Chapter 15
H ow I’ve held it together for the past few hours, I don’t know.
Sage has me upended. Thrown off my game.
She disarms me at every turn, leaving me clinging on like I’ve only ever known during the grimmest of rides. Those sickening moments when a bull decided to try and roll on me, and I knew it could all end in disaster any second.
I want to be relaxed around her. The guy I want to be is charming, and could freely flirt with her, in the way I allowed myself the tiniest glimpse of that first day we met. But instead, all I’m left with is a brain that won’t shut the fuck up about all the worst-case scenarios.
So instead of being able to be the nice guy I wish Sage could get to know—the real me—inside my chest there’s a snorting, snarling thing, and it desperately wants to snap vicious jaws at these young bucks with their ideas to take Sage out for a night in Crimson Ridge.
Of course, the girl can do whatever she wants.
So I keep my eyes trained on the fire as everyone decides to head off. I’ve got my spot right here to lay my head, and certainly won’t be going anywhere with this amount of liquor diluting my blood.
“We’ll show you a good time, Sergeant.” Kayce starts the engine. “And pinky promise I’ll have you back up this mountain ready for your day with Layla.”
I know the two of them are just friends.
I know that.
But the Hayes boy? Offering her the shirt off his back? Absolutely the fuck not.
Hearing their promises and possibilities, the thought of Sage being out tonight with them, makes my chest tighten. I know first-hand the kind of fun that a rodeo crowd will usually attract and indulge in… my jaw works, chewing over the words that rise up.
“Oh, I’m sure all those cowboys could show you around,” I mutter, keeping my focus on the fire.
Sage stands over me, looking down with that mane of silky dark hair flowing over her shoulders, acres of smooth brown skin, and her denim cut-offs with boots that are determined to kill me.
“Cowboys, cowgirls…” She shrugs and hits me with a sly little cock of her head to one side. “I’m thinking maybe I should go see what this town has to offer for a night of fun since it’s been all loved-up happy couples here.”
Bass thumps quietly from inside the waiting vehicle.
But, Sage hovers. It’s just enough of a moment’s hesitation that I really can’t decide whether to be an outright asshole and force her to leave, or whether I’m going to break and do something utterly selfish.
“Are the keys in your truck?” she asks. Looking so damn gorgeous, with her plush lips flushed darker thanks to the chill on the breeze.
“You’re not driving anywhere,” I growl. “Considering the whiskey you’ve taken on board tonight.” Not that I’ve been monitoring what she’s been doing, but I know I’ve had enough to drink that it was never even a question about going anywhere before morning. She’s my employee. Only natural I put the same rules in place for her.
Dark, pretty eyes narrow my way. “I need to get my things out of the backseat, but thanks for the dad-mode reminder.”
Sage spins on her heel and I stab my fingers into my hair with a heavy exhale. I don’t know how to wrestle this creature into submission. I don’t know how to do anything except try to lock the door that I should never have dared to touch. Little did I know that day when I ran into her on the sidewalk would permanently alter everything I thought I knew about desire and attraction for another person.
Getting to my feet, I grab one of the larger pieces of wood hanging out of the fire, prodding the remains of bright orange coals and lingering flames burning a low glow in the darkness.
My life in the arena was a million micro-moments. Split-second decisions, reading the way a bull might decide to flip beneath me, frantic heartbeats to see me through an eight-second eternity. Landing safely, boots crashing into the dirt, only to await a score where one fraction of a number might determine whether it was me taking home the winning buckle, or some other guy.
What am I supposed to do with an onslaught of craving that keeps wrapping me tighter and tighter? There’s no counting down. There’s no walking away from it at the end of the night. It stays, embedding itself in my bones, and I’m not sure that I want to be rid of the feeling.
In my marriage, I’ve felt starved, trapped in the darkest, most grim cellar.
With Sage? It feels like tasting something sweet and good and hopeful for the first time. Yet, I can’t dare to allow a single drop to pass my lips.
“You guys head out without me. I’ll set Crimson Ridge alight another time.” Sage calls out with a laugh. My pulse double bounces when I hear the previously idling truck pull away amid teasing and boos from the occupants inside. Headlights play briefly over the nearby trees, and the hum of the engine begins to fade.
She’s not leaving.
“You’re staying out here? No tent?” She stares me down.
