Chapter 1 #2
“Look.” The woman—Lily—plants herself directly in front of me, and she has to crane her neck to make eye contact.
She’s barely up to my chest. “I understand you’re doing your job.
I get it. But do you have any idea what this is going to do?
The Winter Party is in an hour. My sister has been planning this for six months.
There are going to be over a hundred families there.
You’re leaving us without a Santa the day before the biggest event of the year. ”
“Your sister should’ve done a better background check on her Santa.” I try to step around her. She moves with me, blocking.
“She did! He had references!”
“From other criminals, probably,” Kane mutters behind me.
“This isn’t our problem.” I mean it to sound final, but it comes out more tired than anything. “We’re not ruining Christmas. He ruined it when he decided to commit arson, skip bail, and hide in a Santa suit instead of facing what he did.”
She has her hands on her hips, staring at us, lips thinning. “Then one of you needs to replace him!”
The words hang in the air like smoke.
Kane’s laugh is sudden, loud, bouncing off the storefronts. “Oh, shit. Oh, this is beautiful.” He’s grinning now, and it’s the kind of smile that means someone is about to suffer, and that someone is usually me. “Chris. You. In a Santa suit. I would pay actual money to see that happen.”
“Not happening.” I’m already shaking my head, but I can feel where this is going, and I hate it.
“Chris would be perfect,” Kane continues, warming to the idea like it’s a roaring fire. “You’ve got the build for it. The height. That grumpy-bastard mall-Santa energy. Kids’ll think you’re the real deal, straight from the North Pole, here to judge their souls.”
“I’ll throw you into traffic.”
“You’d miss me.”
Noel’s mouth twitches, which is as close as he gets to laughing in public. “The suit would hide most of your more alarming features. Make you almost approachable.”
“I’m going to murder both of you if you don’t shut up.”
Lily steps closer, chin tilted up as if she’s not afraid to pick a fight with me. Brave girl. “You’re taking away our Santa. The least you can do is provide a replacement.”
“Ma’am, I’m a bounty hunter. I track down criminals and drag them back to face justice. I don’t do parties.”
Her eyes narrow. She may be small, but she somehow manages to appear like she could light me on fire with sheer willpower.
“Congratualtions,” she snaps. “You just explained your literal job description. I didn’t ask you to do that. I asked you to fix the problem you caused.”
I stare. No one talks to me like this. Usually, people go all wide-eyed, shuffle back, and give me space, rarely making eye contact. Not her.
“We had one Santa,” she says. “And you just arrested him.”
I glance around, half expecting someone to step in and pull her away, but the crowd has conveniently vanished. Cowards.
She steps even closer, invading my personal space.
“Listen, Tall, Dark, and Gruff.” She’s not backing down, and there’s something almost impressive about it.
This woman who barely comes up to my chest, staring me down like she’s the one with the advantage here.
“You’ve created a very immediate crisis.
If we don’t find a Santa in an hour, there might be a riot. And you owe us.”
“We don’t owe you anything.”
“You’re destroying my sister’s event.”
“He destroyed it.” I nod at Declan. “Take it up with the arsonist.”
But she’s not glaring at Declan. She’s staring daggers at me, and her expression shifts, going softer but somehow more dangerous.
“Please,” she pleads, quieter now. “I don’t want to be the one to tell my sister, Hannah, that her Winter Party is ruined because some bounty hunters couldn’t spare a couple of hours of their time. ”
And there it is. The guilt trip, delivered with surgical precision.
“That’s manipulation,” I point out.
“Is it working?”
“No.”
Kane claps me on the shoulder hard enough to rattle my teeth. “Look at her face, man. Look at those eyes. That’s weaponized cuteness. You can’t say no to that.”
“Watch me. No.”
“Besides,” Noel adds, and there’s amusement in his voice that makes me want to strangle him, “you’ve got nothing scheduled this afternoon after we drop him off. Calendar’s clear. You were just going to brood at home anyway.”
Lily is pulling out her phone, fingers flying across the screen.
“Please. I’ll text you the address. We have suits there in different sizes, and we’ll find one that fits.
The party starts in an hour. You just have to show up, smile, hand out some presents, and leave.
That’s it. Surely you can manage that much? ”
“I—”
“The guests have been looking forward to this for weeks,” she continues, and she’s good at this, relentless.
