146. Annie
Chapter One Hundred Forty-Six
ANNIE
W hy in the world would Tommy bring me here, of all places?
I squint around the cave, sunlight illuminating the entrance brightly but losing steam as it reaches toward the back of the cavern. The gray rock walls are covered with graffiti, not the gang variety, just kids leaving their mark over many, many late nights. With a darkened fire pit as the only luxury, I’m unable to keep my mouth shut.
“Oh, you’ve got to be kidding me.” He throws me a hardened look. “I’m sorry. It’s just my back is killing me and it’s freezing in here. Where am I supposed to sit?” Reminding myself I’m at his mercy, I quiet. We’re up a hill near Fort Mason, an old army post that’s been closed for decades, near the Marin County side of the Golden Gate Bridge. There’s no one around for miles, and I have no idea why he would bring me here.
Tommy has proven himself to be one thing, volatile and unpredictable. He saved me from his father, yes. But he’s escaped from San Quentin and him having pulled that off is a testament to how much I need to take him seriously, no matter how little respect I have for him after the way he acted in college, and how he treated me back then. Even if I weren’t in handcuffs, I can’t kick or punch Tommy without fear of him punching me in the stomach. The times today I’ve lashed out at him and his father, were out of instinct, not smarts. I need to be more careful. I’m not just me anymore. The irony is, what’s got me acting out more is an effort to protect my child.
Tommy drops the immense duffel bag he hauled up here, and bends at the knees to open it with his eyes on me. “You’re huge. How far are you along?” He pulls out a purple comforter, a pillow with a matching pillowcase, a four pack of Smart Water, and a small cooler. “My cousin put this together. Can you tell?”
“Why would I be able to tell?” I ask, wondering if this is a test.
“He’s a little on the… stylish side.” Tommy smiles as though at some inside joke.
It occurs to me he’s talking about his cousin’s sexual preference, something I noticed but didn’t find remarkable considering we are in San Francisco. “Right. He seemed nice.” For being a part of your devil family, I refrain from adding.
Tommy folds the comforter in two. He lays the pillow on it and says, “Sit here.”
I don’t have to be told twice. I was looking at that pillow like it was a chocolate cake.
“Thank you,” I mumble, walking over to land my expanded butt down with a loud, “Ahhhh.” Glancing up at my kidnapper, I catch an amused smile. He covers it and walks away. “Can you take off these handcuffs at least?”
He cocks an eyebrow my way. “No.”
“Fine,” I mumble. He tosses one of the water bottles to me and I catch it.
“Because of that.”
“Because of what?” I ask, confused.
“Because most girls wouldn’t have caught that.”
I stare at him. “That’s very sexist.”
He shrugs. “It is what it is. You caught it, and wearing handcuffs. I’m just sayin.’”
I open the bottle with awkwardness, drawing it up my mouth with both hands. Before I can blink, it’s empty. “I guess I was thirsty,” I mumble. “How do you know about this place?”
“You didn’t answer my question.” He waits for me.
I haven’t forgotten. I just don’t want to tell him. Resentfully, I answer, “I’m nine months. And my lower back is aching more now than it ever has, in case you were wondering. I need to go to a hospital.”
“Brendan, Mark, and Ross, and I used to come here with girls in college,” he announces proudly, like remembering it brings back the good old days, before he was a felon.
Great. Now I’ve got images of Brendan and Sara Brighton making out in here, in my head. “That’s good to know,” I say, dryly.
Tommy’s watching me like he knows what I’m thinking. “I never liked her.”
“Who?” He doesn’t say anything. “Sara?” He nods. “Yeah, me neither. She was a self-important bitch.”
“So he has a type,” Tommy smiles.
“Har Har. What are we doing here, Tommy? Are you going to kill me, because I’m getting the feeling you’re not. Which is new. And weird. And don’t think I’m not grateful, because I am. But what the hell is going on?”
His eyebrows rise over an amused grin. The thing Tommy always had going for him is his charm. He’s usually got a sparkle in his eyes like he’s thinking of a private joke twenty-four seven. That look is back, and for the first time today.
“We’re here because I’m trying to decide if I’m taking you as hostage with me to Canada or not.”
A piercing pain in my lower back makes me cringe. “Ow!”
Tommy’s smile falls. “You okay?”
