11. Holden
Chapter 11
Holden
Day 235 without you: I made a friend, but I couldn’t tell him about you. Not about the marriage or the divorce. It still hurts too much.
O livia stares at me with wide eyes, probably trying to digest the news like I am. But she told me she hasn’t been messaging anyone, and despite our predicament, I don’t think she’s lying to me. Not with how freaked out she was when she found the naked guy in her bed.
“Listen, I know there’s a lot we need to talk about, but right now, I need to figure out how that piece of shit got these messages. I need you to stay with Phoenix and Evie until I return.”
That snaps her out of her shock. “No. I’m going to stay with you.”
Did she just tell me no? “You’re going to stay with me?”
Her shoulder lifts and drops. “This is about me and my life, isn’t it? I think I should be involved.”
I don’t answer right away, so she narrows her eyes at me. “Are you hiding something from me, and that’s why you don’t want me around?”
This entire situation is going to give me a headache. But in the end, I won’t lie to her. I can’t.
Sooner or later, you’ll spill all of your secrets to her.
Shit. I’m not sure what the right thing to do is here. If it were up to me, I’d spend every waking second with her, surely catapulting us toward our final demise.
But she doesn’t seem to know what’s happening behind the scenes or how involved I’m in it. Cautious middle-of-the-road approach it is. “I need to talk to someone in another part of the club.”
Her confused expression confirms my suspicion. She has no idea what’s going on underground.
“Are you talking about the dance floor?” She walks to the mirror and fixes her makeup with a tissue and water.
I lean against the wall and watch her. “No, there’s another level underground.”
At that, she stops and looks at my reflection. “Another level?”
“Yes.”
“For what?”
“Fighting.”
Her brows shoot up. “There’s a fight club underneath us?”
I nod, wishing I could glimpse into her brain to know her thoughts. How does she feel about all of this?
“Do you fight there?”
I shrug. “Sometimes.”
Her throat bobs on a swallow. “I didn’t realize you were still doing that.”
That she brings up our past shouldn’t give me warm fuzzies, yet it does.
She knows I used to fight for cash. It’s how I could afford both of our apartments back then and save a lot to invest. “It’s just for fun now.”
She nods like that makes perfect sense and throws away the paper towel. “Now I’m definitely coming with you.”
There’s a lightness to her I haven’t seen since I’ve reentered her life. At times, I actually wasn’t sure if she still possessed it or if her life and career had eradicated it. She undoubtedly loves her job, especially singing in front of large crowds, but this spark of excitement is different. It’s reserved for something else. Something that might teeter on the edge of being dangerous or forbidden.
Seems like her wild side wants to come out to play, just how it did when she begged me to let her come with me back then.
She blinks up at me, her hands clasped together in front of her. “Please, Holden. I want to watch your fight. Just this once, please. I promise I’ll behave and stay with Tom the entire time.”
I shake my head, more at myself than her. I told myself I’d protect her at all costs, so am I seriously considering taking her with me?
“Hurricane, it can get rowdy sometimes.”
Her lower lip juts out.
Oh, for fuck’s sake.
“You’ve taught me self-defense, remember? I’ll be fine. Promise.”
I close my eyes and groan. This little troublemaker.
“Pretty please, Holden? I’ll take over dinner duty for the entire next week.”
Now she one-hundred-percent knows she’s got me. Although we live in two connected apartments, we share most of our meals. And she knows I love her cooking.
Plus, I’ve always sucked at saying no to her. “We’re leaving in fifteen minutes.”
She kept her word, staying with Tom the entire fight. And the second my win was announced, and I jumped out of the ring, she greeted me with the biggest smile I’ve ever seen on her face. Hugging me despite my bloody and sweaty appearance, celebrating me like I’d just won a championship.
She had me wrapped around her finger back then, and it appears I still suck at saying no to her. Plus, I welcome this distraction from our problems.
“Fine, let’s go.” Without overthinking it, I open the bathroom door and usher her into the crowded hallway. We get a few bewildered glances from people, but thankfully, it’s dimly lit, and most of them are too busy chatting or making out uninhibitedly. With my arm protectively around Olivia, I lead her through a cloud of alcohol and perfume to the elevator on the far side and push the button.
I stare at the shiny reflection of us—my bulky frame next to her curvy beauty. Olivia is watching too, both of us still as statues while a low hum heats my blood.
I want to grab her and press her against the elevator door . . .
Ding.
The elevator arrives, successfully popping my lust-filled bubble.
We step inside, and I activate the ride by pushing my thumb on the fingerprint scanner again—only the best security for our clubs.
Olivia stares at the button. “Does every fighter have their fingerprint in the security system of this club?”
I could lie to her. Easily. But I don’t. “No.”
“Then why do you?”
Shit. There goes one of the secrets I kept from her. “Because I’m one of the owners.”
Her eyes bore into mine. “Of the club?”
“Yes, but I’m one of the silent owners, so . . .” I put my finger to my lips. “Shh.”
She’s quiet, and I know her wheels are turning. I’m so screwed.
“Do you own just this club or all of them?”
“All of them.”
She bites the corner of her mouth. “Do the other ones have secret underground clubs too?”
“Maybe.” I wink, trying to keep this lighter mood between us for as long as possible.
Avoiding our individual and shared pasts seems impossible, but I’d rather deal with that tangled web of secrets behind closed doors. And preferably without hurting Olivia anymore. I’ve already caused her enough pain. If it were possible, I’d take a knife to my own skin and bleed for every single tear she’s ever shed because of me. I’d do anything to spare her more agony.
