CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
I, who have no sisters nor brothers, look with some degree of innocent envy on those who may be said to be born to friends.
Casper was having a horrible day. He had ridden two no-hopers that had both trailed in well behind the placed horses, and had taken a fall from a green novice hurdler that had potential but had not known where his feet were at the final jump.
He was now being legged up onto his fourth and final ride of the day.
He hoped this one, a strong and athletic six-year-old called Moonraker, on whom he had won last time out at Sandown, would perform better and the day would not be a complete washout.
Casper was the season’s leading jockey but the others were catching him up.
His mind had not been on the job recently.
Woman troubles, he thought wryly. It was such a cliché but there it was – he was distracted to the point of sabotage.
‘Hello, Uncle Casper!’
He heard the clear, piping voice from the other side of the white rails in the parade ring. Swivelling in his stirrups, Casper saw a wriggling Hal clasped in Sage’s arms, and called back to him.
‘Buddy! I’ll win this one for you.’ He was suddenly filled with optimism and grinned at his wildly waving nephew.
True to his word, Casper urged Moonraker past the post first. As he rode back to the stands he instinctively searched for Hal and Sage. Finally he spotted them waiting on the steps of the grandstand, wrapped up in hats and coats, cheering for him.
‘I won a tenner!’ trilled Hal ecstatically, flapping a betting slip about.
‘Ha, good lad. That’s a fair few packets of Polos.’ He cast his eyes to Sage, who was beaming as brightly as her son. ‘Meet me in the car park in fifteen minutes,’ Casper shouted with a light heart as he was led off to unsaddle and weigh in.
Casper had brought up Betsy’s old Golf; it was one of the last vehicles left in the car park when Sage and Hal went out to look for him. He was leaning against it, talking into his telephone, wearing jeans and a bright yellow sweatshirt with Mickey Mouse on the front.
‘Erm … what are you wearing? And why are you driving Gammy’s car?’ Sage asked, perplexed. Casper normally wore a suit to the races and drove a very smart black Porsche, ever the consummate professional.
‘Get in. It’s a long story and the two are, in fact, related.’ Casper opened the back door and Hal scrambled in. ‘Look how clever I am that I remembered your car seat!’
‘Clever,’ Hal said solemnly, putting a small, loving hand in Casper’s.
They were rumbling along towards the A1, Sage waiting for Hal to nod off. She had hoped that being with Casper would make it easier to decide whether or not to tell him about Santiago’s blackmail threat, but she felt no clearer.
‘You’re sure Santiago has left Newmarket then?’
Casper had texted her that morning to say that Dennis had been repeatedly calling the hotel he was staying in to find out.
‘Yes, definitely. The coast is very much clear now, I promise.’ As Casper reached over and gave her hand a squeeze, a weight lifted from her shoulders.
Should she bring up the photographs now? Sage prevaricated and asked instead, ‘So what’s with the weird outfit and Gammy’s old banger?’
Casper turned to look at her, then returning his gaze to the road, he took a deep breath.
‘Isabel cut the arms off all my suits and then she attacked the leather upholstery of both my cars with a kitchen knife.’
Sage gasped.
‘What? Why on earth would she do that?’
‘When she found out that I was seeing Dolly again, she went berserk,’ Casper said guiltily.
‘I haven’t been sleeping with Doll but we have been meeting up quite a lot recently.
I found out that I was wrong about why we broke up.
Seeing her again, I kind of realized that I still had deep feelings for her.
When I told Issy, she went mental. She broke into my house and cut all the left arms off my suits and my shirts – then she folded the shirts back up and re-hung the suits so I had no idea until I took one out to go racing.
Thank God Scamp wasn’t there, imagine the bloodbath. ’ He shivered.
‘Cas, that’s an awful thing to do!’
‘I know, I know, but she’s not as fierce as she makes out. Ironically, she’s been so supportive this season, she gets how hard I’m pushing myself. We had that in common.’
Sage tried to process this, her mind racing. It halted at the question she most wanted to fire at her brother.
‘Are you now allowed to tell me why you and Dolly broke up? I could never figure it out, you were so perfect together.’
‘Yes, I can. We have actually discussed telling you. Dolly wanted to, but it was very hard for her. The whole situation was a complete fuck-up. Mostly of my own making.’ Casper cleared his throat, and Sage could see that he was struggling to talk.
‘It can’t be that bad, Cas – surely?’
