CHAPTER SIX #2
‘Yes. It’s not that bad though. I mean, it could have been worse. At least he never touched Hal.’
‘It’s not that bad?’ Dolly repeated, appalled. ‘Sage, it’s not that good.’
Sage finally looked directly at her friend who was still watching her, concern creasing her fair features. ‘Has he hurt you before?’
Sage reluctantly nodded. ‘I don’t want to bore you with all this though.’
Dolly’s face dropped in dismay.
‘You are not boring me, Sage,’ she said vehemently. ‘Come on, tell me everything.’
Sage wanted to tell her friend but she found the words sticking in her dry throat.
‘I haven’t told anyone yet. I felt so ashamed.
He made me feel as though it was my fault.
’ She was completely unaccustomed to having someone she could safely confide in.
She tried again. ‘I found myself totally isolated. No friends. His mother is foul. She hated me so much, from the moment I arrived.’ Sage furiously swiped at an escaping tear.
Taking a deep breath, she steadied herself.
‘Lucilla treated me like an unwelcome guest in her house, for the whole time that I was there, and Santiago just let her.’
She looked at Dolly, anxious that she was boring her. Dolly gestured for her to go on.
‘He started talking to girls on social media. All the time. I would sometimes read them when he left his computer open. It’s so humiliating …
’ Sage brushed away another rogue tear. ‘He think-cheated on me all the time, but if I confronted him he would get really aggressive. Two weeks ago he smashed my phone in a rage, then moved on to my laptop. I’ve got no money – I didn’t get a job because I wanted to look after Hal full-time, so I couldn’t replace anything without his help.
So I was then completely secluded and unable to contact anyone at home unless I used the landline.
That phone was kept in the main hall and it’s impossible to talk freely there.
Then the night before I flew home, he hit me.
It was the first time he had really meant to.
He had pulled my hair before, pushed me into the wall in a rage.
But … This time …’ She pointed to her eye.
‘He really meant it this time. Lucilla just watched it happen and did nothing. And Dolly … Hal was there too.’
Her voice broke on the final few words and Dolly wrapped her arms around her, holding her tight.
She had no desire to hold a grudge for all the time Sage had been absent; she felt no gratification that her oldest friend was paying for her mistakes.
Dolly felt real pain as she learnt of the ordeal Sage had been through.
The last few years fell away and they gently began to remember the rhythm of their former comfortable friendship, picking it up tentatively.
Sage felt a rush of gratitude for the kindness she was receiving back in England.
She was not entirely sure if she deserved it and knew she would never take compassion and forgiveness for granted ever again.
She felt the bond of Dolly’s friendship like a balm.
The barren, lonely existence in Panama had stretched out interminably and although Sage had struggled, she had not realized the extent of her isolation until now.
The trauma of Santiago’s cycles of abuse and affection, and never knowing which she would be on the receiving end of that particular day, had damaged her naturally easy-going, confident temperament and turned her into someone unfamiliar who cowered in the mirror.
Back in Dolly’s presence, she remembered herself.
The two of them went to join Hal, who was entranced by his godmother, telling her that she looked like Custard with her long golden hair and creamy soft skin.
Sage laughed. ‘Your godmother always had the pick of the boys at school.’ Dolly had been captain of athletics, her slim figure almost always encased in a paint-spattered tracksuit rather than school uniform, and she had been full of mischief.
She would regularly bring in contraband cigarettes and alcohol that she had found confiscated in her father’s study and share them generously amongst her friends.
She had dated Casper in their last year of sixth form.
They had been the envy of everyone, so full of laughter and affection.
‘But for some reason she chose your naughty uncle.’
Sage was treading carefully now. Something had happened in their second year together that had smashed their seemingly unbreakable bond to smithereens. Sage had been away at university, and both Casper and Dolly refused to talk about it afterwards.
That had also affected Sage and Dolly’s friendship, creating awkward barriers that neither girl had known how to navigate, but they’d stayed close. At least, until Santiago came onto the scene.
Sage scooped Hal off the pony, aware she was taking up too much of the patient owners’ time. Hal began to screech in protest and Betsy took his hand, trying valiantly to calm him as she led him away.
‘I had forgotten quite how beautiful you are,’ Dolly said to Sage as they walked to their cars.
‘When you’re feeling better, will you sit for me?
’ She leant down to kiss a wildly sobbing Hal and then went to give Sage a big hug, noticing how thin her friend felt in her arms. Sage had clearly had a very rough time.
‘We could sink a bottle of something strong and catch up properly?’ Her voice was full of warmth and affection.
‘Well … funny you should say that, Doll,’ Sage rallied. ‘What are you doing this evening?’
‘Nothing, I don’t think. Why?’
Sage climbed into the driver’s seat as her grandmother had refused to drive the ‘spaceship’, as she called the new car, and was already getting in on the passenger’s side.
Hal was caterwauling from the back. Sage found his muslin and passed it to him; as if by magic, he instantly fell quiet.
Turning the engine on so she could crank up the heater, she leant on the open window.
‘There won’t be time for any painting – but can you come for dinner?
My grandfather has invited another trainer, Rafe Dunbarton, and I could do with an ally.
Maggie will be cooking something yummy full of stodge and carbohydrates …
And my brother is coming. What do you say?
’ She realized that she would very much appreciate Dolly’s reassuring presence.
‘Casper will be there? Erm … I don’t think I can. Can we do something another day?’ Dolly’s doe eyes were full of anguish under her blonde fringe.
‘Please?’
‘Erm …’ Dolly cast about desperately. Part of her was petrified, but another part of her also desperately longed to see Casper again.
‘Just what I thought. Please come. It’s been years now since you two broke up.
I still don’t know what happened, but can bygones be bygones …
please, for me?’ Sage’s voice was gently coaxing.
She was certain this would be the ideal opportunity they needed to properly consolidate their friendship again.
Betsy leant over. ‘Oh, do come, Dolly darling. Sage could really do with having her best friend in her life again, especially at the moment. She’s had a dreadful time of it.
And we’ve all missed seeing you terribly, you’d be making us all very happy indeed.
’ Betsy laid it on thick: Dolly was outmanoeuvred.
‘Yes, all right. I’d love to come to dinner, thank you,’ she said, laughing in defeat.