“Told Colt I’d keep an eye on the fire. Make sure it settles overnight without a fuss.” Rubbing my hands over my jeans, I have to take a deep inhale while looking out at Devil’s Peak, painted in an indigo hue against the velvety sky.
“Beaumont, hmm ?”
“Add that to your roster of names.”
“Sounds about right… shoulda known your full name would be something old-fashioned and grouchy.”
“Yeah, well, not all of us are good time, golden, party boys without a care in the world.” Once again, I’m reduced to a grown man growling at a pretty girl, because it’s all I seem to be able to do when she gives me that sass and attitude. The side of Sage I want to play with, I want to push back, and I certainly want to see just how much she enjoys when someone does give her the kind of consequences she’s tempting and seeking.
“Oh, that’s right, you’ve forgotten how to have fun.”
Turning to face her, my focus immediately drops to take in her figure. Sage leaning up against that hay bale, giving me an alluring stare is a breathtaking sight. Glittering eyes framed with a thick smokey liner, enhancing their beautiful almond shape. Eyes I shouldn’t be paying such close attention to.
“I’m not boring.” My teeth clench, and I’ve taken a step closer before I can stop myself.
“Coulda fooled me, Mr. Rodeo Star.”
Goddamn it. This woman. Her energy sucks me in, and once again, I’ve stepped nearer without thinking. We’re so close, her backed up against the bale, and our bodies now hidden in long shadows. With only a low light cast by the remains of the bonfire, we’re both concealed, with nothing but a carpet of stars starting to poke holes through an inky purple sky overhead as they wink at my misfortune.
“Out here being a thundercloud ready to rain on anyone who dares think about having fun. The kind you wouldn’t recognize if it jumped up and slapped you in the face.” She darts her tongue out to wet those enticing lips.
Leaning closer, I press one forearm high above her head. Sage is all spitfire and teasing words, with a shimmer to her eyes that I’m losing the willpower to not outright stare at. My eyes roam her face, tracing the delicate curve of her cheekbones, down to the cupid’s bow sitting right above that pretty as sin mouth of hers.
“I might be a little out of practice now, but in another lifetime, I would have been able to show you the ride of your goddamn life.” The words roll like the first rumble of thunder between us.
“In another life, huh?” As Sage says the words, I see her mouth tip up at the corners. Ever so pleased with herself for loosening the knot keeping my self-restraint in place.
I’ve officially lost hold of my damn rope as I lower my head and allow the tip of my nose to skim her jaw. “There wouldn’t be any other ride you’d need.”
I mean every single fucking word.
“Where has this big game suddenly come from, cowboy?” Sage doesn’t move. I’m not even sure she’s breathing. It’s like she’s just as painfully aware as I am that we can’t be this near, we can’t be like this. Despite that, for whatever reason, she’s allowing me to get oh, so perilously close, while still maintaining a fraying thread of separation.
“I said I was a bit out of practice, baby. Not that I didn’t know what I was doing.”
My pulse thunders in my ears, because all I want right now is to angle our mouths together and finally, fucking finally, have the chance to taste her.
“Beau—” Sage breathes my name, ushering it as a quiet warning. A reminder to both of us not to forget ourselves entirely.
“This isn’t allowed to happen.” My brows knit together, and yet I still linger right there, with only millimeters between my lips and the spot above her pulse point I could suck down on.
She hums a soft agreement. “We can’t.”
“I’m your boss…”
“Pretty sure that ring on your finger is the bigger issue.”
Of course, she’s right, and we both know it. I step back, pushing off the hay bale, and scrub a palm over my mouth. “You should probably go inside.” My eyes don’t stray from hers.
“You should probably stop looking at me like that.” The devilish thing she is, Sage smirks. Now this girl knows the truth, and I can’t decide whether this feeling ballooning in the pit of my stomach is relief or the worst kind of I’m fucked sensation.
“What the hell am I supposed to do with you? When you look like that… when you walk in wearing shorts like those…”
Sage interrupts me. “Are you blaming my choice of clothing?”
“No,” I shake my head and drag a palm over the back of my neck. “I’m blaming myself for losing any sense of which way is up or down when I’m around you.”
“What if I didn’t mind?” She lets her head tip back a little, raising her jaw and hitting me with deeply hooded eyes framed by those goddamn thick lashes. “What if I wouldn’t mind you getting a little reckless with me and letting go of that control you’re clinging to, hot stuff?”
