30. Winona
Winona
You may be out of my sight, but you’re all I see.
~ Ahmad Shawqi
The weekend after Thanksgiving, Declan leaves for his first away game on the sidelines. The team is playing in Florida against the Tampa Bay Buccaneers.
“If I weren’t a Thunder fan, the Buccaneers would be a contender for my heart,” I tell Cass from my spot on our couch.
“What? Why?”
“They are literally pirates. They even have a cannon that blasts when they score a touchdown.”
“Stellar reasoning,” she jokes as she settles into the couch next to me with a large bowl of chips and a smaller bowl of dip.
We’re only in the first quarter when the camera pans to the sidelines, capturing Declan dressed out in his uniform, wearing his boot and staring intently at the field. The announcer says something about Declan looking strong and eager to get back into action.
“There he is!” Cass shouts.
I nod, not taking my eyes off him until the camera pans away.
“How are you doing with him being away?” Cass asks.
“Fine.”
She pops a chip in her mouth. “Mmm. Fine, huh?”
“I lived twenty-eight years without him being around. I should be good with him being away. I am good. It’s good.”
Cass laughs. “Win. It’s okay to miss him.”
“I do miss him,” I practically wail. “So much. And I know this next part is nuts, but I keep wondering if the media is going to renew their interest in me the more the spotlight lands on him. I can handle it. It’s just … an adjustment.”
“I can’t imagine dating someone famous,” she says.
“I didn’t plan on it.”
“Love comes from the most unexpected places, I guess.”
“This time it did.”
I don’t even try to deny that I love him. I do.
I am madly in love with Declan O’Connell—his big heart, the way he makes me feel, the constant little touches, the way he’s so steady, the outfits he puts on Geese Witherspoon, his kisses, the laughs we share, and the sweet parts of himself he saves for me alone.
I love all of him.
“I’m in this for the long haul,” I tell Cass.
“Yeah. I can tell. He is too.”
“You think?”
“I know. He’s all in. He can’t keep his eyes off you. It’s in the way his face lights up when you enter a room. The way he moves closer to wherever you are. Something in him settles as soon as you’re within touching distance.”
“I’m his emotional support animal,” I laugh.
“I think you are. In the best of ways.”
“You’re my emotional support animal,” I say.
It’s true. Cass settles me like no one else. It’s a twin thing.
“But he’s a contender,’ she says.
“No one replaces you, Cass. He’s just carving out his own spot in my heart. Next to yours.”
She leans in and rests her head on my shoulder. I wrap my arm around her back.
“Thanks for being here with me through the highs and lows,” I say.
“Always. Plus, you’re so much more fun now that you love football.”
I pick a chip out of the bowl and throw it at her face. She plucks it off her lap and pops it into her mouth.
The Thunder wins the game. Cass and I cheer them on together.
Declan calls me later that night. We talk on FaceTime briefly before he falls asleep. He’s on his bed in his hotel room and I’m on my bed eight hundred miles away.
“How was it?” I ask him.
“Good to be at an away game, traveling with the guys. Makes me all the more itchy to get out and play, though.”
“I bet.”
He looks pretty wiped out, so after a little more conversation, I say, “I’d better get to sleep.”
“Yeah. Me too,” he says. “I miss you, Winona.”
“I miss you too.”
He kisses his palm and blows the kiss at the phone. I blow one back to him.
He’s home two days later, and when I show up at his house, he greets me by leading me into the kitchen where he’s set a bag of Cuban coffee and a rectangular package wrapped in brown paper on the island. I tear into the gift like it’s Christmas morning.
The wrapping paper gives way to a print of a rooster.
“They’re everywhere in this one section of Tampa called Ybar City. Since you couldn’t be there to see them, I brought one to you.”
I stand on tiptoe, placing a soft kiss on Declan’s lips.
“Thank you. You’re the sweetest.”
He tugs me in toward himself. “I missed you.”
“Did you?”
“I really did. I drove the guys nuts complaining about how much I missed you.” He stares down into my eyes and I smile up at him.
“Hmmm. I can’t say I feel sorry for you. I missed you too.”
We stand like that, staring into one another’s eyes and holding on to one another.
The next day I wake to Cass calling me from the hallway. “Winona! You need to see this.”
I sit up in bed and she hands me her phone.
“Start it over,” she says.
In the video, an animated woman is waving her hands around saying, “You guys! I found it. You wanted the goods? I got the goods! See this?” The photo of me and Declan pops up behind her on a green screen background.
“Well … I got her name! Ready for all the lore? We’re talking about Winona Carter.
She grew up in the same small town as Declan, but she’s younger—totally went for him because he’s a professional athlete.
You all know the Ginger saga. Well, this looks like Ginger two-point-oh. ”
She moves closer to the camera for dramatic effect, “Could you find someone more mismatched for Declan O’Connell than this woman?” A photo of me that I’ve never seen before pops on the screen and the video ends.
“What in the world?” I say.
“There’s more,” Cass says, taking her phone and scrolling and then handing it back to me. “This one.”