‘It’s not good, Sage. It’s a shocker, actually. God, I feel like such a prat.’ Casper tiredly rubbed a hand over his face, and looked up at a signpost. Heading south, he carried on.
‘Doll found out that she was pregnant when we were still together. We were so young and Dolly talked about terminating the pregnancy but I was really excited – I thought I’d convinced her to keep the baby.
We agreed not to tell anyone until we’d figured stuff out.
But suddenly she went silent. She wouldn’t talk to me.
I was texting, calling, and finally she sent me a text saying, “There is no baby any more.”’ Casper’s eyes glistened, and then, sighing deeply, he went on.
‘I was just so furious that she’d terminated our child without telling me. So I gave up. I stopped trying.’
Sage rifled through her brain, desperately seeking a compartment that might prove itself full of sensitive, kind-hearted sympathy with which to ease her brother’s heartache, but her words spilt out unchecked.
‘You complete dope. I can’t believe you did that. You moron! I’m surprised at you, Casper. I would never have expected you to give up so easily. You must have hurt her so badly. All that time, she didn’t say a word to me – she was protecting you.’
Casper visibly crumpled. ‘I know, I know. But I was devastated. I was so angry with her, too angry and too immature to stop and think. I was broken up by the whole thing, I really loved her. God, I wish I’d tried harder but she wouldn’t even answer the phone to me …’
‘I remember her going silent for a few weeks – I just assumed it was to do with the break-up and gave her some space.’ Sage’s heart ached for her friend. Softening, she said, ‘You could have talked to me about it, Cas.’
‘Well, we both know how much easier it is to bury one’s head in the sand.
And I was just starting my career as an apprentice jockey and that was flying.
I was travelling the whole of the country to race every day.
There were girls everywhere, just offering themselves up to me on a plate …
’ He gave a hollow cough. ‘I was battling to keep my weight down. I was exhausted all the time. I was a stupid teenager, simple as that.’
He rubbed his hand over his face again, the grief and regret palpable.
‘I’m not making excuses, Sage, I just want to give you the whole picture.
Anyway, I persuaded Dolly to meet me. Seeing her again has stirred everything up.
She agreed, thank God, and eventually she told me about losing the baby.
She’d fallen down some steps and although the doctors couldn’t say that it had caused the miscarriage, she blamed herself.
She lied to her parents about it all. She was so distraught that she couldn’t explain what happened to anyone.
And to top it all, there was me cutting off contact because I thought she’d had an abortion.
Even if she had, I should have given her a chance to explain. ’
There was a long silence. Poor Dolly. Sage felt as if she had failed her friend terribly.
She pulled herself together and seeing that Casper needed reassurance she put a gentle hand on his arm. ‘So, are you and Dolly all right now?’
Casper took out a handkerchief and blew his nose.
‘Actually, yes. We’re more than all right. I’m going to ask her to marry me, Sage.’ His kind, familiar face turned to look at her, concern on his furrowed brow. ‘Do you think she’ll say yes?’
They made it back to Newmarket just before midnight.
Sage still had not brought up Santiago and his damned photographs.
Casper was so happy; it simply was not the right time.
She got out of the car quietly at North Place and expected him to stay in the car but Casper turned the engine off and got out too, opening the back door and gently lifting out Hal, who was asleep.
‘Are you still staying here?’ Sage asked in surprise. Casper nodded, and slowly carried his nephew into the house without a word.
I’ll sleep on it, thought Sage. Her emotions were still swirling from hearing about Dolly’s sad experience. She could always talk to him tomorrow if he was staying here at home.
Casper tenderly laid the boy on the bed in his old room, his belongings scattered liberally as if he had never left, and headed into the guest room. Sage went in to say good night, kissing her brother softly on the cheek.
‘It’s been a turbulent few weeks, hey.’ He hugged her tightly.
‘Yes, for both of us, if in very different ways. Thank you for bringing us home – again!’
She left the room, closing the door quietly behind her.
She made her way back to her own room and was touched to find a hot water bottle in the bed and a thick cream card with her grandfather’s details embossed in gold on the top.
It was placed on her pillow with a note written on it in blue ink.
Dennis’s distinctive, elegant scrawl read:
Darling,
Please be ready to ride in the morning. I’ve pushed you to 3rd lot so you can get some sleep. Your grandmother will see to Hal when he wakes. She has missed you both.
My love,
Bumpa