23. Enya
ENYA
Something's wrong. Devin's been sitting on the couch for the last twenty minutes staring at nothing.
Warren's in bed, the flat’s quiet. It’s just the two of us and whatever's going on in his head.
I set down the mug of tea I was making and move to the couch and sit beside him. I’m close to him but not touching. I’m just waiting for him to finish internally thinking.
"You alright?" I ask finally, unable to stand the silence any longer.
“Yeah,” he says gruffly.
"Liar."
He glances at me, the corners of his mouth tugging into a small smile. "Can't hide anything from you."
“No you can’t, so talk to me."
He's quiet for a long moment. "Warren called me Daddy last night and again today."
The words land soft, but I hear the weight underneath them.
"I know. I was there."
"I don't know what to do with that."
"What do you mean?"
He turns to face me properly. "I mean I haven't earned that. I haven’t been around long enough. I'm not his father, biologically or legally, in any way that matters."
"You are in the way that matters most. You're here, you’re a safe place for him. You're choosing him every day."
"But what if he changes his mind? What if he realizes I'm not good enough. What if I fuck it up?"
My chest aches. “Devin, look at me."
He does, those beautiful eyes of his dark with doubt and fear.
"Warren called you Daddy because that's what you are to him. Not because I told him to. Not because he's confused. But because you make him feel safe and loved and protected. That's what fathers do."
"I've only been here a few weeks."
"And in those weeks, you've been more of a father than Declan ever was in five years.
" I take his hand. "I'm not saying you have to claim that title right now.
I'm not saying anything has to change. But if Warren chooses you, all you have to do is meet him with love. That's it. That's all he needs."
"What if I don't know how?"
"Then you learn. Same as I'm learning how to let someone be part of our lives. Same as Warren's learning what safety feels like. We're all figuring this out together."
He stares at our joined hands. "I want to be his dad. Someday. If he wants that, if you want that. I want all of it."
Tears spring to my eyes. "Yeah?"
"Yeah. I want to be the one he calls when he's scared, or excited, or just if he needs someone. I want to teach him things. Protect him. I want to watch him grow up. I want everything."
I can't speak. My throat is too tight. I just nod and let the tears fall.
He reaches up and wipes them away with his thumb. "I'm terrified I'll fuck it up."
"You won't."
He pulls me close and kisses me. Not desperate. Not demanding. Just tender and full of promise and love and everything we're building.
"I love you, so fucking much,” he says after he pulls back.
"I love you too."
Devin's hand moves to my face, traces my jaw, then my lips, almost as though he’s trying to memorize me.
"Come here," he murmurs.
I let him pull me into his lap, straddling him, our faces just inches apart.
He kisses me again, this time slower, deeper. His hands slide under my shirt, so warm against my skin.
I respond eagerly, threading my fingers through his hair, pressing closer to him.
"Bedroom," I whisper against his mouth.
"Yeah."
He stands, carrying me. I wrap my legs around his waist and let him navigate to my room in the dark.
He lays me on the bed, gentle, reverent, like I'm something precious.
Then he's above me, between my legs, kissing my neck, my collarbone. Slowly, taking his time, savoring it all.
"Devin."
"I've got you."
His hands move over me, slow, worshipful, like he's trying to memorize every inch. I arch into his touch. Clothes come off, piece by piece, until there's nothing between us.
He pauses and looks at me, so much love shining in his eyes. "You sure?"
"Always."
He pulls on a condom and enters me slowly, his eyes not once leaving my face. He’s making sure I'm okay.
I’m more than okay. I'm safe, cherished, protected, and loved.
His forehead presses to mine, our breath mingling. His hand finds mine, fingers threading together.
"I love you," he whispers as he thrusts deep.
"I love you too."
The pleasure builds with every single thrust. It’s slow and inevitable. I’m gasping, begging for more. He doesn’t go faster, just keeps a slow and steady pace. My pleasure continues to rise until I'm shaking.
“Fuck,” he grunts, thrusting harder and deeper.
I can’t hold back. My pleasure has hit boiling point. I shatter beneath him, calling out his name as I come hard.
It’s not long before he follows, burying his face in my neck, calling out my name.
We’re both breathing hard, our skin damp with sweat, and my heart’s racing. I’ve never felt so loved and cherished in my life.
He pulls out carefully, disposes of the condom, and comes back to bed, pulling me against him. I settle into his side, my head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat slow.
"That was... perfect," I whisper.
"Yeah. It was."
"I want more children someday."
He goes still. "Yeah?"
"Yeah. But not now. Warren needs stability. He needs to heal, time to adjust to all this, to you, to us being a family. I don't want to rush anything."
"I agree. Warren comes first. Always."
Relief floods through me. "Really?"
"Really. We've got all the time in the world. No rush."
Tears prick my eyes again. "Declan never cared about what I needed. Never asked. Never listened."
"I'm not Declan."
"I know. That's why I love you."
He kisses the top of my head. "Someday though, when Warren's ready, when we're ready, I'd like that. More kids. A bigger family."
"Me too."
We’re silent for a while, just basking in the afterglow. But I have something to ask and I’ve been holding off doing so. Now seems like the perfect time to ask. ”Can I ask you something?"
"Anything."
"Tell me about Emma. The full story. Not just what you've said before, but all of it."