With my heart rate picking up at the idea of being a hostage, I roll my eyes, losing my patience and knowing the only way to get home is cut through all of this and try and change his mind. “No! I’m not alright! I want to go home. I want to be with…” I quiet myself at the look in his eyes. “What’s your problem, Tommy? I mean, really? We’ve learned all about your family. Why hold up my bar? They said you rob strangers. Or burgle them. Or whatever. I mean, it came out that you guys were dripping with money, so why come after me? And why pull the trigger, when you said in court you never do that. Or were you lying?” He shakes his head slowly. “Then WHY?”
His nostrils flare and he rises to pace. “You wouldn’t understand.”
“Try me! I’m a fairly understanding person. Fairly.” I can see his brain ticking. “What have you got to lose? No one’s coming up here unless you call them. I can’t fight you. Look at me.”
He blinks, knowing it’s true. I’m in handcuffs and while I could normally use my legs, my strongest weapon, I really can’t in my condition. I’m stuck. He’s stuck with me.
He looks around the cave and walks to faded letters on the far right side, tucked away from the light. “You see this? This is where Mark and I put our first initials. We came up here with these two chicks who had tits like you’ve got now. See over here? Here’s where the four of us guys wrote our names? This is another time, still when we were at State. See how my name’s right after Mark’s?” He turns to me. “Right up until the end of college, it was me and Mark, then Brendan and Ross came after. When Sara dumped Brendan, that all changed. Suddenly I was out.”
With the empty water bottle held tightly in my hands, I try to understand. But I can’t. “This is all because you’re in love with Mark?”
Bad move.
Tommy explodes, gesturing with his hands and walking toward me. “I’m not in love with Mark! I was a part of a group. There was a hierarchy. I was here!” He holds his hand up high, palm down and flat. “And then your fuckhead husband came along and took my place. Acted like I was nothing! Suddenly I was on the outside. They moved in together and if I didn’t come over, I’d never hear from them! It was all because of Brendan. He hated me and I never gave him reason to! He always treated me like I was shit. I’m not nothing! Do you know what that feels like? To be treated like you’re a fucking insect? A nuisance? Every time you walk into a room, you feel eyes on you filled with distaste, disgust, or even worse…apathy?”
Staring up at him, the ice that has always been on my heart with Tommy, begins to melt. “I know exactly what that’s like,” I quietly tell him.
Sideswiped, he blinks. As he stares at me, recognition lights up his eyes at the memory of who I was in college, a girl dressed in all black hiding in the shadows because she was too shy to say she wanted to be a part of the world. Tommy knows I know what he feels like, because he’s one of those who made me feel like nothing, back then. Brendan, too, and he knows it. Both of them do.
Smoothing out his sweater for something to do, he turns and mumbles, “Right. Right. So you know.”
I don’t bother to tell him that those feelings don’t give him license to do the things he did. That Brendan probably sensed he was hiding something, his double life, and that’s why Brendan hated him. Brendan hates liars more than anything. I don’t bother to tell him that Mark can choose who he wants to for his friends, and that’s not Brendan’s fault.
I don’t tell him these things, because I can see he’s breaking. I’m hoping he’ll do the right thing, if I can just keep my mouth shut; not an easy task.
He stares at the ash-filled fire pit, kneeling in front of it like there’s a warm blaze between us. How I wish there were.
“Bruce had been in contact with my dad, keeping an eye on him after my Uncle Paul disappeared, maybe with my mother.” He smirks as if just having thought of this. “Dad had been building up to this for some time, apparently, and he was dumb enough–which makes you lucky–to tell Bruce his plan. He was going to kill you. And he didn’t give a shit about the baby.” Tommy meets my eyes with a look so serious I shiver. I’d thought as much, but hearing it said out loud, that’s a whole other feeling.
“Why are you telling me this?”
He drops his gaze back to the fire pit. “Our family has never been killers. We’re thieves. That’s all. When I saw you and Brendan that night in your bar, I wasn’t in my right mind. Time had built up the pressure in here,” he touches the side of his head, “and I just lost it. But anybody is capable of losing it, Annie. Even you.” He reaches for a water bottle and opens it, holding it like it’s a beer with his index finger hooked around the spout as he takes a swig. Wiping his mouth with his forearm, he says, “My dad lost it when I testified and when my mom left. And he–like me back then–needed to have someone to point the finger at, and that was you. But it could have been anyone, so he didn’t have to look at his own life. Also like me.”
My eyebrows twitch upward. “That’s pretty profound awareness.”
Tommy glances away on a wry smile. “I had a lot of time to think.”
“How did your cousin tell you about your dad? Weren’t guards listening?”
Tommy makes a sound, his mind a million miles away. “He had a friend give me the details. Someone I can’t name since I owe them my freedom and you owe them your life.”
Stammering, I argue, “I wasn’t going to ask their name.”