Her brows draw up in a pained expression.
I push play. This one has two people talking like they’re on SportsCenter. But it’s not a sports commentary. Instead, they’re talking about my personal life.
One woman says, “It seems Declan O’Connell has a soft spot for women who are trying to pick his pockets.”
The other woman says, “Was she his nurse?”
“She was.”
“That puts him in a vulnerable position. I mean, who wouldn’t fall for their nurse?”
“Right?”
And then that same photo of Declan and me is splashed on the screen.
My stomach feels like someone drilled a hole right through it. My mouth is dry. When I hand Cass her phone, my hands are shaking.
“Oh, Win,” Cass says.
“It’s okay,” I tell her. Or maybe I’m telling myself.
My phone rings and I jump. I pull it off the side table.
“Declan,” I tell Cass.
She nods and leaves the room.
“Have you seen?” he asks in lieu of his usual greeting.
“Yes. Two of them. Is there more?”
“Unfortunately, yes.” He blows out a breath. “I hate this.”
I hear the anguish in his voice. I want to sop it up—to make this better for him. This is the last thing he needs right now. His focus needs to be on coming back strong. I don’t want to be a complication in his life causing a negative media stir while he’s trying to salvage the end of his season.
I breathe in, drawing strength from his voice. “They don’t know us, Declan. They don’t know me. Don’t let it get to you.”
“To me? What about you?” His voice is practically desperate. “This is the last thing I want you to go through.” He sighs. “It’s my fault.”
“How is it your fault? You aren’t saying these things about me.”
“I wanted to protect you from all this.”
“Declan. You’re a public figure. I knew that going into this. It will pass. Now they know who I am. Curiosity has been satisfied. They’ll say their piece and move on.”
“That’s what Kate said too. Our Director of Communications.”
“Good. See?”
“Yeah.” He blows out a breath. “Are you sure you’re okay?”
“It shook me up at first, but I’m over that initial shock now. I’m good.”
I’m not fully over it, but I don’t want to burden him with that. I will be over it. I just need a minute to process.
“I need to see you today,” he says.
“I’ll be over in a bit.”
We hang up.
Cass comes back into my room. “I wasn’t eavesdropping.”
I smile, but give her a side-eye.
“Really,” she insists. “I heard you say ‘Goodbye.’”
“Maybe those people are right,” I say, letting my doubts out to my sister.
“They aren’t. You’re not after Declan’s money. You couldn’t care less about his money.”
“I know. I didn’t mean that part. I meant the part about us being wildly mismatched.”
“You don’t mean that,” she says.
“Mostly, no. But … I don’t know. Do I fit this lifestyle? Am I the best woman for his life in the public eye?”
“You’re the best woman for him. The public eye doesn’t get to say what’s best for either of you.”
A week later, Declan leaves again for Green Bay, Wisconsin. He’s been in physical therapy all week along with his workouts and therapeutic massages. His rehab is increasing in intensity, making him more exhausted at the end of every day. I make sure he ices and rests between therapy days.
He’s on the sidelines again. The pregame commentary speculated about his return.
I watch on, feeling the miles stretch between us like a cavern.
I’m avoiding social media. Thankfully, the announcers don’t bring up Declan or the media attention we’ve been getting lately.
The Thunder wins the game and I turn the television off before the recap just in case.
The day after the Green Bay game, I’m at home studying after walking the dachshunds. My nursing program semester finals are coming up.
I jump up when there’s a knock at the door.
Something in me would know it’s Declan even if I weren’t expecting him.
I swing the door open and he’s there, standing on the porch holding a bag of cheese curds in one hand and a package that says Seroogy's Chocolates in the other.
“I could get used to souvenirs from every away game,” I tell him, smiling with relief at the sight of his soft hazel eyes and his unshaven face.
“I hope you do,” he says.
“I really wanted one of those cheese hats the Green Bay fans wear,” I say, popping my hand on my hip.
“I draw the line at buying you fan gear from another team.”
“Instead, you get me a bag of Little Miss Muffett’s snacks,” I say, eyeing the cheese curds. “What are curds anyway?”
He steps closer, towering over me. “I think it’s what they scoop off the top of the cheese when they’re making it.”
I look up at him. “Like curdled milk?”
“Something like that.” He chuckles softly, then he leans in and kisses me. “Missed you.”
“Lucky me,” I tease. “Cheese curds and a kiss.”
He steps past me and heads for the couch, setting his gifts on the coffee table. “Come over here, Winona. Did I mention that I missed you?”
“Not as much as I missed you,” I admit, walking toward the couch.
“I don’t know about that,” he says. “Are we having a contest now?”
I stand in front of him. “Yes. And I win.”
“Well, let me congratulate the winner, then.” He tugs at my waist and I come not-so-gracefully tumbling toward him. He catches me with ease and wraps an arm around me, pulling me into a kiss that scrambles my thoughts and makes my whole body hum.
I sink into Declan, loving the feel of his arm around me, the way he holds me like he wants to keep me forever. Being apart is hard, but I’ve got no complaints about reunions.