CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE || JEREMY #2
Thierry swallowed, eyes searching mine. I saw in them that he knew exactly what I meant.
“I saw a life raft and clung to it. It was wrong. If I could change it, I would. I swear it.”
His gaze locked on mine, his face hard, like he was measuring the truth of my words.
“Oh hell,” he muttered, some of the sharpness easing, giving way to something ragged and halfway to helpless. “Jeremy, I need to tell you something.”
Years of emotion swelled in him, pressing against the bond. Even without it, the haunted look in his eyes told me enough. He was about to confess something that mattered.
“Only if you want to.”
“Tit for tat,” he said softly. “Eight centuries ago, my twin brother Nicolas and I were turned into vampires. Magnus—our maker—liked to feed from altar boys and young men studying for the priesthood. He killed those he believed had found God. Other innocents too, but religious men were his favorite toys.”
Thierry’s tone was flat, but I could feel how hard he was struggling to drag the words up from where they’d been buried.
“That’s how he found us. Nicolas loved the church. He had a singing voice that could move you to tears, and he’d been in the choir since we were boys. He wanted to go into the seminary to become a priest, but our father forbade it.”
Thierry’s voice thickened, but he pressed on. “When Magnus and his entourage came to town, my brother was the star. Magnus heard him sing during mass. That was how he chose his victims. He would go into churches and watch.”
He paused, gaze fixed on the city below. I felt the agony rising in him, though I didn’t push at it through the bond. I wouldn’t force him further than he was ready to go.
“When Magnus learned Nicolas had a twin brother, his plans changed. He no longer wanted to kill him. He wanted us both in his bed. We were identical, you see.”
Thierry’s mouth twisted down, his whole face stricken. Something in me cracked. If Magnus were here, I’d tear him apart with my bare hands.
“Even after he turned us, I wouldn’t give him what he wanted. I wouldn’t let him do that to us.”
I could almost see it—not sure if it was my imagination or ghosts of memory slipping through the bond: Thierry and Nicolas, newly turned, still reeling, trapped in the hands of a predator who destroyed innocence simply because he could.
Rage roared up in me. My wolf surged, my fingertips sharpening to claws before I forced them back.
I drew a long breath, trying to calm myself. “You fought him,” I said finally.
Thierry inclined his head. “Oh yes.” His smile was as thin as razor wire. “I fought him every single night.”
“But Nicolas didn’t?”
“He did at first. Until the night Magnus threatened to kill me,” Thierry said, his voice deceptively neutral.
Just like mine had been when I spoke about Ian.
“Given that he’d already turned us both into monsters, Nicolas believed him.
My brother would have done anything to protect me, once upon a time. He loved me.”
“What happened?”
“I fought back even harder.” Thierry laughed, but the sound cracked. “And we almost escaped. I killed one of the vampires in Magnus’s inner circle—I beheaded him with a sword. They thought I was weak and delicate, so they weren’t as careful as they should have been.”
His grim smile didn’t match the horror of the story, but I wasn’t surprised. Thierry had never been weak. What surprised me was that Magnus hadn’t seen it. To me, it was glaringly obvious.
“Magnus caught us, of course. We’d only been vampires a few weeks and knew nothing about what we’d become—only that we weren’t human.
He kept us indoors, the mansion windows blocked, so we didn’t know what the sun would do when we stepped into it.
When we escaped, it was midday. We didn’t get far.
” His smile vanished. “In hindsight, Magnus told us very little, in case we ran. He planned everything.”
Thierry seemed to drag the next words out one by one, his expression remote. “He didn’t kill me, obviously. I was ready for that. I even welcomed it, once I realized what he’d turned me into. Instead, he did something worse.”
He paused, as if bracing himself. “The next night, he had us brought to his bedchamber. Three young men were led in, hoods over their faces. Magnus pressed a stake to my chest and told Nicolas to drink, or he’d kill me.”
Understanding slammed into me. His deep well of pain, the way he spoke about vampires who’d lost their humanity, and his burning need to save them now. All of it came from this moment.
“Magnus promised to let the young men go afterward. He promised we’d be free too. Nicolas and I had never fed from a living person—Magnus gave us blood in goblets, like wine. We didn’t know how badly we could hurt someone, even by accident.”
“That evil bastard.”
Thierry inclined his head, the faraway look in his eyes giving way to raw pain.
“Magnus knew exactly what would happen. Nicolas killed all three of the men. He couldn’t stop once he started.
And when it was over… I saw him break. Just for a second, but it was enough.
After that, it wasn’t him anymore. Magnus let him go that very night. So that he could keep killing.”
“I’m so sorry.” It wasn’t enough, but nothing ever would be. At least Ian’s soul was still his own. Nicolas had been completely destroyed.
Thierry met my gaze, eyes bright with unshed tears.
“It was worse than if Magnus had killed him. He still thought he was Nicolas. He still had all his memories. But he was a hollow-eyed monster wearing my brother’s skin.
And Magnus made sure I saw it—he led more victims in before letting him go.
And Nicolas didn’t hesitate. I should have killed him then. It would have been a kindness.”
The silence was heavy. Thierry had just handed me the key to understanding him. Why he risked himself for strangers. Why this cause consumed him. Why he buried everything. Why trust was so hard for him. All of it made a horrible, awful sense.
Something shifted inside me—a tectonic plate sliding into place, sweeping away the last of my resistance. That was the moment I let myself fall for him completely. I wanted to stay lost in him forever. And I wanted to protect him from ever having experienced any of this.
“You asked if I’d ever felt grief so sharp I’d do anything to erase it,” Thierry whispered, still looking away.
“Yes.”
“That’s why I’m doing this. It’s why I turned Michael when he asked me to. It’s why I pushed Poppy to summon my fated mate. Because I—” He broke off, then met my gaze with sudden defiance. “I never really told you why I did this. This is why.”
“You had to,” I agreed. “If there was even a chance to fix people broken the way he was broken. You did this for Nicolas.”
“Yes.”
“And you wouldn’t risk anyone else until you knew it was possible. That’s who you are. That’s who you really are, on the inside.”
“You’re not mad?” His head rested on his arms, his expression more open than I’d ever seen it.
“No, I’m not angry,” I said softly, though my chest roiled with emotion. The enormity of what he’d done—what he was doing—was still sinking in. I only knew I wanted to help him. To undo the cruelty the universe had dealt him and so many others.
“You’re planning to save him, aren’t you? Nicolas.”
“You’re half right.” Thierry’s gaze dropped. “I did this for him—so I could save others like him. But my brother is beyond saving.”
My heart broke right down the center at those words. “Why?”
“Because I finally found him two centuries ago. And I stabbed him through the chest with a silver knife and set fire to the room while he couldn’t move.
His body burned to ashes.” Though he said it mechanically, something crumpled in Thierry’s expression, some long-buried emotion wrenching itself free at last. “I killed my brother.”