CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN || JEREMY
“ H i, Jeremy.”
I blinked, startled to find myself sitting cross-legged on a fallen log in the forest. It was nighttime, but I could see clearly. The air glowed blue, oddly luminescent. Bone-white fog threaded between tree trunks I knew almost as well as I knew myself.
I felt no fear—only a strange freeness. A lightness I had never known before.
Peace, I realized. Rock-solid, absolute tranquility that sank deep into my bones. Because here nothing mattered. Not time, not pain, not anything.
I was finished. Complete.
Smiling faintly, I looked up to see who had spoken.
Ian stood only a few feet away. Just as I remembered him: shaggy dark hair, scruff along his jaw, his lithe body more compact than mine.
But his eyes… they weren’t mischievous this time.
They were deeper. There was gravity to him I had never seen before.
His skin seemed to glow, as though he was made of light.
“What are you doing here?”
“I came because you’re here,” he replied softly. “This is an in-between place, Jeremy. No one ever does this part alone.”
His meaning was impossible to mistake. I realized I had no idea how I’d gotten here—or how long I’d been sitting on this log.
Peace slipped from me. Unease rose in its place.
“I’ve died,” I said tonelessly, the sound of my own voice strange in the air.
Ian hesitated, then nodded. “Yes. Your mortal life is done.”
“And you’re here to help me cross over?”
“I’m here because you need me to help you through this.” He let out a long breath, studying me.
That was strange, wasn’t it? If this was the afterlife, why would either of us need to breathe at all?
He smiled ruefully, familiar enough to conjure a hundred memories of when I had loved him with everything I had. “Old habits die hard. And speaking aloud is optional here, by the way.”
I frowned. “I can’t hear your thoughts.”
“You would, in time. If you stayed.”
“If I… stayed?”
“I didn’t come to help you cross over. I came to help you choose .”
A cold ripple ran through me. There was something important I couldn’t remember. “Choose what? I can’t stay here forever, can I?”
“Actually, you could, if you wanted. Some do—when they’re afraid of what waits beyond, or when they can’t accept that they’ve died in the first place.”
“Ghosts,” I murmured.
He inclined his head. “You need to think carefully about what you want to do now.”
“I don’t want to be a ghost.”
“You need to remember what happened right before you got here.”
A flash of electric-blue eyes seared across my mind. A firm hand, cooler than a human’s but still warm, holding mine. Closeness and connection. Love, searing and wonderful.
“Why can’t I remember?”
“This place blurs things for everyone at first,” Ian said gently. “It makes letting go of life easier. But what are you feeling?”
“Don’t you already know?”
“That’s not why I asked.”
I swallowed hard, a lump choking me. “I don’t want to leave him.”
Ian’s smile was sad. “I know the feeling.”
“I’m sorry,” I whispered, grief and guilt breaking loose. “I should’ve—”
He raised a hand, stopping me. “It wasn’t your fault. Blaming yourself hasn’t done anything but break you into pieces, Jer. And if you’d been there, you would’ve died too.”
“You don’t know that.”
He snorted. “I do, actually. Things are much clearer where I am now.”
“But you’re here,” I protested. “Standing right in front of me!”
Ian smiled and shook his head. “You’ll understand, eventually. Just know that death isn’t something to fear. Not really. You don’t need to feel afraid now. But you do need to remember why you’re here.”
I stared at him, trying to figure out what he meant. Everything before I had gotten here was… blank.
Except the echo of—
A promise. A promise I had made to someone very important. The man holding my hand.
I’ll do anything for you. Always.
Ian nodded. “And who was holding your hand?”
“A vampire.”
“Good. Why is the vampire important? Why was he holding your hand?”
“Because he loves me.” The words left me before I could second-guess them. Those strange blue eyes flickered again in my memory, followed by a flash of golden hair. And then his face, achingly beautiful.
Ian nodded. “He does.”
“I love him, too.”
Ian’s expression didn’t change. “I know. And that’s okay, too. What’s his name?”
The fog peeled back. The forest sharpened. The log beneath me felt suddenly real.
“Thierry,” I said, springing to my feet. “His name is Thierry .”
Ian let out a long, relieved breath.
“I need to get back to him.”
“If you do, you’ll come back changed,” Ian warned, watching me steadily. “You won’t just be a wolf anymore.”
“I don’t care.”
