Chapter Three #3
“I’m afraid you feel that you don’t have a choice,” Nic said as he looked away.
“I know that we’re mates, but I wouldn’t blame you for not wanting to bond with me.
If by some miracle, we both survive what comes next, you’ll be saddled with me for the rest of your life.
You can still walk away now, because we’re not bonded, but you won’t be able to do that once we are.
It’s not fair to you, but it might be the only way to save the clan. ”
Tamsin shook his head. “This has nothing to do with not wanting to bond with you. It’s the way this is happening.
I don’t want either of us to feel like we have to do this because, like you said, there’s no going back.
We’ll have to live with this bond for the rest of our very long lives if we do this, and I don’t want you to ever regret that. I don’t want you to regret me.”
Nic doubted he’d ever feel that way. “How could I? I realize how lucky I am to be your mate. You, on the other hand, could have so much better. You should have someone who hasn’t spent most of his life working with the bad guy because he was scared.
I should’ve stood up to Parrish. I should have left.
I stayed for much longer than I should have, and I’ll always regret that.
” Nic didn’t say that he should’ve tried to stop Parrish because he knew he would’ve died if he had.
Maybe he should have, though. The clan wouldn’t be in this situation if he’d managed to kill Parrish.
Not that he’d ever be able to do that. Parrish was too strong.
“I don’t care about any of that, Nic. You had no choice. He raised you after you lost your parents. What were you supposed to do?”
“Stand up to him as soon as I realized what he was doing. I didn’t.”
“For good reasons. He would have hurt you if you’d stood up to him.
You said that he hurts his mate, and she should be the most important person in his life.
How easy would it have been for him to hurt you?
How easy was it for him to do it because I’m sure he did.
You did what you had to do to protect yourself and to survive, and no one should blame you for that. I certainly don’t.”
Logically, Nic understood, and he even agreed.
He couldn’t stop thinking about how much of a coward he’d been, though.
He’d seen people standing up to Parrish.
It hadn’t ended well for them, but they’d still done it.
Maybe that was what Nic should have done instead of going along with Parrish’s plan.
Instead, he’d betrayed Devon and had almost caused the village to be destroyed.
Why would Tamsin want to be with him considering all of that?
Tamsin sighed and reached out for Nic’s hand. Nic watched as he linked their fingers together, still unable to believe that he could have this, that he could have Tamsin.
“I do want to bond with you,” Tamsin said. “You’re my mate, and I’ve wanted you since the moment I realized what you were to me. I just don’t want either of us to regret doing this so quickly and for the wrong reasons.”
“Would you regret it?”
“I don’t think so. I can’t make promises when it comes to the future, of course, but I want to be with you. I tried telling you.”
“And I repeatedly pushed you away.”
“Only to declare you’d bond with me for the good of the clan in front of our clan leaders,” Tamsin said with a little snort. “You could’ve warned me.”
“How? Besides, I didn’t know about this until Clay and Rowan came. I never really thought about Parrish’s mate.” But he should have. He could too easily imagine the horrors Parrish was putting his mate through, and he wanted to help her. He just wasn’t sure how or if he could.
“It’s just that you clearly didn’t want to bond with me before, but now, you’re suddenly all in,” Tamsin said. “I don’t want you to regret it next year or ten years from now.”
“I won’t. I do want to bond with you. I felt like it was selfish to do so just because of that, so I guess that helping the clan gives me an excuse. I want someone to belong with, though. I want a family, and you’re the only one who can be that for me. You’re the only one I want to be that for me.”
Nic needed Tamsin to understand that. Of course he wanted to bond with him. It was Tamsin who shouldn’t want to bond with Nic.
Nic leaned forward and pressed their lips together.
It was fast, but he’d always cherish the memory of their first kiss, especially the way Tamsin blinked at him when he leaned back.
“I want you,” he said. “In whatever way I can have you. I realize it’s selfish to want to bond with you, and you shouldn’t want to bond with me, but this is the situation we’re in. Bonding could help the clan.”
“What if it doesn’t? What if we bond, and it doesn’t help? Will you regret it then?”
Nic kissed Tamsin again, more slowly this time.
He was relieved when Tamsin leaned against him.
He could feel his mate surrender, and he wanted that.
“I’ll never regret bonding with you,” Nic murmured.
He leaned back so they could look each other in the eye.
“Because at the end of the day, I’ll have you by my side, no matter what happens.
I want to help the clan, but I want you more. Maybe it’s selfish, but I do.”
Tamsin was silent for a long moment before he nodded. “Then maybe we can be selfish together.”
* * * *
TAMSIN WAS INCREDIBLY confused, but in the end, it didn’t matter.
His mate wanted to bond with him. That was all he cared about, and he wanted to give Nic what he wanted.
It might be for the wrong reasons, but did that change anything?
They were mates. They were fated to be together, and Tamsin was sure that no matter how it happened, they’d make it work.
So, if Nic wanted him, he could have him.
This wasn’t how Tamsin had imagined his bonding would go, but then, he’d never imagined any of this—that he’d lose his birth clan, that he’d find another one, that Kudlaks would still be a danger for him decades after losing his family.
This was his chance to be happy. He didn’t know what the future would bring and what Parrish would do, but there was a chance that none of them would survive the fight with the Kudlaks.
Tamsin wasn’t going to miss his opportunity to have time with his mate before that fight happened. He wasn’t going to say no to Nic.