It’s like he doesn’t hear me, though. “You just never know when a friend is going to come through for you, do you? Bruce has good friends.” His eyes rise to look at me again. “I tried to warn you.”
Confused, I make a face. “What? How? What do you mean?”
“But you freaked out and ran to Bobby. I couldn’t let him see me of course. I was this close to going back in.”
The weight of this hangs in the air between us: if Bobby had seen him, I would be dead.
“Well, you should have told me…” I trail off, lamely.
“Hey Annie! It’s me, Tommy! Got a minute?”
I frown. He smirks and standing up in one fluid motion, steps to the cooler. “I’m going to let you go, but I don’t know how.”
He stares at me. I’m flabbergasted. He’s right. He wouldn’t have been able to tell me had I not run and screamed for Bobby. He probably would have had to cover my mouth from screaming while he whispered into my ear that he was here to help me. I would never have believed him.
“Why didn’t you stop your father before he got to me?”
“We didn’t know where he was. He wouldn’t tell Bruce ahead of the abduction. We’re normally in on the plan when it’s been a robbery. But Dad had lost it–I’m sure you noticed–and he wasn’t behaving like himself. More suspicious. My ratting on him probably caused that, too. I had to take care of this myself. It was on me. And if I was back in jail, Bruce wouldn’t have called the cops right away. He was too hungry to lasso up my pop ourselves. This is family history we’re talking about. These things run deep.”
I guess this happened the only way it could have, which is a total mind garble.
“So why are you telling me all of this? Are you looking to me for a solution now?”
He opens up the cooler and tosses me a beef jerky. I catch it as he says, “I’m looking to you for forgiveness.”
My mouth slackens. I’m speechless. He smiles the tired smile of a man who doesn’t think what he’s asking is possible. Grabbing another beef jerky, he closes the cooler and walks to stand by the entrance, the sunlight outlining his silhouette.
Leaning against the rock wall, he takes a bite, waiting for me to say something. When I don’t, he says, in a thoughtful voice, “I want you to forgive me, because I’m sorry.”
Careful with my tone, I say, “It’s hard to do that, Tommy, under the circumstances.”
He pops another piece of jerky into his mouth and chews for a second, considering this. “Right about now, my cousin has called the cops and turned my dad in. He was the one who kidnapped you, not me. Am I right?” I don’t bother to point out the obvious, that I’m still kidnapped. “I’ve rescued you and I’m going to let you live. So I want you to see this as a leveling out, if you will. A clean slate. Canceling out–that’s what I meant to say. Canceling out what I did. I’ve made it right, in my own way.”
Careful not to antagonize, I use my softest voice, losing all the edges. “Well, it might make it right if you called Brendan and told him where I am.”
Tommy’s brow furrows. “Believe me, I’ve thought of that. But how do I do that without alerting them to my whereabouts? That’s why I’ve decided I’m bringing you with me. It’s the only way”
“Tommy, what are you going to do with a pregnant woman who you don’t like and a baby showing up who will freak you out?”
“You’re not so bad,” he mumbles, his lips spreading in a smile. “I deserve a second chance! Everyone is capable of anything given the right circumstances. If someone harmed that baby of yours, when it was five for example, not now. I’m not harming the baby; don’t look at me like that. But if that happened, what would you do?”
Without hesitation, I shrug, “I’d kill them.”
“Exactly. See?” Tommy’s flexed finger jabs into the air between us. “All I want to do is get to Canada, marry some nice girl, and start a new life.”
With my hands joined at the wrists, I hold onto my belly. “Well, why don’t you go and then when you’re a ways away, call Brendan, tell him where I am, and throw the phone away. Ow!” I cringe under the agony of what feels like a knife slicing into me.
Tommy pushes off the wall. “I could do that. But how do I know you won’t tell them where I’m headed?”
“Go to Mexico! If you leave and promise to call my husband, my lips are sealed anyway. I’ll be so fucking grateful that I might even write to the governor asking them to let you go! Oh man! This hurts. Ow!” I lower my head and squeeze my eyes against the pain. A pool of liquid pours out in a circle around me, darkening my skirt and the purple comforter. My eyes fly open and I look up at my captor. “Uh oh.”
“What? Is that pee? Why didn’t you tell me you had to go?”
“That’s not pee.” I look down at my belly, wondering at my baby’s timing.
“Then what is it?” he cries out, horrified. “Is the baby okay?!”
Sighing, I nod. “He’s fine. He just decided he doesn’t want to go to Canada. My water broke. The baby’s coming, Tommy.”