His brows lifted. “Don’t you?”
I hesitated as his meaning sank in. I might lose everything that made me what I was—my ability to shift forms, my gift for sensing magic, my tie to the earth. The hunger I experienced might be worse than what any ordinary vampire endured. I might never be safe around anyone again.
There was no way to know.
“There’s a reason this doesn’t happen often,” Ian said quietly. “It’s a risk most wolves aren’t willing to take.”
“And I have a choice here?”
He nodded. “If you cross over, you won’t wake back up. You’ll be gone from the mortal plane for good.”
“And I’ll be at peace?”
His expression softened. “I can’t promise you that. I wish I could. But some things can’t be known until they’re experienced.”
“And if I come back…”
“There are no guarantees.”
But if I didn’t come back, I’d leave Thierry the same way his brother had left him. Nicolas hadn’t chosen his fate, but that didn’t erase the centuries of agony it carved into my mate. Thierry had endured that once already.
This time, the choice was mine. That was what Ian wanted me to understand.
Could I risk everything for Thierry? Was I capable of putting someone else first?
Since Ian’s death, I’d believed myself nothing more than a monster. James’s disgusted face had confirmed it when he’d beaten me back to protect the man he loved from me. I had tried to turn someone against his will. I had run from my pack. I had chosen selfishly, over and over.
It had been easy. Because nothing mattered.
Until Thierry.
Knowing him, I realized he wasn’t what I thought he was—and he had shown me that I wasn’t only what I thought I was, either.
In his presence, I wanted to be better. He held up a mirror, and for the first time in years, I saw the person I could be if I let myself.
Maybe even the person I had been all along, beneath the pain.
The forest around us held its breath, waiting.
At last, I met Ian’s gaze. “Show me how to go back.”
Relief softened his features, though sorrow lingered too. “Of course.”
He led me through the trees without another word. With each step, the world sharpened—the ghostly blue drained away, replaced by ordinary night. The ground was solid beneath my feet.
Ahead, Thierry sat on the ground beside my body. Tears streaked his cheeks. The grief in him was a tidal wave, even across the faint echo of the bond. Around him gathered both our people, wolves and vampires, mourning together. Lindsey sat hollow-eyed beside Emma, her face blotchy with fresh tears.
Would grief soon turn to horror when they saw what I’d become?
There were no guarantees.
“All you need to do is place your hand on your body,” Ian murmured. “The rest will happen naturally.”
I looked at him. “I loved you, Ian. I really did. I still do.”
“I know,” he said, giving me a small smile. “And I love you too. I always will. You made me happy, Jeremy. Our love was a gift. I’ll never regret it.”
“Is this… hard for you?” I asked. My eyes flicked to Thierry, then back. “I don’t know how I’d feel if our roles were reversed.”
“Our destinies are different, for now,” Ian said slowly. “But we’ll see each other again, eventually. And in the meantime, Thierry will take good care of you. I couldn’t ask for more. And honestly?” He chuckled. “I like him. He grows on you.”
Despite everything, I smiled. “Yeah. He does.” I drew a deep breath. “Goodbye, Ian.”
Mischief flared in his eyes one last time, the look I had loved so much. “Nah. No goodbyes, Jer. I’ll see you around. But not for a long while. Probably an eternity or two.”
Feeling a strange tangle of emotions, I nodded. Then I bent and laid my hand on my body’s chest.
Reality turned itself inside out.
I wasn’t standing anymore—I was lying on my back. Thierry’s hand gripped mine. His quiet tears dripped onto my skin. Through the bond, his grief was bottomless, unbearable.
I opened my eyes and squeezed his hand.
Thierry froze, disbelief widening his electric-blue gaze. For a heartbeat, his emotions shut off completely, like he couldn’t trust himself to feel anything at all.
Then a woman gasped behind him. My hearing was sharper than before, and I knew it was Lindsey, even without looking.
Thierry narrowed his eyes at me. His voice was hoarse, raw from weeping. “You’re such a dick, Jeremy. You kept us all waiting long enough.”
A soft chuckle slipped out of me.
Thierry’s expression crumpled, fresh tears spilling. He collapsed against me, and I caught him, holding him as he sobbed into my chest, each one tearing its way through him.
I stroked his hair, murmuring into it. “I told you. I’d do anything for you.”
And no one—wolf or vampire—had ever meant it more.