He couldn’t have, even if he’d wanted to.
This time, he was the one who leaned forward to kiss Nic.
He felt Nic’s lips curl into a smile, and he pressed harder, wanting more.
They’d barely spoken to each other a few times, yet they were already bonding.
It was a massive step forward, and he wasn’t quite ready for the step that usually went with it.
He wanted to get to know Nic before they fell into bed together.
Maybe it was ridiculous considering they were about to bond, but he wanted at least that experience to come on their own terms.
He could tell that Nic thought that he couldn’t have him in normal circumstances.
Nic felt like a monster who didn’t deserve happiness, and he was behaving as if this was his only chance to have it.
He seemed to truly believe that Tamsin wouldn’t want anything to do with him if it wasn’t for Parrish, and Tamsin wasn’t sure how to convince him otherwise.
He suspected that only time would show Nic that he wanted to be, and in the meantime, the bond would carry them.
Nic would be able to feel how Tamsin felt about him once they were bonded.
He’d know that Tamsin wasn’t only doing this to save the clan.
He was doing it because he wanted Nic, and if this was the only way he could have him for now, he’d take it.
Hopefully, this would give them more time and some peace, and it would help defeat Parrish.
They might not be doing this the right way, but was there a right way when it came to bonding and mates?
Or was it more important to be together and figure things out?
The way they were bonding didn’t matter as much as the fact that they were bonding.
Tamsin took a step back before he did something they’d both end up regretting.
Nic blinked, chasing Tamsin’s mouth, which made Tamsin chuckle.
If they were going to do this, though, he wanted to get it out of the way.
It wasn’t the romantic bonding he’d thought he’d have, but he didn’t really care.
He just wanted to be bonded to this man.
He was still holding Nic’s hand, so it was easy to pull him toward the couch. Nic didn’t resist. He seemed content to let Tamsin take the lead, and that was fine with Tamsin. In this situation, it felt like everything was spinning out of control, and he liked that he could control at least this.
He pushed Nic onto the couch. Nic dropped down, not letting go of Tamsin’s hand. Tamsin hesitated, then decided he might as well go all in. He wasn’t ready for more intimacy, but he could sit in his mate’s lap.
Nic smiled widely when Tamsin did just that. Both of his hands landed on Tamsin’s hips, and for a second, they stared at each other.
This man was Tamsin’s future. He would be Tamsin’s forever. Tamsin couldn’t wait to find out what that meant without the threat of Parrish hanging over their heads. It would probably be a while, though, and in the meantime, he’d enjoy everything else that came with this.
“How do we do this?” Nic asked.
“How everyone does it. You bite me, I use magic.” It was the essence of what they were. Nic was a shifter and a vampire. Tamsin was a Vila.
Nic reached up and gently brushed Tamsin’s long hair away from his neck. Tamsin shivered, but even though he wanted more, this was all they’d have today. They’d get where they want to go soon enough. For now, this was everything.
When Nic leaned closer, Tamsin slipped a hand under his shirt to press it against his heart.
Nic gave him another of his wide smiles, and Tamsin couldn’t resist the urge to stroke his smooth skin.
He couldn’t see it, but he could feel it, and damn if that didn’t make him want both of them to get naked.
But not now. Not yet.
When Nic leaned closer, Tamsin closed his eyes.
He took a deep breath and waited, his hand pressed against Nic’s heart.
The first graze of Nic’s fangs made him jump, but Tamsin didn’t wait to reach for the bond.
It was between them, thrumming and eager to pull the two of them together.
It wasn’t complete, but it would be in a few minutes.
For a second, Tamsin allowed himself to think about this.
He was about to bond with his mate. Once he did, he and Nic would be linked for the rest of their lives.
They’d face everything together, no matter what life threw at them.
There would be no more feeling of not belonging or feeling like they had no one left in the world.
Nic’s fangs sank into Tamsin’s neck. Tamsin gasped, and when Nic tried to pull him closer, he remembered that he had his part to do, too. They couldn’t get any closer until he slid his arm out of the way, and he couldn’t do that until they were bonded.
He let his magic out. He guided it toward the bond, pulling at it and finding the places where the magic needed to go. At the same time, he could feel Nic drinking from him. He wouldn’t need much.
Tamsin’s magic started going nuts. It rose, wrapping him and Nic into its embrace. The bond pulsed, pulling them the closest two beings could be. It was a crescendo that only ended once the bond was complete.
For a moment, everything was suspended. Tamsin held his breath, but there was no reason for him to. They’d done it. He could feel Nic through the bond. He knew that his mate was as elated as he felt, even though he was also hesitant.
Tamsin slowly withdrew his hand, stroking his fingertips down Nic’s stomach as he did so.
He smiled when he noticed Nic shuddering.
He could feel the pleasure Nic had gotten from that simple gesture, and once again, it took everything he had not to push Nic down onto the couch and have his way with him.
Nic caught Tamsin’s hand before he could wrap his arms around Nic’s neck. He raised it to his mouth and gently kissed Tamsin’s fingertips, then his palm. When Tamsin cupped Nic’s cheek with that same hand, Nic leaned into it and smiled.
“We’re bonded,” he murmured, sounding like he couldn’t quite believe it.
“We are,” Tamsin confirmed as if he needed to. “It’s you and me forever now.”
“I can deal with that.”
Tamsin really hoped so, because there was no going back.