Not pleading exactly, but applying pressure in all the right places.
“Hannah has worked herself half to death making sure everything’s perfect.
And if Santa doesn’t show, that’s going to break her heart. I can’t let that happen.”
“I’m not Santa,” I emphasize.
She grins. “No, you’re better. You’re the emergency Santa.”
God help me. I think she’s serious.
I glare at Kane, who’s still grinning like the devil himself. “Do you want to live with this guilt?” he says.
Noel is watching this entire situation unfold with barely concealed amusement. Declan is simply struggling in his grip.
“You two are also taking Santa,” I point out to Kane. “This isn’t just me.”
“Tomayto, tomahto.” Kane shrugs, completely unbothered. “But you’re the one with the height and the brooding aesthetic.”
“Come on,” Noel adds. “Take one for the team.”
“I hate you both. Deeply.”
Lily is still standing there, phone in hand, waiting. Behind her, the crowd starts to disperse now that the excitement is over, but there are still people watching, phones out, probably already posting to every social media platform known to man.
I stare down at Lily.
“One hour,” I hear myself say, and I want to punch myself for it. “I show up, do the Santa thing, then I’m done. And you’re giving me something in return.”
“Free pastries,” she says immediately. “A year’s worth. Whatever you want.”
“Brownies.” The word comes out before I can stop it, and Kane makes a noise that sounds suspiciously like he’s trying not to laugh.
Her face lights up. “Deal. You show up as Santa, you get brownies for a year.”
She’s already typing into her phone. “I’ll text you now. What’s your number?”
I recite it, feeling like I’m signing away my dignity with every digit. My phone buzzes seconds later.
Lily Parker: 447 Maple Ridge. Party starts at 4 p.m. Guard’s name is John. I’m texting him now so he’ll let you in and get you the suit. Thank you SO much. You have no idea what this means.
“Thank you,” Lily says, pocketing her phone. “Just show up and be jolly.”
“I don’t do jolly.”
“Sure you can. Ho ho ho. Merry Christmas. Joy to the world.”
“I’m going to need so much alcohol after this.”
“Whatever gets you through it.” She’s backing toward the bakery, and there’s relief on her face now, bright and genuine. “Thank you. Seriously. Just suppress your anger for a bit. You’ll be great!” Then she’s gone, disappeared back into the bakery.
I stand there in the snow, near a criminal in a Santa suit, while my two partners look at me as if I’ve just provided them with entertainment for the next six months.
“Get in the truck,” I growl. “All of you. Now.”
Noel is already moving, shoving Declan toward the vehicle. “This is the best day of my life. I need to document this. Photos. Video. Maybe a commemorative plaque.”
“Touch your phone and I’m throwing it in the river.”
“Worth it.”
We pile into the truck, Declan in the back seat still cuffed, me in the passenger seat radiating anger, Kane driving and barely containing his glee, and Noel in the back with our prisoner, probably already planning how to use this against me for the rest of my natural life.
The truck rumbles to life, heat blasting, and Kane pulls onto Main Street, heading for the sheriff’s station on the south edge of town.
“You’re really doing this,” Noel says after a minute of blessed silence.
“Shut up.”
“No, seriously. You. Wearing a Santa suit. This is actually happening.”
“I swear to God—”
“Already texted Adelaide,” Kane announces, thumbs flying across his phone screen while somehow still driving. “Your sister’s going to lose her mind when she hears about this.”
“If you tell anyone—”
“Too late. Already told everyone. This is going in the group chat. This is going in the Christmas card this year. This is going on your gravestone.”
Noel leans forward between the seats. “For what it’s worth, you’re going to traumatize any kids there. Your face isn’t exactly jolly.”
I growl under my breath.
Kane is still laughing, the sound filling the truck cab. “Ho ho ho, motherfucker. Welcome to your nightmare.”
I flip him off with both hands and stare out the window at the snow-covered streets of Whispering Grove, wondering how the hell my afternoon went from tracking down a wanted criminal to agreeing to wear a Santa suit.
“I’d better get really good brownies for this,” I mutter.
“Free brownies for a year,” Kane points out. “That’s like, what, at least three to four hundred brownies? More?”
“Not enough. Not nearly enough.”