“Goddamn, Sage.”
Her eyes dance with daring and temptation and the sorts of games I need to learn to walk far away from. “What are you gonna do? Put me over your knee?”
“You’re not a child,” I grunt.
“No, I’m not.” Her tongue runs slowly over her bottom lip as she studies me and reads me like a fucking book. “But I am a hot-blooded woman who very much enjoys being treated to a spank or ten by someone who knows how to handle me.”
I’m so beyond fucked. Because I want her.
I want to show her exactly how capable I could be when it comes to handling her. The way she’s looking right at me, this girl can see straight into my every depraved thought.
“Don’t tell me you aren’t feeling this, too.” She challenges, and I’m damn near on her again. Crowding Sage with my bulk, I stand over her, looking down at those perfect, pouty lips.
“Fine. You wanna hear it? You wanna hear me say the words… that my marriage—the one where in the eyes of the public, all but our first child’s name had been picked out—is over. All of it’s done. Except, I’m not free .” My voice is thick with desire and the strain of trying to explain something that I shouldn’t even be saying out loud. “The only thing stopping me from fucking getting my hands on you, Sage, is this ring still stuck on my finger, and my own damn morals that are hanging by a thread. Are you happy? Is that what you want to hear?”
Sage lets her eyes bounce between my own, and my mouth, and her expression softens. The sight of her so close has me exhaling through my nose, blowing out a long, resigned sigh. The truth blossoms with each thudding heartbeat, that there are so many other ways I’d prefer a night like this to go between us.
“You captivate me, Sage. You capture me.” Without thinking, I take a lock of hair and rub it between my thumb and forefinger, studying the soft strands beneath my callouses. “I’m a man with a hundred racing thoughts at any given time, and only a scattering of limited words. Somehow, I don’t know how you do it, but you twist that and make it feel like all thought flies out of my head, and there are suddenly words on my tongue.”
She hums, and it’s such an alluring, sweet little purr.
“Got things you wanna say to me, cowboy?”
“Too many words I shouldn’t say, but goddamn want to, like you can’t even begin to imagine.”
“Sounds like we’ve got a mutual affliction, then.”
I let out a groan. Fuck. Is it even worse knowing there are hidden thoughts lingering in this girl to match my own?
My throat bobs as I swallow, willing my dick to stay the fuck down. “So that’s why I have to… I have to just be your boss, baby.”
“My very married boss.”
“Yes. Your extremely fucking married boss.” My voice is gritty, uttering the words I hate that I have to say. However, there’s no telling the disaster I might bring upon her if I allow this thing to grow any further.
“Ok.” There’s disappointment in the way her lips twist, but I know just how smart this girl is. “Sensible to a fault, huh?”
A grunt escapes me, and the whiskey has loosened my tongue to the point that I’m saying shit, that by all rights, should never be allowed to fall between us.
“Sage, I can’t stand the fact I’m tangled in this messy carcass of a relationship. I shouldn’t be considering what it might be like to knock on your door night after night, but all I want to do is slip through the dark and seek out your cabin. When it’s far too late, all I can think about is you, and that day I first saw you. It’s infuriating and it’s terrifying because I’m about one second away from throwing caution aside and forgetting myself whenever I’m around you.”
“You’re sounding less sensible by the minute.” She nibbles her bottom lip.
I shake my head. The allure of her lips curving over those words, it catches me in a place where I’m painfully aware we’re out here in the dark on top of this mountain where no one in the goddamn world would know… except for the two of us.
“Christ. You gotta go inside before I do something to really fuck up your life, Sage.”
Like taking a swift kick to my gut, I step back, putting distance between us. At least enough to prevent myself from pawing her right here and now.
Her eyes linger on me. That stare of hers assesses everything in the way she so capably does. Except, where I’m so used to how whip-smart Sage is with words and quick retorts, she takes in the sight of me battling all the ways I want to immediately go back on my words—to instead see what it’s like to swallow down her moans—and leaves me hanging in silence.
When she finally speaks, it’s words I don’t want to hear, although, for both of our sakes, they need to be said.
“I’m working on the Devil’s Peak website with Layla in the morning. I’ll catch a ride back from her tomorrow sometime.” She digs out her phone and turns on the flashlight, collecting the all too familiar duffel bag that once used to be mine. An item that, much like my every thought, now belongs to her.
“No need to wait around for me, hot stuff.”