at the same time.
No matter what had happened between us, they were a damn good band and deserved their shot.
It wasn’t right to have the deck stacked against them from the beginning.
“I heard Flame saying he was trying to get Michelle to come down for Saturday’s concert—that boy has it bad.”
“Yeah it sounds like it. She stayed with me for a few days and he kept calling.”
“Why don’t you come down with her?”
“You too? What is it with all of you? She keeps telling me she won’t go without me, and now you. Is there something going on I need to know about?”
“Not that I know of, except Chaos is missing you like crazy. He is all torn up you won’t answer his calls. Maybe even if you can’t forgive him, if you talk it out it’ll help?”
Inside my heart the wound opened wider and the blood poured from it like an open faucet.
Didn’t they realize seeing him would be the end of me?
I wanted to hate him, but I couldn’t stop loving him, and it made it all hurt worse.
How could I have been so stupid to fall for someone in a rock band?
It was like being Sleeping Beauty and knowing if I touched the spindle I would die, then touching it anyway.
“I don’t know, Joe. I’ll think about it, that’s all I can promise for now.”
“Thank you, but you only have two days until the show.”
“Yes, I know and I’ll remember.”
We talked a little more then hung up. I knew he’d call tomorrow and he’d ask me to come down again. I wondered if Chaos even realized they were all trying to get me to come down, or what a good friend he had in Joe. Could I stand to see him, to hear him sing?
It took time for wounds to heal and it’d been less than a week. Maybe if I gave it more time then went to see him it’d be better. I knew what Joe and Michelle were trying to do, but what if I wanted to avoid it?
I’d had enough work for one day. I cleaned up all the music sheets and went to figure out what to have for dinner.
I wasn’t hungry but I learned the hard way if I didn’t eat at least once a day I was sick the next morning.
Opening the fridge and the cabinets nothing looked appetizing so I settled for a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and a glass of milk.
It covered most of the food groups at least.
I turned on the TV and flipped to one of the news channels.
The world was in a shitty place now that’s for sure, you couldn’t turn on the news without hearing how shitty things were for people, or more terrorist plots being uncovered.
It was damn depressing. I’d been lucky my mother had a good job and life insurance, and she’d saved every penny of the money my father, or dickman sent.
I didn’t have to work for at least a year if I didn’t want to.
Even the apartment was paid for, and all mine.
But sitting around doing nothing wasn’t me either, I needed to be around people, and teaching little kids would be fun.
Michelle and I had talked about teaching in the same school since we met.
Hopefully next year it’d be a reality, unless she ran off with Flame.
Shit. Would she do that? Why not? She should if he made her happy.
I’d be okay here. She could visit whenever they were touring nearby.
Life on the road—not all that much fun—but not as bad as I’d thought either.
Thinking about the bus made me think about Chaos, and thinking about Chaos took what little appetite I had away.
I put the sandwich down after three bites and changed the channel on the TV hoping for a distraction.
An entertainment show came on and just my luck they were featuring Raining Chaos.
They were in Atlanta interviewing them about the upcoming concerts.
Chaos looked amazing, his long black hair tangled like usual and wearing torn jeans and a black t-shirt.
Damn. I couldn’t turn away, it was like staring at a train wreck.
I couldn’t hear what they were saying so I turned up the volume.
“Yes, Mandy, our first show is tomorrow night here at the Lakewood Amphitheater and it’s sold out as far as I know. The weather should be great and we’re excited to be in Georgia.”
She asked him something else and he laughed, the sound shot through me like a bolt of electricity and wrapped itself around my heart. Tears welled up in my eyes and I continued to stare at the TV long after his segment was over. I didn’t even hear the rest of the interview.
Damn it, I missed him, I wanted him, and I loved him. Was I a fool or should I just go and see what would happen?
I pulled out my phone to dial Michelle, when I saw the notification for a voicemail. It’d probably be a good idea to see what he had to say before I went down there, so pulled up my messages.
“Hi, Cyn, are you okay? Just let me know you’re okay.” Beep
“Hi, Cynda, it’s me again, just checking to make sure you went home and are okay. Please call and let me know.” Beep
“Cyn, c’mon, I’m sorry. Don’t torture me like this. Please talk to me.” Beep
“I’m sorry, baby, you have no idea. I’d give anything to make it up to you, please call me.” Beep
He sounded so sad, and as heartbroken as me. Was it possible? I wouldn’t know unless I talked to him. My mind made up, I dialed Michelle and told her we were going to Atlanta to see the show.