14. Rian
Fourteen
Rian
Even Alexandra’s soft laughter can’t shift my mood after being ripped a new one by Dad before I left work. He probably heard rumours that I took Linda to the gallery last night. What would he have said had he known… If Catriona had reported me.
I wonder how I would have reacted if she had.
Would I have tried to sink Catriona in an attempt to save myself?
I hope not. I hope I’m a better person than that.
But you don’t know, do you, until you’re in that situation?
Sink or swim, attack or sacrifice. I used to be so sure of myself, but these last months, I’ve questioned everything about me, about my future. It’s all so bleak.
That’s probably why I have this obsession with Catriona. She’s my only challenge and the only thing that gives my day a little colour. Everything is back to business as usual between us – I’ve followed her lead and treat her with my usual contempt. It’s as if the spanking never happened.
And she’s coming in to work tomorrow. There’s a sick sense of satisfaction for having prevented her date.
“Rian?”
“Sorry?” I snap out of my head.
Alexandra sets her gin glass down on the table. The diamonds in her drop earrings sparkle in the reflection of the chandeliers as she tilts her head to the side. “You seem far away.”
I like that about Alexandra – she doesn’t demand to know what I’m thinking, just gives me an opening in case I want to talk. I don’t. Hell, Alexandra is the last person I want to discuss my issues with.
I finish my wine. I feel exposed in the grandeur of the Shelbourn bar with its open space, high ceilings and large windows onto St. Stephen’s Green.
It’s a place people go to see and be seen.
I crave a dirty old pub where I can hide in a dark snug with a perfectly pulled pint of Guinness that shares the colour of my mood.
“Sorry, yes, I’m not quite here tonight.” I look away as Alexandra’s perceptive green eyes take me in. Lifting my glass to Leo at the other side of the table, I give him half smile. “I’m going to head home. Don’t want to ruin your night with my shitty mood.”
“You okay, Ri?” Leo asks, his brows furrowed.
“I’m grand, just Dad on my case again.” Among other things.
Leo huffs and changes the topic. “Will you be joining us for Dylan’s match on Saturday?”
“Ach, fuck, sorry. I’ve got to work Saturday.”
“Oh.” Alexandra cocks her head every so slightly.
I step off my stool and clear my throat as I tap my fingers on the table. “But sure, um, I could meet you after?”
“That would be lovely. See you then, Rian.”
I feel Alexandra’s eyes on me, long after I’ve left the bar.