Chapter 27
Chapter
James sat on the bottom stair, his forearms braced on his knees, his head in his hands.
Hunger gnawed at his empty belly, but finding food held no appeal.
Not with Noreen in the cell upstairs. His spitfire was sputtering, her inner light dimming right before his eyes, and he could do nothing about it.
Worse, he’d contributed to the snuffing of her flame.
His hand balled into a fist, and he drew it back with a violent jerk but stopped himself short of crashing his knuckles into the wall.
He slammed them into his thigh instead, and pain radiated through his entire leg from the force of the blow.
He welcomed the ache, wishing that increasing his own pain would somehow diminish hers. Too bad life didn’t work that way.
How do I help her when I’m the one hurting her? Show me what to do, Lord. Open my eyes—
A muffled cry echoed softly from upstairs.
James straightened, his ears at full attention.
The sound came again, but it was softer this time.
James stealthily pushed to his feet, wincing slightly at the soreness in his right leg.
He tilted his head. He couldn’t make out any words, but that didn’t hinder the message.
Each faint sound reverberated with agony, despair, and grief.
His heart throbbed. He took three quick steps up the stairs, then drew to a halt.
Would she want him to go to her? Or would his presence embarrass her?
She was obviously trying to hide her distress, muffling the sounds against the mattress or with something covering her mouth.
Perhaps preserving her privacy would be best. He retreated a step, taking pains to silence his movements so she wouldn’t know he was there.
Yet even as he did so, the tone of her muted cries shifted from primal to heart-wrenching.
His own heart cracked in response. No one should be alone with that kind of devastation.
Setting his jaw, he climbed the rest of the stairs. If she sent him away, so be it. But he’d give her the choice instead of trying to guess what she needed.
Upon reaching the landing, he strode down the side of the cell, angling his gaze to peer around the privacy blanket draped over the first section of bars.
The sight that met his eyes hit him like a bullet to the chest. His beautiful Noreen, who’d always carried herself like a towering force of nature, sat huddled in a tiny ball in the middle of his mattress.
Knees pulled to her chest. Head bowed. Face pressed into a pillow.
Shoulders trembling from the violence of her sobs.
He didn’t call to her. Didn’t ask her permission to enter. He just fit the key into the lock as fast as his trembling hands could manage and let himself in. He could no more stay away from her now than he could separate his arm from his body.
She gave no indication that she heard him as his bootheels clicked against the stone floor, but when he lowered himself to sit beside her on the mattress and jostled her slightly, she stiffened and tried to stifle her sobs.
Blinking back his own tears, he wrapped an arm around her quaking shoulders and pressed his cheek against her hair.
“I’m here, sweetheart. Cry as long as you want. I’ll hold you till you’re done.”
His words seemed to unlock something inside her, for before he could fully brace himself, she rolled toward him and clumsily scrabbled to secure her hold on his torso, as if she were drowning and he was the last piece of driftwood in the sea.
The pillow she’d been using fell away as she traded it in for his chest. Her knees knocked against his hip, an elbow jabbed his belly, and the top of her skull conked against his chin before he took charge and hooked an arm under her bent legs and settled her across his lap.
A shuddery sigh exhaled out of her as she nestled into him, one arm twining around his waist as the other rested against his chest. He rubbed her back and leaned his head against the wall, praying that the Prince of Peace would calm her storm.
The Lord answered his prayer, for Noreen’s shudders gradually stilled.
Her weeping quieted, and her body relaxed into his.
She shifted a few times to wipe her face with the embroidered handkerchief she held in the hand that rested against his chest, but even those movements ceased after a few minutes.
She made no effort to separate herself from him, which suited him just fine.
He’d hold her all night if she’d let him.
Neither of them spoke, for words would only dilute the comfort found in physical closeness.
Reality would arrive soon enough. She’d have to appear before the judge and face the consequences of her actions.
He’d stand by her side through it all, but tonight wasn’t about facing consequences.
Tonight was about shoring up crumbling foundations.
An emotional tornado had torn through Noreen’s life today, shattering her control, ripping away the structure of her moral boundaries, and twisting her through an emotional vortex of new outrage tangled with old hurts.
They needed to clear away the debris, find their footing, and prepare to rebuild. But first, they needed to rest.
Noreen’s breathing grew heavier and deeper, and her hold on him loosened. As if her lethargy were contagious, James felt his own eyelids grow heavy. Bending his neck forward, he placed a light kiss atop Noreen’s hair before tipping his head back and letting his eyes close.
He dozed off and on for probably an hour, maybe longer, judging by the full dark that filled the cell. His back had started to ache, and his right foot had gone numb from Noreen’s weight pressed upon that leg, but he didn’t care. The pleasure of holding the woman he loved outweighed any discomfort.