Before she can ask me more questions, the doors open to a nondescript beige hallway and the unmistakable scent of sweat. Even our industrial cleaners can’t entirely mask it. Grunts and shouts from behind closed doors serve as background music, with a dark figure standing only a few steps away.
I let out a loud sigh. It’s Chase.
He whistles and grins widely. “Well, well, who do we have here? How’s it going, bossman?”
His gaze shifts to Olivia, and he’s not even trying to hide the unmistakable appreciation in his eyes, practically smoldering at her.
Fucker.
“Chase,” I growl his name.
“What?” He lifts his hand in mock surrender. “I didn’t do anything.”
This guy would never feel guilty for checking out a woman or a man, even if they’re married. He once told me it would be a shame not to appreciate all the beautiful people in this world. And while I understand his sentiment, I don’t want him openly checking out Olivia.
“Olivia, this is Chase, one of my security guys.” The second the words are out of my mouth, I realize I slipped. Shit. She knows I work in security, but not that I’m the boss of the security company. I pretend it didn’t happen and continue, “Chase, this is Olivia.”
He grins like this is the best day of his life. “Your wife.”
I nod. “Yes, my wife.”
He rolls his bottom teeth over his lip, clearly enjoying this.
This guy is like a brother to me. But just like a brother, he’d better watch himself if he wants to keep all his teeth.
Olivia holds out her hand. “Hey, nice to meet you.”
Chase takes her hand in both of his. “Trust me, the pleasure is all mine.”
I draw Olivia closer to me so she’s out of his grasp. “Where’s Arch?”
Chase checks his watch. “He should still be in the back room with Damien.”
“Got it, thanks.” I grab Olivia’s hand and walk down the hallway that houses the rooms the fighters get ready in, giving Chase a wide berth.
Because he’s a lunatic, he chuckles at my behavior.
“Bye, Olivia. It was nice meeting you.”
“You too,” Olivia rasps. “Holden, why are we running?”
“Sorry.” I slow down so she can walk comfortably. “I just don’t want to miss Archer before his fight.”
“Archer?” She pauses. “The same Archer from back then?”
“Yes.” Crap. I didn’t think this through.
Even though I tried to keep Olivia away from anything dark or illegal back then, it didn’t take her long to talk me into taking her to one of my fights. One turned into several, so of course, she’s met Archer and some of the other guys in the past.
She stays quiet while my thoughts are circling. Tonight was supposed to be an easy night out, just like all the other times I come here to watch a fight or visit the different clubs. But this is challenging.
Nothing is easy about being so close to Olivia and suppressing the constant urge to pull her closer. To wrap my arms around her. To shove my hands into her soft strands and suck on her plump lips the way I’ve dreamed about so many times. To worship her perfect body and finally get my first taste of her sweet pussy. To fuck her into tomorrow until we both forget all the issues we’re dealing with.
Instead, the more intertwined our worlds get, the closer she gets to finding out what I did.
Wait until it all implodes in your face, and you’ll never see her again.
“Keep your head down,” I whisper, and we turn to walk down the much busier hallway where Archer’s room is.
Oddly enough, she complies, letting her hair fall onto her face.
I knock on the door five times in a specific rhythm. Voices drift through the wood, followed by the lock disengaging and the door opening a crack.
Damien fills the frame and grins when our gazes meet. “Look who the cat dragged in.”
He’s dressed in his typical black jeans, biker boots, and leather jacket. With his short buzz cut, several face piercings, and tattoos running up his neck, he can be one scary ass.
Although he’d never touch me or what’s mine, I take a small step in front of Olivia. “I need to talk to Archer.”
Damien hums and opens the door wider. “Come on in.” His gaze moves to Olivia, and he bows a little. “My condolences to your marriage, Miss Parker. I’m Damien, and I’d be happy to take his place.”
She stares at his large frame and rougher appearance with wide eyes. “Mmm, it’s nice to meet you, Damien.”
Olivia’s voice is quiet, and I punch Damien’s shoulder. “Cut the crap.”
Turning to Olivia, I say, “Ignore him, Hurricane. He’s all bark but no bite.”
“Don’t ruin my reputation, Hold. I can bite plenty, trust me.” He gets a knife out of his pocket and plays with it. Twirling the handle around his finger, flipping it open and closed.
Before I can react to his deranged antics, Archer steps between us. “Aww, he’s got a cute nickname for her.” He winks at Olivia. “Good to see you, Olivia. I’m going to throw my name in the hat too.”
Damien stays focused on his task but snorts.
I glare at them. “You’re both impossible. Stop acting like you’ve never seen a beautiful woman before.”
“He called her beautiful.” Archer elbows Damien.
I roll my eyes. At the sound of Olivia’s quiet snort, I turn her way. “Please don’t encourage them.”
But she ignores me. “Good to see you too, Archer.”
My brain short-circuits because she’s smiling. At the situation. At me. The way she used to until she thought I betrayed and abandoned her. The smile reaches her eyes, causing them to sparkle, and I momentarily forget where we are or why we’re here.
Then I remember how distraught she was not too long ago.
Imagine how devastated she’d be if she knew why you left her. Not just devastated but also disgusted. If she knew who you are at your core and that you killed for her, she wouldn’t even touch you right now, let alone smile at you.
That thought is like a punch to my gut.
Because no matter how much I know there’s an expiration date to our marriage, the thought of continuing my life without her again is impossible to digest.
I can’t do that.
I don’t want that.
Thankfully, a loud double thump comes from the hallway, followed by a booming voice yelling, “Ten minutes.”
I rub my hand over my beard. “Shit. We need to talk.”