Chapter 4 #2
Such a simple question, yet it tied her belly in knots.
She’d intended to blurt out her request as she walked so she’d not have to look him in the eye, but the breeze her hurried steps generated seemed to blow through her mind like wind pouring through an office window to scatter papers all over the floor.
Her thoughts swirled in disorganized chaos, making it nearly impossible to grasp anything intelligent.
Thunderation. She couldn’t have this discussion with her faculties flying about all willy-nilly.
Noreen jerked to a halt in front of the blacksmith shop and turned to face Deputy Paxton.
The man had good reflexes; she’d give him that.
He only took half a step before he recognized her stoppage and reined in his forward momentum.
Pivoting to face her, he met her gaze, nothing but patience and curiosity gleaming in his eyes.
“I’ve been thinking about what you said the other night,” she began, her voice shaking only slightly. “About the lack of results my reform measures have produced to this point.”
“And?”
Noreen swallowed. “And it occurred to me that someone who understands the masculine mind might prove to be an invaluable asset in this endeavor. Someone who could advise me what techniques to employ to motivate men to change their ways.”
“I . . . uh . . .”
Was he blushing? Noreen had never seen Deputy Paxton nonplussed. Not even while taking down that pair of outlaws who held up the bank last year.
“Surely there’s another fella who can advise you.
Your stepfath—no.” He shook his head, erasing his own suggestion.
“I don’t reckon he’d be too interested in helping.
” His face brightened. “What about the parson? Aren’t you friends with his daughter?
A minister is bound to have recommendations about gettin’ folks to turn from their wicked ways. ”
Noreen frowned. He wasn’t supposed to pawn her off. Yet here he was squirming like a worm desperate to avoid her hook. Maybe Mrs. Barker had been right about Noreen’s ability to repel men.
Logic had served her well thus far in life, so she set aside the twinge of hurt his evasion caused and focused on making her case.
“Sermonizing doesn’t seem to be working for me, as you’ve already noted. And I’m not precisely in a position to pay calls on these men at their homes as a preacher might.”
His brow furrowed. “No, I’d definitely not recommend private visits.”
Stiffening her spine, Noreen dug out the ammunition she hadn’t expected to need for this conversation. But James Paxton was just a man, after all.
“You’ve admitted to agreeing with my position, Deputy. So why won’t you support my efforts? Are you afraid of what people will think of you? I hadn’t thought you a coward.”
His eyes hardened, and Noreen instantly wished she could put that particular bullet back in her gun.
“You want my advice? Fine. Here’s tip number one. Insulting a man rarely results in getting him to do what you want. It nearly always goads him into doing the exact opposite.”
Moisture tickled the backs of her eyelids, but she held it at bay with a trio of rapid blinks. “You’re right. I should not have called you a coward, especially since it is quite apparent by your years of service to this town that you are anything but. I apologize.”
His jaw unclenched slightly. “Apology accepted.”
She searched his face, and when his eyes softened, she dared to believe him.
He exhaled a heavy breath. “Look, Noreen, I do agree with a lot of what you stand for, but I see many more shades of gray from where I operate than your black-and-white perspective will allow. And if I’m being completely honest, I am concerned about how the people of this town perceive me.
I hope to be sheriff one day, and if I alienate half the voting populace by publicly supporting your saloon eradication mission, my chances of accomplishing that goal turn to dust.”
“They wouldn’t if women had the vote.”
“But they don’t. Not yet.” He turned his gaze toward the courthouse square for a moment before refocusing on her.
“It’s my duty to uphold the law, even when the law allows for things that offend my morals.
It’s also my duty to protect the citizens of Shackelford County, whether they are saloon owners, reformers, or anyone in between.
I have to be impartial. Or at least as close to it as I can manage.
Any law-abiding person in this town needs to be able to depend upon me to do what is lawful and right.
If I don’t hold their trust, I can’t hold their respect, either. ”
Noreen’s spine lost a good deal of starch as he spoke. She should be angry that he didn’t want to help her, yet her admiration for his principles overshadowed her disappointment.
Never had a man spoken to her with such honesty and openness.
Certainly her father and stepfather never had.
They’d been too busy ordering her around or ignoring her entirely to bother with such depth of sharing.
Deputy Paxton, on the other hand, spoke to her as if he considered her his equal, someone worthy of his trust.
It made her wish she could actually be worthy of his trust. Of his good opinion. But a man as dedicated to the law as James Paxton would despise her if he ever discovered the sins of her past. God might forgive, but in her experience, people rarely did. Not when it came to murder.