Love did strange things to a man. Changed his priorities. His career goals. Had him skipping dinner and napping at uncomfortable angles—in a jail cell, of all places. Apparently, his big brother had been right, after all.
Four years ago at their baby sister’s wedding, Joshua had predicted James would be led on a merry chase when he finally lost his heart to a woman.
He’d never been one to take the easy path, after all.
The siblings had gotten a kick out of making pretend wagers on what type of lady would capture his heart.
Judith forecasted that a trouser-wearing cowgirl would lasso him and drag him to the altar.
Jethro claimed James would give in to matrimony when he finally got tired of eating his own cooking and would choose a bride based on his favorite dish from the church potluck.
Joanna insisted James would play the hero and fall for a beautiful damsel in distress after rescuing her from a fate worse than death.
Of course, Joanna had been awash in her own romantic glow at the time, so no one paid her overly romanticized fairy tale much attention.
Josh had accrued the most agreement when he prophesized that James would fall for a female outlaw.
Now that he thought about it, they might have all been right.
Noreen might not wear trousers, but she’d roped him in to helping her with her parade easily enough.
She cooked like a dream, and while she was far too feisty to be anyone’s damsel, he had to admit that her distress stirred his protective instincts like no other.
He wanted to be her hero. To be a man she could rely on.
One she wanted to rely on. Unlike the father and stepfather who’d failed her time and again.
Shoot. Why else would he be sitting in a dark jail cell with a crick in his neck and a lawbreaker cradled in his arms? He swore he felt the point of Josh’s elbow jab his ribs and heard a triumphant whisper in his ear. “Outlaw.”
James smiled, then leaned forward and kissed his favorite outlaw’s head.
“You shouldn’t do that.”
Her quiet voice startled him. “Sorry,” he mumbled as he jerked his face away from her hair. “I wasn’t trying to take advantage. I promise.”
“I know.” She sighed as she lifted her face away from his chest. “That’s not why I said it.”
He struggled to see her face through the dark, to gauge her expression so he could deduce what she might be thinking, but the deep shadows made details nearly impossible to discern.
“Why did you say it, then?” he asked.
“Because a future between us is impossible, and I need to quit pretending that it’s not.” She pulled her arm from his waist and rubbed her neck before shifting off his lap to sit beside him.
Instinct screamed at him to grab hold of her, to stop her from slipping away, but he kept his hands to himself, respecting her need for distance. But allowing her to think he was also accepting her pronouncement about their future without a challenge was a different matter.
“Nothing’s impossible, Noreen. What happened at the Salt Fork hasn’t changed how I feel about you. If anything, it’s made things even clearer in my mind. I love you.”
A mewling sound emanated from her throat that put him in mind of a wounded kitten. Then her head wagged back and forth. “No. You can’t.”
“Sorry. It’s done happened,” he said with a smile in his voice. “Might as well get used to the idea.” He’d hoped his teasing tone might offer reassurance and lighten the mood, but her head fell forward in such a dejected manner, he immediately regretted the choice.
“You don’t understand. You can’t love me, James, because you don’t know me. Nobody does. Not even my mother—at least I didn’t think she did, but after reading her note, I’m not so sure.”
He fumbled for her hand in the dark and clasped it tightly. “God loves you, Noreen. And he knows everything about you. Even the secret things you’ve locked away from everyone else.” Did she believe that? He prayed she did.
“But you’re not God.”
He smiled. Of course she’d use the one argument he couldn’t counter.
“True. I’m just as flawed and sinful as the rest of humanity.
” He twisted his face toward her. “Yet despite my imperfections, the love I feel for you is real and deep and strong. I might not know all your secrets, but I know you, Noreen. You’re a passionate crusader, determined to make the world a better place.
You’re a devoted friend and a devout woman of faith.
You’re intelligent, kind, and courageous.
You’ve overcome adversity and use what you’ve learned to help others overcome their own trials. That’s who you are.”
“I’m also a murderer.”
The words echoed through the stone chamber like a gunshot.
James’s ears rang from the concussive blow, leaving him disoriented as he tried to make sense of what had just happened.
The feel of Noreen tugging her fingers away from his grasp broke through his confusion in an instant and brought one truth into stark relief. He couldn’t fail her. Not in this.
He chased her fingers and reclaimed them, squeezing them tightly against his palm. Her head lifted, and for the first time since he’d entered the cell, her eyes met his. Praying the shadows hid the remains of his shock from her, he held her gaze.
“I’m not one to be swayed by sensational headlines,” he told her. “I’ll make no judgment until I hear all the facts. Besides, I have a strong character witness who insists that the woman in question would never take a life without unavoidable cause. She’s no coldhearted killer.”
“That’s where you’re wrong, Deputy. On the night in question, my heart was as cold as ice.”