He tenses, and I feel it immediately.
"You don't have to," I add quickly. "If you're not ready. But I want to know. I want to understand."
He's quiet for a long time, long enough I think he's not going to answer.
Then he says, "She moved on with my brother. Liam was older than me by a few years. I always looked up to him.”
My heart shatters at the pain in his voice. As much as he likes to pretend it doesn’t affect him anymore, it does. His brother betrayed him and he’s never recovered from that. Then again, how does anyone ever recover from that type of betrayal? ”Devin…” I whisper, unsure of what else to say.
"I don't know if they were cheating while we were together. They never confirmed it, but the timeline didn’t fit. It was fast, way too fast to be innocent. A week after Emma and I ended, they were together. That didn’t sit right with me.
My gut’s always told me they were going behind my back together. ”
"What did your family say?"
“Nothing. They didn't take sides. Mam said it was between me and Liam, that she loved us both. That I should just accept it."
Rage builds in my chest. Who the fuck does that? “They what?"
"Said I should be happy for them, that Liam deserved love too, that holding grudges wasn't healthy."
"That's bullshit."
“Yeah, it is. But I cut them off. I couldn’t watch them all play happy families while I was still raw.”
"Emma and Liam, did they play happy families?”
"Got engaged six months after Emma and I broke up. My mam called to invite me to the wedding. Said it was time to move past it, that family was more important than holding on to anger."
"What did you say?"
"Said I wouldn't go, that I couldn't watch my brother marry the woman I dated. That I wouldn't pretend everything was fine."
"Good. You shouldn't have to."
"My mam said that if I'd just accepted it, that if I’d have gone to the wedding and made peace, maybe they wouldn't have died."
Everything stops. My heart hammers loudly as rage unlike anything else hits me. What the fuck is wrong with his family?
"What?" My voice comes out strangled.
"They died. Emma and Liam died in a car crash on the way to their honeymoon. Head-on collision. Both gone instantly."
"Devin. Christ, I'm so sorry."
"My mam blamed me. She said my anger and my refusal to forgive caused bad energy or some shite. That if I'd blessed the marriage, if I'd been there, maybe they'd still be alive."
"Devin, that's not how the world works. You didn't cause a car crash by being angry."
"I know that, but she said it anyway, and I couldn’t get past that so I left. Cut all of my family off. I’ve not spoken to any of them in three years."
I sit up and look at him properly. "Your mother blamed you for your brother's death because you wouldn't go to his wedding to your ex."
"Yeah."
“That's fucking insane."
"I know."
"No. I don't think you do." Rage is fully burning now. "You were betrayed by your brother and your ex, and your family told you to just accept it. To be happy for them. And when you couldn't, when you set a boundary, your mother blamed you for their deaths."
"Enya."
"No. That's abuse. That's emotional manipulation. That’s…Christ, I want to find your mother and tell her exactly what I think of her."
He laughs. "Yeah?"
"Yeah. She had no right. No right at all. You did nothing wrong."
"I could've handled it better. I could have…I don't know, tried to move past it."
"Why should you have to? They betrayed you, and then your family chose them over you. You had every right to walk away."
He stares at me with something soft in his expression. "You're furious on my behalf."
"Of course I am. You deserved better. You deserved a family who had your back, who protected you. Not... whatever that was."
"It's been three years. I'm over it."
"Are you?"
He's quiet for a beat. “Mostly. Some days, it still hurts knowing they all chose Liam over me, that my mam blamed me, that I lost my whole family in one go. That I’m blamed for something I didn’t cause. I was the one who was betrayed and yet I lost everything.”
"They're the ones who lost out, because you're everything, Devin. You're loyal and protective and kind and you deserve people who see that."
"I have you."
“Yeah, you do. And I see you. All of you. And I'm not going anywhere."
He pulls me back down and holds me tight. "Thank you."
"For what?"
"For being angry on my behalf, for caring. It means more than you know."
"I'll always care, I’ll always defend you, and I’ll always have your back."
"I know. That's why I love you."
I smile, amazed at how much my life has changed.
I never thought I’d find someone like Devin, someone who’d make me believe in love and safety, but the moment I met him I knew there was something different about him.
Never in a million years did I think I’d end up in love with him, but life had plans for us. We were meant to be together.
"I thought I'd never find real love or a real family. I always thought I was too damaged, too fucked up from Emma and Liam and all of it. My club brothers were all that I thought I needed, until you and Warren.”
"You're not damaged."
"I am, but you are too, and somehow we fit. We work."
"Yeah. We do."
"I'm glad I found you. Glad Warren called me Daddy. Glad for all of it. Even the hard parts. Because it led me here to you."
Tears slip down my cheeks. "I'm glad too. Because this, right here, this is what I was fighting for. This is what safety feels like."
He kisses me again, soft and tender. "We're going to be okay. All three of us."
"I know."
"I'm going to be the best father I can be. For Warren, and someday for our other kids too."
"I know you will."
"And I'm going to love you. Every day for the rest of my life, however long that is."
"I'm going to love you too. Forever."
We fall asleep like that, wrapped around each other.
And for the first time in years, I don't dream of fear. I don’t worry about anything at all.
I just sleep.
Because I'm safe.
Because Warren's safe.
Because we have Devin.
And that's everything we could ever need.