Chapter 44
CHAPTER 44
ARMAN
I can’t keep away. I tried to work, but it’s impossible. Ellie is so deep in my soul I couldn’t push her out if I tried, and more than anything else, I miss her. Tomorrow, everything may change for us and it’s doubtful our paths will cross again if the results go against us. We may only have tonight, or the rest of our lives and I won’t waste a second of it even if it means I just breathe the same air as her. I won’t touch her, or compromise her position, but if this is our final night, I want it to be together.
I find her sleeping on the couch in the library. Her grandmother’s diary open beside her. She looks like an angel sleeping peacefully, her rapid breathing and heightened color telling me she’s dreaming.
I sit gingerly beside her so as not to wake her and lift the diary from the cushion. As I glance at the entry, I begin reading and my hands shake as the facts swim before my disbelieving eyes as I consider the evidence laid out in black and white before me.
My father’s mistress was friends with Marsha. They were at school together and I’m aware she couldn’t have children. Why did she want Gabrielle?
So many thoughts race through my mind, but in my heart only one is screaming at me.
Gabrielle is my father’s child, and he sent Veronica to buy her.
It wasn’t possible to bring her home, so he did the next best thing. His child with another woman would be raised by the woman he loved. It makes perfect sense and as I set the book back where I found it; I leave the room as silently as I entered it.
Judgment day! I didn’t sleep last night. There were too many thoughts bouncing around my mind to lose myself in blissful sleep. I might lose everything of importance to me today. I could lose Ellie and I wonder when she became the only thing in my life. Perhaps it’s because we haven’t been given enough time. To allow contemptible familiarity to shade our days. Everything is still new and exciting, or is it merely because we share the same DNA? At least today will bring clarity to the situation.
I meet Luka in a somber mood and he raises his eyes.
“You look like shit. ”
“You always look like shit.” I growl back, causing him to chuckle softly.
“On the contrary, I had a most enjoyable evening.” He reminds me what a whore he is, and I pity the poor woman who fell onto his cock last night. Luka doesn’t do commitment. We had that in common, among many other things, and part of me envies him.
With a deep sigh, I settle down to discuss the day, and my heart thumps when the first item on the schedule jumps out and sucker punches me in the heart.
“What’s this?”
He raises his eyes and I snap. “A DNA test.”
“Fuck, man.” Is his sympathetic response and I sigh heavily.
“We don’t have the identity of Ellie’s father and a diary entry spoke of a woman offering to buy her. I’m aware my father’s mistress was friends with Marsha Steele and the dots connect.”
“And you believe your father is also hers. That’s fucked up.”
“Tell me about it. Now you understand the urgency of the test.”
“And the reason you look like shit. I’m sorry, Arman. I hope you get the result you want.”
Luka doesn’t wear sincerity well or offer many sympathetic words. He is cool, efficient and brutal and I’m touched by his concern. He is not only my right hand but also my best friend and we work well together. I rely on him for managing my business and couldn’t do this without him beside me.
“We should prepare to leave.”
I’m not wasting any time and breakfast is the furthest thing from my mind. As soon as we visit the private clinic and find the answers we need, the happier or unhappier I’ll be.
Then I’ll focus on food.
Then I’ll focus on the rest of my life.
Ellie is silent in the car and I hate the shadows under her eyes. Her skin is pale and her eyes heavy with pain and I long to reassure her. To pull her into my arms and tell her the result won’t matter. But I’d be lying. Of course it will matter. It will be the ending of a beginning and a life spent dodging one another, attempting to carry on knowing that happiness was once ours.
I’m not even sure why it matters so much. I barely know her, but I feel her. So deep inside me, it’s impossible to breathe when she isn’t in my sight.
“It will be fine.” She says, her voice catching on the words and I’m sure she is only reassuring herself.
“It must be.” I add, my own emotions firmly under wraps because I’m good at disguising my real feelings to paint a strong picture to hide behind.
“Is it far?”
Ellie fidgets beside me and I catch the sign to the medical center and exhale sharply. “We’re here.”
“Arman–”
She tries to form her thoughts, but her voice trails off and I merely say, “I know, Ellie.”
And I do. I feel everything about this woman. Her thoughts, her hopes, her dreams and her fears. I can read her like a well-thumbed book because we share the same hopes and wishes and I pray it’s only that and not because we share a more realistic bond than I would like.
We head into the medical center in silence. I doubt either of us could speak even if we wanted to as we wait for Doctor Monroe, the physician who was paid a huge advance for running the test on short notice. I try to steady my heart that is racing so fast I am struggling to breathe .
Ellie is called in first and, as expected, the process takes less than ten minutes.
It is the longest ten minutes of my life.
When she heads back, her tentative smile fails to lift my spirits as I head inside and Doctor Monroe takes the samples he needs.
He says gruffly, “Thank you, Mr. Romanov. You should hear back within the week.”
“I will hear back today.”
I fix him with a dark glare and remove a stash of dollar bills from my inside pocket.
His eyes widen and he stutters, “But - the lab - I can’t–”
I lay the money on his desk and watch his eyes glaze over because there are several thousand dollars worth of one hundred-dollar bills within his grasp and I say evenly, “I expect the result by the close of business today. Hopefully, the fee will speed up the process.”
His eyes drag across the bundle of notes and he nods.
“Of course. I will take care of it personally.”
I stand and nod respectfully. “Good day, doctor. I shall look forward to hearing from you.”
As I head outside, I wonder if I can survive the day and know the only possible way I can is to bury myself in business, that until Ellie entered my life, was all I needed anyway. Charles and Adele’s garden party will be a welcome distraction, even though it will be torturous spending the day with Ellie, not knowing if it’s our last.